Chris's excuses for being unemployed / pretending to be overworked megathread

[Optimus Prime]

So idk if it's still possible with covid but I did work a temp job once passing out copies of time out New York in battery park a few years ago.

All Chris would have to do is stand around outside handing out free mags like time out...but I don't know if Charlottesville has any magazine publishers like that. And if course even that would be too much for him he'd find something to complain about

There is a 100% chance Chris would quickly decide that he could get away with simply dumping all the free periodicals into a trash bin, say he passed them out, and then try to leave work early while still expecting a full paycheck.

A while back, I was re-listening to the Alec Benson Leary calls, and at one point Alec points out that Sonichu is basically Chris' job. Chris' response was that he hated it when Sonichu was put in the perspective as being his job. He concedes that he wants Sonichu to be his moneymaking franchise, but he seems to want it both ways where it's his work of art but he doesn't want to think of it as actual work. Chris is so averse to work that the instant he thinks of Sonichu as a job, he doesn't find it fun anymore and would rather shit his pants and do nothing, which is probably why Sonichu went on a years-long hiatus and why he regularly failed to deliver on his promises of merchandise.

Bingo.

What Chris wanted was to have Sonichu be a money making franchise he was in control of...but not necessarily produce. Obviously, this is far from the truth but Chris doesn't understand how anything works in professional fields.

This is further supplanted by the fact the Sonichu comics almost immediately devolved into an ongoing revenge fantasy where Chris lashed out against the 'wrongs' done onto him by the world, usually by destroying and humiliating reverse-named effigies of people he couldn't touch in real life. Or count Graudon or whatever the fuck the name was, that was the entity representing High School Graduation which to this day I don't think Chris has really quite gotten over since that marked the effective end of his coddling since Mary Lee Walsh took none of his shit like the administration at MHS had to.

Sonichu came to a sudden halt around the time of the Simonla incident for three reasons:

1. Chris inadvertently allowed the trolls into his escapist fantasy world via Simonla
2. Chris was forced to kill off Simonla and because he thinks shit like Who Framed Roger Rabbit is real, he thought he'd killed an actual living being (he would eventually figure out nobody gave a fuck years later when he 'resurrected' her)
3. Most importantly, it was no longer 'fun' for him because now he wasn't in control anymore. So, the comics faded.

The comics did make a comeback temporarily for the purposes of making money but around then, Chris was doing shit with the Lego Sonichus and playing house where he was full transvestite or whatever.

Ultimately, Chris hates reality constantly barging into his life and the very idea of work, having to do gainful productive actions for the benefit of people other than himself (excluding Barb), without immediately getting compensation of some kind for said labor, probably offends him on some deeper level. He is 100% instant gratification, which is why even at a piss-easy basic labor job he'd lose interest and wander off, because it isn't stimulating enough for what few brain cells he has.

If Chris's cult has actual followers, and expected to do ritual routine, he'll ditch the whole merge bullshit because it's work.

No, because the Merge bullshit is basically CWCville 2.0 in terms of escapism. Chris badly wants to transcend into this alternate reality he believes in where everything is better for him. The Idea Guys set the stage, but Chris is the one driving his own delusions here.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

I’m surprised Chris hasn’t gotten bored of Sonichu yet. I assumed it would be Night Star and CPU goddess nonsense from here on out. I guess even he can’t disassociate himself from the creation that put him on the internet roadmap.

 

[The Un-Clit]

It failed because @The Captain was more focused on shielding Chris from tormentors than actually correcting the damage caused by the Idea Battalion.

Come on, are you seriously blaming a fucking Kiwi for NOT fixing Chris's headcanon regarding his own fictional world??

You weren't there, you have no idea how @The Captain interacted with Chris beyond what he mentioned here. For all you know he worked tirelessly to reverse the Idea Guys shit, or he tried hard to retcon it yet again to something even worse!

Or, you know, he did what he could to help a stubborn autist within the grounds he was able to work with. Blaming him for not fixing the Idea Guys shit is massively unfair.

 

[Fapcop]

Come on, are you seriously blaming a fucking Kiwi for NOT fixing Chris's headcanon regarding his own fictional world??

You weren't there, you have no idea how @The Captain interacted with Chris beyond what he mentioned here. For all you know he worked tirelessly to reverse the Idea Guys shit, or he tried hard to retcon it yet again to something even worse!

Or, you know, he did what he could to help a stubborn autist within the grounds he was able to work with. Blaming him for not fixing the Idea Guys shit is massively unfair.

Since it’s Chris we’re talking about, I guess it’s not completely unreasonable to assume that Chris is too lazy to fix his own headcanon by himself.

As for the idea guys, some people have this idea that Chris was 100% the victim without any agency and against his will.

But if you look closer, the IG might have planted some seeds, but Chris chose which ones to germinate. While the idea guys might have pushed it in a particular direction, there isn’t a whole lot in the IG-stuff that wasn’t there already.


The IG might have made Chris dress up as a gopnik and shit like that, but they’d never have been able to make him do things he didn’t want to at some level.

If the IG had told Chris that CWCville would be destroyed if he didn’t get a part time job at McD for example, or Sonichu would die unless he moved out from 14 Branchland Ct, Chris would have put an end to that real quick.

 

[Zarkov]

It failed because @The Captain was more focused on shielding Chris from tormentors than actually correcting the damage caused by the Idea Battalion.

No Kiwi can fix the damage done to the colossal clusterfuck that is Chris' mind, it's a waste of time and effort to even try. Chris is legit mentally ill and the help he would need to regain a semblance of sanity goes way beyond what a Kiwi can provide. Best you can do if you really want to get involved in that fat trainweck's life is to shield him from the worst of the shit random dumbasses who think this is still 2010 can throw at him, like Captain did, but even then he's such an asshole that he'll quickly drive away anyone who tries.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

You weren't there, you have no idea how @The Captain interacted with Chris beyond what he mentioned here. For all you know he worked tirelessly to reverse the Idea Guys shit, or he tried hard to retcon it yet again to something even worse!

Eh, it's a bit of a grey area with Cap. I've talked to him over the phone and the dude was legitimately dedicated to helping Chris, but at the same time, it also felt like he considered him a personal project to occupy some free time during his medical leave. Except it turned into a full-time job in of itself to constantly check in on Chris to the point where his wife started to get annoyed. He had some kind of strange autistic sympathy for him; only Cap is obsessive about things that matter, Chris isn't. He didn't really understand that Chris brings these kinds of weens on himself, and even enjoys the attention.

No joke, he had Chris call/text him every few hours while he was at BronyCon so he could make sure he wouldn't get robbed/stabbed/conned in Baltimore like a concerned parent.

 

[CwChalk]

If the IG had told Chris that CWCville would be destroyed if he didn’t get a part time job at McD for example, or Sonichu would die unless he moved out from 14 Branchland Ct, Chris would have put an end to that real quick.

I haven't read a whole lot of the chat logs that's been leaked between Chris and the Idea Guys, but yeah, he has countered the roleplaying they were doing with his own whenever they did something he didn't agree with. That should've been that, I guess they were persistent enough to push some buttons nobody really knew he had. There was something disturbing about the whole Cryzel Torture thing, I guess the thought of something horrible happening to someone he thinks is real was too much for him to ignore. It's weird that he has more empathy for a 1 dimensional toon than the real people in his life.

 

[Fapcop]

I haven't read a whole lot of the chat logs that's been leaked between Chris and the Idea Guys, but yeah, he has countered the roleplaying they were doing with his own whenever they did something he didn't agree with. That should've been that, I guess they were persistent enough to push some buttons nobody really knew he had. There was something disturbing about the whole Cryzel Torture thing, I guess the thought of something horrible happening to someone he thinks is real was too much for him to ignore. It's weird that he has more empathy for a 1 dimensional toon than the real people in his life.

The Cryzel torture chat is actually a good example of the LARPing nature of at least some of it.

(Now I’m not saying that it all was LARPing, though who the fuck knows with Chris.)

At one point in the Cryzel chat, Chris starts insulting IG in a pretty sassy way, which is kind of a weird thing to do, if you think you’re talking to a goddess who’s holding your wife hostage.

Also note how the Cryzel Torture chat ends. Chris leaves because he has to do something or sleep or whatever. And the IG just sits and waits, typing occasionally to see if Chris got back.

A few hours later, still with no reply from Chris, IG ends the session and “saves” Cryzels life.

That’s not really the kind of behavior you’d expect from someone who thinks it’s real.
But it is what you’d expect from someone who’s role playing and got bored.

 

[Hogar Grupal]

No joke, he had Chris call/text him every few hours while he was at BronyCon so he could make sure he wouldn't get robbed/stabbed/conned in Baltimore like a concerned parent.

Well, once again, every other person, BUT Barb serves as a much better parent.

 

[Subconcious Offense]

I don't know why people are putting Captain on a pedestal now. He was always half doing it for clout, and to the detriment of his own family.

 

[CwChalk]

I don't know why people are putting Captain on a pedestal now. He was always half doing it for clout, and to the detriment of his own family.

Risky thing, giving Chris a phone number and blindly hoping he won't dox you.

It seems it was fated to happen, before the idea guys lots of people here suspected it was only a matter of time before Chris got conned. They were right, but like trying predict every Chris-related venture, it just happened in a way nobody saw coming.

I’m surprised Chris hasn’t gotten bored of Sonichu yet. I assumed it would be Night Star and CPU goddess nonsense from here on out. I guess even he can’t disassociate himself from the creation that put him on the internet roadmap.

I'm surprised by this as well, given that he stopped wearing the medallion throughout some of his phases.

I'm not gonna lie, I always wanted a yawning squirtle medallion but I think a lot of people realize giving Chris contact info is a bad idea that prevents him from capitalizing on it. I don't think he has too many repeat customers after all, apart from idiots like sockness.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

Well, once again, every other person, BUT Barb serves as a much better parent.

Nah, not really. I know Chris-Chan is a giant retard who will very possibly get himself in a lot of trouble if he's let out on his own in public, but that's borderline helecopter-parent shit + Chris is almost 40 at this point