Cooking with Chef Thomas Jay Wasserberg - ITT: Culinary Abominations Against the Lord to Rival Scalfani &/or DSP

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Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. said:
See, this is the real hate I have with Tom's shit.
As this post (and the excellent Kiwi Cook Book thread, check it out if any of you haven't) proves, you can absolutely eat really well on a budget if you just have a little knowledge and some basic cooking skill. It's food, it's not hard.
And yet, somehow, Tommy manages to botch the simple act of preparing food with literally limitless free time and free government tardbux.

For real, how does one screw up pasta? It is designed to be a dish you can prepare blackout drunk, it's Italian for God's sake.
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You've seen it; Tom wastes his money all of the time. You don't need top shelf ingredients to make great food. Even on a 20$ dollar a week budget Tom could 100% avoid eating out of dumpsters, have plenty of left overs and not have to eat random fucking plants off the street.
 
Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. said:
For real, how does one screw up pasta? It is designed to be a dish you can prepare blackout drunk, it's Italian for God's sake.
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I once woke up with a giant batch of puttanesca sauce I didn't even remember making, which is appropriately enough pasta sauce for whores.
 
AnOminous said:
I once woke up with a giant batch of puttanesca sauce I didn't even remember making, which is appropriately enough pasta sauce for whores.
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Ahhh, pasta alla puttanesca!
Literally translated “pasta in the style of prostitutes”, if memory serves. It was a dish that evolved out of throwing together whatever was in the brothel kitchen between johns, thus the chaotic mishmash of various Italian staples to create a sum greater than its parts.
Also, dope, it’s a personal favorite. You have quality tastes, my friend.

But this again goes to show the crime against food that is Thomas Wasserberg.
Italian hookers with 30 minutes in between being rawed by any fucker who strolled in with a few bucks? Decent food.
Tom with all the time in the world? Dogshit.
 
You'd eat rancid food as well if your body had gotten used to it.
Tom tells the story of eating potato salad he found in a scalding hot dumpster like he found ambrosia. Another time he's showing off a haul where he had a bag of 100% defrosted chicken wings that tasted like rotten pussy.
Have you ever watched him eat? He's one of those fucks that slurps and smacks while he 'chews'; he was hanging out with Skeletor (Arianna) and commenting on the salad he was eating like it was some artisan blend with a one of a kind dressing...if your salad comes in a white, styrofoam take out tray that shit came out of a bag and your dressing came out of a jug.
 
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Feline Darkmage said:
The bottom one idk what he was thinking but I've seen kids with downs syndrome make better plate presentation than that one. And the teriyaki sauce(?) looks a little too viscous.
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I think it's more disgusting that he decided to put all of that on top of what looks like uncooked ramen.

I also though the top one was disgusting, especially with the salad dressing which looks like nacho cheese.
 
Oy my stomach.. I love and hate these kinds of threads.

Seems like this man really doesn't want to spend money on food that is really afofrdable and makes easy, quick and filling meals.

A cabbage is literally a poor man's lettuce, buy that shit with a carrot, a potato. Boil that shit up and bam, boiled dinner. It's not the most nutritious, but damn is it filling and there's more cabbage to go around.

Hell why doesn't he cook his damn meat?! That's at least slightly better..
 
why doesn't tom just go to wal-mart and buy cheap-ass food? he can shell out for ditch-weed, but he eats microwaved expired dumpster meat and thinks it's fine dining. even some of that rancid walmart tube-meat cut up and dumped in whatever random sauce he has lying around would be better
 
garbageoysters.png


Here's a fun game called "Which Ingredient Was Dumpstered?"

My money is on everything, especially the seafood, boiling in the dumpster heat.
 
Zeitgeist said:
View attachment 624434

Here's a fun game called "Which Ingredient Was Dumpstered?"

My money is on everything, especially the seafood, boiling in the dumpster heat.
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Ah, Tommy once again tries to convince us he's eating only the finest of foods when it dollar store drek; and oyster stuffed avocado topped with cheese? That's a shit combo right there.

Also when I first saw the pic I thought tom had made little philly cheesesteaks.
 
Also look that the right one, bottom end; that brownish color isn't from cooking. It's rotten. Tommy is 'frying' up avocado, which is literally something I've never heard of, and it's rancid as all fuck.

Edit for more info; so I looked it up and yeah, seems pan frying avocados is a thing. Of course Tom still messes it up, naturally; most people fry up an egg and toss it in or some shredded meats...couldn't find one that suggested oysters.

Also, something to note:

  • This will taste the best when you are using ripe avocados that don't have any black spots on the interior pulp. If you do see any black spots (a sign that it's over ripe) when you cut it open, simply scoop out those parts with a spoon, discard, and use the rest.
God Tom, are you that lazy you can't even cut out the bad spots?
 
Not even in the worst bottom of barrel zero star flophouse would they serve avocados stuffed with red chili-flavored oysters with Kraft-brand Mozzarella cheese melted on top. Tommy is probably the only person to ever combine these foods together that isn't either a contestant on a Food Network reality show where the whole gimmick of the show is to combine foods that don't compliment each other at all and make it taste good or the result of some college students high off their ass on LSD going to the grocery store and whipping something up.

AnOminous said:
Canned seafood is dollar store bum-tier shit. They don't can the good stuff.
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Fuck you. I like caviar.
 
So when is he going to be a guest star on the Cooking with Jack show? They can compare and contrast the illnesses and conditions they each get from their respective diets, and then trade.
 
KookiesNKreem said:
So when is he going to be a guest star on the Cooking with Jack show? They can compare and contrast the illnesses and conditions they each get from their respective diets, and then trade.
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Even if that were a legitimate option, Tom is such a huge fucking narcissist, he would piss and moan about getting paid some exorbitant amount to show up, demanding to be paid ahead of time so he could just take the money and not show up. Secondly, Tom only gets along with people who either coddle him or are just as stupid, if not more stupid than he is because he has the brain functionality of a disgruntled kindergartner. He would criticize and complain the entire time, making the segment unwatchable.

Fun Fact: Tom refuses to eat on camera because of being made fun of, knowing he looks like a fucked up snapping turtle.

We're all awaiting the inevitable Facebook post from one of his friends stating they got food poisoning from one of his dumpster casseroles.
 
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