Bob's filing cabinet

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If Bob-o did have a firearm and Chrissuhn found it I could easily see him waving it around in a new video, like the Swiss Army Knife, telling the trolls to back off because he's packing iron now. Then there will be a loud bang, a pussified scream from Chris, and Blarb's drunken yell of "what the hell was that Chrissuhn?!?!" from down stairs as Chris mimics shooting a troll like he mimicked cutting a troll's throat.
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Like estimating Patti's doghouse to weigh TONS.
I never really understood why everyone assumes Chris meant this literally, to the point they talk about discalculia and such. I don't think he's actually claiming the thing weighed 10 tons, he's just saying "it weighs a bunch of tons" like it's heavy. It's an expression everyone has heard, even him.

Da Pickle Monsta said:
I kind of wonder if he didn't take Dragonball Z too literally.
Now this, he probably did do. Just like lots of kids who put a towel around their neck like a cape and think they're Superman.

That's an interesting point, and one I haven't really considered. You're right: people do tend to take the idea Chris having discalcula at face value. I think the Father Call is primarily responsible for this belief, as demonstrated in this excerpt (shamelessly copy-pasted from the CWCki):

Chris: [Getting very angry at this point] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When my dog died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.
Matthew: [laughs in disbelief]
Chris: It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

Followed by:

Matthew: [stress sigh of his own] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.
Chris: Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!
Matthew: Sounds like you're fucking with me now.
Chris: I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.
Matthew: I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!
Chris: No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood and plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

Granted, Chris scales back his estimate tremendously when Matthew starts calling him on his bullshit.

Taken with your statement, I believe that Chris will exaggerate figures to see if people will believe him and then backpedal when people start questioning him.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Taken with your statement, I believe that Chris will exaggerate figures to see if people will believe him and then backpedal when people start questioning him.

Reasonable. I find it amusing that Chris is adamant that wood and plastic are heavy, but has no comparison to concrete and steel.
 
Didn't he also make a pretty serious claim once that a case of pop weighed #50?
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
I never really understood why everyone assumes Chris meant this literally, to the point they talk about discalculia and such. I don't think he's actually claiming the thing weighed 10 tons, he's just saying "it weighs a bunch of tons" like it's heavy. It's an expression everyone has heard, even him
It was always my impression that Chris just has no practical understanding of measurements. He has no sense of how much a ton actually feels to lift but he knows a ton is a heavy amount and he found the doghouse heavy, ergo it must weigh a grand number of tons.
 
It's not so much dyscalculia as it is a lack of lived experience and common sense. I have dyscalculia, and I wouldn't be quite so daft as to suppose, or claim, that a refrigerator pack of lemonade weighed 50 pounds. With patient guidance, a volume units-to-weight units converter online, a calculator, and a grand number of hours, I could slowly, painfully figure out how much it actually did weigh if I really needed to. Or I could just call my sister, a soccer mom who still does calculus equations in her head like it ain't no thang, and ask.

Chris just wants people to pity him for lifting heavy shit. It's not quite the same as suffering in eighth-grade algebra because of an undiagnosed learning disability, or being paralyzed if someone asked me what notes comprise an E-minor scale. Chris's inability to understand that 223 (or whatever... "shrinking mound"...) pounds at 5'10" is unhealthy is a dose of good old-fashioned denial. Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm off to count on my fingers to figure out what the month and date will be this time next week. Oddly, they didn't cover that in my English curriculum in grad school.
 
NobleGreyHorse said:
It's not so much dyscalculia as it is a lack of lived experience and common sense. I have dyscalculia, and I wouldn't be quite so daft as to suppose, or claim, that a refrigerator pack of lemonade weighed 50 pounds. With patient guidance, a volume units-to-weight units converter online, a calculator, and a grand number of hours, I could slowly, painfully figure out how much it actually did weigh if I really needed to. Or I could just call my sister, a soccer mom who still does calculus equations in her head like it ain't no thang, and ask.

Chris just wants people to pity him for lifting heavy shit. It's not quite the same as suffering in eighth-grade algebra because of an undiagnosed learning disability, or being paralyzed if someone asked me what notes comprise an E-minor scale. Chris's inability to understand that 223 (or whatever... "shrinking mound"...) pounds at 5'10" is unhealthy is a dose of good old-fashioned denial. Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm off to count on my fingers to figure out what the month and date will be this time next week. Oddly, they didn't cover that in my English curriculum in grad school.

Also a very good point, and thanks for sharing your personal experience with it with us. It certainly provides some insight on Chris's own limitations.

The main reason I brought up dyscalcula is because it's been speculated in the CWCki itself. However, with all the feedback my comment's received from other Christorians, I can see now that the comments made in the CWCki are probably overstatements, as was my original opinion.

But I think we can all still agree that Chris is still terrible at numbers!
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
I never really understood why everyone assumes Chris meant this literally, to the point they talk about discalculia and such. I don't think he's actually claiming the thing weighed 10 tons, he's just saying "it weighs a bunch of tons" like it's heavy. It's an expression everyone has heard, even him

Leave it to Chris to unnecessarily exaggerate an exaggeration.
 
somejerk said:
Alec Benson Leary said:
I never really understood why everyone assumes Chris meant this literally, to the point they talk about discalculia and such. I don't think he's actually claiming the thing weighed 10 tons, he's just saying "it weighs a bunch of tons" like it's heavy. It's an expression everyone has heard, even him

Leave it to Chris to unnecessarily exaggerate an exaggeration.

I really do think that when Chris says his IQ is 300, or that he has over "1,000,000,000" fans, he doesn't know how :stupid: that sounds.
 
Holdek said:
somejerk said:
Alec Benson Leary said:
I never really understood why everyone assumes Chris meant this literally, to the point they talk about discalculia and such. I don't think he's actually claiming the thing weighed 10 tons, he's just saying "it weighs a bunch of tons" like it's heavy. It's an expression everyone has heard, even him

Leave it to Chris to unnecessarily exaggerate an exaggeration.

I really do think that when Chris says his IQ is 300, or that he has over "1,000,000,000" fans, he doesn't know how :stupid: that sounds.


It sounds like when my 4 year old niece claims to have "fifty-hundred-jillion" dollars in her piggy-bank.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
I believe that Chris will exaggerate figures to see if people will believe him and then backpedal when people start questioning him.
There's probably some truth to that. He'll test the waters to see how far out he can send his bullshit boat, and if people keep believing him, well, he'll just keep making things grander and grander.
 
As far as "10 tons" goes, remember that Chris knows the song "16 Tons", so he probably thinks lifting multiple tons is a regular thing hard-working people do.
Because he doesn't ever do anything, he's just lacking the common sense that would give him a reality check. Like, I couldn't tell you how much a pack of lemonade weighs, but I could make a guess by comparing it to other things I've lifted. Chris's life just doesn't have any landmarks he can navigate by.
 
Oh god, you're right. He probably thinks of the miner in the song as lifting all 16 tons at once. Nor would he have any idea what a "company store" is, or... anything about that song but the lyrics, really.
 
I think in his imagination the miner has to heave a 16-ton bag of coal into a bin, just like he had to do with the garbage at Wendy's XD
 
Kosher Dill said:
As far as "10 tons" goes, remember that Chris knows the song "16 Tons"
The most important thing to take away from that song is that Chris doesn't know the B in "debt" is supposed to be silent.

Kosher Dill said:
Like, I couldn't tell you how much a pack of lemonade weighs
8 or 9 pounds, I think is the average for a 12-pack of soda. While Chris probably didn't mean that the dog house literally weighed tons... he probably did honestly think the soda boxes were 50 pounds a piece.
 
Kosher Dill said:
As far as "10 tons" goes, remember that Chris knows the song "16 Tons", so he probably thinks lifting multiple tons is a regular thing hard-working people do.
Because he doesn't ever do anything, he's just lacking the common sense that would give him a reality check. Like, I couldn't tell you how much a pack of lemonade weighs, but I could make a guess by comparing it to other things I've lifted. Chris's life just doesn't have any landmarks he can navigate by.

Chris is just lacking common sense. Period.
 
NobleGreyHorse said:
Oh god, you're right. He probably thinks of the miner in the song as lifting all 16 tons at once. Nor would he have any idea what a "company store" is, or... anything about that song but the lyrics, really.

By the way, how the hell does he know about that song?
 
Holdek said:
NobleGreyHorse said:
Oh god, you're right. He probably thinks of the miner in the song as lifting all 16 tons at once. Nor would he have any idea what a "company store" is, or... anything about that song but the lyrics, really.

By the way, how the hell does he know about that song?

My guess is that he found it through Monty Python as there's a running gag in which a "16-ton weight being suddenly dropped onto one of the characters in a skit."
 
That, or Bob's Grand Collection of Old Music included the Tennessee Ernie Ford recording of it.
 
Yeah, I think it's probably another one of those old-timey things he picked up from Bob, like Red Skelton.
 
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