Chris Pumpkin Shit

[Descent]

The release date is November 15th, and the basic system price is around $400. For about $100 more, you can get a "complete kit" with 2 duo shock controllers, and a couple of games. If Barb is keeping an eye on the Chandler Household's finances, it will be interesting to see how Chris is going to account for a "missing" $400 - $500 dollars. This is sure to be the cause of some tension between him and Barb.

Ah, but this is where Chris is smarter than mortals like you and I.

He'll just get another credit card and put the quad on that. They hand out 4-digit limits like candy these days. And Fatty has always been good about paying the bare minimum monthly fee on his cards. And honestly, who cares what happens to his finances six months or a year later when he can have his quad now?

I can see Chris signing up for one of those big box store credit cards that give $20 off your first purchase and using it for the PS4 and it's thirty or so launch titles and thinking he's smart and saving money.

 

[A-№1]

If that was the case, wouldn't it make more sense to just not post about his latest acquisitions at all? We only know how much he's been spending and on what when he goes out of his way to tell us. Unless, of course, he really, REALLY wants to brag about these particular Legos/Skylanders (out of the hundreds he already owns), but doesn't want to cop to buying them for the reason you suggested.

He's laying the groundwork for "the trolls" to get him a PS4. He knows he won't be able to hide that from the world as it will show up immediately on his PSN profile. And Alec is very probably correct: it's increasingly difficult for him to complain about being "poor" to his high school face book friends and ass patters when he buys himself a $400 console.

And yeah, he also can't help bragging about the crap he gets.

I'd say maybe it'd be like when he bought his first Playstation used with the intent to sell it for profit,

I never believed that story, myself. It always sounded to me like an excuse for blowing his .

On the bright side, it will be pretty difficult for Chris to get himself banned from Amazon.

But if anyone could do that, it's Chris.

Honestly thats just sad when you think about it, Chris is so hardwired for instant satisfaction that he will ignore all the negatives to live in the right now.

What's really, really sad is that Chris is hardly alone in that. In so many ways Chris is the apotheosis of everything that is wrong with the U.S.

I can see Chris signing up for one of those big box store credit cards that give $20 off your first purchase and using it for the PS4 and it's thirty or so launch titles and thinking he's smart and saving money.

I can see Chris doing that, except I can also see him already having a store credit card for every big box near him from when he wanted $20 off some other piece of cheap, plastic junk.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Ya know something, brother? Chris has famously stated that they don't accept packages in the mailbox and that they should be thrown on their front lawn.

I hadn't thought about that, but that is a damn solid point. We can consider the myth of Chris receiving these things as gifts to be BUSTED.

Chris bought his own toys but still wants sympathy for being "poor". As usual, he wants to have it both ways.

 

[timtommy]

I don't believe Chris is buying himself the gifts. Not 100% sure, but until more evidence is revealed, I am going to go with that theory.

The main reason for me is the lego delorean. If I am not mistaken, Chris has never really shown any interest in Back to the Future? It seems too perfect a metaphor for him.
1. He wants to time travel to high school 15 years in the past.
2. He has an awkward pseudo-incestuous relationship with his mother.

So I can't see why of all the things to buy himself he would choose a lego delorean, but I can see why a troll would think it would be funny to make Back to the Future jokes about Chris.

I don't know anything about the latest gift, maybe it is more up Chris' alley. I suppose it is possible he got the idea of buying stuff for himself from the delorean gift. But maybe there is also a Back to the Future-type subtle reference that I don't know about.

The PS4 hypothesis seems a little far-fetched to me.
Firstly, are we sure Barb is against the PS3 idea? She did rush out and buy him a second PS3 right after he smashed one. I know money is tight, but it seems like if there was one extravagance in the Chandler house this would be it. Am I completely off-base here.
Secondly, it seems like a weird combination of forethought and complete lack of forethought. We are saying he has the sense to buy all of these things to prime Barb for gifts. That is an elaborate/convoluted plan. But somehow he has not thought about how he will hide $400 gone from his tugboat? Even if he puts it on some card he will pay sometime. I know this oversight is classic Chris, but it is a weird thought process to worry about bringing the PS4 into the house, so Barb doesn't get mad at him for paying for it, but not worry about how to hide paying for it.

Of course, weird thought processes are his specialty. And I suppose he could have some half baked idea about hiding the fact that the money is gone too.

I guess I am talking myself into it a little. Someone is being weird, and if someone is being weird Chris is always a good candidate. It's mostly just the Back to the Future thing that bothers me about the "Chris bought the crap" hypothesis.

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

I dunno, I think you guys are giving Chrissy way too much credit here. Chances are some troll sent him a few tokens to. See if they could get into his good graces. I just can't see Chrissy planning something so elaborate for his PS4' he'll just waddle out on released day and plunk down a near maxed credit card and to the 9 hellos with what his mommy says.

 

[QI 541]

It doesn't have to be Chris planning anything for the PS4. He might simply be trying to avoid criticism for his reckless spending.

Why doesn't he simply keep silent? Because he's Chris. He probably assumes the trolls are spying on everything he buys, or maybe he just wanted to show off his new toys, or maybe there's some other bizarre reason that only makes sense in Chris's mind.

 

[Marvin]

I don't believe Chris is buying himself the gifts. Not 100% sure, but until more evidence is revealed, I am going to go with that theory.

Oh no, I mean, I don't have any public evidence, but I can tell you, 100%, that Chris was the one who bought these.

Firstly, are we sure Barb is against the PS3 idea? She did rush out and buy him a second PS3 right after he smashed one.

Nah, Chris himself bought his new PS3. I don't know how much Barb knew about the PS3 destruction in the first place, if at all. But yeah, he fucking moved mountains to get himself a new PS3. He pawned things, he borrowed money (I think?) and he did all sorts of shit to get another PS3.

 

[Thetan]

Chris is buying this shit himself. Personally, as someone who has seriously considered sending Chris some gifts in the mail, I never ever considered buying him something he'd fucking want. That will not generate a funny reaction. If it was actually a troll, it would be something like pickles, x box games, a dildo, buttplugs, anything that would generate a facebook rant filled with Chris' unique brand of tard fucking rage.

Nobody would spend money on Chris to irritate the forum. Anyone who does that, the joke is on them. We get content, however insignificant, and they lose money. Hell, I actually kind of like that scenario even more than what the reality of the situation obviously is!

How about sending him a package of white Fruit of the Loom briefs - size XXL?

 

[Ahffline]

I think he's buying the Skylanders stuff himself and using the excuse that someone else is buying it for him to deflect any criticism. Besides, if the gifts were coming from someone else, I don't think they'd be this 'nice,' since this is stuff he likes.

Unless he has some sort of secret admirer or something.... nah. This is Chris we're talking about.

 

[Spork]

I don't believe Chris is buying himself the gifts. Not 100% sure, but until more evidence is revealed, I am going to go with that theory.

I'm going to list the theories in this thread:

1. A plot to prime Barb for a PS4 purchase. (unlikely, why is he using Facebook to lie to someone he spends most of his time with?)
2. A plot to dupe trolls into sending him random junk he actually wants. (Likely, if roundabout)
3. Someone (likely Kim) got on his case recently about his spending habits and he's trying to pass off his exuberant purchases as troll gifts. (Very likely, it's got all the shades of a typical Chris lie)
4. A weenfag is trying to get recognition by sending him random crap. (unlikely, why is Kim calling him out then?)

So I can't see why of all the things to buy himself he would choose a lego delorean, but I can see why a troll would think it would be funny to make Back to the Future jokes about Chris.

It's possible that he just saw the animated series that aired like seven or eight years ago, wasn't that impressed by it, and just impulse-bought it. Or, hell, maybe the toy store didn't have any other sets he didn't already own.

I don't know anything about the latest gift, maybe it is more up Chris' alley. I suppose it is possible he got the idea of buying stuff for himself from the delorean gift. But maybe there is also a Back to the Future-type subtle reference that I don't know about.

It's a relatively pricey figurine that's part of a collect-them-all game we know Chris has played in the past. He definitely bought this for himself.

 

[milkshark]

So Marvin says Chris is buying himself things and claiming they are gifts publicly on Facebook?

 

[Marvin]

So I can't see why of all the things to buy himself he would choose a lego delorean, but I can see why a troll would think it would be funny to make Back to the Future jokes about Chris.

It's possible that he just saw the animated series that aired like seven or eight years ago, wasn't that impressed by it, and just impulse-bought it. Or, hell, maybe the toy store didn't have any other sets he didn't already own.

The Back to the Future reference is kinda weird, sure. But Chris has bought all sorts of random shit in the past. There's the oft-mentioned case of Chris buying expansion packs for games he didn't own. The "Chris random purchase theory" syncs with the past behavior we've seen from Chris.

Now, while a troll buying Chris the lego set is technically possible, it's really a strange situation. Chris is dumb and will buy things that aren't valuable to him (expansion packs for games he doesn't own, references to movies he hasn't seen). A troll, however, is a lot smarter and they'd send Chris a sonic lego set or some bullshit like that. They'd think about it. They'd try to appeal to Chris. Or, if they were fucking with him, they'd send him something like lego dicks or something. A Back to the Future reference doesn't really fit on either end of the scale.

I already know which of these theories is correct, I'm just saying that the "troll bought it for him" theory is really retarded and hard to defend. (At least as far as the arguments people have presented thus far)

So Marvin says Chris is buying himself things and claiming they are gifts publicly on Facebook?

Seems like it, yes.

 

[Kamen Rider Black RX]

On the PSN, the first episode of Telltale's Back to the Future game is available for free. Might have something to do with that choice. Chris saw a cool time machine and jumped when he found a set.

 

[IanBrannanSOMETHING]

As far as I know, this figure is a store exclusive, either Target or Wal-Mart. It's a limited edition figurine and so I'm certain he bought from an Amazon seller... Meaning if he did buy it on Amazon, there's a 99.9% chance he's paid above the odds.

Nope, I saw this figure in a Gamestop. But it is limited edition so unless he bought it in a store it's going to be more than the 14 dollars it cost at Gamestop.

Ah, fair enough. I'm not in the US but I am aware that a lot of the exclusives are Target or Wal-Mart.

Speaking of, I wonder if Chris ever got any of the Frito-Lay exclusive figures.

 

[A-№1]

The release date is November 15th, and the basic system price is around $400. For about $100 more, you can get a "complete kit" with 2 duo shock controllers, and a couple of games.

Why would he ever need two controllers?

Since when has Chris ever refrained from buying something just because he doesn't need it?

Technically, Chris doesn't need any of the crap he buys, but that never stops him from buying it. Hell, he buys stuff he can't even use, like add-ons for games he doesn't even own. A second controller at least has a little utility for him; it will allow him to keep a charged controller handy so he doesn't have to interrupt his gaming when his current controller needs to recharge. For that reason, Chris probably sees a second controller as a necessity, because that's just the sort of lazy, impatient person he is. Frustrating waiting on recharging batteries is something that he thinks he should never have to suffer.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

This explains why Chris was willing to show what seemed like gratitude.

What an ass.

 

[Christ-Chan]

Oh yeah, I think Chris bought this stuff himself. And yeah, the online aspect is the part that I'm not really sure what's the deal with. I really don't think he'd be doing online stuff for Barb. Probably for the trolls.

^From page 2. Kim also chipped in with the same comment somewhere far back. If one of those two says it it's pretty safe to take it as truth to be honest.

 

[Varis]

Chris has come mighty far from TRUE and HONEST.

 

[timtommy]

I already know which of these theories is correct, I'm just saying that the "troll bought it for him" theory is really retarded and hard to defend. (At least as far as the arguments people have presented thus far)

Fair enough, if you know that he is buying them for himself, then I stand corrected. Maybe I am just more amused by the Back to the Future reference than most people here. That is why I was in favour of the "retarded" troll theory for that one. I could just picture a Christorian coming across Lego Back to the Future stuff, being reminded of Chris because it was Lego, and then being amused at the parallels between Chris and the movie and buying it for him.

Do you happen to know if the Sonic DVD was a Chris purchase as well? Is the whole buying thins for Chris just something that doesn't happen?

 

[milkshark]

I have thought of buying Christian gifts lots of times. He's really easy to shop for with all his limited interests. I have his address, and I "like" him in a strange sense so why not toss a crummy toy his way to brighten up his drab life? I think anonymous gifts from observers is not far fetched, and it shows Christian that not everyone is a piece of shit on this Earth. Some people actually do nice things and want nothing in return.