Corrupt-a-Wish

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Granted but the winner become the eternal president of the united states.

I wish I could be so grossly incandescent
 
Granted until you burn the corneas of many children with your bright emitting light.

I wish Chris Chan was a boss fight in the next Fallout video game.
 
Granted, but Elder Scrolls is scrapped for a Sonichu franchise. Todd Howard does nothing but yell "JULAY" at every E3.

I wish I had new glasses.
 
You get new glasses but they accidentally invert your prescription and you get glasses that make your vision twice as bad
I wish I could finish my honors thesis
 
You finish your honors thesis but you get an F and have to redo it.
I wish I was less awkward
 
but people can only read chinese now

I wish I was more liked here
 
Done, but now you're banned from the inner circle.

I wish the city of Detroit just blew up.
 
Done, but all the civilians from detroit, locate to your location.

I wish autisticdragonkin and I were married and had babies.
 
It snows, but then the heating in your house suddenly broke.

I wish I was less lazy.
 
You are always busy and get no time to relax.

I wish Satan hadn't made me so beautiful.
 
You're an ugly fucker and people can't stand to be around you. I wish I could go home from work early.
 
You can go home, but the city shut off your water. I wish my laptop ran faster.
 
Granted but you're too slow to run an advanced machine that gets smarter with every mili second of time.

I wish Doc Brown was my grandpa.
 
Doc Brown is your grandfather. He lives far away and dies before you can even meet him.
In the same vein, I wish Rick Sanchez was my grandfather.
 
You can go home, but the city shut off your water. I wish my laptop ran faster.
I have a private borehole! You have no power here. I win at Corrupt a Wish!

He is, it just makes you an even worse person.

I wish I had a forum banner that says "Winner of Corrupt-a-wish!"
 
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