College and University stories - Like the School Stories thread, but more drunk

My best stories would PL me too much, unfortunately. The one with the ambulance would place me immediately at a specific university within a specific time period to anyone else who was there. The story involving the fence is one of my favourites to tell about myself specifically and would to the right person identify me by name.

But I will relate the time I found one of my mathematics professors walking through the centre of town and said 'hello Professor _________' wrenching him from whatever deep place he had been at which point he looks at me in startlement like a mole emerging from a burrow and returns my greeting. Then he visibly looks around himself in an actual movie-style turn your head about fashion and asks me: "Where am I?"

"_________ road... in town." I reply.

The dome-headed wonder, who vaguely resembled a tiny and more friendly Karl Marx, had simply wandered off the campus like a Roomba going out of bounds and ended up over a mile and half away without ever actually realising it. If you'd closed the campus gates he'd have just wandered around and around without realising it either. I heard from another student that he once got lost in a car park.

Actually, now I'm thinking about him, I remember our class was rescheduled once and our assigned lecturer was running late. This professor I talked about appeared at the bottom of the lecture room - I don't know why, maybe he was planning to prepare there or something - and was astonished by the presence of some 40+ unanticipated students. He blinked a few times over the course of several seconds, made a tiny little "oooh" sound turned around and walked out. Two minutes later he reappeared in the same spot in case he had simply imagined us, looked around again in confusion and departed once more.

THEN he appeared at the top of the stairs at the other side of the lecture theatre where students entered. Perhaps he thought there was some weird space-time manifold distortion and if he approached the same physical location from a different direction, we might not be there. But we were. Once again, he makes a little sound like one of the smaller members of the class Mammalia. And retreats. Our actual assigned lecturer is starting to look like a no-show.

Finally, he appears once more at the front of the lecture theatre through the door there and with the air of someone determined to solve some inscrutable mystery asks us "Why are you here?" A deep and profound question asked by philosophers through out the ages.

"Waiting for Dr. ___________", someone replies. "They rescheduled the lecture."

"Ah!" The conundrum was resolved and though he hadn't solved it himself, like a true mathematician he was now satisfied that a solution existed and toddled off contented.

Some people are so instantly adorable and precious, you would jump in front of the hordes of the Great Kahn himself to protect them. Such was my mathematics professor.
 
  • Feels
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: AnsemSoD1 and Spunt
That reminds me of another Philosophy lecturer. I'm going to have to change some details here or people may know who he is, but let's say that even for 20+ years ago, this guy was really, really old-school. A stereotypical nutty professor, he was small, bald and incredible company. He had a proper Oxbridge voice, like a 1930's BBC Radio announcer who was going to tell you what "Gerry" was up to and how the lads were "Giving the Bosch the old what-for." One of his foibles was that he would sometimes slip into speaking Latin or Ancient Greek in the middle of a lecture and not notice that he had done it until someone pointed it out.

But the best story I know about him was in a seminar. He recommended a book by another Philosophy professor, whose name I can't recall.

"Ah yes. Superb book. Smashing chap, too. Used to go drinking with him back in the day. Eaten by bears, of course. Terrible shame."

The entire room was convulsed by a collective "WHAT?" He went on to explain, with an air of complete surprise that we would find this unusual, that this professor had gone on some kind of solo flight in Alaska in a light aircraft, crashed, and had been, well, eaten by bears, as if this was the most normal and routine thing in the world. I dunno, maybe it is. Maybe bear-inflicted attrition is normal for the ranks of Philosophy professors.
 
  • Like
  • Feels
Reactions: Tony2Timez, AnsemSoD1 and Overly Serious
One time during our intro to history class some retarded black woman made an impassioned defense of Hitler to our old white professor who looked absolutely horrified.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: AnsemSoD1
Went to a house party hosted by a fifth generation Ukrainian American with zero roots to his homeland and a blind fervor for Ukraine. Guy invited 15 ukrainian FOB's and they trashed his whole house. Dude was fishing out used condoms from behind the stove.

The guy dropped his Ukraine larp ever since.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: AnsemSoD1
I was good friends with a guy who became the Equal Opportunities Officer for the student's union. He was a lefty, but a very chill and sensible one (bear in mind this was 20+ years ago when those people were in the majority). So much so that he liked to troll the more hardcore and earnest members of his committee with the most ridiculous ideas he could think of. For example, when one of them used the word "whiteboard" to describe the, well, white board in the committee room, he admonished her for being racist. Rather than spot that he was taking the piss, she apologised and seemed on the verge of tears, causing him to lose his cool a bit and say "of course it's not racist, Jesus Christ". He also put a Margaret Thatcher poster in his office just to see the look on people's faces.

We went out for a pint where he shared this story, and some similar ones, and asked me if I had any ideas for the next meeting. So I suggested "Why don't you propose to ban chess as racist because the white pieces move first?" He laughed and said "That's really funny, but nobody is going to fall for that."

20 years later...
 
  • Feels
  • Horrifying
Reactions: AnsemSoD1 and Looseleaf Paper
I have two mildly funny stories, both having to do with progressivism/liberals, per usual.

For my Major I had to take a communication class. Since I was a business major (haha) in a red state most of my professor weren't actually all political or if they were they kept it to themselves well. The communication class was probably my most obviously progressive/liberal professor, but she honestly was not very annoying about it at all so it was fine. Except for one day, when she told us we had an extra credit opportunity all we had to do was attend a presentation about memes. "Make America Meme Again, The Rhetoric of the Alt-Right" was what it was called, and as a fellow alt-right meme connoisseur at the time, I was intrigued to see what a dumpster fire it was.

The presentation was by 2 white women, and I honestly don't remember as much as I wished I did because I was kind of in a trance-like state of confusion that this even exists at my university at all. I remember I felt it was outdated for the most part, especially the lingo. I also remember they were appalled at the one guy who yelled "PEPE" at one of the Hillary Clinton speeches, they talked about that for like 4-5 minutes, how it was disgusting and evil yada yada yada. Finally the part that pissed me off the most was they said Steve Bannon was the founder of Breitbart news. Like sure, he was a member of it early, but to really call him THE founder as opposed to Andrew BREITBART seemed like either they were stupid or purposely misleading us.

For another extra credit assignment, one of my teacher told us to go to an equity/diversity presentation that a club was running. I thought it was weird since it was a Financial Mathematics class but the teacher seemed like a moderate but obviously brainwashed by the diversity cult liberal so I thought whatever, extra credit is extra credit. I went and the presentation structure was that each person in the club, about 8-9 people, would speak about their experiences and opinion and what the club means to them and whatever. There are a couple people I want to highlight.

The first thing literally anybody noticed about the people on the stage was the horrendous mtf tranny. This man could not pass under the St. Louis Arch. It was obviously just a man with lipstick on and a horrendous haircut that kind of looked like very large strands of spaghetti that were spaced out way too far from each other, it's hard to explain but trust me it was ugly. You could conduct missile tests on his forehead. His voice was also awful, and his speech was the most stereotypically gross tranny shit you've heard a million times. "Well growing up I always seemed to think dresses and girls were pretty" "I also liked growing my hair out early and my parent didn't like that since they said that's not for boys but I didn't feel like a boy" "I wanted to wear make up and be with girls" etc. Truly made me disgusted.

Next to him however, was a chubby Asian man, or at least I thought. When he(it?) came up to speak, it told us that it was a Pooner! I have to admit, I was surprised, I thought it passed pretty well. But man, the contrast from the Tranny and Pooner was hilarious. You have this gross, ugly, Frankenstein's monster of a man trying to be a woman and failing. And a woman, who honesty looked like a man, a feminine man, but a man non the less. I found it funny and I bet the tranny silently seethes every fucking time the club meets and he sees her.

Two other people I thought were funny were the mixed American(he had pretty dark skinned for mix) and the African Immigrant. The African Immigrant talked a bit about her time in Africa, I think it was Nigeria, but she mostly talked about her Christian faith. She managed to already have a book published about Christianity and Africa and talked about how hard she worked to get here, to get the book published, and how proud she was of herself as she hope to continue to dedicate her life to god. I was impressed, especially with the work ethic at getting a book published so young.

Like wise, there was also a mixed black American, and all he did was complain. He complained about how when he was with his white extended family, they were all nice to him, but he still felt like an outsider because he was black, and I guess they didn't do enough to combat that. He of course then compares that to his black side of his family and black classmates in high school, who would constantly bully, belittle, and in the case of the classmates, get into fights with him because he was a fake black due to his white parent. See how both sides can be bad?! He then performed his slam poetry with the main theme being that in high school people try to stop and break up fights between whites, but they don't when it's 2 black people fighting because they see them as thugs or whatever. If you've ever been to an American high school, you would know nobody breaks up fights between anyone, everyone finds it funny to watch and pulls out their phone to record. I assume he only saw black people fight so he had this bizarre opinion on the matter.

Again, the contrast between these two black skinned people was crazy to see. One who probably was in a terrible position in Africa, who worked her way up to a better position, and one who was born into a good position, and all they could do is complain and play victim. It truly might have been the least racist I have ever been because I thought that it may not be the color of the skin, but rather just that black Americans are all fucking retards.

Last one I'll talk about is there was a obviously gay man, so of course I thought he would talk about being gay and whatever. But instead, he only talked about abortion and roe v. wade. Literally, he took all of his time, to talk about abortion and how much he loves it. I was astounded that is all he wanted to talk about, and, like usual, I was also disgusted.

Everyone else was boring.

At the end everyone came together and talked about how despite everyone having different opinions and experiences, they can still come together in this club and be friends and do club activities, and I must admit it was effective. How the Christian African was able to be in a club with the gay man who FUCKING LOVES ABORTIONS, and the pooner and tranny can get along despite the passing difference was beyond me. I guess it goes to show that diversity really can work or something, all I really paid attention to was how appalling the tranny looked and how could he have the GAUL to go out in public looking like that and curse our eyes.
 
  • Feels
  • Like
Reactions: Tony2Timez and AnsemSoD1
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back