Chris' funniest one-liner

[Mr. 0]

How 'bout the hooker quote:

C'mon. Damian. Damian Antaria. Give me a break! You know my, I don't want to be back in a situation where I'm, that desperate I got go as far as to pay a hundred dollars for a damn hooker. Give me a breaaak!! I'm a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin! I'm in a hell of my own! [sigh] C'mon, please? Pleeeeaaaase? I've been so very worried about you, I've had heartaches since last Wednesday. I've had sleepless nights! It really hurts!

 

[UncannyRhino]

"I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder!... JEW!"
I can really imagine him, waddling out of the Game Place, staring his 1000 yard stare and shouting "JEW".

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

ILL PAUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUT[/b]

I always loved that unintended pun.

 

[Henry Bemis]

"I'll send in detectives! I'll send in police! I'll send in EVERYTHING IN MY POWER!"

It's not a line proper, but the obvious jump-cut is a moment in and of itself.

 

[Bugaboo]

"I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder!... JEW!"
I can really imagine him, waddling out of the Game Place, staring his 1000 yard stare and shouting "JEW".

I like afterwards when you hear Synder saying "He probably will."

 

[Julaay]

"I once knew a man from Nantucket!" I thought of so many limericks after that and actually busted up laughing at my computer.

 

[CatParty]

blinded by poo light

 

[Abethedemon]

I CAN FEEL THE COSMOS!

 

[The Fair Lady]

I haven't seen a lot of Chris videos, but I really lol'd when Chris yelled "I'M WORKIN' ON IT!!!" to Bob in that hilariously high-pitched tone of his.

This. Whenever someone says "I'm working on it," I can't help but chuckle.

 

[Clown Doll]

"Down to where? All that is down is only the floor.".

 

[Elbe]

"At least my face isn't fuckin' orange."

This!

 

[The Doctor]

"You take that like a good, bad girl!"

From the 'For Julie's Eyes Only' video.

 

[BillRiley]

Compliments will get you fuzzy-wuzzies. War gets you prickly-wicklies... as well as punches. They get you those, too.

 

[liquidchris4lyfe]

When I asked my old roommate to do something or vice versa i.e. take out the garbage, do the dishes, clean the litterbox, etc. The other person would shout, "I'M WORKIN' ON IT!!"

-Good night, I'll be in your dreams - CWC's message to Ivy.
-Trollin stupid pickle suited NIGGER!
-Yeah, Julie, you take that like a good, bad girl
-I HAVE A NUMBER OF DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS!!

 

[Cheesebread]

"God, and the bear..."

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

"I am a gaybian."
"And then you take it like a gal"

 

[24isthehighestnumber]

"Ladies en 'ettlemen ondee innernet!"

"... AND MY SPANISH NICKNAME BEING 'RICARDO'!"

"You just crossed da line." How serious he gets with that line in the father call is too funny.

 

[Lalala]

"He won't even let me get a word in edgewise he jus' keeps going ONANDONANDONANDONANDONANDONNNNNNNNNNN....worse than my father!"
It's the irony of that bit that kills me.

 

[4Macie]

"So There!"

 

[DJAndyMD]

"Fuck abstinence!"