Chris's excuses for being unemployed / pretending to be overworked megathread

[W00K #17]

A dose raped Chris could be pretty entertaining.

 

[Robo Sonichu]

To be honest, I'm kinda glad that Chris doesn't have a job. Chris is gross, he doesn't shower, he shits himself, and he's overall nasty, and that'd be especially problematic in a job involving fast-food, which is pretty much the only job he'd ever be able to get.

 

[Jason Wynn]

To be honest, I'm kinda glad that Chris doesn't have a job. Chris is gross, he doesn't shower, he shits himself, and he's overall nasty, and that'd be especially problematic in a job involving fast-food, which is pretty much the only job he'd ever be able to get.

He sounds like the perfect Burger King employee then.

 

[A Grey Cat]

He sounds like the perfect Burger King employee then.

Kinda power leveling but I used to work for a company called people ready and one of the jobs they had us do was to drive out to an auto yard that specialized in selling cars seized in repos or by law and had been cleared as police evidence.

The two jobs they had were so easy even delusional out his mind Chris could do them..either stand in the lanes waving traffic through like a crossing gaurd or drive the car down the lanes into the auction house

But yeah even a job that involves sitting on his lard ass driving all day is too good for Chris at this point

 

[CwChalk]

To be honest, I'm kinda glad that Chris doesn't have a job. Chris is gross, he doesn't shower, he shits himself, and he's overall nasty, and that'd be especially problematic in a job involving fast-food, which is pretty much the only job he'd ever be able to get.

I see it as a double-bladed sword. Yeah, he's gross and the term 'unsanitary' feels inadequate to explain it. It'd be bad for the store and it's customers... BUT his issues with authority figures means we'll always miss out on Chris doing something stupid and playing the victim card time and time again.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

The only jobs where I can see Chris being at is working as a volunteer for conventions, or working a hobby store like The Game Place or The End Games.

However, I can see Chris try to sell his own messed up card game and get fired.

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

Or start reeeee-ing at little niggo kids when they beat him at game after game, and getting dismissed very quickly.

 

[Subconcious Offense]

I see it as a double-bladed sword. Yeah, he's gross and the term 'unsanitary' feels inadequate to explain it. It'd be bad for the store and it's customers... BUT his issues with authority figures means we'll always miss out on Chris doing something stupid and playing the victim card time and time again.

Yeah, it's only bad if you live in Virginia. To the rest of us, it's new content.

 

[troon patrol]

To be honest, I'm kinda glad that Chris doesn't have a job. Chris is gross, he doesn't shower, he shits himself, and he's overall nasty, and that'd be especially problematic in a job involving fast-food, which is pretty much the only job he'd ever be able to get.

It's never gonna happen but, if you took away the tugboat the vidya and children's toys I believe Chris could easily be a janitor or a shelf-stocker or some basic of basic factory job. Ex felons and "slow in the minds" work and work harder than Chris ever has, I respect anyone who puts in an honest 40 hours a week. Chris lacks accountability because he's never had to have any. Even getting arrested multiple times for violent offenses he slips the the cracks. Barb/Bob fucked up real bad coddling him and reinforcing his anti-social faggotry. I used to think it was all Barb but, if you listen to Alec Benson Leary pretending to be a game place manager; politely calling about Chris trespassing you get Bob accusing them of "kicking him out for no reason" "Mike's been persecuting him (Chris) for years". The best part is when Alec says Chris was taking pics and threatening people, Bob still Dngaf.

 

[CwChalk]

I never understood the Lumberjack's attitude here. He sounds like a chill dude who likes music, than there is this call; just the mention of Chris and The Game Place has him up in arms making baseless accusations and talking rudely to an "employee" just doing their job. Alec can barely finish a sentence.

 

[Thumbsballs]

The only jobs where I can see Chris being at is working as a volunteer for conventions, or working a hobby store like The Game Place or The End Games.

However, I can see Chris try to sell his own messed up card game and get fired.

Somebody needs to get him hooked up with Justin Assanti, from my 600 lbs life, Steven Assanti’s brother and have him work in the hobby store Justin runs. Steven and CWC would be great friends.... for us to watch.

 

[Optimus Prime]

The only jobs where I can see Chris being at is working as a volunteer for conventions, or working a hobby store like The Game Place or The End Games.

However, I can see Chris try to sell his own messed up card game and get fired.

The main reason Chris got banned from those places, in addition to just generally making the patrons feel super uncomfortable, was that he felt the rules at such places were beneath him. With Game Place, he decided to try and handle running some pokemon event and waddled into the back which was the main reason for his expulsion (though it sounded like he was a regular ass that was hurting business going off the information on the wiki), whereas with End Games apparently one of two (or both) things happened:

- Chris got into an argument with a game judge that was serious enough to warrant his banning, and/or
- Chris stuck a Sonichu sticker on their Pokemon League sign, then discovered they got a new sign and threw out the old one (meaning Sonichu went in the trash), he was told that Sonichu was not a Pokemon and thus did not belong on the sign, and while the details of what happened next are lost to time, it doesn't take a genuis to figure out how Chris reacted to his beloved fictional son being called 'not a pokemon'.

Chris probably can't hold a job at this point because he legit simply doesn't have the mental capacity to do it - you could even bribe him to try and do a daily job, and he would without fail end up trying to half ass or slack off and demand payment for a full day's work even if he hadn't done jack shit.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

The main reason Chris got banned from those places, in addition to just generally making the patrons feel super uncomfortable, was that he felt the rules at such places were beneath him. With Game Place, he decided to try and handle running some pokemon event and waddled into the back which was the main reason for his expulsion (though it sounded like he was a regular ass that was hurting business going off the information on the wiki), whereas with End Games apparently one of two (or both) things happened:

- Chris got into an argument with a game judge that was serious enough to warrant his banning, and/or
- Chris stuck a Sonichu sticker on their Pokemon League sign, then discovered they got a new sign and threw out the old one (meaning Sonichu went in the trash), he was told that Sonichu was not a Pokemon and thus did not belong on the sign, and while the details of what happened next are lost to time, it doesn't take a genuis to figure out how Chris reacted to his beloved fictional son being called 'not a pokemon'.

Chris probably can't hold a job at this point because he legit simply doesn't have the mental capacity to do it - you could even bribe him to try and do a daily job, and he would without fail end up trying to half ass or slack off and demand payment for a full day's work even if he hadn't done jack shit.

Chris would try to push Sonichu as an official Pokemon and force players to use it if he worked at any hobby store. I've said it before in this thread, it is a good idea that Chris doesn't have a job. Sad irony really, Chris was expected of his parents (mainly Bob) to succeed, but was conditioned to be lazy and not have any rules applied to him.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Chris would try to push Sonichu as an official Pokemon and force players to use it if he worked at any hobby store. I've said it before in this thread, it is a good idea that Chris doesn't have a job. Sad irony really, Chris was expected of his parents (mainly Bob) to succeed, but was conditioned to be lazy and not have any rules applied to him.

It didn't help Bob's justification for getting Chris set up for benefits was that he would get more in unemployment than holding a job - maybe at the time this happened it was true regarding entry level jobs (in which case Bob was in fact correct given Chris would never hold something like a white collar office job that paid a decent wage) but at the level Chris spends, the tugboat is not sustainable.

 

[Fapcop]

Even with the dumbest, lowest level entry jobs, like restocking grocery stores (obviously at night when the store is closed, so there are no customers to harass.) Chris would find a way to fuck it up.

If told to fill a particular isle, he’d fill it a quarter of the way, and then sit down to play his DS or whatever as soon as the manager is out of sight. (Fatty always takes the shortcut.)

And if caught out, make a big deal out of the few packages he did put up, and whine about needing to take a break because of his heart/stress/Magichan told him he’d finish it for him.


Short of hiring someone to watch him closely and crack the whip constantly... Or some sort of necklace that gives painful electric shocks whenever his pulse rate falls below what could be expected from working hard, I don’t see how it would be possible to turn Chris into a contributor and not a leech.


(Ffs, Chris had the opportunity to earn hundreds of dollars every month on his shitty comics, at one point. But it smelled too much like actual work, so Chris couldn’t be bothered.)

 

[Optimus Prime]

Even with the dumbest, lowest level entry jobs, like restocking grocery stores (obviously at night when the store is closed, so there are no customers to harass.) Chris would find a way to fuck it up.

If told to fill a particular isle, he’d fill it a quarter of the way, and then sit down to play his DS or whatever as soon as the manager is out of sight. (Fatty always takes the shortcut.)

And if caught out, make a big deal out of the few packages he did put up, and whine about needing to take a break because of his heart/stress/Magichan told him he’d finish it for him.


Short of hiring someone to watch him closely and crack the whip constantly... Or some sort of necklace that gives painful electric shocks whenever his pulse rate falls below what could be expected from working hard, I don’t see how it would be possible to turn Chris into a contributor and not a leech.


(Ffs, Chris had the opportunity to earn hundreds of dollars every month on his shitty comics, at one point. But it smelled too much like actual work, so Chris couldn’t be bothered.)

This is why Chris needs a handler - his attention span for anything that isn't immediately gratifying is virtually non-existent.

 

[Fapcop]

This is why Chris needs a handler - his attention span for anything that isn't immediately gratifying is virtually non-existent.

Excuse me?! Chris isn’t a dang, filthy asbergers faker. He was mainstreamed! MAINSTREAMED!


Maybe you could pull it off by explaining to Chris that it’s perfectly normal for celebrities to have handlers. Appeal to his vanity and his laziness by explaining that his tard-wrang-eh-handler would take care of practical things like paying the bills, etc.

 

[Picklechu]

Chris probably can't hold a job at this point because he legit simply doesn't have the mental capacity to do it - you could even bribe him to try and do a daily job, and he would without fail end up trying to half ass or slack off and demand payment for a full day's work even if he hadn't done jack shit.

Eh, if the options were "get a job or die" or "get a job or have Barb scream at you," I think he'd get one. He'd grumble and be pissy about it, and crank up his begging in the hopes of getting enough money that he didn't need to, but he'd do it. He'd be a generally terrible employee for obvious reasons, so he may not last unless it's a job specifically for tards where they expect some of that sort of thing. Still, if he got fired, Barb or necessity would probably force him to get another one should it ever actually get to that point.

The real concern would be spergy zoomers and A-Logs finding out where he worked and harassing his employer.

Regardless, this is all hypothetical anyway, since Chris doesn't need a job right now - between his tugboat and enablers and Barb's pension and social security, they have enough to keep their heads above water. Even after Snorlax goes to that great Pokemon Center in the sky, once Chris leaves 14BC and gets into a shitty little apartment or something, the tugboat will likely still be enough that he won't need to work (although he'll certainly be pissed off about being able to spend way less on toys, although, when one considers how much Barb apparently takes for the mortgage each month, it may actually work out in his favor from a financial standpoint).

 

[Optimus Prime]

Eh, if the options were "get a job or die" or "get a job or have Barb scream at you," I think he'd get one. He'd grumble and be pissy about it, and crank up his begging in the hopes of getting enough money that he didn't need to, but he'd do it. He'd be a generally terrible employee for obvious reasons, so he may not last unless it's a job specifically for tards where they expect some of that sort of thing. Still, if he got fired, Barb or necessity would probably force him to get another one should it ever actually get to that point.

The real concern would be spergy zoomers and A-Logs finding out where he worked and harassing his employer.

Regardless, this is all hypothetical anyway, since Chris doesn't need a job right now - between his tugboat and enablers and Barb's pension and social security, they have enough to keep their heads above water. Even after Snorlax goes to that great Pokemon Center in the sky, once Chris leaves 14BC and gets into a shitty little apartment or something, the tugboat will likely still be enough that he won't need to work (although he'll certainly be pissed off about being able to spend way less on toys, although, when one considers how much Barb apparently takes for the mortgage each month, it may actually work out in his favor from a financial standpoint).

Honestly, I'm not to sure Chris would be able to be self sufficent - this is a guy who had to beg for donations to sell his ebay shit because he spent the money before shipping out his own product.

The idea he spends money he has in pocket due to poor impulse control before considering his needs like food or utilities? Not that far fetched.

 

[Totally Awesome]

To be honest, I'm kinda glad that Chris doesn't have a job. Chris is gross, he doesn't shower, he shits himself, and he's overall nasty, and that'd be especially problematic in a job involving fast-food, which is pretty much the only job he'd ever be able to get.

He'd also yell at all the customers, and creepily try to hit on all the women. It would be disastrous. Maybe it would be funny to record and post in the CWCki.