Chris Chandler: Unsolved Mysteries - Special Autism Edition

[Mashed Potato Grenade]

I'd never read this before but it actually does make it a lot clearer,

This is how I think it went:

Teacher hands each others reports and ask them to grade them. One of them has the words "autistic" and "homosexuality" in the same paragraph. This immediately triggers Chris and he yells at the top of his lungs "NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Students and teacher look at him in shock, but Chris blacks out and starts ripping off his clothes, twirls around and throws punches and kicks at random. Calling for backup, several teachers manage to pin him down. The next thing Chris remembers is waking up crying in the cafeteria with the clear idea of getting himself a sweetheart.

The reasons for this are that Chris never swears under any circumstance, but the least provocation gets him to get naked, twirl and throw punches and kicks at random.

EDIT: I deleted the part with Mary Lee Walsh and the tranquilizer dart gun.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

One of my favourite unsolved Chris mysteries is what happened to get him kicked out of his English class in college that led to him starting his sweetheart quest.

Chris claims he was kicked out because he pointed out that he was autistic like a character in a book they were reading but I can't see raising your hand and saying 'it's funny, I can relate to this character because I'm autistic as well,' leading to something as extreme as being kicked out of class.

It's sort of explained here:

[7:45 pm] CWC: And in an English class, as we were starting to read "Wednesday's Child", a story of an autistic girl, I told the professor and the class I was H.F.A.; between that, and some misunderstandings, he kicked me out of his class on my 21st Birthday.
[7:45 pm] Jacklyn Romy: wait
[7:45 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what misunderstandings
[7:45 pm] Jacklyn Romy: ?
[7:47 pm] CWC: essentially, when it came to critiquing the papers of the others' students, when they started talking about drug use and homosexual content, I wrote with exclamations you'd likely hear from a black person in church. Note, this was back in 2002, and I was not as mature as I am today.
[7:47 pm] CWC: *not as mature then as I am today.
[7:48 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so, you were critiquing each others' papers?
[7:48 pm] CWC: yes
[7:48 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what kind of exclamations?
[7:48 pm] Jacklyn Romy: like, did you shout OH LAWDY or something
[7:48 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats kind of a stereotypical black church saying
[7:49 pm] CWC: I don't remember verbatim, but stuff against the smoking and such, and yes, I did go "Hallelujah, Lord" once or twice.
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: on paper or vocally?
[7:49 pm] CWC: on paper
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what part of the paper were you commenting on when you said that?
[7:51 pm] CWC: I think it was on a homosexual statement that was on that paper.
[7:51 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what was the assignment for these papers? were they book reports? or editorial pieces?
[7:51 pm] Jacklyn Romy: something like that
[7:51 pm] Jacklyn Romy: ?
[7:51 pm] CWC: story reports
[7:52 pm] Jacklyn Romy: on the story your class read?
[7:52 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what was yours about?
[7:52 pm] CWC: I'm not sure I understand the question
[7:52 pm] Jacklyn Romy: was the report about the story you read?
[7:53 pm] CWC: no, it was on a different story we were reading before Wednesday's Child.
[7:53 pm] Jacklyn Romy: ah, i see
[7:53 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what was that story? was it about gay people
[7:54 pm] CWC: I do not remember.
[7:54 pm] CWC: It may have, or it may have not been.
[7:54 pm] Jacklyn Romy: i'm just curious why the paper you were critiquing had stuff about homosexuality
[7:54 pm] Jacklyn Romy: i know you don't remember the words exactly, but what sort of things were you saying about being gay in your critique?
[7:56 pm] CWC: because of the way the student wrote his paper; he went into details of the story we had read where he saw something about homosexuality, which I did not see myself.
[7:56 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so, that student saw like an allegory in the story about homosexuality?
[7:56 pm] CWC: yes
[7:56 pm] CWC: and I did not.
[7:57 pm] Jacklyn Romy: what made you say "hallelujah"
[7:58 pm] CWC: because I was on a roll on the way I was writing against what the student was saying, and I got carried away.
[7:59 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so did a debate start about it in class?
[7:59 pm] CWC: no
[7:59 pm] Jacklyn Romy: no one talked further about it?
[7:59 pm] CWC: only the professor offered me his input on what I wrote after class.
[8:00 pm] Jacklyn Romy: maybe he thought your critique wasn't constructive because you were using such strong language?
[8:01 pm] CWC: I think he felt confused, and wanted to correct me and my misunderstanding of how to critique others' papers.
[8:01 pm] Jacklyn Romy: yes, thats probably how he felt
[8:01 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so what was your discussion like?
[8:02 pm] CWC: I'd say mid-volume; I mostly listened to what he told me, and I told him that I was only expressing how I felt about the subject of the student's statements.
[8:02 pm] Jacklyn Romy: how did you feel about the student's statement?
[8:02 pm] CWC: offended.
[8:02 pm] Jacklyn Romy: offended? how so?
[8:04 pm] CWC: I understood that homosexuality was wrong, and I was angry at it on that definition mostly; this was before I understood more of the details that I know today.
[8:05 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so your critique was telling the other student his views on homosexuality offended you?
[8:05 pm] CWC: Which WHILE I do feel strongly against their doings behind closed doors and whatnot, they are still people, and I respect them as fellow people nowadays.
[8:05 pm] CWC: yeah.
[8:06 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so that's why you were kicked out of class that day? because you weren't doing the assignment properly?
[8:06 pm] CWC: NO, this was BEFORE I was kicked out of class.
[8:06 pm] CWC: I was kicked out of class LONG after that, and shortly after I told the professor of me being autistic too.
[8:07 pm] Jacklyn Romy: if your getting kicked out happened long after, what does this critique assignment have to do with getting kicked out?
[8:07 pm] CWC: I had theorized that he had little understandings of autistic individuals, and was probably afraid of me.
[8:07 pm] CWC: the statements I wrote in the critique he probably considered a metaphorically loud outburst
[8:07 pm] CWC: I do not remember ALL of the details, but I understand at least it was between the critique and my autism.
[8:08 pm] Jacklyn Romy: well it sounds like he just thought you weren't doing the assignment properly
[8:08 pm] CWC: likely.
[8:08 pm] CWC: but I don't know.
[8:08 pm] Jacklyn Romy: how long after that were you kicked out?
[8:09 pm] CWC: over a month.
[8:09 pm] Jacklyn Romy: so what happened the day you were kicked out?
[8:11 pm] CWC: One of my worst Birthdays in my life.
[8:11 pm] CWC: I'm sorry, my mother came in.
[8:11 pm] CWC: anyway,
[8:11 pm] Jacklyn Romy: no problem
[8:12 pm] CWC: it was simply, I went into the classroom on time as usual; few minutes later, the professor comes in, and tells me to leave, straight out!
[8:12 pm] Jacklyn Romy: well something must have happened before that.
[8:12 pm] CWC: and I tried to find out why, but he was loud and direct about it.
[8:13 pm] CWC: after leaving the classroom, I spent the remainder of the time I would have spent in the class, sitting at a table crying and feeling depressed.
[8:13 pm] Jacklyn Romy: you have no idea why?
[8:13 pm] Jacklyn Romy: none at all?
[8:13 pm] CWC: I've just told you what had happened beforehand.
[8:13 pm] Jacklyn Romy: students dont get kicked out of class for no reason
[8:13 pm] Jacklyn Romy: ok, so it was the critique incident that caused it.
[8:13 pm] Jacklyn Romy: seems odd that they'd wait a month to do anything
[8:14 pm] CWC: that And/Or the autism thing.

So while Chris is somewhat of an unreliable narrator it sounds to me like a combination of Chris being disruptive, racist and homophobic leading to something Chris isn't aware of which was the straw that broke the camels back, not sure how that led to the sweetheart search though.

 

[pickleniggo]

Why was Chris fired from Wendy's? Obviously he was not competent but what was the final straw?

I'm gonna take a stab at answering this realistically.
Think about how annoying it must be to have to deal with Chris in real life, even before his discovery. Think of how he tries to weasel and rationalize his way out of doing anything remotely productive - even if he were to be paid for it. Now if I were managing an establishment and had to continuously attempt to motivate Chris every fifteen minutes with little result, I'd fire him too. He didn't work there too long, and there's usually a period of probation were you can be terminated if you aren't performing your basic job. So who knows. Maybe he was fired after doing his Donald Duck impression, but I don't think that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

That's really the best explanation I can posit to anyone.

 

[Rosechuspickle]

The event I'm most curious to know about in detail is the Mary Lee Walsh meeting that got Chris suspended for a year. All I know is that he did a Curse-Ye-Hah-me-hah and did a tantrum, but my morbid curiosity wants to know the Dean's account of this incident. I want her to describe the horrifying incident from her sane point of view.

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Do we know specifically when Chris was fired from Wendy's? His resume says he was there from August to October in 2001 but he says that he was fired in September during the Father Call. There's a good chance that he was only employed for maybe two weeks before getting cut.

Also, I always wondered what got him started on the Cutco scam. I am assuming he saw a flyer for Vector Marketing at the community college and that's what got him the initial idea but why at that time? He was on disability by this point and hadn't even tried to get a job in years.

 

[Pinball Lizard]

Besides Scott and Kirby, what are the real identities of the Manajerks? Been curious about that for a while, though it'd admittedly be w e e n-ish to go looking.

 

[WonkeyDong]

I have a real question, is chris the raincoat killer?
also how the fuck did he keep his game collection looking so clean

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

I want to know how Chris was introduced to the concept of trangenders? Chris still seems really homophobic and is constantly trying to prove that he himself isn't a homo. Now he's part of this very small minority of the population that is tranny, and he either feels like he's the most popular tranny there is, or he believe that woman will want to fuck him because he's "The best of both worlds." Chris expects lesbian woman to be attractive to him. Another question is, if Chris is really serious about transgenders, will he be willing to have sex with another men who think they have "Female souls?"

Chris's therapist told him to embrace his feminine side, Chris misinterpreted this wildly as some weird invitation to womenhood, so Chris started crossdressing and gradually transitioned (pun intended) to his tranny phase.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

Do we know specifically when Chris was fired from Wendy's? His resume says he was there from August to October in 2001 but he says that he was fired in September during the Father Call. There's a good chance that he was only employed for maybe two weeks before getting cut.

Also, I always wondered what got him started on the Cutco scam. I am assuming he saw a flyer for Vector Marketing at the community college and that's what got him the initial idea but why at that time? He was on disability by this point and hadn't even tried to get a job in years.

Vector actually mails out recruiting letters to young people, especially those about to graduate high school. It's usually a form letter offering a nondescript but high paying job for motivated people with maybe one actual reference to Cutco.

Powelevel, but I remember getting one when I was a senior. It reeked of a scam so I tossed it. Couple of my friends fell for it though. When I first saw it on Chris's resume I chuckled.

 

[Chrus Chundlur]

When Chris posted this orangutanesque looking pics on fb with signs saying "im my own free bitch" and "haters to the left" , he claimed that he was doing it for some woman in his life...this was after Jackie but before Catherine. Who was this mysterious (and surely totally legit) woman?

Chris was kicked out from the boy scouts, but no further details are known (I think Bob threatened to sue for discriminación IIRC. Most probably Chris simply threw an expulsion-worthy tard-tantrum)

More like a minor plot hole than a mistery, but during the Liquid/Kacey saga:

-Chris pretends to be Liquid over the phone and tries to lure Kacey to his disgusting filthy house so he can cum over her tits.

-On the next call, Kacey has "found out" that he wasnt Liquid and chimps the fuck out over Chris creepiness.

-???

-Now Chris and Kacey are friends. How? Obviously, on a real situation there is no way you can fix that, and obviously, you can sell it to Chris anyways with minimal effort because he is a moron and he'll believe anyhing. But I was always curious about how that went down.

He's not interested in anyone born with a penis, at least that's what he's stated.

About this, I'd like to point something out...back in the mailbag days, Chris interacted with some troll impersonating tranny porn performer Bailey Jay, who lured him into being attracted before shocking him with a pic showing that she had a dick.

Yeah, Chris was shocked, but then he subtly (and Chris being Chris by "subtly" I mean "with the subtetly of 100 farting elephants") tried to find out if she did porn so he could mass debate to it

Im not saying that he likes cock, but for all his talk and how he used to try so hard to be straighter than straight, maybe, just maybe, he could let it pass if the ladyboy is pretty enough and he has a specially horny day. Just saying.

 

[Tismo]

I think @JenkinJinkies might have actually been Chris.

What do you guys think?

 

[Picklechu]

2) There was a weird small storage room off the back of the kitchen of the old 14 BLC. May have even had a door with steps leading outside as seen in a few outside videos. I always wondered what use that little area had, if any. Just storage?

It was an enclosed deck/sunroom/whatever you want to call it. It just got filled with Hoard like the rest of the house.

More like a minor plot hole than a mistery, but during the Liquid/Kacey saga:

-Chris pretends to be Liquid over the phone and tries to lure Kacey to his disgusting filthy house so he can cum over her tits.

-On the next call, Kacey has "found out" that he wasnt Liquid and chimps the fuck out over Chris creepiness.

-???

-Now Chris and Kacey are friends. How? Obviously, on a real situation there is no way you can fix that, and obviously, you can sell it to Chris anyways with minimal effort because he is a moron and he'll believe anyhing. But I was always curious about how that went down.

IIRC, there's a decent amount of Kacey stuff that was never released. I'd assume that's in there. Like you said, though, Chris is really stupid, so I'd assume that Kacey "forgave" him.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

I think @JenkinJinkies might have actually been Chris.

What do you guys think?

I don't know, he had a pretty convincing back story.

 

[Wally Balljacker]

1. Why did Chris de-list his father's violin? I have several ideas, but I'd love to know the real reason. It would be a real shame for any old instrument to get lost among the Horde (assuming it wasn't a casualty to the fire), let alone one that actually has some history with it.
2. What exactly went on during that 4th grade incident that made Chris believe that they were actually recording his screams? Did someone have a cassette recorder lying around on a desk, or did he see a projector in the room? I cannot wrap my head around how he came to the conclusion that they just randomly decided to record the screams of one autistic child.
3. Who was the coach/cameraman behind Rollin' and Trollin'? How were they able to convince Chris that wearing sleeves with a fake tattoo pattern on them was a good idea?

 

[Garfieldchu]

Chris's therapist told him to embrace his feminine side, Chris misinterpreted this wildly as some weird invitation to womenhood, so Chris started crossdressing and gradually transitioned (pun intended) to his tranny phase.

This was a therapist? I assumed it was a troll.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

1. Why did Chris de-list his father's violin? I have several ideas, but I'd love to know the real reason. It would be a real shame for any old instrument to get lost among the Horde (assuming it wasn't a casualty to the fire), let alone one that actually has some history with it.
2. What exactly went on during that 4th grade incident that made Chris believe that they were actually recording his screams? Did someone have a cassette recorder lying around on a desk, or did he see a projector in the room? I cannot wrap my head around how he came to the conclusion that they just randomly decided to record the screams of one autistic child.
3. Who was the coach/cameraman behind Rollin' and Trollin'? How were they able to convince Chris that wearing sleeves with a fake tattoo pattern on them was a good idea?

1. I think the reason he delisted it was because someone told him it was totally unsellable. It does have a history, but IIRC it wasn't in the best shape and Chris was trying to charge too much. I think he took it off so he could repost it at a lower price and simply forgot about it.
2. Most like he just assumed they were doing that later. Maybe his parents believed that's what they were doing and told him that.
3. I honestly have no idea about that. Anna and Kim weren't really around at that point, right?

 

[The American Hedgehog]

According to another Jackie chat he claims a black kid punched him for no reason and he cried the entire ride home so they "demoted" him to the short bus.
I don't know how much of this is grounded in reality but it does sound suspiciously like his arrest at Target or when he was held down and recorded by the School staff. They all follow a similar narrative. Chris is minding his own business, a person (or a group) randomly attacks him for no reason and in the end Chris is punished despite being the supposed victim of these incidents.

Edit: I forgot to post which it was in again. Here: http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_Chat_9

He told a different version to Kacey, in which he punched the other guy and got a nosebleed in return.

In both versions, he said he and the other person constantly competed to be first out of the bus. I think Chris saw that the other guy was simply moving faster than him, and he interpreted that to mean that they were racing. Maybe what happened on the day of the fight was that Chris, in believing there was a race, stumbled into the other guy, interpreted that to be a hit and then started throwing punches at the other guy, who finally punched back at him.

 

[The Giver]

What exactly went on during that 4th grade incident that made Chris believe that they were actually recording his screams? Did someone have a cassette recorder lying around on a desk, or did he see a projector in the room? I cannot wrap my head around how he came to the conclusion that they just randomly decided to record the screams of one autistic child.

Just speculation, but I always assumed this was one of three things:

1. Chris saw something like a tape recorder and made an autistic inference that they were recording the event
2. The folks at the school were recording him in an effort to document what was going on. Like, if an angry autistic child was chimping out hard enough that they might hurt themselves or someone else, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to document what was happening.
3. Chris made it the fuck up

 

[KFC]

[QUOTE="Picklechu, post: 1422407, member: 1685"
IIRC, there's a decent amount of Kacey stuff that was never released. I'd assume that's in there. Like you said, though, Chris is really stupid, so I'd assume that Kacey "forgave" him.[/QUOTE]

This is probably it. I remember a couple of years ago when an earlier Kacey call (Call 1.5) was released after being lost. I'd assume there are a few more early calls missing. My theory is that, to get more content out of him, Kacey said that she would forgive Chris. It sounds like a lie that Chris would believe.

My question is about this:

http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sydney_Kirsch

How did Chris figure out that she was a troll? Chris claims he read a "troll forum," but he still believed in Jackie and Catherine, despite us discussing them as being trolls. Did a white knight contact Chris? In the end, it just seemed like a bad trolling attempt.

 

[The Great Chandler]

Why was Chris fired from Wendy's? Obviously he was not competent but what was the final straw?

He spooked a kid by making a poor impression of Donald Duck.