- Joined
- Jan 15, 2019
hewwo, phil said he would be streaming this again next week, so i've made a dedicated thread.
the stream is over, phil is done. phil says he is going to continue on with this game next week, so i am actually going to make a new thread RN and copy paste this over there.
phil says he almost never rage quit in his entire youtube career, i would like to remind people there is a two and a half hour video of phil rqing games. he only says this because he has a very specific definition of RQ
phil has been told by BILLIONS of people to buy the gun that hard counters the noob-killer boss. so let's see how that goes.
the NPC says "retrieve the combat logs from the wrecks Rusty left along his path" and phil responds with "damn, he got wrecked, huh?"
like can you not just listen for one fucking second? Jesus fucking christ he's stupid.
phil only know realizes he knows Rusty, the NPC this mission is vaguely about.
phil is also wasting his time fighting people when this mission is about speedy retrieval of items.
he is just mashing his attack buttons as often as he can. i am watching him play and there's no thought or strategy, he is just mashing every attack button.
"i find it very odd that the game will just end your mission in the middle of combat."
you are a mercenary, you are here to do a job, when the job is done, you are done. you'd think phil would understand this with how fast he fucking clocks out.
phil doesn't know what "OS" stands for.
he is doing the arena combat and having fun destroying the literal lowest level enemies possible. he's fighting literal F rank enemies and enjoying how easy it is to win.
lot of this stream so far has just been him in the menu, kinda boring as fuck.
"we have not hit the hat goal since uh, yesterday-"
is he fucking serious?
and phil has died for the first time in the stream. nothing too spectacular, he got ambushed by stealth enemies and was outplayed.
phil is intentionally stalling so he can take his break before fighting the next boss. instead of proceeding to the next mission he is doing training missions.
man is currently losing in a training fight rn because he forgot how armor works.
"jesus christ, they have so much health"
no they don't, you just simply aren't hurting them.
instead of varying up his strategy he's just holding down both shoot buttons and hoping he wins. as i am typing this he has run out of ammo.
"I HAVE NO AMMO LEFT, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KILL IT? THIS IS STUPID."
"oh, i had a cannon the whole time, i did"
phil had a giant rocket launcher cannon and even USED it several times and apparently didn't notice he had it until his other 3 weapons ran out of ammo.
phil literally almost died in a TRAINING mission.
he has now started the Balteus mission.
phil keeps calling Balteus as "belly-is"
he flew into a military base and was immediately obliterated by their anti-air turrtets. he's used a healing and already back down to 50% 30 seconds into the mission.
he is getting absolutely fucking destroyed by these stationary turrets.
phil is hiding in the corner and playing this like he's a frail human in call of duty, not like he's piloting a 30 foot tall mech which is the most deadly weapon humanity has ever seen.
Sulia has killed phil, may he rip.
"hopefully another checkpoint here, if something else is coming."
what do you mean IF? you started this mission going on about how you know this mission is Balteus.
Balteus Fight Starts Here:
"PULSE ARMOR? AW SHIT, do i need the pulse gun rn? i think i need the pulse gun."
no you don't. you're just saying that because you know the boss is weak to it. but you don't need it.
first death.
"yep, that's the problem. so i have the pulse gun, maybe i should equip it."
and phil is running to immediately equip the boss's weakness.
phil has not once dodged Balteus' missiles, he doesn't even seem to be trying, he's just eating the hits.
second death.
"those missiles are very annoying, oh my god, they deal so damage, i'm dodging and they're still hitting me"
"WOW dude, how much damage he's dealing"
third death.
"i gotta dodge the attacks, that's the problem, right?"
fourth death.
phil is just trying to win this through sheer DPS, he is not dodging anything, he is just hoping his damage and his health are higher than the bosses.
"i can't see those missiles, they're so fast"
game has an audio que for when they fire.
fifth death.
"you can stagger it and it still attacks? that's pretty crazy."
"OH MY GOD, YOOOOOOO, I don't know what happened. he starts shooting missiles, but then he keeps swording you too."
six deaths.
"that's not what i did, i wanted the missiles"
how did you push L3 instead of L1?
seventh death.
"he's got every kind of weapon, he's got a sword, a close ranged shotgun, and missiles."
phil just boosted under the boss and completely whiffed his sword because the games "auto-targetting" messed up.
just ate another rocket to the face instead of dodging and died.
"the sword is SHITTY"
sword is honestly one of the best weapons in the game.
five or six hours into the game, his fans have told phil how to lock onto his enemy.
"thank god you get all these restarts, what a great system."
he really loves that he doesn't have to replay the stage.
eighth death.
"i'm doing much better with the grenade launcher, it does tons of damage and stun"
so does the sword, you just need to use it properly.
he just died in under 20 seconds.
nine deaths
"no point in trying after you've wasted all your health."
he's suddenly playing way worse. he got balteus down to 30% and now he died at 80%
"he's changing his patterns sometimes, he keeps going behind me over and over."
"WHERE'D HE GO WHERE THE FUCK IS HE, LOOK, I'M SPINNING"
boss straight up bamboozled phil.
10 deaths
"CLOSE, if i was able to dodge that i might've been able to finish him. we're getting there."
"I dodged both attacks and i'm still getting hit because of RNG"
he started the fight and immediately got dropped to 35%, he's getting his ass beat this round.
11 deaths.
"couldn't tell what was going on. the problem is if he decides todo his attack you have to do the missile and then he does another attack, you can't see the second attack."
12 deaths.
"there's so many inputs you gotta do at once, it's ridiculous"
it'll never cease to amuse me that mr. pro fighting game player is bitching about inputs.
13 deaths.
"I stun him, I go to attack him, but all of his attacks hit me at once because he spams everything."
"i don't know what happened there, i couldn't see."
you got fucking raped, that's what happened.
"you just have to guess and mash"
well, think we've discovered the problem.
"WHERE IS HE? WHERE THE FUCK IS HE, HE'S GONE, HE'S NOT EVEN ON THE SCREEN"
as the boss lightly peppers phil from off screen with machine guns.
"I can't play with sound ques, i can't hear them on the neckphones, i have to play from visual"
is he fucking serious?
14 deaths.
"there's so much you gotta do at once"
yeah, welcome to piloting a giant fuck off mech.
15 deaths.
"the lock-on doesn't work, as soon as he goes behind you, you lose your lock-on. so it's completely worthless."
boss never got behind me, honestly.
"where is he, WHERE IS HE, OH MY GOD"
16 deaths.
"the real challenging part is that he keeps going behind you, he gets behind you and you can't see where he went.,"
17 deaths.
he is just EATING these hits like it's a feasting with the king. he's also gone full gamer hunchback, leaning into the screen.
"OH MY GOD, I CAN'T EVEN SEE WHATS GOING ON, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS"
boss just CLAPPED his cheeks.
"I almost had him, if he didn't keep going behind i would've beat him already."
18 deaths.
"it's already bullshit. it's already complete bullshit. he got above me and where is he, LOOK, WHERE IS HE, HE FLIES OFF THE SCREEN."
"HOW DID HE GET THE SHIELD BACK? I STUNNED HIM and he got it back anyway? you're full of shit."
he's getting tilted.
"it's all fucked up, i'm doing stuff, it's not activating. i keep trying to activate shield, it won't do it."
"I keep telling you the hard lock doesn't work, people keep telling me why aren't you using it? because it doesn't work"
worked fine for me.
"WOW, that was fair."
"the key to winning is to stay above him and shoot down ontop of him"
phil has learned what the "high-ground" is.
"don't know what hit me, couldn't see. you can't dodge what you can't see"
the major attacks have a loud BEEP BEEP before they hit you, but Phil's toilet seat headphones apparently don't give good enough audio for him to hear it, which he said himself, great use of what, a hunnid dollars?
19 deaths.
"NOTHING i can do about that."
man just took a DIRECT hit from Balteus' flamesword. was the cleanest hit i've ever seen.
"I'm getting closer..."
20 deaths.
also weird that phil is going full gamer neck, absolutely leaned in at a 90 degree angle, while earlier he was bitching about how much pain his neck is in and he can't move much.
just took two heavy missiles directly to the fucking face. just took a third one. "THREE, I CAN"T AVOID THOSE" that's what the BEEP BEEP is for, bitch.
21 deaths.
boss just whombo combo'd him. stunned him with missiles it into sword strikes
"LOOK, that was fair, he stun locked me."
"THE MISSILE MIST?"
phil missed his grenade shot.
22 deaths.
"it cheated, the stunlock was bullshit, i had no stamina, no way to recover. i had no stamina, until i get my stamina back i can't avoid the sword, it was completely cheap."
so if phil is stunned the boss should give him a sec to catch his breath.
"the grenade misses a ton"
you are the one in charge of aiming it?
23 deaths.
"thank god i've playd other fromsoft games because it prepared me for this one, the RNG is real. you'll have runs where he won't do his insane attacks."
so phil admits that beating this boss isn't a matter of skill, it's a matter of him just getting lucky.
"i dodged and it still hits me, so let me just start over. this is stupid."
24 deaths.
"THERE YOU GO. he decides to use the heavy missile the moment i get locked."
it's RNG when the boss capitalizations on him being stunned.
"OH MY ROCKET MIST, now I'm not gonna get to stun him because my rocket mist"
then you shoulda aimed better?
he's just firing his weapon the second it's available, with no care for the likelyhood of it hitting.
"WOW, once again I have to dodge the missile and he decides to use the sword, i can't dodge both, so that's it, that's the end of the run."
"OH THE GRENADE MIST. Don't know why!"
25 deaths.
some youtuber with 525k subs is in his chat talking shit.
"AS I GO TO GET STAMINA BACK AND DODGE HE DOES THE MISSILE. IT'S JST RNG"
how were you going to get stamina back AND dodge at the same time?
"NOTHING i could do. I don't have any healing, no shield, i can't dodge every missile"
got Balteus to 5%, died.
26 deaths.
"you saw what he did? he waited and then he hit with the missile, it's RNG, it's not triggered, it's not intentional, he'll just randomly do it"
seems intentional to me, honestly.
"All of a sudden none of my dodges work, basically the runs over, because now i can't get to him to stop the shield."
"couldn't get away, i was too close when he deicded to go to that phasse, so now i'm boned"
when he "decided"? he always goes to that phase at 50%, you know that, it's YOUR fault for being on his dick and damaging him to 50%.
"he got me, i almost had him, but he did a backswing with the sword and you can't dodge it. you need to learn the pattern, play solid, and hope for the best. it's just RNG at this point"
i watched you take 3 telegraphed missiles to the face, in a row, you are not playing solid?
27 deaths.
"I CAN'T DO ANYTHING, he literally flew and TELEPORTED into me and just swiped"
I love phil saying the boss "teleports" when it's this slow ass bitch coming at him.
"why are you saying throw the grenade launcher out? the grenade launcher is CRITICAL to me winning this, the sword was terrible, i don't think it's very good. i'll give it one go."
i beat him with the sword just fine?
28 deaths btw
"you can't get to him. that's the problem, he flies away so you can never hit him with the sword, the sword is a complete waste of time"
again, sword is one of the best weapons in the game, phil is just using it wrong and using that to confirm his bias that it's bad.
"I CAN'T- WHAT'S GOING ON? I SOME HOW LOST MY LOCK, I LOST MY LOCK FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN CONTROL MY CHARACTER"
the reason is fat fingies.
"ok, maybe this is the way to go. now that i know his pattern, i can do more damage with this thing. i'm going to try the sword now. the sword was doing good, the sword was taking chunks off"
how fast his tune changes when he sees results. fat idiot.
29 deaths.
"WOW, this is WAY different, oh my god dude, I had the right idea at the beginning then. we are kicking ASS dude, SICK."
YOU had the right idea? you went into the fight with sword because it's what you had equipped, once you started losing you said the sword was dogshit and you didn't need it. only after people said you were wrong, you decided to try it again, and now that it's working, YOU had the right idea? Stupid fucking narc retard.
"GOT HIM WITH THE SWORD, beautiful, wow, the sword was the way to do it dude."
Phil has beaten Balteus with 29 deaths.
I want to make it clear, it took Phil over an hour and 29 deaths to beat Balteus while using Balteus' hard counter.
"alright, so my honest take on that boss, was not that bad. it wasn't. not that bad."
"so clip this and give it to all other content creators who ragequit on this boss. if i was able to beat Balteus and you RQ, then you suck."
gotta stroke that pathetic ego of his, huh? yeah phil, you did great. you took an hour and almost 30 deaths to beat Balteus, while being handheld by stream, while using the bosses biggest weakness. you're SUCH a big boy, I'm so proud. kill yourself.
phil does not like the Pile Bunker weapon, despite it being the most powerful melee weapon in the game so far. It does 15-20% of a bosses total HP, and damn near 45% of an enemy AC's health. I use it in my own build, and even if I am losing a fight, it's okay, because all I need is one good hit to win.
"we killed everyone in the arena, ran right through them all."
you're fighting virtual data recordings of people. you didn't kill anyone.
"so this terminal armor is a way to revive if you die"
no it's not. it provides invulnerability for a few seconds at 1hp.
"are they doZers or doSers?"
phil they've said it like 10 times in the fucking dialogue. i beg of you.
phil is doing a tetrapod AC with dual gatling guns, and is naturally, destroying everything in his path.
he is annoyed that the gatling guns overheat, he'd like to just hold the gun buttons down 24/7 with no drawbacks.
holy shit, he is BURNING through his bullets, man is at 10% ammo and he's only 60% through the mission. this is why you don't just hold the button down for as long as possible.
phil has completely run out of ammo in both gatling guns.
"shit, now what do i do? i literally can't kill anything. this is a terrible idea., i can't hurt anyone!"
he's been reduced to using the basic melee attack.
"why on earth do the gatlings run out of ammo so quick and how would you fix that? i dunno."
maybe don't fire 6 billion bullets a second at anything that comes within your field of view? One of my mechs uses a gatling gun and almost never runs out of ammo, because i use it when it counts.
phil has come up against a tank AC with a shield, since he literally has no weapons, he is struggling to get past the enemies shield.
"look, i can't stun him, i can't hit him from behind, what am i supposed to do?"
phil is just circle straffing and spamming his shoulder missiles, which, honestly, is really his only option.
The Cleaner Boss Fight
phils build hard counters this boss, so i really don't expect anything here, but let's see.
"this sucks, my weapons don't work against this enemy, i need new weapons"
your weapons would actually shit on this boss if you did it properly.
"it's a puzzle boss, you shoot this, and that stuns her."
phil is 50% out of ammo, he has been fighting for one minute.
1 death.
"i think i need better weapons. i need to stun it and hit it for giant damage. definitely it's a puzzle boss, for sure it is."
i just killed him with gatling and pile bunker, first try,
"OH MY GOD, what is going on, this is dumb now, how the hell am i getting destroyed?"
boss just slapped phil the fuck up. did what his parents shoulda.
phil has swapped to lazer gun, for some reason, it is uh..less than effective.
"maybe you need the grenade launcher for this"
2 deaths.
"i need the grnade launcher"
man is going back to gatling gun/grenade launcher.
phil has discovered the boss's weak point, but will it save him?
"she missed again, god, the grenade sucks"
you're the one piloting it?
phil has beaten the Cleaner boss in 2 tries, which, honestly, it's a pretty easy boss, and his build hard counters it.
phil has been told by BILLIONS of people to buy the gun that hard counters the noob-killer boss. so let's see how that goes.
the NPC says "retrieve the combat logs from the wrecks Rusty left along his path" and phil responds with "damn, he got wrecked, huh?"
like can you not just listen for one fucking second? Jesus fucking christ he's stupid.
phil only know realizes he knows Rusty, the NPC this mission is vaguely about.
phil is also wasting his time fighting people when this mission is about speedy retrieval of items.
he is just mashing his attack buttons as often as he can. i am watching him play and there's no thought or strategy, he is just mashing every attack button.
"i find it very odd that the game will just end your mission in the middle of combat."
you are a mercenary, you are here to do a job, when the job is done, you are done. you'd think phil would understand this with how fast he fucking clocks out.
phil doesn't know what "OS" stands for.
he is doing the arena combat and having fun destroying the literal lowest level enemies possible. he's fighting literal F rank enemies and enjoying how easy it is to win.
lot of this stream so far has just been him in the menu, kinda boring as fuck.
"we have not hit the hat goal since uh, yesterday-"
is he fucking serious?
and phil has died for the first time in the stream. nothing too spectacular, he got ambushed by stealth enemies and was outplayed.
phil is intentionally stalling so he can take his break before fighting the next boss. instead of proceeding to the next mission he is doing training missions.
man is currently losing in a training fight rn because he forgot how armor works.
"jesus christ, they have so much health"
no they don't, you just simply aren't hurting them.
instead of varying up his strategy he's just holding down both shoot buttons and hoping he wins. as i am typing this he has run out of ammo.
"I HAVE NO AMMO LEFT, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KILL IT? THIS IS STUPID."
"oh, i had a cannon the whole time, i did"
phil had a giant rocket launcher cannon and even USED it several times and apparently didn't notice he had it until his other 3 weapons ran out of ammo.
phil literally almost died in a TRAINING mission.
he has now started the Balteus mission.
phil keeps calling Balteus as "belly-is"
he flew into a military base and was immediately obliterated by their anti-air turrtets. he's used a healing and already back down to 50% 30 seconds into the mission.
he is getting absolutely fucking destroyed by these stationary turrets.
phil is hiding in the corner and playing this like he's a frail human in call of duty, not like he's piloting a 30 foot tall mech which is the most deadly weapon humanity has ever seen.
Sulia has killed phil, may he rip.
"hopefully another checkpoint here, if something else is coming."
what do you mean IF? you started this mission going on about how you know this mission is Balteus.
Balteus Fight Starts Here:
"PULSE ARMOR? AW SHIT, do i need the pulse gun rn? i think i need the pulse gun."
no you don't. you're just saying that because you know the boss is weak to it. but you don't need it.
first death.
"yep, that's the problem. so i have the pulse gun, maybe i should equip it."
and phil is running to immediately equip the boss's weakness.
phil has not once dodged Balteus' missiles, he doesn't even seem to be trying, he's just eating the hits.
second death.
"those missiles are very annoying, oh my god, they deal so damage, i'm dodging and they're still hitting me"
"WOW dude, how much damage he's dealing"
third death.
"i gotta dodge the attacks, that's the problem, right?"
fourth death.
phil is just trying to win this through sheer DPS, he is not dodging anything, he is just hoping his damage and his health are higher than the bosses.
"i can't see those missiles, they're so fast"
game has an audio que for when they fire.
fifth death.
"you can stagger it and it still attacks? that's pretty crazy."
"OH MY GOD, YOOOOOOO, I don't know what happened. he starts shooting missiles, but then he keeps swording you too."
six deaths.
"that's not what i did, i wanted the missiles"
how did you push L3 instead of L1?
seventh death.
"he's got every kind of weapon, he's got a sword, a close ranged shotgun, and missiles."
phil just boosted under the boss and completely whiffed his sword because the games "auto-targetting" messed up.
just ate another rocket to the face instead of dodging and died.
"the sword is SHITTY"
sword is honestly one of the best weapons in the game.
five or six hours into the game, his fans have told phil how to lock onto his enemy.
"thank god you get all these restarts, what a great system."
he really loves that he doesn't have to replay the stage.
eighth death.
"i'm doing much better with the grenade launcher, it does tons of damage and stun"
so does the sword, you just need to use it properly.
he just died in under 20 seconds.
nine deaths
"no point in trying after you've wasted all your health."
he's suddenly playing way worse. he got balteus down to 30% and now he died at 80%
"he's changing his patterns sometimes, he keeps going behind me over and over."
"WHERE'D HE GO WHERE THE FUCK IS HE, LOOK, I'M SPINNING"
boss straight up bamboozled phil.
10 deaths
"CLOSE, if i was able to dodge that i might've been able to finish him. we're getting there."
"I dodged both attacks and i'm still getting hit because of RNG"
he started the fight and immediately got dropped to 35%, he's getting his ass beat this round.
11 deaths.
"couldn't tell what was going on. the problem is if he decides todo his attack you have to do the missile and then he does another attack, you can't see the second attack."
12 deaths.
"there's so many inputs you gotta do at once, it's ridiculous"
it'll never cease to amuse me that mr. pro fighting game player is bitching about inputs.
13 deaths.
"I stun him, I go to attack him, but all of his attacks hit me at once because he spams everything."
"i don't know what happened there, i couldn't see."
you got fucking raped, that's what happened.
"you just have to guess and mash"
well, think we've discovered the problem.
"WHERE IS HE? WHERE THE FUCK IS HE, HE'S GONE, HE'S NOT EVEN ON THE SCREEN"
as the boss lightly peppers phil from off screen with machine guns.
"I can't play with sound ques, i can't hear them on the neckphones, i have to play from visual"
is he fucking serious?
14 deaths.
"there's so much you gotta do at once"
yeah, welcome to piloting a giant fuck off mech.
15 deaths.
"the lock-on doesn't work, as soon as he goes behind you, you lose your lock-on. so it's completely worthless."
boss never got behind me, honestly.
"where is he, WHERE IS HE, OH MY GOD"
16 deaths.
"the real challenging part is that he keeps going behind you, he gets behind you and you can't see where he went.,"
17 deaths.
he is just EATING these hits like it's a feasting with the king. he's also gone full gamer hunchback, leaning into the screen.
"OH MY GOD, I CAN'T EVEN SEE WHATS GOING ON, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS"
boss just CLAPPED his cheeks.
"I almost had him, if he didn't keep going behind i would've beat him already."
18 deaths.
"it's already bullshit. it's already complete bullshit. he got above me and where is he, LOOK, WHERE IS HE, HE FLIES OFF THE SCREEN."
"HOW DID HE GET THE SHIELD BACK? I STUNNED HIM and he got it back anyway? you're full of shit."
he's getting tilted.
"it's all fucked up, i'm doing stuff, it's not activating. i keep trying to activate shield, it won't do it."
"I keep telling you the hard lock doesn't work, people keep telling me why aren't you using it? because it doesn't work"
worked fine for me.
"WOW, that was fair."
"the key to winning is to stay above him and shoot down ontop of him"
phil has learned what the "high-ground" is.
"don't know what hit me, couldn't see. you can't dodge what you can't see"
the major attacks have a loud BEEP BEEP before they hit you, but Phil's toilet seat headphones apparently don't give good enough audio for him to hear it, which he said himself, great use of what, a hunnid dollars?
19 deaths.
"NOTHING i can do about that."
man just took a DIRECT hit from Balteus' flamesword. was the cleanest hit i've ever seen.
"I'm getting closer..."
20 deaths.
also weird that phil is going full gamer neck, absolutely leaned in at a 90 degree angle, while earlier he was bitching about how much pain his neck is in and he can't move much.
just took two heavy missiles directly to the fucking face. just took a third one. "THREE, I CAN"T AVOID THOSE" that's what the BEEP BEEP is for, bitch.
21 deaths.
boss just whombo combo'd him. stunned him with missiles it into sword strikes
"LOOK, that was fair, he stun locked me."
"THE MISSILE MIST?"
phil missed his grenade shot.
22 deaths.
"it cheated, the stunlock was bullshit, i had no stamina, no way to recover. i had no stamina, until i get my stamina back i can't avoid the sword, it was completely cheap."
so if phil is stunned the boss should give him a sec to catch his breath.
"the grenade misses a ton"
you are the one in charge of aiming it?
23 deaths.
"thank god i've playd other fromsoft games because it prepared me for this one, the RNG is real. you'll have runs where he won't do his insane attacks."
so phil admits that beating this boss isn't a matter of skill, it's a matter of him just getting lucky.
"i dodged and it still hits me, so let me just start over. this is stupid."
24 deaths.
"THERE YOU GO. he decides to use the heavy missile the moment i get locked."
it's RNG when the boss capitalizations on him being stunned.
"OH MY ROCKET MIST, now I'm not gonna get to stun him because my rocket mist"
then you shoulda aimed better?
he's just firing his weapon the second it's available, with no care for the likelyhood of it hitting.
"WOW, once again I have to dodge the missile and he decides to use the sword, i can't dodge both, so that's it, that's the end of the run."
"OH THE GRENADE MIST. Don't know why!"
25 deaths.
some youtuber with 525k subs is in his chat talking shit.
"AS I GO TO GET STAMINA BACK AND DODGE HE DOES THE MISSILE. IT'S JST RNG"
how were you going to get stamina back AND dodge at the same time?
"NOTHING i could do. I don't have any healing, no shield, i can't dodge every missile"
got Balteus to 5%, died.
26 deaths.
"you saw what he did? he waited and then he hit with the missile, it's RNG, it's not triggered, it's not intentional, he'll just randomly do it"
seems intentional to me, honestly.
"All of a sudden none of my dodges work, basically the runs over, because now i can't get to him to stop the shield."
"couldn't get away, i was too close when he deicded to go to that phasse, so now i'm boned"
when he "decided"? he always goes to that phase at 50%, you know that, it's YOUR fault for being on his dick and damaging him to 50%.
"he got me, i almost had him, but he did a backswing with the sword and you can't dodge it. you need to learn the pattern, play solid, and hope for the best. it's just RNG at this point"
i watched you take 3 telegraphed missiles to the face, in a row, you are not playing solid?
27 deaths.
"I CAN'T DO ANYTHING, he literally flew and TELEPORTED into me and just swiped"
I love phil saying the boss "teleports" when it's this slow ass bitch coming at him.
"why are you saying throw the grenade launcher out? the grenade launcher is CRITICAL to me winning this, the sword was terrible, i don't think it's very good. i'll give it one go."
i beat him with the sword just fine?
28 deaths btw
"you can't get to him. that's the problem, he flies away so you can never hit him with the sword, the sword is a complete waste of time"
again, sword is one of the best weapons in the game, phil is just using it wrong and using that to confirm his bias that it's bad.
"I CAN'T- WHAT'S GOING ON? I SOME HOW LOST MY LOCK, I LOST MY LOCK FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN CONTROL MY CHARACTER"
the reason is fat fingies.
"ok, maybe this is the way to go. now that i know his pattern, i can do more damage with this thing. i'm going to try the sword now. the sword was doing good, the sword was taking chunks off"
how fast his tune changes when he sees results. fat idiot.
29 deaths.
"WOW, this is WAY different, oh my god dude, I had the right idea at the beginning then. we are kicking ASS dude, SICK."
YOU had the right idea? you went into the fight with sword because it's what you had equipped, once you started losing you said the sword was dogshit and you didn't need it. only after people said you were wrong, you decided to try it again, and now that it's working, YOU had the right idea? Stupid fucking narc retard.
"GOT HIM WITH THE SWORD, beautiful, wow, the sword was the way to do it dude."
Phil has beaten Balteus with 29 deaths.
I want to make it clear, it took Phil over an hour and 29 deaths to beat Balteus while using Balteus' hard counter.
"alright, so my honest take on that boss, was not that bad. it wasn't. not that bad."
"so clip this and give it to all other content creators who ragequit on this boss. if i was able to beat Balteus and you RQ, then you suck."
gotta stroke that pathetic ego of his, huh? yeah phil, you did great. you took an hour and almost 30 deaths to beat Balteus, while being handheld by stream, while using the bosses biggest weakness. you're SUCH a big boy, I'm so proud. kill yourself.
phil does not like the Pile Bunker weapon, despite it being the most powerful melee weapon in the game so far. It does 15-20% of a bosses total HP, and damn near 45% of an enemy AC's health. I use it in my own build, and even if I am losing a fight, it's okay, because all I need is one good hit to win.
"we killed everyone in the arena, ran right through them all."
you're fighting virtual data recordings of people. you didn't kill anyone.
"so this terminal armor is a way to revive if you die"
no it's not. it provides invulnerability for a few seconds at 1hp.
"are they doZers or doSers?"
phil they've said it like 10 times in the fucking dialogue. i beg of you.
phil is doing a tetrapod AC with dual gatling guns, and is naturally, destroying everything in his path.
he is annoyed that the gatling guns overheat, he'd like to just hold the gun buttons down 24/7 with no drawbacks.
holy shit, he is BURNING through his bullets, man is at 10% ammo and he's only 60% through the mission. this is why you don't just hold the button down for as long as possible.
phil has completely run out of ammo in both gatling guns.
"shit, now what do i do? i literally can't kill anything. this is a terrible idea., i can't hurt anyone!"
he's been reduced to using the basic melee attack.
"why on earth do the gatlings run out of ammo so quick and how would you fix that? i dunno."
maybe don't fire 6 billion bullets a second at anything that comes within your field of view? One of my mechs uses a gatling gun and almost never runs out of ammo, because i use it when it counts.
phil has come up against a tank AC with a shield, since he literally has no weapons, he is struggling to get past the enemies shield.
"look, i can't stun him, i can't hit him from behind, what am i supposed to do?"
phil is just circle straffing and spamming his shoulder missiles, which, honestly, is really his only option.
The Cleaner Boss Fight
phils build hard counters this boss, so i really don't expect anything here, but let's see.
"this sucks, my weapons don't work against this enemy, i need new weapons"
your weapons would actually shit on this boss if you did it properly.
"it's a puzzle boss, you shoot this, and that stuns her."
phil is 50% out of ammo, he has been fighting for one minute.
1 death.
"i think i need better weapons. i need to stun it and hit it for giant damage. definitely it's a puzzle boss, for sure it is."
i just killed him with gatling and pile bunker, first try,
"OH MY GOD, what is going on, this is dumb now, how the hell am i getting destroyed?"
boss just slapped phil the fuck up. did what his parents shoulda.
phil has swapped to lazer gun, for some reason, it is uh..less than effective.
"maybe you need the grenade launcher for this"
2 deaths.
"i need the grnade launcher"
man is going back to gatling gun/grenade launcher.
phil has discovered the boss's weak point, but will it save him?
"she missed again, god, the grenade sucks"
you're the one piloting it?
phil has beaten the Cleaner boss in 2 tries, which, honestly, it's a pretty easy boss, and his build hard counters it.
the stream is over, phil is done. phil says he is going to continue on with this game next week, so i am actually going to make a new thread RN and copy paste this over there.
