Chris as a parent/partner

[applecat]

I've always been amused by picturing Chris as a reverse Henry VIII who would keep executing his wives because they kept giving birth to sons instead of daughters.

 

[_blank_]

Wow... thinking of Chris with an actual biological child. That's nearly as improbable as the Sesame Street greenlighting a storyarc where Prairie Dawn gets herself pregnant.

But we'll say for the sake of argument that Chris falls into this situation. Honestly, having a child would be the worst thing for Chris at this point because socially, he and Barb have dug themselves into this mess. Only when they begin to affect their surroundings and the community as a whole will anybody give a damn. However, once you bring a child into the equation, society's perspective changes immediately. Not only will he have us "dang slanderous twolls" scrutinizing him, but also the local law enforcement, child protective services, hell even random strangers will probably stop him from trying to feed an infant q-sands. From there, all the shit he and Barb keep hidden away in the hoard will be exposed and they will actually have to face up to being responsible human beings.

 

[tobacky_vapor]

I hate to say it bit even if he had custody taken away there is a good chance he could still damage his offspring. Can you imagine what would happen to the poor kid if someone at his school found out his dad was a cross dressing manchild? even if nobody ever found out who your biological dad was, it's still bad to know that you came from this pile of failure.

 

[DJAndyMD]

He would not make a good parent. First of all, it will require for him to be responsible for another life and put his part in providing for the child. He expects his partner to be the bread winner while he does nothing.

Also, he has to be mature because I doubt his partner wants to deal with two children instead of one.

Finally, a parent should be willing to sacrifice a lot for their child and not be selfish. Chris would not do any of a sort.

PS: I wonder if Chris gets "Crystal" (which will never happen) and then has another child (which will be the day walkers roam the Earth) will he be able to give equal love and attention or will it all go to the "prophetic daughter."

 

[Meeko]

PS: I wonder if Chris gets "Crystal" (which will never happen) and then has another child (which will be the day walkers roam the Earth) will he be able to give equal love and attention or will it all go to the "prophetic daughter."

That's a pretty good question. I almost see Chris maybe bonding with the second child a little better at times because no matter what, Crystal will always be a disappointment. She'll put up with him to a certain age, but I can see her going out of her way to avoid having to deal with Chris because he'd probably embarrass her pretty heavily. Could you imagine having to put up with him trying to butt into all of her daily activities? God forbid she chooses to take Spanish later in high school- the poor girl would have Chris trying to do her homework for her and failing miserably.

I can just see Chris toddling into class looking like a bloated day old hooker, ready to berate the teacher because they gave his daughter a failing grade because Chris decided to go through and be "helpful" in trying to "fix" all of his daughter's answers. The only reason he'd be willing to do any of that is because ultimately the confrontation wouldn't be about Crystal, but about Chris trying to assert that he's right about everything.

 

[Coldgrip]

He would not make a good parent. First of all, it will require for him to be responsible for another life and put his part in providing for the child. He expects his partner to be the bread winner while he does nothing.

Also, he has to be mature because I doubt his partner wants to deal with two children instead of one.

Finally, a parent should be willing to sacrifice a lot for their child and not be selfish. Chris would not do any of a sort.

PS: I wonder if Chris gets "Crystal" (which will never happen) and then has another child (which will be the day walkers roam the Earth) will he be able to give equal love and attention or will it all go to the "prophetic daughter."

Chris would manage to neglect both children equally in his own fucked up way. To him Christal is nothing more than a status symbol/trophy of him becoming a big boy and would wind up ignored like her sibling as soon as the excitement of being a father wore off. Same with the second child (who if I'm not mistaken would be Reginald). Soon as the rush of unlocking the Family Man trophy in his rotted brain is unlocked it'd be back to vidya and Mikey D's.

And all the while he'd be wondering why his godbear given daughter wasn't helping out like she had in the comics.

P.S. Kinda OT, but I can see Chris throwing the "Fag Card" at his son. Chris has always been adept at being a hypocrite.

 

[cheersensei]

First hand experience: It's not easy.

I had a major crush/minor relationship with a friend who unfortunately shares the same name and diagnosis of OPL. Chris was a wonderful guy, don't get me wrong, but it was painful just trying to get a conversation going sometimes. Our only kiss was a hit and miss at prom. The most intimate we got was a hug after visiting. He often missed social ques and often had no interest other than just being friends. He was also defensive against authority.

I can't imagine what it'd be like with OPL. He seems to be more sexually active, but still quite distant. I have my doubts that he'd know how to comfort a crying child, make healthy meals, clean, and be a loving caring partner. Once he got tired with his wife/girlfriend, he'd just cast her aside like the oldest toy to get something shiny and new.

 

[Picklepower]

Maybe after being around all the diapers, Chris will just say "fuck it" break down, and get some of his own. "hmm yeah, no more dirty pants! "

 

[Fuzzy Wuzzy]

I could picture Chris trying to coddle his own daughter but believe it or not, children who are coddled are more prone to suicidal thoughts. So when Chris's daughter starts making suicide threats in school because she failed academically due to her father not helping her homework and that her father is a disgusting cross-dressing slob who cares more about his vidya games, what is Chris going to do? And if his daughter actually commits suicide over her father and her failure in school, police would be knocking on Chris's door to see the mess in his home and tell him about the news. He would then respond with a bunch of and then complete with . Then a week later, he goes back to playing vidya as if nothing happened.

 

[tobacky_vapor]

Btw is it just me but I see chris and crystal end up like this

[youtube]uLifSFBs_Lk[/youtube]

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

"NO, NO, NO! Those are MINE! Your toys are over dere! "

Regardless of what kinds of toys the kid asked for, Chris would only buy toys that he wanted, and call the kid ungrateful for it.

I wonder if Chris gets "Crystal" (which will never happen) and then has another child (which will be the day walkers roam the Earth) will he be able to give equal love and attention or will it all go to the "prophetic daughter."

Chris would have the opposite problem that China has: His daughter would get all the love and attention, while he would subconsciously blame the son for getting in the way and not being worth anything to him.

 

[Fapcup]

"NO, NO, NO! Those are MINE! Your toys are over dere! "

Regardless of what kinds of toys the kid asked for, Chris would only buy toys that he wanted, and call the kid ungrateful for it.

I wonder if Chris gets "Crystal" (which will never happen) and then has another child (which will be the day walkers roam the Earth) will he be able to give equal love and attention or will it all go to the "prophetic daughter."

Chris would have the opposite problem that China has: His daughter would get all the love and attention, while he would subconsciously blame the son for getting in the way and not being worth anything to him.

True... Remember that video he did, playing house with LEGO people? He was kind and sweet to his precocious, intelligent and gifted LEGO daughter, but was a real dick to the LEGO baby boy...

 

[Tubular Monkey]

[
True... Remember that video he did, playing house with LEGO people? He was kind and sweet to his precocious, intelligent and gifted LEGO daughter, but was a real dick to the LEGO baby boy...

How can someone so simple and stupid be messed up in such a complex way?

 

[RagtimeRoastBeefy]

That's what I mean, the very speculation leads to an understanding of Chris' fucked upness. We know he won't have kids. hearing some of these scenarios is hilarious regardless. The Spanish test one bwahahahahahahHaha

Kid puts toy in mouth Chris scolds her for getting her DNA on his ponies. Bans her from touching them. I didn't even think of the notion of chrystal getting laughed at because her dads escapades

 

[Picklepower]

The kid would be talking like this at 18 " Ma daddy done got attackded by da trolls I tell you, hey look video game!"

 

[Descent]

Oh my god you guys, haven't you seen I Am Sam. All you need is love, duh.

I fucking hate that movie.