I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die before I ever got to find my twin sister's killer. What? That's the reason I joined the force, remember? To find the man who murdered my twin sister.
That's my whole story. Debbie, there's no way you told me that. Hi everyone, it's your boy, Zach, and I have no more lands to conquer.
It's oddly... There was always so much stress about the garbage, always running out of space. How do I make it work? And then I bought a second garbage can, and it's just always easy. It really takes all the excitement out of garbage day.
I used to tape giant bags of trash together when they had to extend above the rim, and now it's just... there's just always room. It's really not fun at all. So anyway, yesterday I did a pre-crime response.
So I had a video like 8am, and then Perch had a video at like 10am, but my video sounds like a response to his, but it wasn't. It was just kind of getting ahead of how I know these type of guys act. Where they're like, Zach's going crazy.
It's like, okay, say it 5,000 more times. Maybe then it'll be true. But I've been criticizing Perch's letter writers, because I like him and his show, for what, like the last year? Because, correct me if I'm wrong, but back in the day, several years ago, most of his videos were like responses to news articles, things happening in the industry.
The industry is more calm. The professionals are more professional. These are relative terms.
And now 80, 90% of his videos are reader letters, and they're all the same. So we did a video where basically they're trying to tattle on me and get us to fight. And he had a just calm response.
He's like, you can't really tell what people are thinking. So he thought it was crazy to assume that they were just messing with him. In a vacuum, individually, that's fine.
But we've had like a year, we've had like literally 200 videos of like, dear Perchity Perch Perch Perch Perch, long time fan. Hope you don't leave the channel. Understand if you do.
I'm not one of those sad old men that somebody talks about, but isn't everything bad? It's like, yeah, it's, it's been like 200 videos of like, in the last year, so. But anyway, so I was watching X-Men 97 season two. I just caught up on the most recent episode.
And on the second episode of season two, they have this sequence where Jubilee is escaping from a helicarrier and she's doing a corridor fight. Then she gets up to the flight deck, has a little encounter with Havoc and Polaris, then jumps off and effectively gives him the finger and then gets rescued by Sunspot. It is an absolute, you know, it's to some pop music and the camera's spinning around.
And oh, apparently James Gunn invented camera spinning. Every time a camera spins, it's James Gunn. But it was an awesome sequence.
As I was watching it, I had several thoughts. One of them was that I was just very happy. Like I was really, really, really enjoying the scene.
The other one was that I was happy that I was happy. It was, it was happy, happiness mixed with happiness. Now, happiness can be mixed with a bunch of things.
It can be mixed with hungriness. It can be mixed with horniness. It can be mixed with schadenfreude.
This one was just, I was just purely happy because I was thinking, I'm sitting here, I'm 52. I was there when Jubilee was first introduced, before the Robin getup, like the very first issue. I read it just off the stands.
And Jubilee and I were the same age. We were peers. And now I'm an old man.
She's been having adventures for 40 years. I'm not going to be around in 40 years. She's still going to be around in 40 years.
And I was just, I was just happy about the happiness. I was happy that I was there. I was happy that I had this life.
I was happy that I had this experience of being there. I mean, I was there for so many great characters, like the very first issue, Jubilee, Gambit, Cable, Deadpool, Domino, all of them. I bought all of their first issues.
And I've read, you know, in the Marvel age, oh, we're coming out with this character. He used to be called Commander X, but now he's called Cable. It's like, all right, cool.
Sounds interesting. Sounds fun. And it was.
I'm rereading X-Force, the initial series by Liefeld and Fabian Nicieza. And it's actually pretty good. As much of a douchebag as Rob Liefeld is, like he was just really hitting it.
And Fabian was doing a lot of heavy lifting. There's a lot of dialogue to kind of explain why people are kind of teleporting around the scene. Yes, I know that they have the whole body slide thing, but there would be, you know, they'd be running into a room and all of a sudden one person would be gone.
They'd be disappeared for a couple minutes and they'd pop back up. It's like, oh, did you go check on that thing? It's like, yeah, because he's noticing Rob just forgot to draw this character for like five pages. So there's a lot of cleaning up messes, but it's fun.
It's poppy. It's really good stuff. At least the first couple of issues.
And if I remember correctly, he only did like 13 issues and then he went to go Youngblood and then he literally never did anything worthwhile again. But anyway, but I was there for Jubilee and 40 years later in this awesome, by the way, Bo DeMaio's credits are still on every single episode. We're halfway through the season.
I remember hearing that they like redid everything, but no, like every single episode, his name has been in the credits. And I was just happy. It was just pure happiness.
And it made me think of like these, this weird debate that again, really only exists online on YouTube amongst 50 year old men, which is like manga versus comics. And, you know, comics should be more like manga. And these guys have channels.
It's like, everything should be more like Japan, more like manga. And it's like, change your channel to review manga. Oh, you don't want to do that.
Move to Japan and become a mangaka. Oh, you don't want to do that. So it's just like this.
As I've said a million times, it's just miserable men pitting two things, you know, let's pit, you know, applesauce against salt. Salt's better. More people use salt.
Salt's the best. It destroys applesauce. Like, what is this? It's just this sports ball nonsense.
But one of the debates they keep pushing Perch to do is to compare and contrast and like declare a winner between manga and comics. And he likes both of them. So we did a video about how he likes both of them.
And one of the better things supposedly about manga is that you get a full story and you get to see the end, which is basically like, like it's being presented as like the only enjoyment of things are endings. So it's like manga has an ending. Comics doesn't have an ending.
I'm approaching my ending, not enjoyable. I will tell you, not enjoyable. It's not fun.
It's not my favorite thing. I really liked my thirties, even my late thirties. Those were great times.
It's very healthy. I was broke as shit, but you know, I just, you know, go run trails in Austin. It was fun.
Um, but as someone approaching their end, um, it is not okie dokie. It's not what the fans want to see. It's literally what the fans don't want to see.
Um, but like, I, like if, if we were to follow these rules, it would be two things. We would either be watching the adventures of a 52 year old Jubilee, Jubilation Lee. She'd probably be calling herself Jubilation, you know, 52 Jubilee is a little, that's a little hard to pull off.
Um, so what would she be doing? Getting pellets, hormone pellets twice a year, going to Boca, worrying that she doesn't have enough in her 401k. Like what is this fantasy that exists only in YouTube, only in the minds of old men that like the endings of things, that's the only thing that makes things worthwhile. Um, and then the other one is that they have to like, kind of like age and end and die or, or their story has to die.
Jubilee doesn't have a story. I, hopefully I remember to put that clip from, uh, uh, Brooklyn nine, nine. She's like, I'm never going to be able to find my sister's killer.
He's like, what? She's like, that's why I joined the force to find my twin sister's killers. He's like, there's no way you mentioned that. So, you know, manga characters will have, oh, I want to become the, the king of the, uh, port-a-potties.
I want to own the most port-a-potties in Japan. Uh, my enemy, he has the most port-a-potties. I have a small little company and one little truck, but someday I'm going to be the king of port-a-potties.
No, Jubilation Lee is just a person in the Marvel universe. A very interesting, fun person. One of the things I really liked about Jubilee is Chris Claremont knew that character like instantly, like he didn't, he wasn't like, you know, trying, Oh, maybe she's like, no, like the first episode, she was fully formed her personality.
Now her look took a couple of issues, but, and they made her like a single mom vampire for a while. I don't know. They were trying stuff.
I'm not going to fault them. They tried something that didn't work. That's fine.
Um, but the rule was like, she has to have a story. I like, she really wants to do this and she's going to keep trying. And that's one of the things I really don't like about manga because you're like, wait, this is just like a competition.
Who catches the most Pokemons? Somebody, then somebody will be in second place and somebody will be in third place. I just don't find that compelling. I like the idea of a really interesting person in an interesting world, getting into adventures forever.
That's the dream. I do not have. I mean, I remember in the Marines, there would be these retirement ceremonies and these guys would be like 41 and Oh my God, does the Marines age you? Like those guys looked like they were pushing 60.
Um, and there was also like this deep sadness of they had only ever been Marines. So what are you going to do? You're, you're, you're going to get a, a civilian job on base or you're just going to fish like they would always like, I have this like deep sadness, like, Oh fuck. I had like one story and now it's over and I'm not dead, but I kind of, um, yeah, I'm kind of dead.
Like the thing I wanted to be, I don't get to be that anymore. Um, because, uh, you, you hit a certain age and you just have to retire. Sometimes you get an extra couple of years because of a job or because you attain a certain rank, but generally it's about 20 plus years and you have to retire.
But, uh, I actually find the whole concept of like, they've got one story and then it ends and then it's over forever. It's like, no, that's my story. I don't like that story.
I don't like that. Um, uh, I love the idea of these vibrant, exciting characters, just pinwheeling through the cosmos, getting into crazy adventures, being lame for a couple of years because nobody knows what to do with them. Then somebody is like, Oh, what if, I mean, Bowdoin Mayo, as much as he's controversial, he loved Cyclops and he gave Cyclops an absolute Renaissance.
I love the idea that the characters kind of around for like 50, 60 years and someone's like, did you ever notice this is like the most awesome guy ever. They're trying to do that with Jubilee this season. It doesn't work quite as well because they're doing like, they're having to do fight scenes where she like flips 20 feet.
Well, like 10 feet in the air, but like 20 feet back and lands on someone's shoulders. It's like, I don't even think Daredevil can do that. And sometimes they show her being projected by her fireworks.
But I rewatched the scene like four times. She just straight up does a backflip like 20 feet. I was like, that's cool.
No, it does kind of like, it circles back to something that I thought way back when I first started reading comics was like, are, are all the mutants kind of enhanced and perfect? Like does Havoc have to diet to have those abs or does he just have them? And if he has to have them, why do they all have them? You know, I think, I think every mutant is a little enhanced in strength and speed in durability. As my buddy likes to say about Spider-Man, I understand he's an immune. This is a segue.
He's like Spider-Man is bulletproof up to a certain caliber, like 50 cal. I was like, he's bulletproof. He's like, think about it.
If you're lifting 10 tons over your head, every single part of your body is enhanced. The ligaments, the fascia, muscles, tendons, everything, every single thing is stronger because you have to deal with that weight. I'm playing a lot of War Thunder and it's really interesting because it's, it's not a flight simulator, but it's very realistic.
Especially, I finally learned how to buy things. So I'm starting to research them. You can't just like accumulate a lot of points and unlock things.
You have to like select things and research things. They're just different classes. It literally took me months to figure out, but I finally figured it out and it's actually just money.
You just, you just give them like $30 and you get a bunch of these. I forget what they're called. And then you just research things.
But these very large air frames, like these giant, like spruce goose style bombers. Holy shit. You can just barely steer them.
They'll flip over, they'll lose lift. Also, if you just go into a dive, not even really a steep dive, the wings will just rip off because they're so massive and heavy. Just like it's, you just get, you just got to keep a level, really slow turns, slow climbs, slow dives.
But I love that. I love learning about the different aspects of the different airframes. But anyway, so getting back to Perch, nobody ever like, well, very rarely, I mean, maybe once a month or less, just ask like a basic comic, like does Havok have to diet or does he just have abs? Because he's always had abs.
I can't believe that there's this cohort of mutants. How many people have been X-Men over the years? Like 200? They've all got abs. All of them do.
So do, do mutants have to work out or are they all just kind of naturally fit? Does Wolverine, I've seen Wolverine lift to a couple of comics, but like all of them do, like the reserve ones do. The ones who just got their powers already have abs. But anyway, getting back to, I don't see endings as being attractive, especially since there's an ending to every issue.
Yeah. Sometimes there are to be continued, but like with it, there'll be an arc that'll be like three to six issues. Like I find this very babyish that we pretend like American comics don't have satisfying endings to stories.
I don't need to see Jojo, Bobo, Zuzu, Bubblegum, Rocket Ship or whatever stupid anime name he has become the king of plumbers. I'm sure there are arcs within there where he gets like, he just goes to a, he bets and he wins the shop next to him. So he gets to expand and have more trucks.
And now he can, I said plumbers port-a-potties. And now he can get a loan if he, you know, finds a jewel at the top of the mountain top and it makes it into a brooch for the bank manager's wife. You see what I'm saying? There's, there's, there's things within the ultimate end of the story that are satisfying and interesting.
But yeah, so Jubilee is cool. Tattling on Me Too Tattling on Me Too Perch does not unmake you as a sad old man who's like, some people say we're sad old men, but we're not. By the way, isn't everything terrible? Just say it's terrible, Perch.
Just say it's terrible. I'm just going to keep writing. You literally see them like rewrite.
Sometimes they'll say, isn't this terrible? And he'll basically say no. And then like a week later, he's like, remember that guy from a week ago? He wrote back after I did the video trying to explain another aspect of how it's terrible. Yeah.
So I love, I can't imagine being like, man, I have always loved Matt Murdock. He needs to die with me. He needs to stop having adventures because I'm going to stop having adventures.
Even just like Cable, like they do Cable so well in X-Men 97 and he's very much like a wrath. He's to be like 40. He's just weathered, which kind of makes sense for my Marines analogy, but no, the way he acted, the way he spoke, he was clearly in his late fifties.
And again, it's kind of weird to age as a fan because once you get older than a character, it feels weird to like them. You know, it's like, so now it's like, Hey Cable, he's three years older than me. You know, as I always say, when I watch these sci-fi fantasy and superhero movies, I'm older than everyone, but the guy who plays the wizard.
And honestly, I'm getting to wizard age. A lot of those guys who played wizards, like Kenobi, Sir Alec Guinness, he was in his late fifties when he first started playing that character. So yeah, I'm getting to wizard age, but I, I feel like I can still enjoy life, which sets me apart from, I don't hope for things to be, I'm sorry.
They don't hope for things. They're worried. Oh, they're worried that things won't be good forever.
Yeah. That's life. That's literally just life.
That's life. Also, it's weird that you would always want to emulate manga when that always has an ending, but all it takes, all it takes is just all these like, Oh, we got to do digital. We got to do webtoons.
We got to do this. No, you just, you just have to have a better idea for Batman. And it just changes everything.
It changes the whole industry. All Scott Snyder had had to do was say like, what if Batman was Jack Reacher? Boom. That's it.
That's it. And, and to be honest, a lot of his ideas in that absolute Batman are not good. The rogues being Bruce's friends, it could be done.
The way it's being done is pretty lame. All of them getting their powers and personas and names at the same time. That didn't work, but overall it works.
And overall it's awesome. And it's exciting. And I'm glad to be here.
And all those people who are like this last one year, how much is your absolute Batman number one worth right now? Exactly. Um, so, uh, enjoy life. You miserable old cunts.
You are running out of it. I'm running out of it. I'm trying to enjoy my one to 50.
I hate when people say this. I always get these like hospice nurses. They're like, Zach, I hear what you're talking about, about your health.
You have the personality of a man who lives to a hundred. I don't want to live to a hundred. Oh, gross.
I'm tired of going to the bathroom. I don't want to go to the bathroom for 48 more years. Sick of this shit.
No pun intended. Um, uh, definitely 10, maybe 20, but it depends on like health. Like I want to be vital.
I don't want to be like, I don't want to be a perched letter writer. I want to be perched. Uh, he still seems to have fun, enjoy life.
Um, and I think he's the same age as this letter writers. Um, but anyway, uh, Jubilee's cool. She's still cool.
She's having new adventures. Um, she's going to go on having adventures. These are all these characters are going to outlive me.
All the characters I was there, Jubilee, Gambit, Cable, they're all going to outlive me. And those characters were, you know, who was Jubilee? She was like 13 when she was first introduced. Gambit was probably what? About 25.
Uh, Cable was probably supposed to be about 55. I'm, I'm, I'm almost older than Cable. And I, I love that character.
I've always loved that character. I've always loved Gambit and Jubilee. Deadpool, I was there, but he was just always kind of annoying and not like in a funny way.
Just like, eh, okay. And there was Deadpool's back. It's like, I didn't really miss him.
He's just like this one note character. There is a funny thing in, uh, I think it's, uh, X-Force two where they're like, he's, uh, Deadpool's really old. He's 35.
Like that's an actual line of dialogue. Uh, it was, uh, uh, what was the other guy? It was the weapon X. I forget that guy's other name. Um, which is weird because they keep emphasizing that that guy's really young, but he's got like this like super receded, like, uh, temples.
Um, I think just Rob just drew whatever character and then Fabian decided to make like an age thing in the dialogue. So he's like, I'm really young and he's really old. It's like, bro, check out your hairline, dude.
He got the Jude law hairline rock in there. Um, but anyway, so, uh, enjoy life, you miserable old cunts. Why would any fan want their favorite characters to wither and die? I know every manga doesn't end with like, like the Pokemon kid in hospice, but like, why would you want their adventures to end? Your adventure is going to end.
Honestly, your adventures probably ended a while ago. You're like those retired Marines for like 41 and just like, ah, fuck. Go, go.
What was that? Uh, Mr. Gadget. Go, go gadget alcoholism. Go, go gadget fishing.
Um, go, go gadget getting a government job that isn't the military or is a contracting job. Uh, but yeah. So, um, uh, yeah.
Enjoy life. Cunts. Peace out losers.
That's what she says in the clip. I was going to do the clip, but I got to like download it. She says peace out losers when she like jumps off the edge of the helicarrier and does like a symbolic, like middle finger with her plasmoids, as they say.
Thanks for watching.
[SPOILER/]
