Prison Letters Chris writes me from Prison (dated September 19th, 2021)

[RadioactiveMonkeyMan]

My god, he’s the spitting image of the Messiah!

View attachment 2577922

 

[Shovel Mech Pilot]

He's obviously guilty as fuck but Heilberg is just doing damage control.

This describes a lot of criminal cases. The vast majority of cases are not like CSI or some courtroom drama show. They usually involve a defendant who was caught in pretty incriminating circumstances and probably even confessed to the police. So the only thing the defense attorney can do is to try to lessen the blow as much as possible. Even if Chris is found insane, it's not like he just gets to walk. But the outcome is definitely better than years in prison.

 

[Tedbundychu]

I realize even if the punishment is cutting off his hand, he would still never learn.

Cutting off Chris's hands would be a fair price for saving this world from the cursed future Sonichu issues describing the barbussy

 

[Cuntflaps]

Honestly, if Winnie the Pooh was the only book available Chris would love Honey and the Heffalumps would be dating all the non-boyfriendfree girls. It made a painful amount of sense for Chris(t) to emerge from the cave on the third day.

He crashed into slumber and then arose on the third day.

 

[Hexbox]

"Take this Q-Sand, for it is my body. This cup is the new covenant of my comeuppance, which is poured out for you."

 

[kidatari]

is there a address where Kiwifrens can mail encouraging love letters and gifts to Chris Chan?

 

[Uncle Meat]

We're arguing between Prison or a Hospital at this point.

Nope. No one will pay to send Chris to a hospital. We're arguing between prison and more prison. The only mitigation any of this would be would be on the length of the sentence.

 

[Mason Verger]

is there a address where Kiwifrens can mail encouraging love letters and gifts to Chris Chan?

Only if you want a jail employee seeing how colossal a fag you are before throwing your letters and gifts in the trash. He ain’t at summer camp.

 

[Seven Inches]

I can't wait for the inevitable "Ripped from the headlines" episode of Law and Order: SVU based on the prison saga.

 

[JULAY]

"Take this Q-Sand, for it is my body. This cup is the new covenant of my comeuppance, which is poured out for you."

Ah, the infamous Q-Sand... Newfags don't know 'bout no Q-Sand.

 

[Mrcarsom]

Honestly, this makes me can't wait till his next court date. I really want to see the outcome and what we're going to learn

 

[Seaweed Chips]

Late to the party, but I see that Chris's bloated sense of egotistical and unwarranted self-importance hasn't wavered an inch

 

[School Shooter]

Chris is obviously Christ reincarnate. Stop laughing at him people. I must start the Church of Chan and worship our lord. He'll break out of jail whenever he is ready to do so. You'll all see!!!

 

[Stephanie Bustcakes]

is there a address where Kiwifrens can mail encouraging love letters and gifts to Chris Chan?

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500

 

[Super Macho Man]

I see he's finally decided to take a more conventional route for his schizophrenic ramblings this time, complete with nigh-illegible handwriting.

 

[TitchBitties]

For some reason the likening himself to Christ doesn't seem out of character but, the obsession with Andy Warhol of all people still baffles me

 

[The Final Troondown]

Did this fat retard just compare the consequences of fucking his mother to the trials and tribulations of The Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

I mean isn't Jesus god and therefore his own son?

"And majority of the laws is basically do not sleep with, uh, your relati—with your close relatives or the, uh, relation of those relatives."
-2009 Chris on Biblical Morality

That's the old testament
The new one represents a new covenant with Chris

 

[A Grey Cat]

The letter seems to have tanked Chris's defense but remember there's still a lot that hasn't been disclosed to us and may never be disclosed. Barb's medical exam and of she agreed to a rape kit, and if she'll testify or not...I know she must be sick of Chris but I don't doubt the possibility she declined a kit or refuses to say anything on the matter personally, consider it one last gift to her retard son hoping it'll help somewhat.


Really as it was said a few pages ago the best heilburg can hope for even if they pull up the letter in court, is to convince the prosecution Chris is a weak, fat, mentally incompetent moron who will never survive the harsh environment that hard time is. Sending him to prison may as well be sending him to death row, because he'll piss the inmates off so much they'll find a way to have Chris killed to be rid of him, it's rare but it happens. (Thought usually to chomos who did some really fucked up stuff or serial killers just look at how Dahmer died)


Not to mention even if he goes to prison he'll learn nothing, and do nothing to better himself and prepare to integrate into society. So really the best they can do is give him as harsh a sentence as possible without labeling him a felon so he'll still have the tugboat when he gets out, and even if he does get out he'll be under stricter rules and watch.

 

[Son of Liberty]

At the end of the day it really doesn't matter much if he gets sentenced to prison or put on probation or any other form of community supervision. You know the dumb fuck will violate any terms of his probation within a day and end up in prison regardless.

 

[Baloney Face]

Heilberg is just doing damage control

That's what a defense attorney does when a client is guilty. In most cases that means a straightforward plea bargain, but nothing is straightforward when it comes to Mrs Sonichu.