Lolcow Bob Ethier / Robert Phillip Ethier

[Frank Rizzo]

That's the video. He also wrote it out on like 5 images . "Saucy as the honey mustard sauce on my chicken tenders"

Fucking hell....this is like the notes they'd find in a serial killer's house after he's finally been killed...

 

[voiceguy]

Okay, let's summarize here.

His protocol on girlfriends to like:
1.) They are not divorced or...or...or...trying to get even with their boyfriend.
The second part of that statement actually makes sense, but the first part? Is he implying divorced women are bitches or they'd still be married? I suppose it could be part of his fundie background to say divorced women are adulterers because God doesn't believe in divorce.
2.) He doesn't care what she looks like, he just wants a woman to take care of him.
One would hope he would at least want her to have bigger breasts than him -- but maybe not. As for having a woman to take care of him -- didn't he say he was living with his mother? Isn't she taking care of him? I would think so.

He thinks people think he's gay because he's not married.
Unless people are actually saying this to him then he could be suffering from paranoid delusions. If people really say that to him, then it's just sad.

He's not a rapist, and he would not have sex with a drunk woman because she has to be sober to really love him.
Kudos to him for not being a rapist -- there are enough lolcows here who claim they are (or at least want to be). It's also good that he won't take advantage of a drunk woman, but how many people here think a sober woman would have sex with him? Go ahead, raise your hands.......I'm waiting...

If people say a woman is ugly or fat he would say she's beautiful. If people say she's too skinny he would take her to a restaurant to "let her eat her heart out until she's a nice medium size."
This one flummoxed me. He starts off with a really nice thought that is actually a sweet thing to say. Then he lowers the boom on the skinny girls, so I guess he does care a little bit what women look like. It was one of those things that left me with my mouth hanging open and thinking "Wha...?"

Some of you found his story "Pretty Poison" to be touching and tragic and in a certain sense it is, but it is also a diatribe of obsession with Nancy Kerrigan. He even goes so far as to refer to her as a poison inside him that oddly enough only affects him every other year. He wants someone to suck the NK poison out of him. I understand that it is a plaintive cry to be loved, but I also think a little psycho-therapy may be called for on this one.

As a writer, I know how hard it can be to write your dream down on paper and even harder to share it, but his "Dream Wedding" really took the cake for me. There is a fine line between fantasy dreaming and tippling off the edge of insanity:

His dream wedding would be on a high school football field.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmkay.

Media from around the world would show up to cover this ultimate wedding event I'll even let them in to both the ceremony and the reception and maybe a little bit more extra maybe

Little bit more extra? Like what? The honeymoon?

The pre-wedding concert would be 75 minutes of easy listening artists performing in the middle school girls' locker room.
That's so sick I won't even touch it.

His wedding march would be a mile long.
I'm sorry, but that's heart attack country for him.

His wedding would be officiated by four pastors and his Uncle Jimmy.
That's a whole lotta clergy -- and adding Uncle Jimmy (to say a few words about marriage, I guess in case anyone there is unclear on the concept) is a whole lotta crazy.

They would say "The Sinner's Prayer" before their vows and again after their vows.
Why? In case one of them was lying during the vows?

After the wedding ceremony, Satan appears and kidnaps the entire wedding party except for Bob. Bob and his buddies put on special outfits and jump into the gyrocopters the police had standing by for just such an emergency. They find Satan in the cemetery trying to destroy Bob's father's grave. A 30 minute battle ensues.
Boy, nothing like having a special effects-laden action sequence in the middle of your dream wedding. By this point he has crossed the border completely into loony-land.

Jennifer Lopez catches the bride's bouquet at the reception.
Hey, I'm happy JLo caught the bouquet because she hasn't been married nearly enough times.

He wants a boy and a girl to make his father happy.
Would this be the dead father whose grave Satan was going to destroy?

So there you have it. Now the decision is lolcow or WTF?

 

[Meowthkip]

One of the videos I posted above has Bob reading it just for you, if it's the same story you're talking about.

I didn't know Bob had a previous history with the 'chans. This should be interesting.

This story was really boring up until Satan showed up.

Then it got really good.

He's not a rapist, and he would not have sex with a drunk woman because she has to be sober to really love him.
Kudos to him for not being a rapist -- there are enough lolcows here who claim they are (or at least want to be). It's also good that he won't take advantage of a drunk woman, but how many people here think a sober woman would have sex with him? Go ahead, raise your hands.......I'm waiting...

Usually when a dude has to specifically clarify that he's not a rapist, women will think he might very well be a rapist.

So there you have it. Now the decision is lolcow or WTF?

I honestly don't know. He seems kind of sad, but there's so much WTF in there it's like "wait... wait, what?"

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't realize the implications of a lot of he's saying (like Nancy Kerrigan being a poison or having a concert in a middle school girl's locker room).

Dude sounds like he's got some brain problems.

 

[Luvs2Sperg789]

I've been following him for a few years. We used to be Facebook friends, I really haven't kept up with him in a while tho.

The "Big Brother Saga" is still classic in my eyes tho. Trolling Bob is just mean, and I don't understand why anyone would want to troll him. But he wants (wanted?) people to watch and share The Trilogy, Bob McBob, his cooking specials, and The Reality of Bob Ethier (The R.O.B.E) and to read and share his stories. What's the harm in that?

 

[Bassomatic]

Okay, let's summarize here.

After the wedding ceremony, Satan appears and kidnaps the entire wedding party except for Bob. Bob and his buddies put on special outfits and jump into the gyrocopters the police had standing by for just such an emergency. They find Satan in the cemetery trying to destroy Bob's father's grave. A 30 minute battle ensues.
Boy, nothing like having a special effects-laden action sequence in the middle of your dream wedding. By this point he has crossed the border completely into loony-land.

I'm sorry, that has to be the greatest thing ever randomly thrown in a wedding, I would gladly attend for just this.

Also points on gyrocopters, I really didn't know many knew of them unless vintage aircraft geeks.

 

[introman]

Found some old bobmcbob content on my computer:

My trolling comment was telling bob to chill out on demanding more tax payer money, and focus on budgeting.

Weedington Lovington was a fat Autphag(Chris Gillon) trying to troll shield back in 2011. Autphag was suprisingly straight forward about the troll shielding attempt when we talked. Don't be too harsh on the dude.

Bob looking for that dream job through facebook.

Bob's mom defending Bob.

Destroy the jerks.

 

[pickledance]

I have a soft spot for this guy. He's clearly not all there, but he's kind of charming in his own way. I remember him doing a video a few years ago about his perfect date that focused more on the food than the hypothetical woman he was with. At the same time, last I saw, he lives on his own in presumably an apartment complex for the disabled.

 

[GS 281]

Bob has been very active and I have been lurking him for a bit. I have to say I am surprised there isn't more interest in him, he can be fun when he gets hopping mad. When looking at Bob commentary the fun is rarely in his OP, its usually in how he responds to people in comments and the people in his comments defending him from da twolls.

Here he is talking about Faygo.

@Flowers For Sonichu

Spoiler

Here he is on video complaining about one of his twolls, high pitch eric

 

[Feline Darkmage]

Bob has been very active and I have been lurking him for a bit. I have to say I am surprised there isn't more interest in him, he can be fun when he gets hopping mad. When looking at Bob commentary the fun is rarely in his OP, its usually in how he responds to people in comments and the people in his comments defending him from da twolls.

View attachment 175620

View attachment 175621
View attachment 175622


Here he is talking about Faygo.

@Flowers For Sonichu

Spoiler

View attachment 175609
View attachment 175611

Here he is on video complaining about one of his twolls, high pitch eric

You have a fat, angry, slow-in-da-mind blobman talking about faygo and tag Flowers but not me too? </3
(loljk, thanks for bringing this guy onto my radar now with this thread.)

 

[GS 281]

For some reason Bob has taken to calling his new pet kitten "his pussy"

He literally made a video to sperg about having an NES emulator

 

[Feline Darkmage]

I nominate "My Pussy is real Funny" for random.txt

 

[The Jumping Dwarf]

I nominate "My Pussy is real Funny" for random.txt

I think "MY PUSSY IS NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW" is even better.

 

[GS 281]

Everything Bob says is so dramatic. He sounds like he is doing wrestling promos when he talks.

 

[Meowthkip]

Everything Bob says is so dramatic. He sounds like he is doing wrestling promos when he talks.

View attachment 189278

There's some truth to that.

Only Barkley wields the power to perform the forbidden Chaos Dunk.

Spoiler

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

He Types Like Eli Lol

 

[Danger]

Bob is still active aparently and apparently is looking for work as a triva master at a retirement home and he says he's trying to become the Spike Lee of spinners whatever the fuck that means.

Personally Bob is one of my favorite obscure cows. I really was on board with his campaign to get on Big Brother but America just wasn't ready. God speed Bobby, you weird bastard.

 

[Feline Darkmage]

Spike Lee of spinners

fidget spinners?

 

[Danger]

fidget spinners?

I'm watching more of his recent videos and apparently the spinners are a minor league baseball team. I don't know how he plans on becoming the Spike Lee of the team though or what that would entail.

 

[GS 281]

Bob is still active aparently and apparently is looking for work as a triva master at a retirement home and he says he's trying to become the Spike Lee of spinners whatever the fuck that means.

Personally Bob is one of my favorite obscure cows. I really was on board with his campaign to get on Big Brother but America just wasn't ready. God speed Bobby, you weird bastard.

Bob needs more appreciation.

fidget spinners?

https://twitter.com/lowellspinners
They're a short-season ball club.

 

[Meowthkip]

I'm watching more of his recent videos and apparently the spinners are a minor league baseball team. I don't know how he plans on becoming the Spike Lee of the team though or what that would entail.

I thought they were some kind of sports team, the way he talked about them.

What I think he meant by being the "Spike Lee of the Spinners" is that Spike Lee is a huge fan of the New York Knicks, and can often be seen at games decked out in full Knicks gear.