Corrupt-a-Wish

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The nanomachines require a massive amount of energy in order to function. You find yourself taking in nearly 20,000 calories a day in order to sustain yourself and the machines--otherwise, you'd waste away. You find yourself eating all the time and your finances suffer tremendously. You're banned from your local Chinese buffet. Your teeth are ridden with cavities and fall out. Your loved ones refuse to take pictures with you because you're always holding food, usually of the fried variety. The vendors at the fair refuse to sell you those giant roasted turkey legs because you'll eat all of them. A picture of you eating mayonnaise straight from the jar ends up on People of Wal-Mart. You eventually take to robbing 7-11s for crates of Twinkies. Yes, you're buff as hell . . . but at what cost?

I wish I could find a job that I liked, had coworkers I could stand, and paid well.
 
trombonista said:
Your sister's surgery now costs three ha'pennies.

I wish Trident Layers were cheaper.
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The cheaper Trident Layers turn out to have inferior quality materials. Doesn't matter since they some how end up being out of stock when you try to buy them.

I wish I just had a high-frequency blade that was in the shape not of a katana but of a European saber just to mess with weeaboos who would still think the katana is the greatest sword.
 
c-no said:
The cheaper Trident Layers turn out to have inferior quality materials. Doesn't matter since they some how end up being out of stock when you try to buy them.

I wish I just had a high-frequency blade that was in the shape not of a katana but of a European saber just to mess with weeaboos who would still think the katana is the greatest sword.
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The sword is sentient and has the personality of a French douchebag.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
 
trombonista said:
Your sister's surgery now costs three ha'pennies.

I wish Trident Layers were cheaper.
Click to expand...
They are,
exball said:
The sword is sentient and has the personality of a French douchebag.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
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You have an unlimited supply of cake. The cake is so good you eat it constantly -your stomach ruptures within days.

I wish I knew every language in the world.
 
Morbid Boredom said:
They are,

You have an unlimited supply of cake. The cake is so good you eat it constantly -your stomach ruptures within days.

I wish I knew every language in the world.
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With the knowledge of every language in your mind, you can understand what a foreigner would tell you. Unfortunately, this knowledge came at a price: You end getting killed by some illuminati group that doesn't want some dead language around.

I wish all the Pagan and non-pagan gods fight each other if simply for the best fight for there to ever exist.
 
c-no said:
With the knowledge of every language in your mind, you can understand what a foreigner would tell you. Unfortunately, this knowledge came at a price: You end getting killed by some illuminati group that doesn't want some dead language around.

I wish all the Pagan and non-pagan gods fight each other if simply for the best fight for there to ever exist.
Click to expand...
Your disgusting heretic gods fall before the wrath of Rome.

I wish kebab was removed.
 
exball said:
Your disgusting heretic gods fall before the wrath of Rome.

I wish kebab was removed.
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I take away your kebab and eat it. I then proceed to drink your milkshake.

...I wish I had some kebab right now.
 
Morbid Boredom said:
I take away your kebab and eat it. I then proceed to drink your milkshake.

...I wish I had some kebab right now.
Click to expand...
You get a kebab but it turns out Homer Simpson ate it just before you even took a single bite.


I wish the African countries were first-world countries while U.S., Russia, China, U.K., and Canada were third world countries and that the third worlds are basically Mad-Max worlds.
 
c-no said:
You get a kebab but it turns out Homer Simpson ate it just before you even took a single bite.


I wish the African countries were first-world countries while U.S., Russia, China, U.K., and Canada were third world countries and that the third worlds are basically Mad-Max worlds.
Click to expand...

More than half of the posters here die, and all the staff die as well due to being in a war-torn hellscape. No more Kiwi.

I wish I had better organization skills...
 
Mechanism Eight said:
More than half of the posters here die, and all the staff die as well due to being in a war-torn hellscape. No more Kiwi.

I wish I had better organization skills...
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Your organization skills at first seem to keep your room clean, you desk clear, and you productive. But as time goes on you get more neurotic about organization. EVERYTHING MUST BE ORGANIZED. CLEAN AND TIDY. EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT. It drives you mad, especially when your friends and family move stuff around. So you kidnap them and put them in a designated spot. Eventually the police come. They chase you too the roof. You realize you are not you anymore. And you jump...

I wish for world peace.
 
DeckardBane said:
Your organization skills at first seem to keep your room clean, you desk clear, and you productive. But as time goes on you get more neurotic about organization. EVERYTHING MUST BE ORGANIZED. CLEAN AND TIDY. EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT. It drives you mad, especially when your friends and family move stuff around. So you kidnap them and put them in a designated spot. Eventually the police come. They chase you too the roof. You realize you are not you anymore. And you jump...

I wish for world peace.
Click to expand...
Alien invaders laugh, "this is the third time the HYOO-MONS have wished for world peace!" as their battle cruisers descend upon our remaining cities....

I wish I had a Kirito Nenodroid figurine.
 
Morbid Boredom said:
I wish I had a Kirito Nenodroid figurine.
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You get a cheap Chinese bootlegged version of said figure. It was also made with lead paint so upon touching it you get severe lead poisoning and die.

I wish that Chris was aware of how stupid his actions tend to be.
 
Konstantinos said:
You get a cheap Chinese bootlegged version of said figure. It was also made with lead paint so upon touching it you get severe lead poisoning and die.

I wish that Chris was aware of how stupid his actions tend to be.
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Chris realizes the errors of his actions and begins to dedicate the rest of his life helping other lolcows realize their own errors. Unfortunately, he's successful, causing the autism that runs this forum to slowly fade away into obscurity.

I wish for a full graphic novel adaptation of Sonichu by Frank Miller
 
Dio Brando said:
Chris realizes the errors of his actions and begins to dedicate the rest of his life helping other lolcows realize their own errors. Unfortunately, he's successful, causing the autism that runs this forum to slowly fade away into obscurity.

I wish for a full graphic novel adaptation of Sonichu by Frank Miller
Click to expand...

Granted, but it ends up being too good, taking away all of the charm and lulz of the original Sonichu because the art is actually good and the dialogue makes sense. Also, Frank Miller gets the shit sued out of him by Nintendo and Sega.

I wish that Pokemon were real so I could be a trainer instead of having to go to school and work.
 
Cosmos said:
I wish that Pokemon were real so I could be a trainer instead of having to go to school and work.
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As a result of the sudden introduction of hundreds of powerful, invasive species to the real world, nature is thrown into disarray. The food chain gets all screwed up and many native animals die out.

I wish that I could just focus on taking writing and history courses instead of having to do math and other shit I'm not good at.
 
Konstantinos said:
As a result of the sudden introduction of hundreds of powerful, invasive species to the real world, nature is thrown into disarray. The food chain gets all screwed up and many native animals die out.

I wish that I could just focus on taking writing and history courses instead of having to do math and other shit I'm not good at.
Click to expand...

You become yet another person the Reddit STEMM circlejerk laughs at as you struggle to find gainful employment.

I wish I had a tuxedo -that fit me, of course.
 
exball said:
I wish I didn't suck at math.
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You're so good at math it consumes your entire life, it's the only thing you thing of and you eventually trepan yourself to stop thinking about math all the time like that guy in that one Aronofsky film.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time.
 
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