Best of This is How You Don't Play's - What is the best TIHYDPs?

[Malagor the dank omen]

Date Masamune in Nioh 1's DLC also gave him 40+ deaths. If I remember correctly he killed Philburt the same amount of times as Ludwig did the first time he played Bloodborne, and just like Bloodborne based Date Masamune made him ragequit. Too easy...
However, at least he had more dignity after he ragequit because of Date Masamune, Ludwig almost made him burst into tears when he talked about how he quit the game because based Ludwig kept slapping him around like a Tijuana crackwhore.

Yeah, i saw his pityful display against Masamune, which was quite fun. Shigezane was also terribly fun tbh, but the main problem in the Nioh 1 DLC is that Phil was underleveled and had underleveled gear, and he refused to grind which got him what he deserved. And he didn't made it to Maria. If he thought Masamune was hard Maria would have violated him ten times harder.

A pity he didn't went into the other 2 DLCs, because the Siege of Osaka DLCs are really damn good. But i know for sure he would have struggled too much against Sarutobi and Yukimura. They are really challenging bosses and i loved them to bits. Unfortunately, the Ninetales would have probably been easy for him since you have Yukimura with you.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

Ludwig World Order is one of the best. I saw others talking about Phil's fighting game talk and figured this is a good one for those.

 

[Draza]

This is kino in total cringe and stupidity:

 

[Iron Father]

Funny clip from Ancient CS's This Is How You DON'T Play Perception:

 

[Forbidden Math]

My favorite TIHYDP is probably Shadow of Mordor. I just love how the nemesis system works in the game, and what it does to his playthrough. Watching the rise of Ukbuk the Black as he takes down Phil time and time again to the point where he leads a final charge of orcs at the end is amazing. It's also very reminiscent of when he plays Street Fighter and the same opponent who defeats him shows up over and over again as DSP's frustration increases.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

My favorite TIHYDP is probably Shadow of Mordor. I just love how the nemesis system works in the game, and what it does to his playthrough. Watching the rise of Ukbuk the Black as he takes down Phil time and time again to the point where he leads a final charge of orcs at the end is amazing. It's also very reminiscent of when he plays Street Fighter and the same opponent who defeats him shows up over and over again as DSP's frustration increases.

Oh yeah that one was hilarious, Ukbuk and his bro Ukshak are in the DSP enemy hall of fame together with Ludwig (made him almost cry and got him to ragequit Bloodborne's DLC), Date Masamune (ditto, Masamune spanked his ass about 40 times before he ragequit) and Champion Gundyr (I think he spanked Dave's ass over 60 times)

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

My favorite TIHYDP is probably Shadow of Mordor. I just love how the nemesis system works in the game, and what it does to his playthrough. Watching the rise of Ukbuk the Black as he takes down Phil time and time again to the point where he leads a final charge of orcs at the end is amazing. It's also very reminiscent of when he plays Street Fighter and the same opponent who defeats him shows up over and over again as DSP's frustration increases.

Oh, God, I completely lost it on the "10 seconds" part.

 

[Here Comes Mongo]

Oh, God, I completely lost it on the "10 seconds" part.

Ukbuk: "You won't last ten seconds!"

He was wrong. Phil only lasted six before Ukbuk pushed his shit in.

That right there lands Ukbuk front and center of the Mt. Rushmore of in-game detractors.

EDIT: was corrected on the fact that it wasn't Ukbuk that did that. Larger point still stands, however.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Ukbuk: "You won't last ten seconds!"

He was wrong. Phil only lasted six before Ukbuk pushed his shit in.

That right there lands Ukbuk front and center of the Mt. Rushmore of in-game detractors.

No-no, that wasn't Ukbuk, that was warchief.

Oh yeah that one was hilarious, Ukbuk and his bro Ukshak are in the DSP enemy hall of fame together with Ludwig (made him almost cry and got him to ragequit Bloodborne's DLC), Date Masamune (ditto, Masamune spanked his ass about 40 times before he ragequit) and Champion Gundyr (I think he spanked Dave's ass over 60 times)

You forgot Burst from Furi. After 90 minutes of trials he ragequited and never touched this game again. I wish, he would do redemption run, he was genuinely mad there.

 

[The Penultimate Warrior]

Phil trying to explain game mechanics always sounds like the kid who forgot his book report was due in today, so is standing at the front of the class trying to blag it.

 

[Here Comes Mongo]

No-no, that wasn't Ukbuk, that was warchief.
View attachment 1626958

I stand corrected.

 

[Shabobus]

Joster covered Phil's latest Doom bumbling.

 

[PenskeMaterial]

Wow, he can't even do the Devil's Horns properly. Instead of covering his middle finger and ring finger with his thumb, he presses them all together like he's pinching something.

Bugged gesture mechanics, nothing he could do!

 

[ADN_VIII]

I found that the TIHYDP of Crysis Remastered is my favorite so far.

Crysis brings out the worst of his traits, including his inability to pay attention, incessant whining, utter lack of understanding how a semi open world game is to approached on a fundamental level, and an abject inability to use even the smallest bit of brainpower when solving in game puzzles.

The very start of the game, when Prophet was explaining that there's hostile koreans in the area Phil is chattering on about input lag between his controller and the game itself, which is a well known issue to do with the PS4 console itself, not any particular game and he has likely experienced in the past. During this whining, he managed to turn his weapon's flashlight on and attract the attention of a lone enemy who's literal only role in the game is to be target practice for the player. On approach, Phil was asking if the guy was hostile, even after being fired upon repeatedly and eventually killed. By the first enemy in the game who, again, only exists to be shot in the back of the head by a player with a suppressed weapon.

Another stand out bit was when Phil gets to a comms jammer or something on a beach, sees a boat, acknowledges out loud there's a boat, then expressed surprise the boat had Koreans and was hostile to him. I had this mental image of a man utterly slack-jawed with surprise at the idea of a hostile boat. Five minutes later Phil decides he's going to swim across the water to avoid patrols, gets shot at by the same goddamn boat and is like, "fuck there's a boat? There's a boat over there and it's shooting at me."

Had to stop at this point. Needed to breathe for laughing.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

I had this old golden vid recommended and I miss how legitimately pissed off Dave used to get when a game would even remotely challenge him.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I had this old golden vid recommended and I miss how legitimately pissed off Dave used to get when a game would even remotely challenge him.

It's the classic moments like that that skewer the idea that Phil has only recently started hating video games. I refuse to believe he touched anything but Street Fighter until the day he figured out he could become famous on YouTube while being protected from the consequences of his natural inclination to be a complete shithead. The degree to which he can't stand a challenge is way too extreme for me to believe that adolescent Phil had any patience or tolerance for classic but hard platformers like Castlevania. He probably winced at the mere mention of them.

 

[Pepper Jack]

It's the classic moments like that that skewer the idea that Phil has only recently started hating video games. I refuse to believe he touched anything but Street Fighter until the day he figured out he could become famous on YouTube while being protected from the consequences of his natural inclination to be a complete shithead. The degree to which he can't stand a challenge is way too extreme for me to believe that adolescent Phil had any patience or tolerance for classic but hard platformers like Castlevania. He probably winced at the mere mention of them.

I believe that Phil truly enjoyed his job until Youtube monetization went into the toilet. Once he started to be a full time streamer and had to interact with his degenerate and retarded audience that his enjoyment declined.

Additionally, this gacha addiction has ruined any enjoyment of games because his attention span is shot. From sweaty bejeweled, he can get that sweet dopamine whenever he wants. Even the most diffcult part of WWE CHAMPIONS (the hell mode) is something that Phil can complete in around 10 minutes. When he has to do something difficult, you can see his frustration becuase he is used to sweaty man bejeweled, which is extremely easy.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I believe that Phil truly enjoyed his job until Youtube monetization went into the toilet. Once he started to be a full time streamer and had to interact with his degenerate and retarded audience that his enjoyment declined.

Additionally, this gacha addiction has ruined any enjoyment of games because his attention span is shot. From sweaty bejeweled, he can get that sweet dopamine whenever he wants. Even the most diffcult part of WWE CHAMPIONS (the hell mode) is something that Phil can complete in around 10 minutes. When he has to do something difficult, you can see his frustration becuase he is used to sweaty man bejeweled, which is extremely easyl

If his love of his job was predicated on the amount of money it netted him, that's not legit love, and just further cements that he's not a gamer, or someone who ever truly liked engaging with his audience. I will concede that his contempt today is several magnitudes greater than it was ten years ago, but I find it impossible to believe that that contempt was ever non-existent. Not if a high income was what made it fun for him, which I do believe was the case.

 

[Prince Lotor]

It's the classic moments like that that skewer the idea that Phil has only recently started hating video games. I refuse to believe he touched anything but Street Fighter until the day he figured out he could become famous on YouTube while being protected from the consequences of his natural inclination to be a complete shithead. The degree to which he can't stand a challenge is way too extreme for me to believe that adolescent Phil had any patience or tolerance for classic but hard platformers like Castlevania. He probably winced at the mere mention of them.

Phil says the only reason he started playing video games again is because of his "back injury". I've always interpreted this as Phil being a sad, lonely drunk who was trying to figure out something to do when he was sitting home alone, sad & drunk in his parent's house. So he started playing video games to distract himself from what a sad sack of shit he is.
Basically Phil says he didn't even start playing video games again because he likes them, it was just something to pass the time. Phil has also referred to this time period as "ever since my 'back injury' I feel like a cripple".

Also Phil says he'd rather be lifting weights and playing football like the Alpha Chad he really is
Timestamped @ 2m46s

 

[TheGoutburglar]

Phil says the only reason he started playing video games again is because of his "back injury". I've always interpreted this as Phil being a sad, lonely drunk who was trying to figure out something to do when he was sitting home alone, sad & drunk in his parent's house. So he started playing video games to distract himself from what a sad sack of shit he is.
Basically Phil says he didn't even start playing video games again because he likes them, it was just something to pass the time. Phil has also referred to this time period as "ever since my 'back injury' I feel like a cripple".

Also Phil says he'd rather be lifting weights and playing football like the Alpha Chad he really is
Timestamped @ 2m46s

Hard to say if he ever played football, but the rest of it is pure bullshit. There are no photos of him that make it look like he ever seriously lifted weights, more than enough footage of him doing things that someone with legit back problems wouldn't do, and don't even get me started on how literally everything about him indicates that the lazy motherfucker would feel anything other than elation at a real reason to sit around being a bump on a log. We've all seen transformations people have gone through because they truly hated either feeling like or literally being a cripple. Phil has done the same thing, except in the opposite direction.

What a fucking loser.