حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[wagglyplacebo]

So, you guys want me to create masks for different people and social situations, get a low-level and possibly low-paying job that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty one room apartment, buy a Mickey Mouse jalopy, get in deep with the local Russian sharks, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?

What the fuck are you saying you idiot? We just said get a job. You don't have the smarts to be a low level criminal anyways.

 

[Ronald Gaygun]

So, you guys want me to create masks for different people and social situations, get a low-level and possibly low-paying job that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty one room apartment, buy a Mickey Mouse jalopy, get in deep with the local Russian sharks, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?

NOW YOU'RE RIPPING OFF GRAND THEFT AUTO!?

 

[Pine Tar]

What the fuck have you been smoking? Have you even been listening to us?

I don't know, but I want some of it right now.

 

[Rilakkuma]

So, you guys want me to create masks for different people and social situations, get a low-level and possibly low-paying job that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty one room apartment, buy a Mickey Mouse jalopy, get in deep with the local Russian sharks, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?

You are literally the most autistic person I have ever had the misfortune of listening to.

 

[Ti-99/4A]

@Connor

"Money for nothing and chicks for free" are just lyrics to a song.

 

[Ivan Komarov]

"Are yoo ready?" Asked Nick as he slowly took off the dress he stole from his mother. Visibly aroused, with his 2.5 incher fully erect, Connor bubbled; "Oh Nick-Senpai, I always knew you would accept me!" As Nick shat into his hand and lubed up, Connor reflected on that night. What started as a desperate Gay craigslist meetup at a truckstop, had bloomed into his most romantic experience ever. It even surpassed the many nights he had spent with a mannequin he affectionately named "Molly." Suddenly, his arch nemisis struck. He felt his autism kick in, and before he could stop it, Connor blurted out "There are sticky, lint like objects in the area of my groin, and near the perineum. They smell like death. In fact, that is what my groin smells like, even after applying Gold Bond and Lotrimin and taking a long bath." He gasped in horror. Had his inability to shut up about his personal woes sabotaged him again? Would he forever be doomed to virginhood? Would he eventually find himself Riding in a stolen BMW, committing the "Day of Retribution 2: Autistic Assburgaloo?" "Oh Connor, you really knoo hoo to please a man!" Yelled nick as he turned around and took a steaming shit on Connor's chest. Yelling like an animal, Nick then turned around and forcibly sat on Connor's head. "This is just like one of my Japaneese animes!" thought Connor as the glorious stench of nine years worth of human filth washed over him. They fucked like animals for hours, with the bond between them growing stronger with each heave of their semen and feces encrusted bodies. "Oh Connor-chan:" gushed Nick, "This is even better than all those times I molested my sister!" Connor was ecstatic. This was the first time he felt genuinely valued for his work. "Oh Nick-sama! I'm done with Molly. You're the only man for me!"
Suddenly, the door to the gas station bathroom opened with a thundering crash. Horrified, the duo, now permanently stuck together with human excrement, looked up. Standing in the door was a massive man, wearing camo and a balaclava. Even more intimidating was the M2 machine gun he held. It could only be one man. The Bulldozer of Fallujah. Connor's last sight was the rotting maw of Nick. "!يحظر تماما" yelled the Bulldozer, filling the two full of lead in the name of Allah.
EPILOGUE:
For his heroic deeds, a Statue was erected in the honor of The Bulldozer of Fallujah. On it was a plaque that read; "In this spot, the two most autistic and repulsive beings on Allah's earth were exterminated. They will not be mourned."

 

[Cosmos]

I wonder how @Molly Ringwald is going to react to Connor scrambling to justify his misogyny and lack of initiative to improve his life in any way...

 

[Luna]

So, you guys want me to create masks for different people and social situations,

Okay, I'm going to stop you right there to point out you have to adapt what you talk about so you engage people on what they care about and avoid upsetting them. That's not wearing a mask, that's called being considerate. Like look at it like this, I'm half-German and my family has a long history with the military, but I'm not going to walk into a room full of Ashkenazim Jews and start talking about my interpretation of Prussian virtues because that would be horribly inappropriate. That's not me 'hiding who I am', that's me being considerate of other people's feelings.

get a low-level and possibly low-paying job that won't bring me any happiness,

Everyone starts off working a shit job unless they're independently wealthy or incredibly lucky. The first job you get most likely isn't going to be the job you hold for life, even steven king worked a shit job to support himself while he worked on his writing.

move into some shitty one room apartment, buy a Mickey Mouse jalopy, get in deep with the local Russian sharks, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?

Where did you even get this part from? How do you pull this from solid advice? No one said "Reenact GTA in real life."

 

[silentprincess]

Connor, do you want to end up like this?

Because you are heading that way, faster than you know.

 

[TheProdigalStunna]

I know that every by now has had their two cents in their shitstorm and that giving Connor advice is redundant at this point, but I will give you my best advice that I know of:

Get off the Internet

100% serious. Do you have control over your Internet Service Provider? Cancel it. Do you have a laptop? Sell it. Do what you really need at your local library or at a school lab. You clearly don't need it, and this thread alone is a testament to how it is not helping you.

I am slightly sympathetic to you, Connor, I really am. I know from firsthand experience how toxic the cycle of self-pity can be on both you and everyone around you. That's why I would highly recommend you cutting off the problem from the base. Interact with more people; instead of expecting them to talk to you, manage up the courage to talk to them (also, believing that half of the population has a conspiracy against you is generally not a good starting point). Read more books, surf the web less. Get therapy from a trained specialist instead of seeking pity from strangers on the Internet. Oh yeah, and you've heard it a million times, but it's because it is true: GET A DAMN JOB. It may suck at first, everyone has had their fair share of shitty jobs, but you will be more fulfilled knowing you are a part of something. I am far from the most social person in existence, I have some legitimate mental health issues, and I would be lying if I said I still don't have some insecurity about my lack of experience in relationships and life experiences. Guess what? Instead of constantly comparing myself to others yet simultaneously rejecting their advice (one valuable lesson I've learned is that obsession and resentment are closely tied to one another, and they tend to dissolve when the other dissolves), I learned how to appreciate myself for who I was and also not resent others for who they were. However, the Internet is not helping you. Nowhere near helping you.

 

[Sonic Hoo]

So, you guys want me to create masks for different people and social situations, get a low-level and possibly low-paying job that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty one room apartment, buy a Mickey Mouse jalopy, get in deep with the local Russian sharks, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?

 

[MysticMisty]

"Probably"? I'd bet my pants and my left boot that's exactly what happens, heck, I wouldn't be surprised he's bitching about us, all the time, in some corner of the internet.

Oh, I'm sure Smutley will get to those posts on WP eventually. Where we're a bunch of bullies who like to play Kick the Autistic because we're honest with Connor about his awful, unoriginal writing and pityfishing posts.

 

[harvey dirdban]

But if I wear a mask, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be honest. I guess no one really is, huh?

You know what, I'm kind of drunk so have some non-snarky advice from someone who's been where you are.

Spoiler: optimistic shit that Connor will ignore

Yes. Wear a mask for a while. Work on emulating neurotypical people. And I don't mean act like a nihilistic parody of what you think an NT person is, which I can already see you plotting over there. Observe people and emulate them. What you'll find is that positive social interactions are their own reward and your efforts will pay off. You have the benefit of still being in school, which means you still have access to a diverse crowd of potential friends. Try talking to somebody without mentioning your special interests. If you're successful at making friends with someone, your obsessions can come out later and the person will be emotionally invested in you enough not to care that you're a little odd. (I mean within reason obviously, don't start talking about Molly Ringwald's bellybutton at a fancy dinner party.)

Ideally, you'll grow from these interactions and you'll become someone who's a healthy mix of Mask Connor and True And Honest Connor. You'll still be you, but bearable.

NT people are not inferior because they put on an act sometimes, and being 100% honest all the time is not an automatic recipe for being a good person. As soon as you realize this, your life will get easier.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

I'm a grits man myself. Shrimp n' grits is a breakfast of the gods. Oatmeal in any form is like eating wet cardboard to me.

Spoiler: Not Safe For Breakfast

Here's the Shrimp and Grits at the Liberty Taproom in downtown Columbia, SC. Personally, I like their Lincoln Street Hash better.

 

[Ronald Gaygun]

Time for yet another shoop based on Connor's endless retarded comments.

 

[Uzumaki]

See what I mean? Connor is good at coming up with something good to say that makes people think he's genuinely trying to change (this time for sure!) but then all you have to do is lightly probe his claims and they don't just come tumbling down, they fucking explode like a water balloon full of human waste.

In other areas of his life once he gets to the reductio ad absurdum defeatism part he probably gets his ass patted. That's why he keeps going in circles: you guys aren't doing your job. He's a lab rat hitting the lever wondering where his pellet is. ]

He's just so adept at sucking people into this horrible vortex it makes me think it really must be is primary life skill. This has to be how he gets his way with his parents and whoever else he has feeding whatever exotic new personality disorder he's brewing up in that broken excuse for a psyche.

Also, @Connor, you complained about having to hang out with an odious sperg. You didn't like it, didn't see why you should have to hang out with him just because you're both broken. The way you feel about that kid is the way any normal person would feel about you. The people who ignore you aren't even spergs, they lack even the point of commonality you have with the kid you hate. So why should they have to hang out with you?

You keep whining about changing yourself because you know that's a button you can press for sympathy, but you should change yourself. If you want other people to associate with you you will have to change basically every aspect of your personality because you're just terrible. Other people might tell you to be yourself. That only applies to the 99.99% of people who aren't complete shit heels. You're a shit heel. Don't be yourself. Be someone else.

Serious question: Do you watch Seinfeld? Have you seen the episode where George does the opposite of what his instincts are in every situation? You should probably do that.

Edit: AAAAAAAGH DO YOU SEE WHAT HE DID? HE SUCKED ME THE FUCK IN IN THE SAME POST I WARNED OTHERS IN!

 

[Ruin]

I feel bad that the unnamed odious sperg has to hang out with Connor.

 

[Silver]

Serious question: Do you watch Seinfeld? Have you seen the episode where George does the opposite of what his instincts are in every situation? You should probably do that.

THIS. A MILLION TIMES THIS.

Also, Connor, take it from someone who's pursuing a career in music: Hobbies do not always make the best jobs. Life is not always about making sure everything is happy. It's about knowing how to balance the unhappy stuff with things you legitimately, 100% enjoy.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

So you really want me to lie, manipulate, and deceive to get ahead?

Oh, but you're already a master of manipulation & deceit. You lie everytime you'll say you'll improve yourself, you sucker me into thinking you're actually taking steps to improve when you disappear for a few days, & you are capable of making me veer from cautiously optimistic to absolutely disgusted in mere sentences.

 

[Ruin]

So you really want me to lie, manipulate, and deceive to get ahead?

If by that you mean telling people what they want to hear then yes, unfortunately that's a large part of life.