Any of you know php or mysql? - Mods move this if it's posted in the wrong place

[importantman2010]

Hey. had a question for you guys I barely know shit about programming languages and since I don't have access to a computer right now, I'd like to extend you guys an offer.
Would any of you be willing to help me with a project that includes php and mysql work? Payment is included if needed.

 

[DumbDude43]

i know some sql
havent used mysql though, only postgres

but really these are very common languages, almost every webdev knows them, you're probably better off finding a legitimate freelance dev to work with rather than getting some kiwi coder who will get you kicked off github for including crunklords "+nigger" license in your project

 

[importantman2010]

i know some sql
havent used mysql though, only postgres

but really these are very common languages, almost every webdev knows them, you're probably better off finding a legitimate freelance dev to work with rather than getting some kiwi coder who will get you kicked off github for including crunklords "+nigger" license in your project

But then there's no fun!

also i just need someone to install a software to the backend of my webhost, not coding anything from the ground up.

 

[DumbDude43]

But then there's no fun!

also i just need someone to install a software to the backend of my webhost, not coding anything from the ground up.

you could ask null or crunklord420, these guys know their way around this stuff, but i still wouldn't recommend getting your project or name associated with this place in any way if you can avoid it.

 

[Belisarius Cawl]

But then there's no fun!

also i just need someone to install a software to the backend of my webhost, not coding anything from the ground up.

I know I'm new here but I'm interested and could use the money tbh. I haven't got any experience with PHP really but I can certainly install applications using it and in a pinch I could probably alter existing PHP code due to past experience with various other languages. I've also used several different implementations of SQL to varying extents, primarily SQLite, but MySQL isn't so vastly different that I'd find working with it baffling.

 

[The Connected Nose]

also i just need someone to install a software to the backend of my webhost, not coding anything from the ground up.

The invoicing software I use is PHP/SQL based and I had to teach myself how to setup a CLI-only Linux VM for all of it. But that just means I know enough to get into trouble, not necessarily how to get out of it.

 

[The Cunting Death]

I know the bare minimum of SQL. It's not so much a programming language as much as it a way to talk to the computer to tell it how to organize shit.

 

[Skitarii]

Learn how 2 code and stop asking the rest of us to compromise our opsec. I'm not interested in helping you script a zoosadist furry porn website with built-in keylogger and IP grabber

 

[Overly Serious]

I know both and don't mind giving some pointers here in the thread if there are specific concepts or difficulties you have run into. Though I second @DumbDude43 in saying that if this is a paid and serious project you may very well be better off seeking someone through more normal channels. The only thing I'd disagree with is the statement that "every webdev knows them" which I'd amend to "every webdev knows them, and quite a lot of them badly". I've had to review a lot of terrible PHP and SQL in my time! But whilst it seems to me you might be better off advertising elsewhere, I wouldn't want to take away an opportunity from @Belisarius Cawl if he/she needs the money and you want to take them on.

It sounds like you're very much starting from the "how do I install / configure / blah" stage. I'm not sure how you want to proceed though if you don't have a computer right now. Even if you paid for hosting and got someone else to set up the environment for you, how would you be connecting and developing your project?

FWIW, in developing PHP and MySQL you don't typically need very powerful hardware. I could comfortably develop a PHP project on a laptop from 10 years ago. Not PHP from ten years ago - that was horrible. PHP 7.4 onwards PHP had finally became a good language.

I know the bare minimum of SQL. It's not so much a programming language as much as it a way to talk to the computer to tell it how to organize shit.

SQL is a Declarative Language as opposed to an Imperative Language which is what many people think of as programming, but both paradigms are programming languages. It's not so much telling a computer how to organize data as a means of querying that data. That's what SQL means = Structured Query Language.

Though most implementations do incorporate Imperative aspects of stored functions and procedures.

 

[importantman2010]

Even if you paid for hosting and got someone else to set up the environment for you, how would you be connecting and developing your project?

I'm going to assume you mean connecting the software that I want the server to host to the domain. I'm most likely going to buy the domain today, that being the most important part as it would be the face of the software. The software I'm using is off of github, so I'm not the one currently developing it.

 

[Overly Serious]

I'm going to assume you mean connecting the software that I want the server to host to the domain. I'm most likely going to buy the domain today, that being the most important part as it would be the face of the software. The software I'm using is off of github, so I'm not the one currently developing it.

Oh I see, so essentially this is more just about having someone configure the server and install it for you. So you grab the domain name, get a hosting package, log into the server and git clone down the repository you're interested in.

 

[Murun Buchstansangur]

I have experience in server maintenance/installation but knowing you are almost certainly the sock of catfucker Madre Muerte means I doubt you could pay me enough to do this. Is it a furry website? Automatic no anyway.

You should state your price and the nature of the website before anyone would consider.

For anyone thinking of working with this person, no PayPal, no bank, only crypto, only aliases.

 

[importantman2010]

Oh I see, so essentially this is more just about having someone configure the server and install it for you. So you grab the domain name, get a hosting package, log into the server and git clone down the repository you're interested in.

Yeah exactly.

I have experience in server maintenance/installation but knowing you are almost certainly the sock of catfucker Madre Muerte means I doubt you could pay me enough to do this. Is it a furry website? Automatic no anyway.

You should state your price and the nature of the website before anyone would consider.

For anyone thinking of working with this person, no PayPal, no bank, only crypto, only aliases.

Hey madre.

 

[Tablet County]

Nop

 

[Belisarius Cawl]

SQL is a Declarative Language as opposed to an Imperative Language which is what many people think of as programming, but both paradigms are programming languages. It's not so much telling a computer how to organize data as a means of querying that data. That's what SQL means = Structured Query Language.

Though most implementations do incorporate Imperative aspects of stored functions and procedures.

Amusingly, SQL is Turing-complete even without non-standard extensions:

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/900055/is-sql-or-even-tsql-turing-complete

On a related note, HTML and CSS are also jointly Turing-complete:

https://notlaura.com/is-css-turing-complete/

 

[Overly Serious]

Amusingly, SQL is Turing-complete even without non-standard extensions:

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/900055/is-sql-or-even-tsql-turing-complete

On a related note, HTML and CSS are also jointly Turing-complete:

https://notlaura.com/is-css-turing-complete/

Oh gods! Somebody wrote a Brainfuck interpreter in SQL. That's like murdering someone by throwing infinite kittens at them. Like, what even is the most wrong part of it - the goal or the method of achieving it when both are so infinitely horrible?

 

[Belisarius Cawl]

Oh gods! Somebody wrote a Brainfuck interpreter in SQL. That's like murdering someone by throwing infinite kittens at them. Like, what even is the most wrong part of it - the goal or the method of achieving it when both are so infinitely horrible?

 

[Fungible penis]

Cawl AND Skitarii commenting on a tech help thread.

Omnissiah approved.

 

[DiggieSmalls]

you need to be careful with php. go with someone who's done it for a while. MySQL is pretty straight forward. If you fuck up some stuff with php you're leaving yourself open to getting pwnd. We have a programming thread here. People there are usually pretty helpful. Be succinct in what you're asking. Having said that, the fact you're willing to pay means you should probably approach people outside a gossip forum (echoing other people in this thread)

 

[Belisarius Cawl]

you need to be careful with php. go with someone who's done it for a while. MySQL is pretty straight forward. If you fuck up some stuff with php you're leaving yourself open to getting pwnd. We have a programming thread here. People there are usually pretty helpful. Be succinct in what you're asking. Having said that, the fact you're willing to pay means you should probably approach people outside a gossip forum (echoing other people in this thread)

As I understand it the task is more sys admin than programming but it is important to look out for vulns