Awkward Balls Stories

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In high school, I didn't play sports specifically because I didn't want to get hit in the balls. I thought I would be safe in drama club. But those fucking drama club bitches can't go five goddamn minutes without breaking into a spontaneous dance routine, and I got a little too close one time and got kicked in the balls. By a doughy drama club boy named fucking Kelsey.

If I'd played sports, they would have given me a cup.
 
When I travelled over from the States, my dad tried to get me into Hurling (Basically Irish field hockey except you balance the ball on the stick and you can shoot above and below the goalposts -- fastest field sport in the world too.) "It's just like baseball son," my dad told me, handing me the paraphernalia, "you'll love it."
After about an hour, I get the hang of it, but I get hit square in the balls. I'm down for the count, but I get up anyway and play; trying to act hard and impress my dad. The moment I'm back on the field, wham, another ball straight to the jewels. I quit almost instantly.
 
Women would theoretically be better in a fight on the street if you had a choice between a dude or a chick with equal strength and fighting skills because women have no obvious weaknesses such as balls
 
I heard this story from my granddad about a kid who peeds on the cattle fence and the electricity traveled up the pee stream and blew his ballsack up, and they had to "pick up his balls" and take him to the hospital to have them put back in.
 
Bugaboo said:
Women would theoretically be better in a fight on the street if you had a choice between a dude or a chick with equal strength and fighting skills because women have no obvious weaknesses such as balls
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Pretty sure they have kneecaps, eyeballs, noses, a solar plexus, etc. etc. etc.
 
Bugaboo said:
Women would theoretically be better in a fight on the street if you had a choice between a dude or a chick with equal strength and fighting skills because women have no obvious weaknesses such as balls
Click to expand...
lol you just have to change the attack vector a bit by aiming for right between their legs.
 
Smutley said:
I heard this story from my granddad about a kid who peeds on the cattle fence and the electricity traveled up the pee stream and blew his ballsack up, and they had to "pick up his balls" and take him to the hospital to have them put back in.
Click to expand...
That sounds like a very poorly written urban legend, but regardless, I love it.
 
I had painful balls one day and I thought it was blue balls so I rubbed one out. My load was almost entirely composed of blood, so I sought medical attention immediately. Luckily I didn't have cancer or anything, but I did have a bacterial infection that inhabited both my epididymis and my prostate. One round of Doxycycline and Amoxicillin cleared it all up, and I'm back to shooting milky white again.
 
I dropped one of my balls at work. It bounced off the ground a couple of times, but thankfully it didn't break.

...

Oh wait, you mean THOSE balls?
 
The first time I saw a pair of balls in real life I asked the guy why they were hanging so low (they were hanging way below his dick) since he was young (21) and he had to explain to me that they hang low when it gets warm and aren't like tits that just keep sagging with age.
 
when i was around 18 i worked with a DJ setting up all his equipment. he had a mixing board that was about 80 pounds and one night when i was putting his shit on the table i guess i picked it up the wrong way because about half an hour later i felt like someone took a sledgehammer to my crotch. i could barely walk or really do anything. i sat there for two hours feeling like my balls were gonna slip out like the yolk of a cracked egg. i kept texting my dad saying shit like "i need to go to the fucking hospital i am not okay i am dying," and he couldn't have given less of a fuck. after the shit the DJ was there for he was trying to get me to load all his shit in his van which i could not do because my balls felt like they were stuck in a bear trap. ended up just driving home since nobody was gonna take me to a doctor and i was too stupid to know how to do that shit myself, which was just a fucking lovely hour long road trip in a daewoo with no AC
 
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Ok you want a balls story I'll give you one. When I was 18 I had a Saturday job marshaling at a paintball site. I saw a few nasty injuries but the worst one by far was a guy who totally ignored a safety briefing. We had a field for capture the flag that had a central trench. Capturing that trench gave you a tactical advantage and the teams were always advised to make capturing it a priority. They were however expressly forbidden from jumping over the trench for any reason. This seemed silly to a lot of people so most of the time they did it anyway. In the end we filled in the trench after one guy full of bravado jumped over without noticing a member of the enemy team crouching in the trench. The jumper was rewarded with a point blank barrage of three shots that hit him square in his nuts. He landed and collapsed into the fetal position. We called paramedics who cut off his overalls and trousers revealing a purple lump the size of a small melon between his legs and rapidly spreading bruising on his torso and legs. He was taken to hospital where they drained almost a pint of blood out of his scrotum and had to remove both of his testicles. (note to ADF, go paintballing)
 
LazarusOwenhart said:
Ok you want a balls story I'll give you one. When I was 18 I had a Saturday job marshaling at a paintball site. I saw a few nasty injuries but the worst one by far was a guy who totally ignored a safety briefing. We had a field for capture the flag that had a central trench. Capturing that trench gave you a tactical advantage and the teams were always advised to make capturing it a priority. They were however expressly forbidden from jumping over the trench for any reason. This seemed silly to a lot of people so most of the time they did it anyway. In the end we filled in the trench after one guy full of bravado jumped over without noticing a member of the enemy team crouching in the trench. The jumper was rewarded with a point blank barrage of three shots that hit him square in his nuts. He landed and collapsed into the fetal position. We called paramedics who cut off his overalls and trousers revealing a purple lump the size of a small melon between his legs and rapidly spreading bruising on his torso and legs. He was taken to hospital where they drained almost a pint of blood out of his scrotum and had to remove both of his testicles. (note to ADF, go paintballing)
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JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST
 
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