HAPPILY EVER AFTER (1993) - This Movie Exists #SnowWhite
tl;dr/dw
You should not watch Happily Ever After because it is a cheap cash grab that Bob confoundingly says is bad and yet still appreciates it's charm while never saying what exactly is charming about it and this review only exists so Bob can spend 3-5 minutes talking about right wing grifters and how Disney didn't die after all.
Before I go any further I want to show off the views. All three of This Movie Exists dropped on Sunday March 24, 2024. Here's where they all stand.
The Crusades at 17k
Ginger at 15k
and Happily Ever After at 21k
His Civil War review is over a week old and has eclipsed them all. This Movie Exists really hasn't been the boost that I think he was hoping it was. I am going to be doing this one like I did the last two, live posting while watching, and I am stalling. I'm stalling because I really don't like these. And before anyone goes "of course you don't like them they're Bob videos", these videos are not good. That might sound weird but they're just not good. Saying that they suck is giving way to much energy to these. I have no idea why Bob chose to talk about these. I have no idea why I should be interested in these. Knowing that Ginger's director made cheap family flicks 20-30 years later does not justify an 18 minute long video where that fact is mentioned and never expounded upon. All of these have been mid high school level book reports. They are tedious. They are ponderous. Bob repeats himself so many times that it all feels like a first draft. The other two videos had him attempting to end the video three times with him saying "So, uh yeah! That's X" and then he just goes back into rambling about shit that almost all of it has been addressed already and it's not even delivered as a summary.
So he only does that bullshit in the beginning of the review, all so he can gloat. One he's done with it he never brings it back up again even during his end of video summary
fuck me running...
I was going to start the review after that but had this misfortune of looking at the description as went for the transcript button. Let me share my pain.
"For a lot of the back half of 2023, right-wing media (especially on YouTube) absolutely LOST ITS MIND over the upcoming live-action remake of Disney's "SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARVES" with Rachel Zegler in the title role, designating the film as "woke" for reasons without much clarity in any one direction (or what that stigma is even supposed to "mean" more generally) Just imagine if that noise machine had been around in 1993 for THIS bizarre, largely forgotten curio from Filmation; an unofficial pseudo-sequel to the fairytale (and certainly NOT the Disney classic it just happens to resemble...) in which the whole scenario get's a gender-inverted revamp: With Snow White doing her OWN rescuing this time and battling the Evil Queen's previously-unmentioned brother alongside a crew of seven environmentally-empowered female "Dwarfelles." Go ahead and read it again, it doesn't become any clearer - and that's BEFORE the voices of a murderer's row of aging kitsch stars (Carol Channing, Phyllis Diller, Ed Asner, Dom DeLuise, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Sally Kellerman, Jonathan Harris and more!) start coming out of the characters!"
So, Mister Bob "TheMoviebob" Chipman, if this cash grab and an excuse for aged actors to be doing an acting job that will allow them to keep their insurance was released today I have a sneaking suspicion that the amount of people who would care would be the same amount of people who cared back then which is basically no one. The reason care about the new one is that it's an official Disney release where they race swapped Snow White for no good reason and told people that if they didn't like it then they were evil racists and were mocked by Rachel Zegler herself. I know Bob doesn't care and he's just as bad as all the grifters he rages about. It's just so tiring. The only good thing to note is that interest in these seem to be pretty dead and he'll cry and spend another entire year working on some other project that will fail too. Anyways, my prediction for this 23 minute abomination is that there will be a bunch interjections from Bob with him saying some form of "isn't that sooooooooooo woke?" in a vain attempt at mockery. I'll tell you if I was right or not below this. Sorry to
@Koby_Fish if I retread stuff you've already talked about. It's been weeks since I've looked at your review of it, cannot remember anything you said, and wanted my eyes to be fresh only for them to be sullied...
Uhg...
The repetition rears it's ugly head as Bob opens the video explaining what I've heard three times already, that this is one of three videos released at the same time and blah blah blah. Again he claims that there's a different approach to each video but I've watched the other two and I have no idea what the difference was between the two. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here we go...
"Uh so uh did you hear about the woke SnowWhite? No no not not the one still coming out where right ring morons from YouTube, but I repeat myself noticed that gossip trades didn't like an actress so they tried to jump on a bandwagon for media legitimacy and invented a whole imaginary movie to be mad about because stupid people don't know how pre-production works and got so worked up that Ben Shapiro's fake movie company is apparently going to burn a bunch of money making Snow White for republicans and meanwhile when Disney finally showed a teaser shot for the actual movie it just looked like a normal, boring ass, live action Disney remake so they all look even more insane than usual, which is saying something, No I mean the actual woke Snow White where they reverse the genders of the villain, flip the plot around so Snow White has to save The Prince, and even replace the dwarves with Lady dwarves who've got environmental powers"
Fucking Wokaine Bear. This fucking
Wokaine Bear all over again and all of this in service to make people upset about the upcoming Snow White movie look stupid because they're upset about that and not upset about a movie from THIRTY-ONE FUCKING YEARS AGO. Bob is so brain rotted that I would not put it past him to one day state that Land Before Time is woke because it's actually about multi-culturism. Bob then shows part of the trailer for the movie that has digital CRT lines put over top of it and the audio sounds like it was recorded off 7 inch portable TV 6 feet away. It is distractingly bad and all done by Bob to make it seem retro or some bullshit. I know. I looked. I spent about 5 minutes looking and there is no trailer or clips of the movie that look or sound like what Bob shows. He has made his shit product even shittier on purpose. I'm sure it's Disney execs teaming up with the almighty algorithm keeping Bob down and not his abject failure at improving on what he's been doing for over a decade. You may have noticed that the end of previous quote block ends with something about environmental powers. So bad at this he is that the clip of the trailer that he shows has fuck all to do with the last thing he said. Bob then tries to convince you that your eyes are not deceiving you and that this movie exists.
"Yeah, no this is a real thing and you maybe just haven't heard about it because there's not nearly as much money to be actually made online talking about the actual history of weird things that really happened for historic interest as there is pretending to be mad about fake things that might happen for political brownie points which somewhat calls into question my own business model come to think of it but at least I can sleep at night, in theory"
This isn't even 2 minutes in. I think this does a good job in explaining in just why Bob is a failure. The idea that there's no money to be made in talking about weird shit and that shit's weird history is stupid and wrong. Justin Wang's whole career is built off of talking about internet oddities. Good Baptist boy from Tennessee Wendigoon talks about and it's history to the tune of millions of views per video. BobbyBroccoli talks about weird science hoaxes and gets millions of views on a subscriber base of 611k. What they have, and what Bob doesn't have, is willingness to put effort into their work. That's also why the grifters he bitches about do so much better than him. Bob hanging a lampshade on his inability to sleep is actually pretty kino ngl.
Bob goes on to explain that Happily Ever After has nothing to do with the Disney movie despite it sometimes slapping the name Snow White into it's title, solidifying my belief that this movie was a soulless cash grab made so aging actors could keep their insurance He keeps showing clips from the movie with his shitty video and audio filter and it's abrasive every single time. I do find out that the company behind this, Filmation, is the same one behind a bunch of 70's and 80's cartoon dreck like Archie, Jerry Lewis, and He-Man. I am subjugated to a minute and a half of shitty cartoon clips. Bob gives a bit of history about the state of Disney in the 80's and smugs as he thinks that because Disney bounced back in the 80's they'll certainly bounce back after pissing off everyone and playing chicken with Florida.
"Disney, the movie studio part of it, pretty much hit a wall and started flailing around not knowing what to do with itself after Walt died in the 60s and while the business side at the parks and the merchandise kept things rolling pretty decently and even turned out some pretty respectable and even interesting live action work in that era. So if you weren't like a shareholder or involved in the day-to-day, it really didn't register with normal people or audiences that there was ever much issue with the company at all in that period. Uh that's some historical precedent there for people who've huffed too much Twitter juice and think it's all over for Mickey because a couple of their movies didn't cross a billion last year. Uh yeah, no, like it or not uh Mickey is basically fucking invincible for better or worse."
I bet this victory lap was written before Disney blinked at DeSantis. The two live action movies he's talking about is something called The Black Hole and Tron.
Bob says that because Disney was floundering, but not like really floundering you guise, in the 80's other smaller studios would be able to release whatever bullshit they wanted because
"Something had to fill up that vacuum"
To highlight this he show a clip from the Go-Bots movie.
He never addresses anything about consooming.
Bob goes on to say Filmation's big idea was to ape from Walt Disney's idea of making a definitive version of public domain things so they wouldn't have to pay rights to the rights holder.
"Filmation's big idea was, well, when vintage Disney was hot, Walt's big gimmick was to make the definitive animated version of a classic public domain story so you wouldn't have to pay for any licensing upfront but you'd own all the licensable Aesthetics of the most iconic looks and components of the popular version. Case in point, Snow White? Anyone can do Snow White but you can own all those dwarves and that specific design of the evil queen and such and since Disney and others had already scooped a ton of existing Classics let's make our brand original sequels to public domain classics."
To hammer this home Bob shows the entire Family Guy's trailer of Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This.
I have to assume this is Bob tipping his fedora hard and saying "we can make whatever we want from your public domain book. I don't even know if TJ Kirk ever got this dumb.
Bob calls Filmation's plans for 1985 "ambitious" with 13 animated movies slated to come out that year. Such great hits as...Bambi: Prince of the Forest, Son of Sleeping Beauty, The New Adventure of Pinocchio, and many other shitty products built on the backs of giants. He calls them "all original sequels" like we're supposed to ignore the fact that most of the heavy lifting for these movies have already been completed before a single story board was made. He does acknowledge that this was a failed plan. However the failure isn't that the movies sucked ass. The failure is that none of them got made that year and only 2 ever made it past the first stage, the Pinocchio one and the movie that this 23 minute long video is supposed to be about. We are treated to more scenes from Happily Ever After and it still has the shitty audio and video effect on it. It boggles my mind thinking of why he did this. It can't be for copyright dodging. You can watch the entire Happily Ever After movie on youtube for free. No one gives a fuck about a soulless cash grab from the early 90's. Filmation ended going the way of the Chipman and was shut down due to it's big brain business practice of not doing actual work people are willing to pay you for. The company was bought up by investors from L'Oreal to which Bob plays a clip of David Cross from I'm assuming Mr. Show saying "Shampoo!" and somewhere out there someone clapped when they saw it. Happily Ever After was released over 4 years after Filmation closed in a vain attempt to cash in on the anniversary of the release of Snow White. It's at this point that I'm really beginning wonder why this video was even made, just like the other two. The Crusades I guess was showcasing a black and white movie that didn't show Muslims as blood thirsty barbarians? Ginger's one singular factoid was the director then went to make a studio that made shitty, cheap family movies that lucked the hell out with High School Musical. This video is an excuse for him to vent about grifters, which he admits that he is one but not as successful and doesn't sleep good, and to laugh about Disney's continued survival despite them cucking out. Bob calls the fate of Happily Ever After "sad" and I cannot tell if he's being serious or not. He also says that the movie is "not very good" to which I ask then why the fuck are you even talking about a shitty movie that no one remembers and you're not even doing any kind of Nostalgia Critic rage stuff?
"Uh look, you won't find me faulting Filmation's Ambition or their history and contributions to the medium but it was also no secret that like it or not they were running on fumes by the mid 80s and it really showed here especially when it took almost a decade to release. I'll probably cover the Pinocchio which was a better movie another time but where that one takes at least some interesting chances this is them playing it very much on the safe side with what is, while notable in history, not exactly Disney's most narratively interesting movie, in a serial numbers filed off sequel. Basically just doing as close to a remake of the 30s version as they could without getting sued again and changing things up to make it a sequel in ways that should be interesting but really aren't?"
It is fucking flabbergasting that he finds no fault in what he keeps calling Filmation's ambition. Your ambition doesn't mean jack if you don't, or in Bob's case, won't do anything with it. Bob must've never heard the old adage of shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one gets filled first. Filmation tried this get rich quick with their shitty cartoons all the way back in the 60's. Bob finds no fault in their laziness. They deserved a living wage because they made something.
At this point, eight in a half minutes in, I think he's finally talking about the movie this whole video's supposed to be about. This also means that I get to listen to ear achingly tinny audio from the movie. At the beginning of the video guffaws that none of the moronic grifters ever talk about this movie and it's gender swapping the villains. Bob, as he summarizes the wikipedia plot summary for this movie, states that not only is this a sequel to the 1937 film but the villain is not gender swapped but is actually the brother to the evil queen. That is not gender swapping. This is completely different character he is so bad at his own job no wonder he finds such comradery with Filmation. Bob shows off the brother getting all pissed, creating severe thunderstorms out of sheer anger, and turning into a dragon so he can fuck Snow White's shit up. If you're too dumb to figure out that this guy is a bigger threat than the evil queen who could only poison fruit and hit the wall a lot earlier than she should, Bob's got you covered.
"Uh...yeah okay I I guess just ask the mirror where they are, turn into a giant monster instead of an old woman, fly there and instead of tricking your enemies into eating fruit just beat the
fucking shit out of them is a much better approach to this whole situation. Uh points to the boy team on this I guess. Never, uh, never send a lady to do a- you know let's just move on."
Bob continues to tell us every story beat of this stupid movie, all while saying everything is a knock off of the original. We find out that the original seven dwarves have not been gender swapped either as these dwarfettes are completely new characters. Bob continues to show off his ignorance of basic terms that he freely throws around. These new characters are not even like the original dwarves. They are sorcerers of various degrees of power. The run the gamut of Doctor Doolittle to narcolepsy to controlling the very elements of our world to being ginger Storm. Now that's real race swapping! Bob calls the new dwarves a "pain in the ass" as they provide bad, physical comedy. Remember in the beginning when Bob questioned why none of the grifters ever talked about this movie? I remember... Bob then confirms my belief that he purposefully fucked with the video clips of the movie by showing clean footage in one his silver aside boxes he has when he's still talking.
Shenanigans ensue and the dwarfettes help Snow White go rescue Prince Charming from evil bother's castle in the realm of Doom. They believe their powers will be helpful in aiding Snow White but, spoilers, they are not. They get to the castle and hijinks abound and Snow White, despite the heroine and the woke icon Bob tried to make her out to be in the beginning, is easily handled by evil brother.
"It really seems like her strategy is to just be the main character and assume things are going to work out because she's there, which I mean that's true, but it's weird that she proceeds like she knows that. You have expect her to go up to malice like "Go ahead Uncle! I didn't die once this whole time. Hell last time I did die and I came back so clearly I'm the Goku in this scenario. Let's go!"
Two very amazing things just happened.
One, Bob is confused by abysmal writing. None of what he says comes off as a joke, like in a Doug Walker review, and not once does he acknowledge that Snow White only does the stupid she she does because the writers made her do that stupid shit. He even says earlier that Snow White has agency. Couple that with this line and it makes it seem like Bob believes that Snow White bizarrely chose to be tricked by evil brother multiple times and just shakes it off.
Two, he unironically says "I'm the Goku in this scenario".
If for no other reason, that line is why I watched this trash fire.
When all is lost, because everyone sucks ass, they pull God right out of that machine with ginger Storm. You see, ginger Storm couldn't control her storm powers. She was the outcast of the group for sucking worse than all of them combined. but when movie needed a feel good and inspirational beat to the climax it decided to give her full control of her powers. Bob considers this a Chekhov's gun moment instead of contrived bullshit.
"Oh my God! That's Chekhov's gun intro music! And he's got a gun!"
Ginger Storm lightning blasts evil brother until she stops and lightning keeps striking evil brother until he turns into stone. Evil brother is defeated, Prince Charming is saved but not because they did anything other than thunder evil brother until he turned into stone and that's how the movie ends.
"Eh you know I feel like I'm shitting on this and, no, Happily Ever After is
not a good movie and it oozes both the cynicism and weariness of the conditions it was made under but also watching it for this for the first time in forever I can't really say there isn't some actual charm to the effort of it. Like most Filmation productions you can see the places where they were on 'keep the lights on' profit driven mode and where the genuine creative spirit is like clawing its way through regardless"
You heard that right, Happily Ever After is not good.
What creative spirit is clawing it's way through regardless? Fuck you. Bob instead makes very weak compliments about the movie like how the backgrounds look nice and two of the dwarfettes have kinda ugly, battle axe looking designs that most companies steer clear of giving good guy female characters. That last bit sounds like I'm making fun of Bob coping about shit designs but I actually see what he says and kinda agree.
Bob talks a little bit more about the movie, claims that Filmation is having revival in the animation community of which I'm incredibly dubious about, has no idea what you may think of the movie if you didn't see it as a child, and I'm actually shocked that he didn't do what he did with the other two vids and have multiple false endings. He plugs the other two videos and that's the end of this episode.
