Can someone tuck me in and read me a bed time story?

[SandyCat]

I dont feel good take care of me you niggers

 

[Skitarii]

Once upon a time there was a farmer who was gay. He was so gay that everybody died

The end

 

[King Fructose]

Not until you do as you promised

 

[CptnSnshn]

No, change your avatar.

 

[murph]

There are many free audiobooks. Here's The Hound of the Baskervilles. It ought to do the trick.

 

[Shidoen]

Once upon a time I found a duck, it was near a parking garage and it was a rotting corpse. The fucking end.

 

[broilerrx]

Here's your motherfucking bedtime story, take your furry ass to bed!

 

[Retink]

10 shekels per tuck and 50 per story, but only for depressing stories. If you pay an additional 5 shekels I'll drink all of your Pepsi and call you a bitch.

 

[Dieter Laser]

I’m going to tell you the story of Mr Hands and his exciting adventures on a farm.

But first I need you to take a few deep breaths while I put this magical storytelling rag over your nose and mouth.

 

[SandyCat]

Not until you do as you promised

Its going to happen just you wait

 

[TheRedChair]

Oh... this one is for you.... your Bed time story... heh.

 

[ditto]

 

[The Magnificence]

Someday I'll fuck your corpse. Someday soon. Nighty night!

 

[Cilleystring]

The Nick Bate thread is a good one to read before bed

 

[TheRetardKing]

 

[Soycast Guy]

Once upon a time there was a farm filled with cows. One day, a cow was born that was... special. It would do completely retarded things, and the farmers got a kick out of it. It was the one entertainment in a place where there was nothing to do. The cow eventually found a mate, and eventually there were little cows. These cows, as their father, were also retarded. The farmers knew this would be a good money maker, so they invited people over to the farm, and if they payed the money, they could see a good show. The farm got popular over time. The locals gave a name to these cows. lolcows.

Now go to bed dear.

 

[Jewthulhu]

When, long ago, the gods created Earth
In Jove's fair image Man was shap'd at birth.
The beasts for lesser parts were next design'd;
Yet were they too remote from humankind.
To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
Fill'd it with vice, and call'd the thing a Nigger.

 

[BibiLivesMatter]

But wouldn't that make me gay?! Being in a bedroom with a gay furry in bed.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

Once upon a time, I offered my ass to Mario and Sonic in order to get my games on their consoles.

My games still weren't that successful, and now I'm trying to drink myself to death.

The End.

 

[Nader's Branch]

There once was a story about Old Mother Maury and now my story is done.
I'll tell you another about her brother.
Now my story is done.