Chris's excuses for being unemployed / pretending to be overworked megathread

[Deryn]

Do you guys think Chris could actually get a job? I think, yeah, getting too, through some programmes that help people with disabilities and some bosses who may higher him out of pity. Yet, I doubt that he could hold down the job for long.

I mean:
- 12 years of international internet infamacy as living legend, just google his name or wait until trolls find out where he works...
- lazy, doesn't even want to work
- totally irresponsible, endangers himself and others
- abnormally low intellectual and emotional intelligence, bad executive functioning
- totally unhealthy, weak and grossly obese
- has no skills of value (or any skills at all)
- made it through high school but rode the short bus
- went to college but his early 2000s tech skills, if not forgotten, are totally outdated now
- is now in his late 30s and has only worked for 6 months at all
- work accidents or conflicts with customers incoming
- and don't forget his poor hypothetical coworkers

Tell me if this sounds employable. The reason the tugboat exists is also so nobody has to higher someone like this.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Do you guys think Chris could actually get a job? I think, yeah, getting too, through some programmes that help people with disabilities and some bosses who may higher him out of pity. Yet, I doubt that he could hold down the job for long.

I mean:
- 12 years of international internet infamacy as living legend, just google his name or wait until trolls find out where he works...
- lazy, doesn't even want to work
- totally irresponsible, endangers himself and others
- abnormally low intellectual and emotional intelligence, bad executive functioning
- totally unhealthy, weak and grossly obese
- has no skills of value (or any skills at all)
- made it through high school but rode the short bus
- went to college but his early 2000s tech skills, if not forgotten, are totally outdated now
- is now in his late 30s and has only worked for 6 months at all
- work accidents or conflicts with customers incoming
- and don't forget his poor hypothetical coworkers

Tell me if this sounds employable. The reason the tugboat exists is also so nobody has to higher someone like this.

So he could be a Starbucks barista?

 

[Cardboard Box Mountain]

So he could be a Starbucks barista?

People do not want his special ingredient in their coffee.

 

[niggerhater1488]

yeah being fat and autistic probably does overwork you because your thinking about food and sonic vore porn 24/7

 

[Hogar Grupal]

People do not want his special ingredient in their coffee.

I don't think CWC can process so many orders at once. I think if he ever felt "offended" by a customer, I think he would spit in that person's coffee, because he is that immature.

 

[troon patrol]

Do you guys think Chris could actually get a job? I think, yeah, getting too, through some programmes that help people with disabilities and some bosses who may higher him out of pity. Yet, I doubt that he could hold down the job for long.

I mean:
- 12 years of international internet infamacy as living legend, just google his name or wait until trolls find out where he works...
- lazy, doesn't even want to work
- totally irresponsible, endangers himself and others
- abnormally low intellectual and emotional intelligence, bad executive functioning
- totally unhealthy, weak and grossly obese
- has no skills of value (or any skills at all)
- made it through high school but rode the short bus
- went to college but his early 2000s tech skills, if not forgotten, are totally outdated now
- is now in his late 30s and has only worked for 6 months at all
- work accidents or conflicts with customers incoming
- and don't forget his poor hypothetical coworkers

Tell me if this sounds employable. The reason the tugboat exists is also so nobody has to higher someone like this.

This argument has been done to death. Sex offenders, ex felons and the mentally handicapped all have jobs, his work ethic needs to be fixed but, he completely capable of quite a few jobs, janitor, retail stocker, CNC operator, factory line worker, recycling sorter, walmart greeter. Or how about just making the comic on time? He doesn't want to work, he doesn't even want to work on the comic he was paid in advance for several times over. He has no willpower but, he has so many people willing to send him money and play pretend with him he doesn't have to face reality.

Everything thats currently wrong with him is based on his delusional beliefs, he's not schizophrenic he just chooses to believe these things. In any other "normal" persons life typically this is where they have an intervention only there's no authority figure to intervene. This is very similar to someone addicted to heroin, they go through the same cycle burning bridges pissing away money because nobody stops them, the junkie believes he's "gonna change one day and just wants the shakes to stop", Chris is waiting on a dimensional merge and ignoring the fact he's living in a house that would have qualified for a hoarders episode 20 years ago, his only sexual partner was a hooker and he is by every definition a disgusting person living on borrowed time.

 

[Deryn]

Everything thats currently wrong with him is based on his delusional beliefs, he's not schizophrenic he just chooses to believe these things.

He is autistic.

 

[A Grey Cat]

I don't think CWC can process so many orders at once. I think if he ever felt "offended" by a customer, I think he would spit in that person's coffee, because he is that immature.

Oh please it's Starbucks, Chris is the perfect candidate to work there. Trooned out to hell and back, Autistic and has his own made up new age beliefs, history of being "bullied" on the internet all he'd need is get a couple dozen piercings in his face and he'd be right at home with the rest of the unfuckables who work there.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

Oh please it's Starbucks, Chris is the perfect candidate to work there. Trooned out to hell and back, Autistic and has his own made up new age beliefs, history of being "bullied" on the internet all he'd need is get a couple dozen piercings in his face and he'd be right at home with the rest of the unfuckables who work there.

Oh, shit. You're right.

 

[Chrus Chundlur]

Do you guys think Chris could actually get a job? I think, yeah, getting too, through some programmes that help people with disabilities and some bosses who may higher him out of pity. Yet, I doubt that he could hold down the job for long.

I mean:
- 12 years of international internet infamacy as living legend, just google his name or wait until trolls find out where he works...
- lazy, doesn't even want to work
- totally irresponsible, endangers himself and others
- abnormally low intellectual and emotional intelligence, bad executive functioning
- totally unhealthy, weak and grossly obese
- has no skills of value (or any skills at all)
- made it through high school but rode the short bus
- went to college but his early 2000s tech skills, if not forgotten, are totally outdated now
- is now in his late 30s and has only worked for 6 months at all
- work accidents or conflicts with customers incoming
- and don't forget his poor hypothetical coworkers

Tell me if this sounds employable. The reason the tugboat exists is also so nobody has to higher someone like this.

Only your second point would keep Chris from moping floors somewhere or sorting glass on some factory away from the public. That, and that he thinks he's beneath it, since she's is the goddess of shitting your pants or something.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

look for a boyfriend free girl

Chris worked at Wendy's, but predictably got fired. The last straw was drawing a supervisor as an ugly Pokemon, although IIRC Chris claimed it was for making a child cry with that hideous Donald Duck impression (which he later denied as well).

(he also briefly worked for Cutco without much success)

 

[The Fool]

I think we're forgetting the number one rule when it comes to mental health and recovery: You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. I know Chris is an extreme coward and probably fears death more than most people, but I almost feel like he'd rather die than even consider working at this point. He's too addicted to his maladaptive daydreaming and absolutely nothing, I mean nothing is going to rip that away from him. Any attempt to do so would merely be saying to him "trade in your ideal fantasy life to live in the crushing, bleak, critical real world" and he will never agree to that under any circumstances. Doing any work at all will prevent him from daydreaming, the only things that enable his escapist fantasies are videos games and sleeping, he won't accept delegating even a minute of potential daydream time to real work. He's a completely lost cause. Unless there's a literally zero-effort job out there like having someone stare at a security video camera feed just for the sake of saying that station is manned, he's not going to want to work anywhere whatsoever.

 

[GherkinRealness]

I can honestly picture Chris out on the streets, just sat on the pavement with a cup full of coins, surrounded by bags full of soft toy ponies and VHS tapes. A kindly gentleman kneels before him and asks if he needs some help to get back on his feet again, to get a flat, a home and some money. With a soft nod, Chris says this is what he wants more than anything. The man says he's the director of a major company, making billions every year, and he can help him find a job that will really get him on the right track and- Chris just sighs and slumps back down. He tells him to stop trolling him. He has no time for work, there's a merge to do.

The kindly man, confused and disturbed, walks on, listening to Chris singing to himself in a high-pitched lullaby.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

I can honestly picture Chris out on the streets, just sat on the pavement with a cup full of coins, surrounded by bags full of soft toy ponies and VHS tapes. A kindly gentleman kneels before him and asks if he needs some help to get back on his feet again, to get a flat, a home and some money. With a soft nod, Chris says this is what he wants more than anything. The man says he's the director of a major company, making billions every year, and he can help him find a job that will really get him on the right track and- Chris just sighs and slumps back down. He tells him to stop trolling him. He has no time for work, there's a merge to do.

The kindly man, confused and disturbed, walks on, listening to Chris singing to himself in a high-pitched lullaby.

If it wasn't for the vveans/enablers/white knights, yes, that could be the most high possible outcome.

 

[Tikbalang]

I think we're forgetting the number one rule when it comes to mental health and recovery: You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. I know Chris is an extreme coward and probably fears death more than most people, but I almost feel like he'd rather die than even consider working at this point. He's too addicted to his maladaptive daydreaming and absolutely nothing, I mean nothing is going to rip that away from him. Any attempt to do so would merely be saying to him "trade in your ideal fantasy life to live in the crushing, bleak, critical real world" and he will never agree to that under any circumstances. Doing any work at all will prevent him from daydreaming, the only things that enable his escapist fantasies are videos games and sleeping, he won't accept delegating even a minute of potential daydream time to real work. He's a completely lost cause. Unless there's a literally zero-effort job out there like having someone stare at a security video camera feed just for the sake of saying that station is manned, he's not going to want to work anywhere whatsoever.

So his daydreaming time is his comfort zone.

 

[Exceptionally Exceptional]

For people speculating on Chris' tugboat, perhaps a little clarity would help here.
Yes, he might see a minor increase in his tugboat when Barb dies. MIGHT. The reason being is that if someone else is sharing your expenses they'll actually lower how much you get paid, whereas if you're on your own completely they'll give you slightly more.
SLIGHTLY more. As in, maybe a couple hundred. Let's say Chris is sitting on about a grand a month from his tugboat. If that's been decreased because he's receiving "financial assistance from outside sources" such as a roommate (or parent) paying part of your rent or utilities, then when Barb dies he may see a very minor increase in his cash benefits to offset what he's no longer receiving from outside the Social Security system. But they absolutely won't increase it enough to match exactly what he's no longer receiving.

Make no mistake, this likely wouldn't keep Chris afloat in his current existence. Unless they own 14BC outright and have no mortgages against it, it's just not going to be enough to keep the place. Not with Chris' spending habits and complete inability to be responsible.

Increase or not, Chris is gonna have no make some tough decisions. Like moving out of the home he grew up in and settling in an apartment which, given that they're usually owned by people who will actually snoop around to make sure you aren't fucking things up in there, is unlikely to last very long in any given place.
The other choice, the only other choice I can think of, is that he's going to have to learn the finer points of subleasing and start renting out rooms. But knowing Chris he's gonna end up bringing on absolute speds as irresponsible as himself and he'll be unaware that you can't simply toss out a legal tenant without going through the proper procedures.

 

[troon patrol]

For people speculating on Chris' tugboat, perhaps a little clarity would help here.
Yes, he might see a minor increase in his tugboat when Barb dies. MIGHT. The reason being is that if someone else is sharing your expenses they'll actually lower how much you get paid, whereas if you're on your own completely they'll give you slightly more.
SLIGHTLY more. As in, maybe a couple hundred. Let's say Chris is sitting on about a grand a month from his tugboat. If that's been decreased because he's receiving "financial assistance from outside sources" such as a roommate (or parent) paying part of your rent or utilities, then when Barb dies he may see a very minor increase in his cash benefits to offset what he's no longer receiving from outside the Social Security system. But they absolutely won't increase it enough to match exactly what he's no longer receiving.

Make no mistake, this likely wouldn't keep Chris afloat in his current existence. Unless they own 14BC outright and have no mortgages against it, it's just not going to be enough to keep the place. Not with Chris' spending habits and complete inability to be responsible.

Increase or not, Chris is gonna have no make some tough decisions. Like moving out of the home he grew up in and settling in an apartment which, given that they're usually owned by people who will actually snoop around to make sure you aren't fucking things up in there, is unlikely to last very long in any given place.
The other choice, the only other choice I can think of, is that he's going to have to learn the finer points of subleasing and start renting out rooms. But knowing Chris he's gonna end up bringing on absolute speds as irresponsible as himself and he'll be unaware that you can't simply toss out a legal tenant without going through the proper procedures.

Barb fucked up any chance Chris/Cole has inheriting 14 BC, this has been discussed quite a bit, it's unclear the full extent there are multiple mortgages and possible a reverse. What is clear is the house is practically owned by the bank and to a cetain extent all the creditors that have been suing Barb/Chris for the last few years. I can only speak what I know of California real estate but, typically the judgements that cannot be collected (someone is broke) become a lean on the property meaning when the house is sold a portion is more or less immediately taken and given to the winners of civil judgements. All this really doesn't matter, what matters is Chris only has a few months of living at 14 BC after Barb dies because she royally fucked him and anyone else who would normally inherit a home from a deceased parent. The banks will immediately start paperwork on recovering the the house that has no equity. She is a pretty horrible person by all accounts, as this means chris will be homeless even if he magically learns how to lease properties, even selling the home for some quick cash like a "short sale" isn't realistic. This is one of the many reasons her family dislikes her.

TL;DR Barb is a bad person, drained equity out of the house for QVC shopping and hording shit and she knew she was setting things in motion so bad Chris couldn't possibly retain the house even to live in.

 

[Deryn]

Oh please it's Starbucks, Chris is the perfect candidate to work there. Trooned out to hell and back, Autistic and has his own made up new age beliefs, history of being "bullied" on the internet all he'd need is get a couple dozen piercings in his face and he'd be right at home with the rest of the unfuckables who work there.

The 14-01-2014 house fire was caused by a malfunctioning coffee maker...

Barb fucked up any chance Chris/Cole has inheriting 14 BC,

Wasn't it Bob who started that? Some months before his death he mortgaged 14BC to create a fund for Chris's future. Shortly thereafter the Chandlers blew all that cash on Rob Bell and colleagues, to get something they could've gotten for free (probation and fines instead of jail, like they did three years later).

 

[troon patrol]

Wasn't it Bob who started that? Some months before his death he mortgaged 14BC to create a fund for Chris's future. Shortly thereafter the Chandlers blew all that cash on Rob Bell and colleagues, to get something they could've gotten for free (probation and fines instead of jail, like they did three years later).

By "Chandlers" I think you mean Barb as she was the only defendant who comprehended the situation of being a defendant in the criminal case she and Chris were having to answer for; she was the only "decision maker" of the household as Bob had passed, meaning if there funds that were wasted on attorneys fees it was Barbs choice to do such.

 

[The Dude]

Barb fucked up any chance Chris/Cole has inheriting 14 BC, this has been discussed quite a bit, it's unclear the full extent there are multiple mortgages and possible a reverse. What is clear is the house is practically owned by the bank and to a cetain extent all the creditors that have been suing Barb/Chris for the last few years. I can only speak what I know of California real estate but, typically the judgements that cannot be collected (someone is broke) become a lean on the property meaning when the house is sold a portion is more or less immediately taken and given to the winners of civil judgements. All this really doesn't matter, what matters is Chris only has a few months of living at 14 BC after Barb dies because she royally fucked him and anyone else who would normally inherit a home from a deceased parent. The banks will immediately start paperwork on recovering the the house that has no equity. She is a pretty horrible person by all accounts, as this means chris will be homeless even if he magically learns how to lease properties, even selling the home for some quick cash like a "short sale" isn't realistic. This is one of the many reasons her family dislikes her.

TL;DR Barb is a bad person, drained equity out of the house for QVC shopping and hording shit and she knew she was setting things in motion so bad Chris couldn't possibly retain the house even to live in.

Yep. And when the bank issues enough eviction notices, they will get the local police to knock down the door and force Chris out. He will flip out, possibly assault one or more of the officers, and get arrested for trespassing after eviction and assaulting a law enforcement officer. This time he won't have a semi-competent adult helping him out. This will likely start a cycle for Chris of homelessness and stints in the county jail.

Anyone who has hopes of Chris somehow getting himself an apartment are wasting their time. His credit is fucked to high heaven, and he's too mentally incompetent to navigate the leasing process. There's not much hope for him without an adult helping him out by doing everything for him.