Corrupt-a-Wish

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You die in the great gamergate war of 2017.

I wish I could dance like MC Hammer.
 
bungholio said:
You die in the great gamergate war of 2017.

I wish I could dance like MC Hammer.
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You become immediately famous for your hit dance and corresponding song. In a strange twist of fate, both MC Hammer and the estate of Rick James take you to court for copyright infringement. They are awarded a huge settlement, and you are now penniless.

I wish that I could be a successful stand-up comedian.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
I wish that I could be a successful stand-up comedian.
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Congratulations, you're a successful comedian. Unfortunately, you're now Carlos Mencia and have become one of the most hated comedians of all time....at least you have money! you unfunny fuckwit

I wish for the cure to autism
 
Dio Brando said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6tLem4h85gICongratulations, you're a successful comedian. Unfortunately, you're now Carlos Mencia and have become one of the most hated comedians of all time....at least you have money! you unfunny fuckwit

I wish for the cure to autism
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Autism is cured so this website no longer exists, neither does most of the internet.
I wish I could control my dreams.
 
Abethedemon said:
I wish I could control my dreams.
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Your life and your dream world become indeterminable. You're left unable to distinguish your waking world from your dream world, and you consequently become terrified of sleep. You go for days on caffeine binges, attempting to stave off slumber while concurrently trying to convince yourself that you are rooted in reality. You are eventually involuntarily committed to an asylum, with only fabrications of your imagination as your companions.

I wish I had a bag of jelly beans.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Your life and your dream world become indeterminable. You're left unable to distinguish your waking world from your dream world, and you consequently become terrified of sleep. You go for days on caffeine binges, attempting to stave off slumber while concurrently trying to convince yourself that you are rooted in reality. You are eventually involuntarily committed to an asylum, with only fabrications of your imagination as your companions.

I wish I had a bag of jelly beans.
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The jelly beans you get are tasty but they also give you cavities and possibly daibetus.

I wish I had a big pickle.
 
c-no said:
The jelly beans you get are tasty but they also give you cavities and possibly daibetus.

I wish I had a big pickle.
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The pickle is expired and crawling with maggots.

I wish I had an empty afternoon to go fishing with friends.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
The fursuit was previously owned by a branch of Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. Nighty-night!

I wish I had beer on tap whenever I wanted.
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The beer you get turns out to be cheap, non-alcoholic beer. The taste is akin to urine and no one wants it unless they wanted to fool themselves drinking actual beer.

I wish this reality was merged with an anime solely for weeaboo's to be disappointed (or alternatively a cartoon like MLP or Adventure Time so the die-hards get disappointed when their head-canon's prove to be futile).
 
c-no said:
The beer you get turns out to be cheap, non-alcoholic beer. The taste is akin to urine and no one wants it unless they wanted to fool themselves drinking actual beer.

I wish this reality was merged with an anime solely for weeaboo's to be disappointed (or alternatively a cartoon like MLP or Adventure Time so the die-hards get disappointed when their head-canon's prove to be futile).
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Actually, I wish for that, too. But in the spirit of the thread . . .

The new reality turns out to be better than our current society. There are no laws, because nobody ever does anything that would require the drafting of laws. Happiness is guaranteed and conflicts are resolved expediently, usually within 22 minutes. People work for the joy of working and capitalist society breaks down. People are content with what they have.

You, however, are the only person aware of what has transpired. You eventually devolve into that society's villain, and your plots to "restore order" are a never-ending source of merriment and derision for the denizens that you had sought to subdue through your wish. You eventually find yourself in a therapy group with Gargamel and Dr. Doom, and more insultingly, they're the closest thing you have to friends.

I wish the hard drive on my Xbox was bigger.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
Actually, I wish for that, too. But in the spirit of the thread . . .

The new reality turns out to be better than our current society. There are no laws, because nobody ever does anything that would require the drafting of laws. Happiness is guaranteed and conflicts are resolved expediently, usually within 22 minutes. People work for the joy of working and capitalist society breaks down. People are content with what they have.

You, however, are the only person aware of what has transpired. You eventually devolve into that society's villain, and your plots to "restore order" are a never-ending source of merriment and derision for the denizens that you had sought to subdue through your wish. You eventually find yourself in a therapy group with Gargamel and Dr. Doom, and more insultingly, they're the closest thing you have to friends.

I wish the hard drive on my Xbox was bigger.
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The hard drive on your Xbox is bigger than previous. However, a random accident causes it to become an expensive paperweight. Say good bye to all your files.

I wish I was a part of the Mongolian Horde of Genghis Khan, acting as a mercenary in one of his conquest.
 
c-no said:
I wish I was a part of the Mongolian Horde of Genghis Khan, acting as a mercenary in one of his conquest.
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You participate in the raid of the Jin dynasty. However, you become separated from your group and captured by the enemy. You are frequently tortured for information you don't know, and they don't believe you. You die a slow death imprisoned

I wish I had a Stand from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
 
Dio Brando said:
You participate in the raid of the Jin dynasty. However, you become separated from your group and captured by the enemy. You are frequently tortured for information you don't know, and they don't believe you. You die a slow death imprisoned

I wish I had a Stand from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
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Your Stand's name is "Revive Zordon".

I wish Pepsi One came back.
 
trombonista said:
Your Stand's name is "Revive Zordon".

I wish Pepsi One came back.
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Pepsi One comes back but it's only available for a brief period on Amazon when it is inevitably snatched up by collectors and resold on the secondary market for grand stacks of cash. When you inevitably shell out for a pack you remember that it absolutely tastes like shit.

I wish I could fly.
 
Granted, but your arms mutate into really weird looking arm/wing hybrids. Making you stand out in public.

I wish I was more charming...
 
Abethedemon said:
It isn't, so therefore it is granted.
I wish I found people who would want to start a band with me.
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They're all sixteen years old and want to start an nu-punk-emo-rapcore band called "Dark Winter of Shattered Souls." Their on-stage gimmick is that they dress up like they're from the stage show "Cats." You're the bass player. While playing in London, you sustain a concussion when you are pelted with water bottles, loose change, and women's shoes. Gene Simmons insults you on national TV and you are burnt in effigy at a GWAR concert. Dark Winter of Shattered Souls eventually goes on the USO tour circuit and is captured by insurgents in Afghanistan. Nobody comes to look for you and your captors, disgusted, finally release you, but not before running over your band equipment in an old Soviet T-72 tank. You finally sell your movie rights and your story is made into a hit comedy, but you see no royalties.

Good luck with your side project!

I wish Chris would behave himself in public for a single week.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
I wish Chris would behave himself in public for a single week.
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At the end of the week, Barb dies of a heart attack. A devastated Chris drives his Ford Focus through Fashion Square Mall, killing one person and injuring five. Chris is sentenced to ten years in prison. You feel incredibly guilty about this.

I wish Israel and Palestine would reach a peaceful two-state solution.
 
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