Chris as a parent/partner

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Status
Not open for further replies.
Chris with a kid?!? There are only two possible scenarios, though they depend on what kind of woman is involved.
(If Chris will have to be a single father, go straight to B)

A: It ends with a quick divorce after a year or two. There is no way Chris would put up with a demanding job like having a newborn baby. He would pull enough passive-aggressive shit to make get the hell out of there.

B: Severe neglect, bordering on abuse, and a possible jail sentence for Chris. Half of it would be due to his whiny, egocentric nature, and the other half would be the mind numbing degree of incompetence he is capable of.

Could you imagine Chris having to cook breakfast, get the kid dressed and driven to school, then picking him up in the afternoon, helping with homework, cooking dinner and going to a parent/teacher conference in the evening?
He might pull it off for a day or two, but it would require his utmost concentration and effort, and would drain him of all of his strength and stamina. He'd probably need a weekend to recuperate after a day like that.

The only, ONLY way I could see Chris as a parent, where it wouldn't end with charges of some sort being laid, would be if the kid was 4 or older, they'd have a maid daily, as well as daily deliveries of microwavable meals. Needless to say, the school is would have to stop right at the house morning and afternoon. Even then he'd probably complain about all the stress he has to deal with.

And it wouldn't be a sustainable situation. It would only be a matter of time before Chris would imagine that "trolls" were trying to influence the school against him. (Probably by making him go to a PT conference, or pointing out that Crystal is insufficiently groomed/dressed.)

Sooner or later a teacher would try to call or visit Chris in person to discuss these things, and he would jump at the chance of having a new galpal. This would result in either a restraining order and new school after awhile, or a series of videos about how the trolls ruined his latest relationship with his heartsweet.

Needless to say though, the trolling and lulz potential is almost infinite, with the man child and his spawn.
 
Dreamatorium said:
Say, what do you think would happen if Chris was placed in a hypothetical scenario where he was forced - absolutely forced - to be a productive parent?
Click to expand...
Well, Chris will do anything if you forced him to. But the point is that no one could. Not even the mother of his child would be capable of enforcing productive behavior on him all the time - a parent, by definition, has to be able to care for their child autonomously.

What would happen instead: The mother would sue for sole custody, and she would get it. She would let Chris have supervised visits, if he was allowed to see the child at all.
 
*Sigh*

There is a r-.. The real reason I lost custody of my TRUE BELOVED daughter; Crystal Weston Chandler is because the twi- dang tro... The DANG trolls completely TWISTED and SLANDEROUSLY LIED about me; and my person and my HONEST LOVE for Crystal, the daughter who GOD promised me in a dream two-year-TWENTY two years ago.

The dang jerkops judge and the trolls from social services DISCRININATED against me because I'm a HIGH FUNCTIONING autistic, and didnt even consider my many accomplishments, graduated HONOR ROLL from Manchester High School and my CADD degree; and called me an unfit parent.

*Sigh*

This would never have happened if those DANG heartless trolls hadn't made me draw that dang drawing, and slandered and lied about my good name ever since.
 
The Knife said:
GFYS said:
Dynastia said:
I don't know much about America's immigration policy, and I'm not sure how attractive a destination America has been since the economic downturn, but would a green-card marriage maybe be within the realm of possibility?
Click to expand...
There are many MANY paces around the world, where the status quo is much worse than living in a hoard with Christian Weston Chandler. You don't even need to leave the US. I know women who would would probably consider living with a mentally challenged repugnant worm like Chris, just for a roof over their head, a mattress to sleep on, and a blanket to crawl under as welcome respite from an abusive family member or partner. I'm not embellishing in the slightest. When you're hungry, tired, physically beaten, or emotionally broken enough, 14BC can seem like paradise - especially if Barb were no longer in the picture. Chris would be an easy mark to manipulate, and you could rule the roost. I just hope Chris really is as sterile, as Coleslaw is probably impotent, ending that branch of the Chandler curse. No child could survive his negligence and clumsiness for very long.
Click to expand...

Move in, clean out the hoard, and resign yourself that the price of your new-found freedom is to be nanny to a perpetual manchild? I could actually see some desperate woman picking up that option.
Click to expand...

You're all forgetting that one of Chris's requirements is that the girl be rich or at least have a good job. This means no poor and beaten women need apply.
 
I give CPS a week before they'd come and take the kid, or the mother leaves.
 
Chris is incapable of love or sympathy. It's a teeny bit because of autism, but mostly because he was raised to be a pretentious man baby. Imagine that woman losing a parent, getting a bad diagnoses, or losing her job. Imagine that kid being bullied to tears. Chris would still think his problems as a stay at home husband/dad useless blob would still be harder.

Children are most likely to channel-surf and turn on an adult program at any time; it is up to the parents to prevent those misunderstandings with caring discussions and supervision.
Click to expand...
What does that even mean????
 
We all know how Chris won't have a kid. But, since this might qualify as a "What if?" thread, then I will say something.

He would be finacially unavailable for the child or wife. 800 dollars a month is not really enough to properly take care of a family long term.
 
As the old joke goes, a microwaveable pizza would feed a family of three better than Chris would.

And Chris would eat the entire microwaveable pizza, down to the last cheesy goodness.
 
No boyfriend-free girl will touch him with a 10 foot pole, I don't see how this is even imaginable.
 
Dork Of Ages said:
We all know how Chris won't have a kid. But, since this might qualify as a "What if?" thread, then I will say something.

He would be finacially unavailable for the child or wife. 800 dollars a month is not really enough to properly take care of a family long term.
Click to expand...

He would likely get an increase in benefits if he were caring for a child. And for that reason alone, I hope he never reads that sentence.
 
The baby would be found dead one morning covered in the bugs that got Bob. "hmmm ok lil Crystal you stay in da car and finish your cryin, daddy has ta get the new trophy in Skylanders, Ill be back with a big mac and soda for you in about 3 hours"
 
The Knife said:
Dork Of Ages said:
We all know how Chris won't have a kid. But, since this might qualify as a "What if?" thread, then I will say something.

He would be finacially unavailable for the child or wife. 800 dollars a month is not really enough to properly take care of a family long term.
Click to expand...

He would likely get an increase in benefits if he were caring for a child. And for that reason alone, I hope he never reads that sentence.
Click to expand...

I'm going to explain what would happen with a few hypo-scenerios.
1) Chris says no 'slow in the minds',the woman must have B cups or better, be slim, attractive, rich or have a good job, and she must be ok with him being a tomgirl that stays at home all day as a "house husband". This means that ANY girl that would meet his expectation would probably make enough that Chris's benefits would disappear. This is hard to explain, but I know from experience (not personal, but close enough) that if one partner is making enough money, it'll cancel out the handicapped partner's disability (unless it's a special kind, which I doubt Chris has since he wasn't hurt at work and his mental disability is 'high functioning' and would not put much (if any) drain on the funds that would be meant for a child).
2) With Chris's requirements, he's never getting a woman, which means he'd have to try and adopt; he would get rejected immediately.
3) IF Chris lowered his standards enough to get a woman who is also on disability, that's a whole 'nother story that would depend upon what kind of disability checks the girl gets... enough of a whole 'nother story that it would take too long to describe what could happen.

Long story short, Chris isn't gonna get a woman, he can't adopt, and if he did get a woman (because he lowered his standards), he'd be super pissed all the time because all of that disability tugboat would be going towards the kid, not himself. Remember how he would tell his girlfriends that he was keeping all his toys for his future kid (so he didn't have to sell them), yeah, he lied; he'd never share them with his kid.
 
Any random kid at Chris's kids school: "My mom can beat up your dad!"

Chris's kid: ".....yeah....I know..."

AUGH YEAH
 
timtommy said:
I agree that he would take a half-assed approach that would border on severe neglect. I think it would be interspersed with periods of intense smothering, and forcing age inappropriate activities on the child. He would be playing with legos and childish vidya with him/her long before and long after the child had any interest. There might be a period between the ages of 6 and 10 where they had common tastes, and if there was an attentive mother/nanny, the child might have a positive relationship with him.
Click to expand...

This is what I think would be most likely. Chris would probably alternate between being fairly neglectful and intensely codependent on the child. I can see Chris trying hard to get the child to go to sleep so he can play vidya, but then I can also see him deliberately waking it up so the kid can entertain him. He'll likely try to pawn the child off on someone else so he can go do various things.

I also see Chris dragging the child out with him in public in the hopes that he'd get more female attention. It wouldn't matter if he already had a woman- Chris has already shown that he's perfectly willing to try to cheat if the mood strikes him. I'd guess that he'd get frustrated that the mother wouldn't be really willing or able to have sex, so Chris would eventually go looking for tail anywhere he could find it. I just keep seeing Chris playing on one of the game systems in some of the various places that have the display units up, with the baby in a stroller or cart about 1-2 feet away from him so he can have better movement.
 
Hahaha, oh man, that's rich. He'd be shitting himself more than the baby and whining on Facebook about how stressful it is to care for one. Imagine if it wanted his plushies and My Little Ponies? He's so selfish I can't see him giving those up for anything. Plus, the thought of Chrissy tard raging at an infant is pretty hilarious. "NO, NO, NO! Those are MINE! Your toys are over dere! :twisted:"
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom