Prison Letters Chris writes letter answering fan's questions (dated Oct 25 2021)

[HeilDave]

Hard to believe the man who wrote this fucked his mother.

Any guess what cocktail they've got him on? It seems to be working.

 

[FightenGnome]

According to Chris that was the year King Arthur split the world apart from fantasy and reality...of course there was no actual king Arthur or at least one we can be 100 percent historically accurate about. So really it's anyone's guess why he went with 1389.

One most also remember Chris hasn't cracked open a decent book that wasn't a kid's novel in god knows how long. Most of his knowledge of King Arthur comes from the most likely source; sonic and the black knight. (because of course it's sonic it's ALWAYS sonic) I doubt he's read even an idiot proof abridged version of the Thomas Mallory books or the Howard Pyle version written for children in the 19th century.

One should ask Chris to get a copy of the version of the Bible that contains the Book of Armaments. Nah he'd probably think that version was warped into the magic world by King Arthur and the Bible we have is the one sufficient for this dimension.

These letters tire me, though this one was informative at least. I can't believe there is a more annoying side to Chris than as a tranny. Messiah Chris must be the lowest, it can't get worse than this.

 

[Skwisgaar Skwigelf]

it can't get worse than this.

President Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, acting Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces and CPU Goddess Blue Heart.

 

[RealBoi]

"I Know I am better than some to most [people]" said Chris who is currently being held without bail for fucking their dementia ridden mother

 

[totallyrandomusername]

1389 is the starting year in the Julian Calendar...

JULAAAAAAAY!!!

So that would be the JULAAAAAAAYan Calendar then.

 

[LeDarkMemer]

All i get out of these letters is that the fat gay tranny sociopath has zero regrets about raping his own mother

 

[Turbocuck]

I found it really interesting that he rates jail as highly as he does. "Positive vibrations and spiritual energies", and he says the food is pretty good.

It never occurred to me, but 14BC is so squalid and hoardified and his diet there was so unhealthy, that a clean cinder block room with a stainless steel toilet and 3 meals a day with a regulation-compliant amount of micronutrients could actually be an improvement in Chris's quality of life.

 

[NoodleFucker3000]

People write weirdos in prison all the time, especially notable criminals like Ramirez who got a shit ton of fanmail.. that and the one guy that even had a tumblr running through his wife and would trade art for money. Idk why writing Chris would be different.

 

[lurk_moar]

Just remember the good old days when Chris was an awkward fanfiction comic writer who evolved into a troon who loved MLP and then the major plot twist of becoming a schizophrenic with grandiose religious delusions who raped his own geriatric mother. Man, what a ride.

 

[OkiiManko]

 

[KiwiFarmerSimulator2021]

my Second Coming where I shall descend at my Temple and fully, physically, relocate the Majority to our recombined Earth

I suspect what he is describing here is his sexual encounters with his mother.

 

[Manticucc]

Well, overall, and in short, the staff treat me well enough. At start, the genuine positive vibrations [something scribbled out; possibly “really”] and spiritual energy Really sold this place well.

Nigga, you're in a fucking Jail.

IT'S A JAIL

I have a feeling that he doesnt grasp his situation whatsoever.

 

[Idiot Asshole]

All i get out of these letters is that the fat gay tranny sociopath has zero regrets about raping his own mother

As @Turbocuck mentioned, jail is probably an improvement on living with Barb. Why would he regret what he did? (Y'know, besides having a conscience, but he clearly doesn't have one)

 

[Manticucc]

According to Chris that was the year King Arthur split the world apart from fantasy and reality...of course there was no actual king Arthur or at least one we can be 100 percent historically accurate about. So really it's anyone's guess why he went with 1389.

One most also remember Chris hasn't cracked open a decent book that wasn't a kid's novel in god knows how long. Most of his knowledge of King Arthur comes from the most likely source; sonic and the black knight. (because of course it's sonic it's ALWAYS sonic) I doubt he's read even an idiot proof abridged version of the Thomas Mallory books or the Howard Pyle version written for children in the 19th century.

Even still...Arthur was a Celtic King in Roman Times...and 1389 is pretty much 1000 years after this period....

 

[Procrastinhater]

Interesting. Arthurian Legend in my remembering of it took place in no later than than the 900s. I could be wrong as I give fuck all to English legendarium, but you might be onto something there even though Chris doesn't explain it. A future Ween writer may get him to expand on this further.

Would have been way before that.
Arthur was supposedly fighting the Saxon invasions, by 924 there were no Saxon Kingdoms like Wessex, Mercia, etx, Aethelstan unified "Englaland" (Land of the Angles) at the Battle of Brunanburh.
Arthur would have had to have been in the 500's to 700's to have made any sense.
Certainly not 1389, that's Middle Ages.

 

[Strange Wilderness]

"I've hardly made friends, more like kind allies with the more positive staff"

This motherfucker is going to get his ass shanked.

Knowing Chris's hatred of men he's probably intentionally isolating himself from the male inmates, i.e. everyone in his housing unit, and probably only chatting with female guards, doctors, possibly any female trustees. Either that or the other inmates want nothing to do with the annoying fat guy who only babbles about how hes Jesus of cartoon land who raped his own mother and just ignore him or tell him to fuck off.

 

[The Dude]

Insufferably smug messiah Chris is the worst Chris. I'm getting really tired of his blasphemy and hope he gets sentenced to serious time behind bars, even if he does cop a plea deal, just so he can see once and for all that he isn't special or important, and that reality doesn't give a squirty shit about him or his unwarranted sense of self-importance.

And I'm betting that the "allies" among the jail staff and "positive" guards are ones who treat him like a child because they can tell he's a mongoloid. He likely hates the ones who rightfully treat him like the adult criminal and sexual abuser that he is.

 

[thegooddoctor]

Ffs, what a boring read by a retard who has no idea what he's talking about, I hope this letter 'saga' dies out quickly
although the bit about the universe dividing in 1389 is a neat piece of new info.

 

[Procrastinhater]

Insufferably smug messiah Chris is the worst Chris. I'm getting really tired of his blasphemy and hope he gets sentenced to serious time behind bars, even if he does cop a plea deal, just so he can see once and for all that he isn't special or important, and that reality doesn't give a squirty shit about him or his unwarranted sense of self-importance.

And I'm betting that the "allies" among the jail staff an "positive" guards are ones who treat him like a child because they can tell he's a mongoloid. He likely hates the ones who rightfully treat him like the adult criminal and sexual abuser that he is.

Yeah Heretic Chris is starting to grate on my nerves.
I really thought he'd be more effected by having his whole life destroyed and this is the longest he's ever been away from Barb, I would have thought he'd have some concern for her considering he's never likely to see her again but the Motherfucker is so arrogant, so solipsistic, he just could not give a fuck.
He's in jail for fucking his smoothbrain Mom and he's giving it fucking 2 star reviews like he's on holiday with Gunt in a shitty Vegas hotel.
And he's enjoying the food.
He's ENJOYING jail food ffs.
What the fuck even is he??

 

[OkiiManko]

These are the ramblings of a madman, so it's open to interpretation like any good parable.

1389 A.D. saw the death of Pope Urban at the hands of a mob of jerkardinals for daring to say that churchies shouldn't do it for the money. This brought about the western schism and the church was divided for 25 years as three popes poped it out to be the one true pope. Jesus-Chan Sonichu then became unstuck in time and crashed into the Space Shuttle Columbia in the lovequest year of 2003, where he fractured to both exit Barb's pussy in 1982 and enter it in 2021.