Chris' funniest one-liner

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Absinthe said:
"Those truths were lies."
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Alone, this is a funny, Strangers-with-Candy-esque turn of phrase, but the context is really what makes it. We talk about OPL's mental gymnastics all the time, but this really underscores that he is a true original--only Christian would "boast" that:

"Letting y'all know that, uh, the video, uh, I recently uploaded where I—with the truths at the end. Those truths were lies. Yeah, I'm not supporting my family, I don't have a jaaaaawwwwb, so there, and I am high functionally autistic, and I'm nearsighted. Still a virgin. So there you go.

Hmph. Take that you lousy trolls. Peace."

And he ends it with "take that." What was he hoping to accomplish? Is this like the autistic version of the climactic scene to 8 Mile where Eminem candidly freestyles about all his personal flaws so his opponent has no material left to work this? This is like zero dimensional chess, I just can't wrap my head around it.
 
Billy Boy said:
"How about you take a spin on the color wheel, and get dizzy in the spiraling rainbow?"
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For Chris, the sit-n-spin is the ultimate insult. Why? I don't know.

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A couple of people beat me to it, but definitely when he told Jack "Probably cause they couldn't stand you?" and just that few seconds of silence where Jack is pretty much internally saying "Did.....did he just zing me good?"
 
CatParty said:
the #1 no doubt about it:


Jack: Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know why they threw me out?
Chris: Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
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Thanks for that I really LOL'd at that one. Chris goes so far below the belt it hits the guy in the ankles.
 
And there's this one from this past January:

Hey, Dodo Brain! Thanks a Lump; YOU did NOT sign the Front of the Money Order that came in the BIG BOX. The bank is unable to DO anything with it. Contact your bank, or make out a new thing and US MAIL it to our Home Address at 14 Branchland Ct
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Good ol' "dodo brain". God knows people took time out of their lives to help Chris, right?
 
you know how the expression "Too many cooks spoil the broth?" Well, call it—this was "too many crooks." Too many crooks! Too many crooks! And that ED page is one of those crooks. Every page--every word on the discussion page is a crook.
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A personal fave. This just baffled me
 
Any of his random ramblings.
"Call 'Right Now', and we'll send you a beautiful girl to be your Sweetheart, FREE. But you'd better call 'Right Now', or otherwise you'll get bupkis. And believe me, you do not want bupkis. Welcome to Bupkistown.
 
Not a one liner, but still my favorite:

"I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!"
 
"I AM NOT FAT GODDAMMIT!!!"

"And I'll keep bangin' yer breasts over and over again until you get your first dosage of my comeuppance!"

"I have not been copyin' you, you have been copyin' me!"

"I'm so sick of you pretending to be me!"

And I'm shocked this hasn't been mentioned yet:
"JULAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
 
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