I have decided to post this journal entry to let everyone know how I've been feeling lately... As you can probably tell by my recent artwork that I was able to post on here not too long ago, I haven't actually had much luck being able to draw as many pictures that everyone I know would be interested in seeing me work on, primarily because I've been dealing with a creative block that's kept me from figuring out what to draw on my own, and I also haven't been able to do many art trades and/or commission pictures as I had hoped, which has also been keeping me down because I'm kind of worried that no one actually cares about what I'm able to draw, even when I do try to let everyone know that I'm still open for drawing pictures as gifts, commisions, etc. for anyone else who is interested.
Speaking of which, I've actually sort of gave up on drawing pictures as birthday gifts/requests for my friends and watchers that I would be able to work on for each month at the moment, mostly because there was hardly anyone who was nice enough to ask me to draw something in time for their birthday since last month, and the friends that I was actually hoping to draw birthday-themed gifts for didn't seem to let me know what to draw for them for some strange reason, in which I'd then have to ask them personally (and I've always been the kind of person who really hates to ask because I'm afraid of being told "no" for something that I feel is completely necessary). Believe me, I do not take too kindly to rejection unless it's for an understandable reason that I'm usually able to agree with, and just being told "no" for the wrong reasons always tends to make me feel like I'm some kind of a failure who should just end his life once and for all.
Now, I know that may have sounded kind of extreme, but I'm just trying to explain how I sometimes feel about these kind of emotions, especially if they always seem to happen to me while trying my best to get along with everyone I know here on DeviantArt. I don't even understand why anyone would be afraid of asking me to draw something for them, or at least give me suggestions of what they'd like to see me drawing, because I'm actually an aspiring cartoon artist whose talent has greatly approved over time, and I think it should be kind of important for any of my supporters being able to provide me with some creative ideas in case I don't get the urge to draw anything on my own. Heck, if I were to leave this site, I don't really know how everyone else would react unless they were to prove that I am not just a good artist, but a good friend to them as well. I'll admit, this is kind of a confusing time for me, and I just want to continue drawing the same way as some of my other artist friends including
and
, who always seem to be inspired by the support they always receive while I tend to get left behind as always.
