Lovequest Chris and the Hooker

[soIregistered]

She was "fixed". You know, like a dog.

And as everyone had said...comparing the massage to his MOTHER's massages...just, NOOOOOOOOO.

Also, he told her about himself and the trolls. I'm sure she was very interested. And then promising to call her later...you know, like this was an actual date.

Also, has he no idea who Mia Hamm is?

 

[The Joker]

I gave her a sample of my strong-handed massage that my mother enjoyed in the past. Mia
really liked that.

That poor hooker. I'll bet that she had to hear the entire Evil Jew Snyder story too.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Also, has he no idea who Mia Hamm is?

The most recent celebrity he knows is Britney Spears.

 

[Nikolai Drozdov]

And now you all know how Chris lost his non-cultural virginity.

I just remembered how I, as a little kid, asked my mom how sausages and ham are made. She was also true and honest and after her explaining it I had the same feeling in my stomach as I have now after reading this. Thanks guys.

 

[just some jerk]

Well, that answers my question of whether or not Chris has ever kissed a girl. Apparently a lot of open mouthed kissin was going on between he and Mia. (The mental image of which is.....quite gross).

you actually thought that there was a chance that he had kissed a girl EVER?

 

[soIregistered]

The most recent celebrity he knows is Britney Spears.

Someone should send him Mia Hamm Soccer for N64 with a note that says "We know..."

 

[Frank Rizzo]

you actually thought that there was a chance that he had kissed a girl EVER?

Well......sheesh, when you put it *that* way....

 

[PCA]

Well...I supposed she had to smoke the weed in order to mentally be able to deal with the horrid occasion. I love the "If I'm not in jail" comment. It is sad and funny to me that this was the only way that Chris was ever going to lose his virginity.

 

[soIregistered]

Someone shoop this into the flyer of a Half-Cherokee Kind Hearted Woman Prostitute.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

You'd have to be high to be in that business with customers like Chris.

I wonder what she thought the moment she noticed Chris was slow in da mind, I know that business tries its best not to discriminate but I'd think even escort services like that have their limits.

For a lot of disabled men, hookers are the only way they can get laid because, quite simply, the dating game is that much harder if, e.g., you have difficulty communicating. I have a female friend with cerebral palsy and she's actually pretty cute, but she has real trouble dating because a lot of guys can't get over the disability (or they assume she's desperate, but that's another story). And this difficulty is even worse for guys with mental issues. While your average hooker will draw the line if there's someone obviously dangerous, they are often used to guys who aren't all there mentally.

 

[LordCustos3]

Dear Penthouse Forums,

"You wouldn't think a thing like this would happen to an awesome mayor and artistic genius like me, buttt........"

She had done the weed.

....and den she done da 'Tard.


Okay....that was mean. I admit it.
Really though, I'd love to hear "Mia's" version of her glorious tryst with the Throbbing God Emporer of Sex. I still have this nagging suspicion that it didn't go down like Chris is saying, but I'm not exactly which parts are exaggerated, and which are fabricated whole-cloth malarkey.

 

[Handsome Pete]

He forgot condoms, but he brought his own dick-washing towels. I don't know anything about hooker etiquette, but this seems a bit off.

Whoever you were, Mia, thanks for taking one for the team lulz.

 

[bradsternum]

Oh my God it's like a Bukowski nightmare.

 

[GS 281]

Well...I supposed she had to smoke the weed in order to mentally be able to deal with the horrid occasion. I love the "If I'm not in jail" comment. It is sad and funny to me that this was the only way that Chris was going to lose his virginity.

I have to disagree here. If Chris was to have someone give him sound advice and not condescending ass comments about how to attract a mate, I think he could have some luck on OKCupid or plentyoffish. Just someone to tell him that he is coming off as a major creeper when he demands people ask him out and that they meet him ASAP. There are extremely desperate people on those sites. None as weird as him, but if he learned to hide the weirdness just long enough to write out a profile, he could find a girl desperate enough for a guy who wouldn't be physically abusive who could match her level of clinginess.

 

[Petronella]

I wonder if Mia's "baubles" were a partial inspiration for the unclit?

 

[Tragi-Chan]

He forgot condoms, but he brought his own dick-washing towels. I don't know anything about hooker etiquette, but this seems a bit off.

Whoever you were, Mia, thanks for taking one for the team lulz.

Most hookers provide condoms. SOURCE: Former hooker I met at a party who I drunkenly asked a lot of stupid questions. I don't know how she was on the sexual side of things, but socially she was very tolerant of idiots.

 

[soIregistered]

Oh my God it's like a Bukowski nightmare.

Better than a bukakke nightmare, amirite?

 

[Marvin]

Dear Penthouse Forums,

"You wouldn't think a thing like this would happen to an awesome mayor and artistic genius like me, buttt........"



....and den she done da 'Tard.


Okay....that was mean. I admit it.
Really though, I'd love to hear "Mia's" version of her glorious tryst with the Throbbing God Emporer of Sex. I still have this nagging suspicion that it didn't go down like Chris is saying, but I'm not exactly which parts are exaggerated, and which are fabricated whole-cloth malarkey.

Eh, I think a lot of it is realistic from Chris' perspective. I'm sure hookers puff up their client's ego by moaning and telling the client how impressive they are.

Chris is just enough of a sucker to fall for it.

 

[cahoots]

Another person getting paid to withstand Chris, just like the gal pals.

 

[NiggoFiggo]

Im still laughing at how he snorted hand sanitizer, the other stuff hadn't even registered with me yet.