CES 2020: Thread of SMARTS and FUTURE! - Round ice cubes! Cat waiters! Smart doggo harnesses! Smart toothbrushes! Explanation marks!

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The rise of "smart" technology (i.e. the bolting on an ARM processor + a modded Linux kernel + various nu Programmer software onto things that don't really need any of that shit) is the surest sign of death of innovation within Silicon Valley.
Coming soon in 20XX smart picture frame, smart microwave, smart glue , smart rock , and smart smart phone. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if one of those is actually real. (:_(
 
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Alexa is slowly revealing that she's a pervert who wants to watch humans shower.
Join the club

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And for the next installment of the WORLD OF TOMORROW.

Cleaning shoes!
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These bad boys were funded on Kickstarter back in 2016, and take 3 hours to charge, and 1 hour to clean and purify the festering wretched swamp that is your horrific unwashed feet, deploying hot air and UV lights to kill everything inside said shoe, and can be used with other non-shoe things, like cups and rain jackets.

THE SMART STICK
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It's a wooden post fitted with LED lights, allowing you to draw messages on it, and measure your kids height. It's then uploaded to the cloud by the wooden post and stored. The digital pens used are designed by Wacom.

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The Smart Pillow is able to record and analyse your thunderous snoring and adjust itself so that you stop snoring, presumably by improving airflow and not just trying to make you stop breathing.

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Is Null looking for a yacht to host his diabolical tranny-murdering schemes from while surrounded by cute female autists? This is the Smart Yacht, with three supercharged engines, and can automatically dock, as well as be voice controlled by up to any of the 22 people that you can fit on it.

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Or, for those of you that want to take things a bit slower on the Great Ocean Blue, here's a hydrofoil bike that can go up to 12 mph, and made in New Zealand.

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That enlarged testicle is Samsung's offering, called Ballie. It's a robot that can follow you around but respect your personal space and speed. Samsung says it can also be used as a guard or a remote control.

And probably the most unintentionally hilarious ad in the history of CES.

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This is the latest in annoyance technology, a floodlight featuring extra bright spotlights and a blazingly loud alarm siren.

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And something that could actually be used in the future, this is an automatic drone that detects if someone walks onto your ground and flies out to intercept them, recording them and uploading the video to your phone.

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Dell's introduced the Nintendo Switch REVOLUTIONARY NEW CONSOLE concept with detachable controllers on the side of a screen, allowing it to be played with the controllers on the screen itself, or to put the display somewhere else and play wirelessly.

And finally, we have Arnie's decapitated head.
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No, they didn't sic Kathy on him, that's just a robotic decapitated head.

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They plan to be able to recreate the soul of a person by analysing their social media and other accounts. He can also be hooked up to other smart gadgets, and he can also be made into other faces.
 
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Ever been stuck on the toilet and find you're out of toilet paper? Well, say no more, here's a toilet paper bringing robot to save your ass! This is just a one-off robot but it'll be in action at CES.
I need one of those little fuckers. Every single business where I live uses these shit "eco friendly" "smartone" toilet paper holders that dispences tiny thin pieces of sandpaper that lets everything seep through so you have to get tons of it to scrunch together. They always fucking run out.
Okay, was going to do a summary yesterday, but yeah, was unwell. Better now, so let's do 2 and 3 of FUTURE SHIT YOU NEED!

Cars!
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Mercedes, in collaboration with James Cameron, unveiled the Vision AVTR Concept Car, missing a perfectly good opportunity to call it the Avacar.

'The entirely electric car, a sleek and futuristic looking sedan, is capable of traveling autonomously and can even use its unique wheel design to slide sideways using ‘bionic flaps’ that are modeled after a reptile’s scales.

The so-called flaps all allow front and rear axles in the same or opposite direction, and give the VISION AVTR the ability to move sideways by about 30 degrees, in a type of "crab movement’ that also gives the concept vehicle an animal-like exterior.'

'Drivers activate the car, which doesn’t have a steering wheel, by placing their hand on a central control unit - an action meant to mimic an iconic detail from the Avatar films.

‘The [interior] comes to life and the vehicle recognizes the driver by his or her heartbeat and breathing,’ according to Daimler.

By lifting one’s hand, a menu selection is projected onto the palm through which the passenger can choose between different functions.'

The Vision AVTR also embodies the themes of the Avatar films by using a novel organic battery that doesn’t use any rare-earth metals

'The materials of the battery are also compostable and completely recyclable which helps it to avoid reliance on fossil fuels.'


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Fondly remembered death machine manufacturers Segway have returned with a new vehicle. It features two wheels (plus a third one), and is controlled by joystick. It goes up to 25 mph, which is pretty damn fast for a chair, and has a range of 44 miles.

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Hyundai has unveiled the flying taxi! No specs have been revealed, but they're working with Uber, and they hope to have a range of 60 miles.

I'll save the rest of the amazing gadgetry, including a famous figure's disembodied head, for another post.
LOL. That avatar car looks like it was designed in the 2000's. I also can't wait for the deus ex heli and segway's new chariot technology.

Coming soon in 20XX smart picture frame, smart microwave, smart glue , smart rock , and smart smart phone. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if one of those is actually real. (:_(
"Smart" photo frames were all the range a few years ago. IIRC one came with the cool freebie of tons of child porn pre-installed on it's USB stick after a malware outbreak at the factory.
 
And for a final summary.

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We have the smart diaper, giving your phone the ability to monitor the movements of up to 12 people, showing body temperature, time since last change, and time since they were last moved, and can store the data for months so you can get an idea of how often they... go.

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THE ROBO-SHARK DRONE!

It has a top speed of 10 knots, and can go for up to 2 hours. In addition, it can submerge to a depth of just under 1000 feet. In addition, it's 6 feet long.

Other amazing gadgets include a clock

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Which is actually a storage system with facial recognition for your weed.

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We also have a circular phone that runs Android 9 and has two headphone jacks for two people to listen to music, as well as two SD cards.

And a reverse-microwave that'll cool your drink in 1 to 5 minutes.
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We have the smart diaper, giving your phone the ability to monitor the movements of up to 12 people, showing body temperature, time since last change, and time since they were last moved, and can store the data for months so you can get an idea of how often they... go.

What? You leave the hot new fetish items until AFTER I post? APOLOGIZE
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THE ROBO-SHARK DRONE!

It has a top speed of 10 knots, and can go for up to 2 hours. In addition, it can submerge to a depth of just under 1000 feet. In addition, it's 6 feet long.

Cool
Other amazing gadgets include a clock

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Which is actually a storage system with facial recognition for your weed.
This is a perfect example of stupid shit with computers glued to it with absolutely no reason to exist. It's juicero level.
"Uhh. We have all these microcontrollers, how can we make a profit?"
"Duhh. How about we make a special box for you to put all your drugs in?"

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We also have a circular phone that runs Android 9 and has two headphone jacks for two people to listen to music, as well as two SD cards.
That shit is gonna break your headphones from all the dangling. What a fucking weird place to put a jack, as well as the shape which means you can't use 99.9% of android apps.
 
This is a perfect example of stupid shit with computers glued to it with absolutely no reason to exist. It's juicero level.
"Uhh. We have all these microcontrollers, how can we make a profit?"
"Duhh. How about we make a special box for you to put all your drugs in?"

At the moment, I'd say it's a interesting idea, just done kinda the wrong way. We can make clocks hell-small nowdays, they'd just be a chip and a display for time, an antenna for radio, and a speaker. Why not hollow the clock out and use it for jewellery storage or something.

I mean, Bob Burglar's or Larry Looter's not going to steal your bedroom clock and sell it for drug money, is he?
 
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Der8auer & Steve: All the Problems with CES | Laziness, Lying, & Bad Products
CES is a big trade show, but Der8auer doesn't think it's as interesting as shows like Computex. In this video, we started with a topic and goal, but ended up just having a normal conversation on camera. You're more or less watching how we interact with Roman when the cameras are normally off, so it provides some fun behind-the-scenes information on how these shows work.
 
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Not going to lie, I like the round ice maker a lot.

Square ice cubes are simply an inferior form of ice, with an unpleasant mess of shards interfering with your enjoyment of the last 1/3->1/4 of a refreshing beverage of your choice . Carved block ice is much better- it naturally forms into a somewhat cylindrical shape once it's melted a bit, and stays whole the whole way through.

Iceballs- especially large iceballs- sound like a far better solution. If one paid absolutely nothing for the extra feature, of course.
 
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