Barb's current life

[DevilDog]

I've been wondering for a while as to what Barb's current lifestyle is. As exaggerated and untrue as it is, I can't shake this assumption that she literally sits in that nasty recliner all day. I haven't heard anyone mention a time when she was outside the house, but then, it's a bit of a stretch to assume she never leaves 14 BC. So does anyone know what Barb does these days? She apparently doesn't grocery shop or go to church and cook Wednesday dinners with other women. Does anyone have any insight?

 

[Anon]

Coddle Chris.

 

[Bugaboo]

It seems her health has gone downhill seeing as Chris needs to do fucking everything for her but she apparently does go out to various shops to get food or warm up a hungry man in a convience store micowave. I'd imagine she spends most of her day sitting in the middle of the hoard watching ancient tv shows and game shows and whatever else old ladies like to watch. Then she spoons with Chris which is fucking creepy, he apparently can't get out cuddle time with mommy whitch is even creepier. :/

 

[c-no]

It seems her health has gone downhill seeing as Chris needs to do fucking everything for her but she apparently does go out to various shops to get food or warm up a hungry man in a convience store micowave. I'd imagine she spends most of her day sitting in the middle of the hoard watching ancient tv shows and game shows and whatever else old ladies like to watch. Then she spoons with Chris which is fucking creepy, he apparently can't get out cuddle time with mommy whitch is even creepier. :/

This sums it up entirely. Being an old woman, Barb wouldn't do much aside from living in her home, surrounded by all the junk she hoarded, watching old t.v. shows on whatever television she has. Aside from that and the creepy incestous undertones of spooning with Chris, she wouldn't do much. Had she actually done something with her life after retiring, she could of controlled her hoarding habits, take up a hobby like Bob did such as gardening, and even actually tried to put Chris in his place all these years, but no. Instead all she has in the present is just wallowing in her home, spending her last days watching television and having cuddle time with Chris.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I haven't heard anyone mention a time when she was outside the house

Oh, she goes out - always with an emergency q-sand in her purse in case she gets hungry in a restaurant.
I can't imagine she goes out much though, because even back in the Classic days she claimed to only have "3 hours of energy a day". Now it's probably down to 1.

 

[JULAY]

I haven't heard anyone mention a time when she was outside the house

Oh, she goes out - always with an emergency q-sand in her purse in case she gets hungry in a restaurant.
I can't imagine she goes out much though, because even back in the Classic days she claimed to only have "3 hours of energy a day". Now it's probably down to 1.

Emergency q-sand...

Seriously though, I'd imagine her day goes something like this:

Wake up with drool all over her face and fried chicken crumbs all over her ill-fitting sweatsuit.

Waddle to the bathroom and go head to head with Colitis.

Waddle to the bottom of the stairs and yell for Chrisshun.

Spend 30 minutes making bizarre statements designed to cause Chris intense psychological guilt about having any interests whatsoever outside of "helping his mother", so he will never leave the hoard.

Spend 20 more minutes making bizarre threats of calling the jerkops and/or changing the locks if Chris wanders too far from her clutches.

Send Chris out for hot dogs from Sheetz.

Make a huge ruckus when Chris returns from Sheetz because the mustard is on top of the dogs, not underneath.

Listen to Chris loudly stress sigh while making said ruckus. Call him a dummy for not tellin' them there Sheetz people to make the hot dogs the way that Mama likes 'em!

Send Chris back to Sheetz.

After eating one dog, wrap the other in toilet tissue to cram into her purse for later consumption.

Find the decomposing remains of the last hot dog crammed into her purse for later consumption. Does not get thrown away.

Lounge around the hoard, attempt to look for a 1999 calendar and them red socks she got at the Goodwill. Fail to find 1999 calendar and them red socks.

Yell at Chrisshun "Time to bring Mama to the Goodwill!"

Arrive at Goodwill. Chris follows close behind her, like a dog on a very short leash.

Finds red socks not quite the ones she wanted, but they're good enough. Fail to find 1999 calendar. Also finds ripped shawl, ugly Christmas sweater, slightly cracked cassette tape of Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies, Water pitcher with permanent tea stains, and Blender with missing lid.

Go to purchase worthless items from Goodwill to add to the hoard. Clerk says, "Wow, you must really like red socks! This is what, the sixth pair you've bought this month?"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Say "Chrisshun, you go and load up the car now." Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

On return trip, hear flatulence... Smells like

Say "Chrisshun, did you mess yourself again? Well I ain't cleaning it up this time! No sirree!"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Tell him to unload the car. Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

Waddle into 14 Branchland Court, and order Chris to dump new purchases at particular locations in the hoard. Find 1999 calendar and original red socks.

Clean up .

Round two of grudge match with Colitis.

Say "Chrisshun, why don't you go and pick up some of them there frozen dinners you and your father liked so much?"

Climb into recliner. Pass out before Chris gets home with Hungry Mans. Get awoken by Chris climbing into recliner to spoon.

Spoon with Chris. Continue spooning with Chris.

Crash into slumber.

 

[Yawning Squirtle]

Spoiler

Emergency q-sand...

Seriously though, I'd imagine her day goes something like this:

Wake up with drool all over her face and fried chicken crumbs all over her ill-fitting sweatsuit.

Waddle to the bathroom and go head to head with Colitis.

Waddle to the bottom of the stairs and yell for Chrisshun.

Spend 30 minutes making bizarre statements designed to cause Chris intense psychological guilt about having any interests whatsoever outside of "helping his mother", so he will never leave the hoard.

Spend 20 more minutes making bizarre threats of calling the jerkops and/or changing the locks if Chris wanders too far from her clutches.

Send Chris out for hot dogs from Sheetz.

Make a huge ruckus when Chris returns from Sheetz because the mustard is on top of the dogs, not underneath.

Listen to Chris loudly stress sigh while making said ruckus. Call him a dummy for not tellin' them there Sheetz people to make the hot dogs the way that Mama likes 'em!

Send Chris back to Sheetz.

After eating one dog, wrap the other in toilet tissue to cram into her purse for later consumption.

Find the decomposing remains of the last hot dog crammed into her purse for later consumption. Does not get thrown away.

Lounge around the hoard, attempt to look for a 1999 calendar and them red socks she got at the Goodwill. Fail to find 1999 calendar and them red socks.

Yell at Chrisshun "Time to bring Mama to the Goodwill!"

Arrive at Goodwill. Chris follows close behind her, like a dog on a very short leash.

Finds red socks not quite the ones she wanted, but they're good enough. Fail to find 1999 calendar. Also finds ripped shawl, ugly Christmas sweater, slightly cracked cassette tape of Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies, Water pitcher with permanent tea stains, and Blender with missing lid.

Go to purchase worthless items from Goodwill to add to the hoard. Clerk says, "Wow, you must really like red socks! This is what, the sixth pair you've bought this month?"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Say "Chrisshun, you go and load up the car now." Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

On return trip, hear flatulence... Smells like

Say "Chrisshun, did you mess yourself again? Well I ain't cleaning it up this time! No sirree!"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Tell him to unload the car. Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

Waddle into 14 Branchland Court, and order Chris to dump new purchases at particular locations in the hoard. Find 1999 calendar and original red socks.

Clean up .

Round two of grudge match with Colitis.

Say "Chrisshun, why don't you go and pick up some of them there frozen dinners you and your father liked so much?"

Climb into recliner. Pass out before Chris gets home with Hungry Mans. Get awoken by Chris climbing into recliner to spoon.

Spoon with Chris. Continue spooning with Chris.

Crash into slumber.

/thread

 

[JULAY]

Spoiler

Emergency q-sand...

Seriously though, I'd imagine her day goes something like this:

Wake up with drool all over her face and fried chicken crumbs all over her ill-fitting sweatsuit.

Waddle to the bathroom and go head to head with Colitis.

Waddle to the bottom of the stairs and yell for Chrisshun.

Spend 30 minutes making bizarre statements designed to cause Chris intense psychological guilt about having any interests whatsoever outside of "helping his mother", so he will never leave the hoard.

Spend 20 more minutes making bizarre threats of calling the jerkops and/or changing the locks if Chris wanders too far from her clutches.

Send Chris out for hot dogs from Sheetz.

Make a huge ruckus when Chris returns from Sheetz because the mustard is on top of the dogs, not underneath.

Listen to Chris loudly stress sigh while making said ruckus. Call him a dummy for not tellin' them there Sheetz people to make the hot dogs the way that Mama likes 'em!

Send Chris back to Sheetz.

After eating one dog, wrap the other in toilet tissue to cram into her purse for later consumption.

Find the decomposing remains of the last hot dog crammed into her purse for later consumption. Does not get thrown away.

Lounge around the hoard, attempt to look for a 1999 calendar and them red socks she got at the Goodwill. Fail to find 1999 calendar and them red socks.

Yell at Chrisshun "Time to bring Mama to the Goodwill!"

Arrive at Goodwill. Chris follows close behind her, like a dog on a very short leash.

Finds red socks not quite the ones she wanted, but they're good enough. Fail to find 1999 calendar. Also finds ripped shawl, ugly Christmas sweater, slightly cracked cassette tape of Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies, Water pitcher with permanent tea stains, and Blender with missing lid.

Go to purchase worthless items from Goodwill to add to the hoard. Clerk says, "Wow, you must really like red socks! This is what, the sixth pair you've bought this month?"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Say "Chrisshun, you go and load up the car now." Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

On return trip, hear flatulence... Smells like

Say "Chrisshun, did you mess yourself again? Well I ain't cleaning it up this time! No sirree!"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Tell him to unload the car. Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

Waddle into 14 Branchland Court, and order Chris to dump new purchases at particular locations in the hoard. Find 1999 calendar and original red socks.

Clean up .

Round two of grudge match with Colitis.

Say "Chrisshun, why don't you go and pick up some of them there frozen dinners you and your father liked so much?"

Climb into recliner. Pass out before Chris gets home with Hungry Mans. Get awoken by Chris climbing into recliner to spoon.

Spoon with Chris. Continue spooning with Chris.

Crash into slumber.

/thread

Why thank you... I omitted the parts where Barb doesn't answer the phone, because of

 

[LM 697]

Emergency q-sand...

Seriously though, I'd imagine her day goes something like this:

Wake up with drool all over her face and fried chicken crumbs all over her ill-fitting sweatsuit.

Waddle to the bathroom and go head to head with Colitis.

Waddle to the bottom of the stairs and yell for Chrisshun.

Spend 30 minutes making bizarre statements designed to cause Chris intense psychological guilt about having any interests whatsoever outside of "helping his mother", so he will never leave the hoard.

Spend 20 more minutes making bizarre threats of calling the jerkops and/or changing the locks if Chris wanders too far from her clutches.

Send Chris out for hot dogs from Sheetz.

Make a huge ruckus when Chris returns from Sheetz because the mustard is on top of the dogs, not underneath.

Listen to Chris loudly stress sigh while making said ruckus. Call him a dummy for not tellin' them there Sheetz people to make the hot dogs the way that Mama likes 'em!

Send Chris back to Sheetz.

After eating one dog, wrap the other in toilet tissue to cram into her purse for later consumption.

Find the decomposing remains of the last hot dog crammed into her purse for later consumption. Does not get thrown away.

Lounge around the hoard, attempt to look for a 1999 calendar and them red socks she got at the Goodwill. Fail to find 1999 calendar and them red socks.

Yell at Chrisshun "Time to bring Mama to the Goodwill!"

Arrive at Goodwill. Chris follows close behind her, like a dog on a very short leash.

Finds red socks not quite the ones she wanted, but they're good enough. Fail to find 1999 calendar. Also finds ripped shawl, ugly Christmas sweater, slightly cracked cassette tape of Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies, Water pitcher with permanent tea stains, and Blender with missing lid.

Go to purchase worthless items from Goodwill to add to the hoard. Clerk says, "Wow, you must really like red socks! This is what, the sixth pair you've bought this month?"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Say "Chrisshun, you go and load up the car now." Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

On return trip, hear flatulence... Smells like

Say "Chrisshun, did you mess yourself again? Well I ain't cleaning it up this time! No sirree!"

Listen to Chris stress sigh. Tell him to unload the car. Listen to volume and frequency of stress sighs increase.

Waddle into 14 Branchland Court, and order Chris to dump new purchases at particular locations in the hoard. Find 1999 calendar and original red socks.

Clean up .

Round two of grudge match with Colitis.

Say "Chrisshun, why don't you go and pick up some of them there frozen dinners you and your father liked so much?"

Climb into recliner. Pass out before Chris gets home with Hungry Mans. Get awoken by Chris climbing into recliner to spoon.

Spoon with Chris. Continue spooning with Chris.

Crash into slumber.

Feel free to write part two.

 

[Springblossom]

Off topic a bit, but what the hell is a q-sand?

EDIT: Never mind, found the answer in another thread. (Damn CWC-isms).

 

[Bob's Fries]

So... how did we find out Chris spoons his Mother...?

Edit: Link me, Spring. I want to know what it means too.

 

[Marvin]

So... how did we find out Chris spoons his Mother...?

Oh, I don't have any specifics on that, but I thought it was a pretty old rumor, at the very least. I think Chris has talked about watching movies with Barb together on his bed and they'd fall asleep like that.

And their habits of spooning hasn't stopped. Hell, it probably increased.

 

[CalmMyTits]

'I think Chris has talked about watching movies with Barb together on his bed and they'd fall asleep like that.'

I don't even know what to say to that. Snuggling with your mother in your bedbug/god knows what else and semen and shit-stained bed...

 

[Null]

'I think Chris has talked about watching movies with Barb together on his bed and they'd fall asleep like that.'

I don't even know what to say to that. Snuggling with your mother in your bedbug/god knows what else and semen and shit-stained bed...

I thought this was kinda a-loggy at first, but then I realized that Chris still sleeps on his baby blanket. That's cuddling with your decrepit mother on top of an infested, semen and shit-stained 30 year old baby blanket watching westerns and I Love Lucy.

 

[Springblossom]

'I think Chris has talked about watching movies with Barb together on his bed and they'd fall asleep like that.'

I don't even know what to say to that. Snuggling with your mother in your bedbug/god knows what else and semen and shit-stained bed...

I thought this was kinda a-loggy at first, but then I realized that Chris still sleeps on his baby blanket. That's cuddling with your decrepit mother on top of an infested, semen and shit-stained 30 year old baby blanket watching westerns and I Love Lucy.

Fuck me, that mental image just made me throw up in my mouth a little. It's UGH!

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

'I think Chris has talked about watching movies with Barb together on his bed and they'd fall asleep like that.'

I don't even know what to say to that. Snuggling with your mother in your bedbug/god knows what else and semen and shit-stained bed...

I thought this was kinda a-loggy at first, but then I realized that Chris still sleeps on his baby blanket. That's cuddling with your decrepit mother on top of an infested, semen and shit-stained 30 year old baby blanket watching westerns and I Love Lucy.

YUCK! Get me some brain bleech, STAT!

 

[Satoru182]

I think she was diagnosed with diabetes. On the account of the trial Cyan and Indigo claimed that Barb lose weight. Also the claims that she was so inactive let me to think it as symptom of early diabetes. Her bad eating habits, lack of activity and age may have prompted a case of diabetes so she must be taking medication and avoiding sugar and fats.

Before Bobs death there is a video of her eating McD with Chris and she was still a hambeast. The only thing that could trigger such a fast weight lost on a lazy and elderly person like Barb would be a thread on her life.

 

[Marvin]

I would've thought that if she had been diagnosed with actual diabetes, I would've heard about it. Maybe some sort of precursor to diabetes or something? But I don't know about genuine, actual diabetes.

Well, also, she lost a shitload of weight because of her wasting butt disease.

 

[Spatchmo]

Hey, I've found another Barb video.

[youtube]OPcod8IS214[/youtube]

 

[sparklemilhouse]

I think she was diagnosed with diabetes. On the account of the trial Cyan and Indigo claimed that Barb lose weight. Also the claims that she was so inactive let me to think it as symptom of early diabetes. Her bad eating habits, lack of activity and age may have prompted a case of diabetes so she must be taking medication and avoiding sugar and fats.

Before Bobs death there is a video of her eating McD with Chris and she was still a hambeast. The only thing that could trigger such a fast weight lost on a lazy and elderly person like Barb would be a thread on her life.

I think her colitis has made her lose weight, because pretty much with colitis you poop all day.