Careercow Ben Collins / Benjamin Thomas Collins / @oneunderscore__ - Journo Scum

[Roland TB-303]

I'm going to be charitable and assume this is a Patrick Tomlinson-like attempt at comedy rather than Ben Collins being a cretin, an imbecile, and/or some form of mental retard:
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I read those xeets a few times and honestly have no idea what he’s trying to say. He got paid for this shit?

 

[General Emílio Médici]

It's a really bad attempt at a joke from the fact that to a retard "the three body problem" may imply the existence of a two body problem and a one body problem. Except you need to be a very specific type of retard to be able to make such a leap in logic so it doesn't really land.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

It's a really bad attempt at a joke from the fact that to a retard "the three body problem" may imply the existence of a two body problem and a one body problem. Except you need to be a very specific type of retard to be able to make such a leap in logic so it doesn't really land.

He actually did a Four Body Problem joke already like a week ago:


These are in my opinion better jokes than most of these types usually do, Ben should quit his job for real and become a standup comedian.

 

[AnOminous]

It's a really bad attempt at a joke from the fact that to a retard "the three body problem" may imply the existence of a two body problem and a one body problem. Except you need to be a very specific type of retard to be able to make such a leap in logic so it doesn't really land.

There actually is a two-body problem, but since these multi-body problems are about motion and gravity, a one-body problem would make no sense.

There's also an interesting five-body problem where you can put five objects in a stable orbital system by careful placement and initial application of direction and velocity.

And there's also the Klemperer's rosette, a similar five body system with a stable configuration that I remember from Ringworld (the home planets of the Pierson's Puppeteers are in such a configuration).

This class of problems are called the n-body problems.

There's also a so-called one-body problem that Newton himself solved, but it isn't really in the same class of problem other than nominally.

Oh wait I thought I was in the fun facts thread or something.

Ben Collins is a useless faggot and a soy golem.

These are in my opinion better jokes than most of these types usually do, Ben should quit his job for real and become a standup comedian.

He'd have to take the giant dildo out of his ass and quit being an uptight woke jerk.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

This class of problems are called the n-body problems.

I think they're called "Black bodies."

Don't want Ben to get offended in his own thread.

 

[Something Awful]

Ben is really tapping into the zeitgeist of unfunny retards tormented by ennui. No wonder he seems to be one of the most followed users on Bluesky.

I read those xeets a few times and honestly have no idea what he’s trying to say. He got paid for this shit?

No, I don't think he's getting paid for posting on Bluesky. It doesn't seem he's still employed at all, in fact. As for what he's trying to say, The Three-Body Problem, in addition to being an actual physics problem as described above, is a popular sci-fi novel that was recently adapted into a Netflix series.

(Not that knowing that makes his "jokes" any funnier)



Yes, children only being able to perceive information in 30-second bursts of retardation is definitely fake news moral panic. Now let me tell you about how Twitter is radicalizing millions by, uh... Fuck Elon Musk!!!!

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

It doesn't seem he's still employed at all, in fact.

He's still at NBC News.

Or at least I have a friend who works there and she says he's still in the employee directory.

 

[Something Awful]

But what does he do? He hasn't published any articles or made any other appearances in half a year. Working on a secret project to take Elon Musk down for good?

 

[AirdropShitposts]

But what does he do? He hasn't published any articles or made any other appearances in half a year. Working on a secret project to take Elon Musk down for good?

That's literally what he said he was doing. Then he released that story based around an e-mail that was sent to Musk after Musk already bought into Twitter and that Ben didn't read correctly at all as the first part of the scoop exposing the plan. Then Ben fled Twitter.

Ben's "partner" reporter that has been mentioned in this thread and some have suggested does a lot of his real research work has continued publishing. I know this because Ben retweets their stuff.

I absolutely would not be surprised if Ben has piled up a bunch more garbage and his editors keep putting it off or Ben keeps telling them he's still digging. Story old as time with journalist hacks. The irony of Jayson Blair was that he fessed up almost immediately, that's how you knew he wasn't a real journalist.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Didn't Ben say he was quitting journalism? Is he still even with NBC?

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

I wonder how much of his "work" is in the trenches at MSNBC or some shit.

"Hey, Ben, we need you to whip up four tight sentences about Kari Lake for Ari Melber to read."

Makes him feel useful.

 

[CervixHammer]

This is what thinking Dril is hilarious gets you, I guess.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

How has he not done a "99 Body Problem but something ain't one" joke yet? It's right there.

 

[InteracialBowelSyndrome]

He actually did a Four Body Problem joke already like a week ago:
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These are in my opinion better jokes than most of these types usually do, Ben should quit his job for real and become a standup comedian.

What do you call Ben Collins in a wheelchair? ROLL-AIDS.

 

[Ralph Barnhardt]

After failing to make money off of funding a Canadian child groomer troon, Benji is going to make all his money back by funding The Onion.

https://twitter.com/oneunderscore__/status/1783632037640835426

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/25/business/media/the-onion-sold.html

https://archive.ph/dvoCb

Ben Collins gets a personal shout out in this article from the New York Times. Only he and the head of G/O media are named. All others can fuck off I guess.

Spoiler: Article text

This private information is unavailable to guests due to policies enforced by third-parties.

Ben will save The Onion and it's staff the same way he saved Keffals, by letting them destroy themselves. Good luck, retards.

 

[grapeshark77]

It seemed like the current owners mostly left whoever still worked there alone. Ben and his friends are definitely going to have "notes".

This person is also involved so any remotely edgy jokes are dead. They could still hit Democrats hard when they wanted to but I can't see that happening.

 

[Harm]

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"We did a capitalism." Oh, so it's going to be an unfunny leftist version of the Babylon Bee. We'll never get an amazing sketch like this again:

 

[AnOminous]

Ben Collins gets a personal shout out in this article from the New York Times. Only he and the head of G/O media are named. All others can fuck off I guess.

I hope Ben Collins gets beaten to death. God I hate that faggot so much.

 

[Trianon]

Fitting that Ben Collins can only get a job as a parody of a journalist.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Guess this would be an awkward time to pull up all of Ben's tweets about the evil of rich people, media executives, etc.