حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Dalish]

Sisters!

 

[Smutley]

I think he was hoping to pass it off as good-bad art. You know, art that's intentionally childlike (or even drawn by a child), but presented in such a way that it's both pleasing to the eye and obviously intended. It's avant-garde or some shit. But more importantly...

View attachment 12954

is this guy wearing an eye patch?

Why yes it is! That's Connor's brilliant boy Hannibal Lecter charming sociopath self-insert Klaus Krieger.

Connor is also terribly predictable, which is part of his charm. As others have said, he has a history of showing up, showing his ass, throwing a temper tantrum, and vanishing until he thinks everyone forgot what a huge doofus he is. Here's an example from our forums (and one of my personal favorites)

• Make an unrelated thread all about yourself

Spoiler: Smurf Snuff is not as interesting as Connor

I don't think I, as an aspiring writer of the horror genre, can come up with anything this macabre, this vile, this despicable. I'm the kind of guy who walks around my college campus, discussing grisly crime scene details into an RCA handheld voice recorder. I'm the kind of guy who can get into the heads of my characters. Even the serial killers. It's ugly, but I guess it's necessary if you want to achieve verisimilitude. The point I'm trying to make is that there's a good line between reality and fiction. For me, the suffering that the victims of my killers endure is unbearable, and keeps me up nights. For these psychopaths, writing fictional acts of sadism on innocents may be a pragmatic means of unleashing otherwise socially unacceptable behavior, or worse, warm-up sessions for real world carnage. The scary thing is the ambiguity. For all we know, this could be the work of a really good troll. Still, great find, OP. Keep us posted.

why would you do this

I ask myself that question, too.

Absolutely nothing about this is on-topic. It's rather impressive how you bill yourself as an savant and author, but can't manage to write a fucking forum post that makes sense.

Null, cool it.

• Throw a temper tantrum in Inner Circle/Chat and alternatively accuse everyone of being an asshole while being super insecure and begging for abuse

Spoiler: I am not a bad writer I am literally the worst writer ever

Because if someone's going to make a shitpost, it's going to be me.

There's a paradox about my life so far that baffles me. Ever since I was little, I had a knack for telling stories, both orally and on the page. I had always wanted to be a firefighter, or a mailman, but one day, I said to mentally said to myself "fuck it" and decided to be a writer. I had gotten praise in elementary and middle school for my essays, including an award from the then-Lieutenant Governor of my state. I had even written a couple of booklets; their quality is far, far worse than anything I have ever posted on this site or on other Internet forums I have frequented, in my book. Therein lies the problem. If I'm praised for my writing skill, how the fuck can I not tell a story that is actually good? A cynic would probably tell me that all that praise was hogwash designed to make me feel better. An optimist or idealist would say I'm being hard on myself. I don't know what to think.

Shit. Lost my train of thought.

Connor I think you accidentally deleted your topic

• Vanish from the site for a weeks to punish everyone with an absence of his brilliance
• Come back and start the process over again

Sometimes he likes to mix this up by fishing for sympathy with made up stories, like his abuse thread on wrongplanet that reads like a scene from his shitty novella.

I'm a sixteen year old aspie, and I'm starting to become afraid of my parents. Whenever I do poorly or procastinate on something, like homework, they raise their voices at me, telling me how lazy I am. One time, my mother said she would start treating me like "a piece of s**t" if I don't do what I'm told. Whenever I get upset and start crying, my dad would tell me to stop, that I'm being a baby or a wimp. Whenever my dad quotes me, he uses a mocking, low-pitched tone, with undertones of disgust. Whenever I don't do something right, they frown; this one time, I was trying to get in the truck with my dad so I can get to school. It was pouring down. As I was seated, my door was open, and I was trying to get the umbrella in, desperately. My dad said, "You can't be that bad!" Bad as in stupid.

When I was put in a psychiatric ward for trying to kill myself last year, my dad showed no emotion. My mom was sobbing, but something wasn't right; her mannerisms, tone of voice, sounded like it was carefully rehearsed. They seem to exploit my intelligence, asking me obvious questions (to me, at least) with easy answers. Dad has a habit of poking me in my stomach with his forefinger.

They won't tolerate failure, like I said before. It seems I can't live up to their expectations. I half a half-brother in the military; Dad pushed the s**t out him.

My dad seems to have narcissistic or antisocial traits, too. I think my mother was a hardcore drinker, too, because I remember seeing her drunk when I was little. She was annoyed by me sometimes.

-Father and I were in the pool once. He tore my shorts off, chasing my naked ass through the pool with a SeaDoo propeller. He threatened to cut off my penis with it. For fun.
-Mother got drunk and told me to shut up in a public restaurant.
-Father told me to win at all costs when it comes to academics. Asked me why I wasn't more like my lowlife half-brother.
-Father and Mother pokes me in the navel, stomach area, nipples. A LOT.
-Both Mother and Father use me as a pawn in their mind games.
-Mother asked me for my money once. She used it to buy something for me.
-Father showed no empathy when I ended up in a psych ward for attempting suicide.
-Father called me a dumbass and still calls me many other names.
-Grossly insert themselves into my academic experience by taking the credit for my successes. They're educational stage parents, basically.
-Father threatens to beat or ground me for disagreeing with him.
-Father points an empty gun in my face in his truck.
-Father stole toys from my room when I was a kid. For fun.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=140405&postdays=15&postorder=asc&start=0
https://archive.today/HwAi3
http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=173729&postdays=15&postorder=asc&start=0
https://archive.today/wLtEF

There's a bunch more shit on wrongplanet to pull up (including what looks like the beginnings of his obsession with Molly Ringwald!) but that's for later. I'll leave you a Nol comic as a closer:

Spoiler: Molay Ringwood

 

[Roger Rabbit]

Oh, it certainly is about time for this. I knew from day one that there was something wrong with Connor....

Of course, the Juno thread was when I realized Connor was really dumb. I have quite a few friends who were adopted from places like Russia and the Ukraine, so I kind of have my own experience with understanding adoption. So when I found out he had upset a member known as Silent Princess, I kinda knew he was nothing but trouble.

 

[applecat]

The difference between Connor and a lab rat is that a lab rat will stop trying to pick up electrocuted cheese after it gets shocked enough times.

 

[Meowthkip]

Oh, it certainly is about time for this. I knew from day one that there was something wrong with Connor....

Of course, the Juno thread was when I realized Connor was really dumb. I have quite a few friends who were adopted from places like Russia and the Ukraine, so I kind of have my own experience with understanding adoption. So when I found out he had upset a member known as Silent Princess, I kinda knew he was nothing but trouble.

Man, I really don't understand his weird beef he had with adoption.

When you're adopted, your parents choose you. You weren't an accident, or a way of trapping one spouse in a marriage, or anything like that. They picked you, out of everyone else, and took you in as their own. My friends who have been adopted have families just as warm and loving as one with biological ties, if not more so.

I mean, Superman was adopted, FFS. It can't be all that bad.

 

[RP 520]

The difference between Connor and a lab rat is that a lab rat will stop trying to pick up electrocuted cheese after it gets shocked enough times.

This can be said for nearly all the lolcows. It's practically a requirement of being a lolcow.

 

[Kršćanin Čendlervic]

I apologize. I'm new to this place. Whenever I join a new forum, my first few posts are a little awkward.

I think that's a little bit of an understatement, Connor.

Also, as a former film major, Connor reminds me of maybe half the people that were in my classes. His use of movie quotes in his profile is really cringeworthy because you can tell he wants people to think he's sophisticated.

 

[Cosmos]

I only know a little about Connor, so I don't have a huge dog in this fight. My main gripe with him is his views on adoption. If it weren't for adoption I wouldn't have had a family and probably wouldn't be here because I'd have been aborted. I'm adopted. My Mom couldn't carry a child and every pregnancy she had ended in miscarriage. I'm grateful that I was able to be adopted when I was born so that I could know the love of my parents. If it weren't for adoption there would be so many people who are unable to conceive that would remain childless. I would even argue that adoption can bring about an even more loving family because everyone involved knows just how lucky they are to have each other.

So fuck Connor and his vile opinions on adoption. That's all I have to say on the matter.

When I read about Connor's utter hatred of adoption, I honestly thought that it was because he was an adoptee who had unfortunately landed up in a crappy family. That would make sense, at least. But no, it turns out that he was just so ~jaded~ and ~cynical~ that he couldn't fathom the idea of people taking in another's child as their own and raising them out of love. So because of that, he bashed the institution of adoption (something that's helped countless people) and stated that people who adopt are monsters and don't actually love their kids. What the hell?

I have a very close, loving biological family, but I've also known plenty of people who were adopted and have families that are just as great. Families don't have to have blood ties; really, any group of people can be a family if they feel that way about one another. That's really beautiful, and I feel bad for Connor if he doesn't understand that.

 

[ShekelKing]

For the record, you are adopted, and that's terrible.

 

[Iamthatis]

Let me be clear: the site is a wretched hive of scum and villainy, if you excuse the Star Wars reference. I’m convinced a lot of the members are bona fide psychopaths looking for easy prey. If you want my advice, stay the hell away.

Now I want to change my Screen Name to Bona Fide Psychopath. Nah would just make me sound like a Juggalo.

 

[Smutley]

Man, I really don't understand his weird beef he had with adoption.

When you're adopted, your parents choose you. You weren't an accident, or a way of trapping one spouse in a marriage, or anything like that. They picked you, out of everyone else, and took you in as their own. My friends who have been adopted have families just as warm and loving as one with biological ties, if not more so.

A lot of his anti-adoption rants are because he's a cynical 3edgy5us hyper-intellect. He claims he can't understand how anyone can really love or care for anyone, let alone why people would pretend to love &/or care for a child that isn't even their own blood. We're all awful abusive sexist shits (unless we're drunk lady whores that deserve to be raped after being murdered) so it's impossible that anyone would adopt a child for any reason that isn't selfish, abusive, or for monetary gain.

It's also because Connor is addicted to masturbation (I'm not playing).

Examples include:

Adoption is in its basis good. If you have decent competent people who wish to help raising a kid, then it's a good idea.

^The problem is that its too good to be true. Any student of human history can tell you that we're such pleasant creatures, capable of mass murder and other acts of depravity more often than we're capable of goodness.

While all bio-parents are guarenteed free of mental illness, abuse, addiction, poverty..? The state or government have never had to step in and remove bio-kids from unsafe family situations. This only happens to adoptive families. I beg you, look at the statistics, and tell me bio-kids in general are not getting the shorter straw than adoptive kids in general...

^It's that kind of rabid defense of the adoption system that pisses me off.

The reason I hate adoption so much is because I'm afraid that my masturbation habit is making my chances at future fatherhood slim.

There, I said it.

I'm just afraid that if I adopt due to sterility or low sperm quality, I wouldn't be accepted by other guys who have children of their own. It wouldn't make me a real father.

Have I ever mentioned that one of the characters I made up is adopted?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=236890

I mean, Superman was adopted, FFS. It can't be all that bad.

That's not the best example friend, since Superman is a dick

Here's what looks to be the appearance of his love for Ringwald:

If you're so convinced that your life is meaningless, then why do you even bother with talking to us on Wrong Planet about it? Are you looking for somebody to convince you otherwise?

Ultimately, there's a limit on what I, and what everybody else on Wrong Planet for that matter, can say to try to console you. None of us know you in person. We can only go by our own experiences, and what we know about you by the things you write on Wrong Planet, to try to console you.

I'll tell you about Giftorcurse. For the record, call me Connor.

You may have read my posts in this forum. You may think I'm being a whiny b***h, but I'm at a loss for words. I'm being choked non-stop; have been since early 2009. Tried to strangle myself with my bedsheets after finding out I was nearsighted. For me, it was just another reason to add to the list. At the time, I was a freshman in high school. First years are always tough on me. In kindergarden and sixth grade, I was quite the troublemaker. f*****g animal, that's what I was. With every first year comes enemies. I've made plenty. My first friend used to beat the s**t out of me, saying that it he was just playing. I am incapable of trust; everybody in school is out to get you. They picked on me for every conceivable reason. They said that I was gay, that I was a nerd, that I was "a fat-ass", and so on. The fact that I had to get glasses would've cemented the nerd image in their mind. I had to escape.

Spent the night in a psych ward as a result. I told them the usual stuff, that I'd snapped, that my dad constantly teases and harrasses me. And you know what? They did nothing.
Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
My suicide attempt open doors for me. I saw before me the absolute futility of existence. We come out a vadge, for nothing. We've never really accomplished anything. MLK, Gahndi, Einstein... they did nothing. Naturally, I tried fooling myself. I tried writing a novel, which I still haven't finished. Then I found her.

This is Molly Ringwald. My other face.
For some reason, I developed a bond with her. How could anyone not? Even now, she astonishes me. Whenever I'm alone, I imagine that she's with me. I dreamt of her, watched her. Whenever people attack my personhood, I imagine her striking back tenfold. God of War and Mortal Kombat times a billion. She exists in three stages: sister (about my age), lover (late teens to early twenties), and mother (Molly of the present). The Sister Molly is just that; my conception of what the sister I never had should be like. All of my sexual desires are transplanted to Lover Molly, the perfect woman. I polish the gun to her image in my mind. Mother Molly is a replacement of sorts for my real mother; she's gentle, wise. In a word, pure. A friend described the Mollys in my mind as "a security blanket." But sometimes, when I feel down, they attack me.
"You know that you're s**t."
TO BE CONTINUED IN A LATER POST.

Can't think of anything to say. I'm getting ready for school.

You may now respond. I'll elaborate during discussion.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=147693&postdays=15&postorder=asc&start=0

What follows is Chris-level responses ("Hmm"), whining about how he sucks as a writer. In 2011. I don't think he has to worry about his jackoff habits keeping him from having a child... I have a feeling there's a bunch of other reasons for that. Never change!

 

[silentprincess]

I was nice to him and tried to help him every way possible, but then he threw it all in my face being nasty, and all I wanted to do was be his friend and help.

 

[applecat]

Connor:
Is this what you fuckers do? Mock others for eccentricities?
Dormiebasne:
@ Connor, yes
JÜLÄY:
@ Connor, We do, yes
UnwiseKhan:
@ Connor, ...pretty much, yeah. Have you read any threads here?
Dormiebasne:
I really am suurprised you are shocked
CompyRex:
@ Connor, Welcome to the CWCki Forums

 

[BT 075]

I was nice to him and tried to help him every way possible, but then he threw it all in my face being nasty, and all I wanted to do was be his friend and help.

And you are a total sweetheart for trying, really. But some people need professional help no internet acquaintances are able to provide, and Connor is one of those people.

I talked to him on Skype a few times too, just as I did (and still do) with Homer. The difference between Homer and Connor is that you can actually have a pretty good conversation with Homer, as long as you let him decide the topic. Connor I find rather repetitive and not very fun to talk to. I won't talk too badly of him, though, as he really never said anything bad to me or harmed me in any way. He's just a silly guy who craves (negative?) attention and acts a certain way knowing he'll get plenty.

I think most of his weird and objectionable opinions where just him trying to stir shit up. Like the Juno thing, and his stance on adoption. He knew people would react angrily to it, which is probably part of the reason why he does it. That, and to promote his creative endeavors. Which are quite... meh.

Connor is in the Lolcow board right now, but I view him as one of the mildest, least interesting and most boring of Lolcows ever discussed on this site. He's just a chubby attention whore who enjoys humiliating himself.

 

[ShekelKing]

The reason I hate adoption so much is because I'm afraid that my masturbation habit is making my chances at future fatherhood slim.

I don't think that's the only thing ruining your chances at fatherhood.

 

[Meowthkip]

That's not the best example friend, since Superman is a dick

No, you don't understand!

His reasons for making Aquaman and Jimmy Olson fight for a pitcher of water in the desert were totally altruistic!

I was nice to him and tried to help him every way possible, but then he threw it all in my face being nasty, and all I wanted to do was be his friend and help.

No good deed goes unpunished, especially when you reach out to help internet crazies.

Girl, you were too good for him.

 

[Hawker Hurricane]

Man, I really don't understand his weird beef he had with adoption.

When you're adopted, your parents choose you. You weren't an accident, or a way of trapping one spouse in a marriage, or anything like that. They picked you, out of everyone else, and took you in as their own. My friends who have been adopted have families just as warm and loving as one with biological ties, if not more so.

I mean, Superman was adopted, FFS. It can't be all that bad.

I wasn't really around for a lot of this, but as someone who was adopted by parents who loved me despite my short temper at times, this is kind of a thing that, well, honestly it doesn't make me angry so much as confused as hell, since he wasn't adopted. Why feel so strongly about it if it doesn't really pertain to you?

 

[The Knife]

(Many examples of Connor bawling about adoption)

Connor makes it really, really difficult not to make very Freudian assumptions about his relationship with his own dick.

 

[4Macie]

I wasn't really around for a lot of this, but as someone who was adopted by parents who loved me despite my short temper at times, this is kind of a thing that, well, honestly it doesn't make me angry so much as confused as hell, since he wasn't adopted. Why feel so strongly about it if it doesn't really pertain to you?

He's "admitted" a few times that he's worried that he will have to adopt one day and be viewed as "not a real father" or something. It's not a sane reasoning, but with Connor it never is. Why might he have to adopt one day? Because he masturbates constantly. Like I said, reason isn't his strong suit.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

My sister and her husband adopted -- and had to pass psychological tests, FBI background checks, every possible sort of clearance save the military type. They were fingerprinted. They submitted to home visits before and after the adoption. They have to submit paperwork to [state] every six months or so to update them on the well-being of their adopted kid. There is no way Connor could pass all this. He needn't worry.