Opinion Buc-ee's Is The Sickness At The Heart Of America - The gas guzzling junk food store is the epitome of American hubristic excess

By Bradley Brownell
Published Thursday 11:30AM


Image: Buc-ee’s

The United States may not have the kinds of pre-Christian mega-structure buildings that exist in nearly every other corner of the globe. No, we aren’t living amongst the gorgeous marble altars to a pantheon of gods, or the crumbling remains of towering temples or palaces. But what we lack in vintage we’re more than making up for lost time clearing space in our lives for modern day gods. We’ll absolutely clear a couple dozen acres of pristine natural land to plop down a giant fueling depot with hundreds of gas pumps, miles-long car washing robot tunnels, and a grocery store/barbecue restaurant/junk store packed with shit nobody needs. Buc-ee’s is our Parthenon, The Automobile is our Athena, and that chubby and cheerful wood-chewing rodent is her symbolic owl stand-in.

I am currently writing this post from the passenger seat of a road trip across this gloriously fucked up nation. In addition to the amber waves of grain and purple mountains majesty, the highways and byways of America are pockmarked by the occasional arrival of the bucktoothed bastard’s concrete haven. The large yellow sign rises above the landscape to request your presence. You must tithe to your god, little one. Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been two years since my last fill up on pump 82.

“Come inside,” beckons the Buc. Whatever you desire, this miniature metroplex can conjure. No man is an island, and no road trip can go by without a pit stop for sugary drinkies, a cone of candied nuts, or a glob of molasses-sweet pig meat on a bun. Grab yourself some Beaver Nuggets, whatever the fuck that is. Don’t worry, it’s delicious. Never you mind what might be inside. Would you like a machete or a fish finder? Perhaps a t-shirt of your favorite sports team? A meat smoker?

This country is a seriously bizarre place to live, and Buc-ee’s is a microcosm of our American existence at present. This combination gas station-grocery store-way of life is a mirror we have erected to show us ourselves. It’s the highway equivalent of junk food. It almost certainly shouldn’t exist, and we are worse as a culture for having had it, but goddamn does it flip the right switches in our collective brain. It is truly junk that shouldn’t be great, but the rot at the core of America is what makes us who we are. Buc-ee’s, the Bass Pro Shops pyramid, and ordering shit we’ll throw away in a month from Temu, these are the new Gods of America, and they deserve their shrines.

Of course, being the trash bag normie all-American dork that I am, I fucking love the place. Buc-ee’s is the store we deserve. I am a beaver believer. There are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see.

Source (Archive)

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

This writing style is just so obnoxious. It would have been quaint if Maddox published this article in 1999. It would have been old hat if it'd been posted on Cracked circa 2010. Now it's just embarrassing.
You don't need to pretend to be Hunter Thompson covering every gay little thing that happens in your life.

Hunter Thompson ruined the little good that was left of journalism.

 

[BradeRunna]

Everyone knows junk food isn't good for you. Also, that you shouldn't consume it frequently.

Obesity is mostly an economic issue. As the US economy declined obesity rates went up. Let's not talk about that though. Let's bitch about how someone ate a bag of chips and had a soda.

Also let's not talk about how 75-80% of alcoholism is work related or how the work life balance in the US is totally screwed up. It might upset the rich people if we do.

 

[Dumbledore's Onlyfans]

"You should be mad, because the environment! And capitalism!" says the leftist pundit, as he takes ten unnecessary trips cross country, angrily sipping at his Starbucks latte.

 

[Get the rope Macaulay!]

Never been to a Buc-ees. Are they just giant gas station convenience stores?

Yep, they basically combine a sheetz with an "as seen on TV" stores level of merch.

Beyond that they make fudge there as well and their bathrooms are the cleanest ones you've ever seen in any business.

Also they have a fuck ton of merch they sell

This writing style is just so obnoxious. It would have been quaint if Maddox published this article in 1999. It would have been old hat if it'd been posted on Cracked circa 2010. Now it's just embarrassing.
You don't need to pretend to be Hunter Thompson covering every gay little thing that happens in your life.

People don't want to admit it but you're right. Even David Foster Wallace sort of hated classic American stuff and would have written something similar about Bucees.

Hunter Thompson ruined the little good that was left of journalism.

People seem to forget that despite a half century long career in journalism he was only really good for about 5 years. The rest of the time he sucked, in a way he was a lot like Nick Rekieta or Ethan Ralph in that regard.

 

[WhatInTheActualFuck]

Our public bathrooms are pretty nasty. The bar is so low that a public bathroom not covered in needles, shit stains, piss, and out of order signs is a novelty.

Also, if you enter a gas station and you see an Indian behind the counter, avoid going to the bathroom at all costs- that shit's going to be like Silent Hill.

 

[OrionBalls]

The urbanist parasite fears the beaver.

Weird aside. I live in an area where everything is named for those little guys. I have only ever seen one in my entire life. He was damming up the creek, and then just disappeared. Where did all the beavers go, and did possums just wholesale replace them?
ETA-

Also, if you enter a gas station and you see an Indian behind the counter, avoid going to the bathroom at all costs- that shit's going to be like Silent Hill.

Only Indian men. If you see an Indian woman, it's more than likely her store, not her husband's or brother's, and while the men's room may still be terrifying, the women's room will be pristine. They also don't allow men to use those women's bathrooms, which is an added bonus.

 

[Wargarbl]

Has this glorified blogger not seen the giant Bass Pro Shops pyramid of awesome?
View attachment 6704490
In a land without inbred noblemen desperate to remind the peasants of their insignificance in life, the USA has businessmen who create massive edifices to their glory for you to pay your respects in, and walk out afterwards with a boon.

In fairness, the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was a last ditch effort to bail out a failed venue/sports arena that was becoming a massive unused dilapidated eyesore right in the middle of its city. It wasn't purpose built as a Bass Pro Shop.

Honestly, good on Bass Pro Shop for making lemonade out of prismatoid lemons.

Also, Jalopnik is a Gawker hellhole and its writers are all Redditor-tier trash that deserve the rope slightly more than most lugenjournos.

 

[smartypants302]

The Americas are richly wooded, and the mound-builders built their habitable structures out of wood. But the mounds themselves are mega-structures of a sort. And some of them are older than the Egyptian pyramids. But they're in the parts of the country you fly over, and Indians aren't a fashionable race among the bien pensant of the left, so their achievements tend to get overlooked.

There massive masonry ruins and religious structures in the southwest with aqueducts and stone roads.

Then the cliff dwellings and mesa fortresses. Or the surviving 950 year old Acoma city on a mesa

and 1000 year old Taos pueblo

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

>tfw Buc-ee's doesn't exist here

Why even live?

 

[Flea Man Marbles]

Buc-cee's is great. The only thing excessive about the place is the amount of gas pumps. There's such a variety of different stuff to buy there. I ended up buying a blanket cause I had been driving around everywhere looking for one. It's super soft and didn't cost that much. The food is great too. They also had a decent beer selection. If you have the choice of the filthy pajeet-owned station with expired candy bars and Buc-cee's it's an obvious choice.

 

[thx1138]

>jalopnik
>opinion discarded, didn't read article

 

[Sugriva]

I visited a buc-ees for the first time on a road trip earlier this year. Shitting there was a very pleasant experience. Each stall in the bathroom is like its own little isolated room. got some spicy beef jerky and a kombucha on the way out. 10/10.

 

[draggs]

If you think the article is retarded post-ironic trash, just wait until you read the comments!

 

[Back me up!]

I will always love Buc-ee's for that week or so that they broke the Europoors minds when they found out people working at a "gas station" were getting paid like this:


(Through I'm pretty sure Buc-ee's will work you pretty hard.)

BBQ's is pretty decent and I do love you can watch them make it fresh in front of you. Its a great place to get out and strech your legs, get some thing small for the kids, and then head out.

 

[Gottahavemysips]

My takeaway from this thread is that if you want to impress an American, show them a clean bathroom.

When we are talking gas station bathrooms? Yeah, it's a pretty big deal. Bucc-ees has actually been pretty instrumental in getting other gas stations to actually start stepping up their game. Once you know the horror of having to ask the cashier for the keys to the restroom that opens from the outside and entering that restroom, you'll understand - that used to be practically every gas station out there.
Of course, there's a lot more to Bucc-ees than just the bathrooms, the places are actually rare examples of genuine modern Americana, something that has become quite fleeting, even more so than ever now thanks to the ravages of [current year]. I am fully convinced that anybody who takes umbrage with Bucc-ees simply hates America.

 

[Looney Troons]

their big winner is their breakfast tacos/biscuits

Bumping this. If you’re making the trek through Texas, be sure to hit up the Buc for breakfast. Their array of salsa is wonderful too.

Buc-ee’s has really spurred this truck stop boutique market. I had to drive from Lubbock down to Houston, then to Ft. Worth earlier in the year and was honestly surprised by the number of these huge, clean gas stations in random villages and towns. Definitely not complaining about having a nice, well-lit place to pee and grab a bite without fear of having my vehicle stolen.

 

[Flamin Park]

It's an experience.

Imagine stopping in for gas but you get a brisket sandwich, homemade potato chips, and a pound of beef jerky wrapped in butcher paper.

That actually sounds really good, especially if you spend a lot of time on the road. There's meal prepping but you don't always have cookware to hand and I always feel bad settling for crisps and sad packets of low quality sliced turkey

Tbf I've always had an idea you could absolutely rake it in with a chain of highway/motorway stands selling bulk cooked hearty food like beef bourbignon, chicken and chorizo stew, soups, macaroni cheese and pasta bakes hot to go
Hell you could sell branded thermos flasks for the soups with cheaper refills

Just proper cooked meals that stick to your ribs that you can grind out in massive slowcookers and pots

 

[Snekposter]

I am fully convinced that anybody who takes umbrage with Bucc-ees simply hates America.

Considering Jalopnik, is as previously mentioned, a Gawker subsidiary, you'd be dead on the money.

I will always love Buc-ee's for that week or so that they broke the Europoors minds when they found out people working at a "gas station" were getting paid like this:

A general manager there probably makes as much, if not more, than @Otterly .

 

[The Lawgiver]

Has this glorified blogger not seen the giant Bass Pro Shops pyramid of awesome?
View attachment 6704490
In a land without inbred noblemen desperate to remind the peasants of their insignificance in life, the USA has businessmen who create massive edifices to their glory for you to pay your respects in, and walk out afterwards with a boon.

Originally that Pyramid was a whole ass mall but it went to shit to a degree it had to close down. Somehow Bass pro shops got an ENTIRE MALL and changed it into a Bass pro shop, and I'm surprised it wasn't a brief and quickly abandoned marketing scheme thing. People always bring up the egyptian/religion joke stuff but they do not seem to care nor understand just how fucking insane it is that a fishing store company BOUGHT AN ENTIRE FUCKING MALL OUT.

 

[VargReallyDidNothingWrong]

I can't tell if this is a pro Buc-ee's or anti-Buc-ee's article.

It's a typical journalism or English lit major writing garbage clickbait articles on some shitty content aggregator website and using it as an outlet to vent his hatred and disdain for "backwards, low-class" middle America.

"Haha I'm such a dirtbag I love Buc-ee's i'm such a kitsch low-brow slummer haha"

The dude writing this crap probably looks like modern day iDubbz. Like a fucking nerd trying to cosplay a guy who would drive a 1987 Trans Am and listen to Dokken.