Could this be real?

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Sonitistic said:
The card itself is actually worn and discolored on two of the corners on the short side suggesting it was actually stuck in a wallet for at least a short time. I find it interesting that it has smooth edges and isn't sloppily cut out by a safety scissors like it was printed out on a sheet of ten.
Click to expand...
Eh, I've ordered cards before. For me, they came precut.
 
Unbovvered said:
I called upon the Chandlers once. It was an occasion I'll never forget. Mainly because of the screaming

I shall always remember the screaming. That sound alone, out of the entire saga, shall forever herald the fondest of all dreams when I sleep. The screams of suffering, the screams of begging, the screams of a man watching his beloved children be subject to unspeakable depravities while he struggles impotently against my weight. This is the sound I shall always cherish.

It had not taken long to locate Chris. His home address had been a well known fact for years now, and due to him being a friendless subhuman autist I knew he resided there almost every moment of his worthless life. I waited until he left for Mcdonalds before I infiltrated that foul castle of idiocy, but not one moment after I entered did I find myself face to face with the progenitor of unspeakable autism. Barbara "feisty dog" Chandler.

Enraged, she raised her fists to the air and told me how much trouble my butt was now in, but seeing the monster who created the autistic abomination, I was filled with holy furry, and after punching her through a wall, I yanked my knife from my pickle suit and began my bloody work.

Not one moment of Barb's life, not even the days she spent as a girl watching her drunken father violate lubricated farm animals, could prepare her for what I was to do to her. When I had finished with my weapon, and my knife, all that remained of her was a sagging pelt of skin, and stinking chunks of flesh scattered atop mountains of junk. The loss of his personal cook and carer would hurt chris, maybe even destroy him. But this bloodbath had been but a prelude to my true vengeance.

Grinning with childlike mirth, I clambered inside the flayed heap of skin, and lumbered into my victim's bed, and waited for my nemesis to return home. When Chris finally stumbled into his mothers room he did not notice me. Nor did he notice the chunks of human flesh lying around. He seemed far more interested in what I soon realized to be his mother's lingerie draw before I finally cleared my throat to attract his attention.

It did not immediately occur to him that I was merely wearing her folds of flesh as a mere suit, and for what seemed like hours he ranted about "dem damn homos" while my rage slowly built up inside me. However, when he started to describe his dream of barb as a belly dancer, my patience finally wore out. Calling him to my side, I held his hand tight, and still imitating Barb, I told him this was the end.

Sighing with annoyance Chris moaned that I was just trying to get his attention, and that Bob had tried the same thing just before he died, and it was at this insult to the holy lumberjack that I sprung my trap. Yanking his hand accross me, I flung the foul creature head first into the wall, stunning him as he screamed in confusion, before I stripped the skin and picklesuit off me to reveal my glorious naked form.

As Chris looked up at me, the last thing he saw was my enormous, pulsating, pickle, and now shaking with homophobic terror, he demanded to know why there was a tiny sonichu medallion glued to the japs-eye opening. In cold, righeteous fury, I told Chis that this was Fistichu, my own original parody of sonic crossed with my favorite porn star Fisty mc Fisterton, and that together we were going to make him suffer for his atrocities against decency, and the insult his existance was to my greatness.

With a warriors roar that would have made all great heros erect with pride, I plunged my hardened penis and it's fistichu head directly into Chris's eye socket. beneath me I could feel him shit himself in rage as he was forced to touch another man's genitals, but that did not matter. All that mattered was getting into his mind. Which I was able to do with an extra strong thrust through his skull. As his brain touched my junk, I was able to finally enter his thoughts, and as our minds became one, I witnessed the metaphor of my genitalia violating his cerebra-cortex being carried out in glorious reality.

Around me, cwcville was ablaze, the blood of thousands soaked the streets and I saw the crucified bodies of Chris's imaginary fans and friends nailed to the walls of every building. But what was most beautiful was the fate of Chris's Sonichu. Before me lay every single sonichu in a straight line, each one's mouth stitched to the next one's anus with red hot iron clamps.

Behind them was my fistichu, his godly body naked as mine, and his majestic penis thrust into the anus of Sonichu. Then to my amazement, it emerged out of the mouth of Angelica, who was at the start of this hedgehog centipede, and then realization struck me. Fistichu's penis had in fact traveled through the anus, digestive system, and mouth of everyone in this line, violating all of them in one beautiful thrust. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I was humbled by the majesty of this event.

Beneath me, I heard a quiet sobbing. Looking down I saw Chris's face beneath my manly boot, his eyelids held open by staples, forced to watch this unspeakable depravity by my mighty leg. After countless hours of making him watch, and with a deep, booming laugh, I knelt down and put my moth close to his ear, and with shout louder than a thousand thunderclaps, I obliterated the last threads of his existance with a deafening JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

As his mind finally died, I was returned to reality to find myself standing ancle deep in Chris's terminal feces. Knowing it would be years before anyone cared to visit the building, I allowed myself an hour to clean myself off, before setting off into the virginia night towards the coast still naked as the day I was born, knowing deep in my heart that I had finally done what all christorians wish to do, and what the holy prophet A-log had decreed. My work, was finally done.

Or maybe that was @Judge Holden I dunno lol
Click to expand...
... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
 
Chris has alwaus had an interest in business cards. Between places like gamefaqs and cafe press a lot of gamers have cards these days and they're very cheap and easy to have made. You can get hundreds made to your exact specifications for under $10. All Chris needs to do is choose a template, insert some pictures and add the info. Literally anyone can do it, it couldn't be simpler. They come with templates (hence them being relatively neat and orderly) and you just drop and drag your own images in, choose a font and that's it. Hundreds of cards are delivered, pre-cut and ready to go to your door.

Like Marvin, I believe this seems authentic. The gamer info is real, the mii is his actual mii image, the comic sans is his font of choice. The encounter sounded like typical Chris. If the OP gave a description of what he wore and confirmed with one of the inner circle or null or someone trustworthy what the friend code was it could be easily confirmed.
 
Sonitistic said:
I find it interesting that it has smooth edges and isn't sloppily cut out by a safety scissors like it was printed out on a sheet of ten.
Click to expand...
That, at least, is circumstantial evidence the card is legitimate. Chris would have used a business card service like what Office Depot offers, instead of printing them himself (does he even own a printer?), so any legitimate cards would have nice, clean, professionally cut edges. It's more likely, though not absolute, that a ween would have used one of those print-you-own-business-cards kits like what Avery makes, because for a few cards it's much cheaper.
 
Unbovvered said:
I called upon the Chandlers once. It was an occasion I'll never forget. Mainly because of the screaming

I shall always remember the screaming. That sound alone, out of the entire saga, shall forever herald the fondest of all dreams when I sleep. The screams of suffering, the screams of begging, the screams of a man watching his beloved children be subject to unspeakable depravities while he struggles impotently against my weight. This is the sound I shall always cherish.

It had not taken long to locate Chris. His home address had been a well known fact for years now, and due to him being a friendless subhuman autist I knew he resided there almost every moment of his worthless life. I waited until he left for Mcdonalds before I infiltrated that foul castle of idiocy, but not one moment after I entered did I find myself face to face with the progenitor of unspeakable autism. Barbara "feisty dog" Chandler.

Enraged, she raised her fists to the air and told me how much trouble my butt was now in, but seeing the monster who created the autistic abomination, I was filled with holy furry, and after punching her through a wall, I yanked my knife from my pickle suit and began my bloody work.

Not one moment of Barb's life, not even the days she spent as a girl watching her drunken father violate lubricated farm animals, could prepare her for what I was to do to her. When I had finished with my weapon, and my knife, all that remained of her was a sagging pelt of skin, and stinking chunks of flesh scattered atop mountains of junk. The loss of his personal cook and carer would hurt chris, maybe even destroy him. But this bloodbath had been but a prelude to my true vengeance.

Grinning with childlike mirth, I clambered inside the flayed heap of skin, and lumbered into my victim's bed, and waited for my nemesis to return home. When Chris finally stumbled into his mothers room he did not notice me. Nor did he notice the chunks of human flesh lying around. He seemed far more interested in what I soon realized to be his mother's lingerie draw before I finally cleared my throat to attract his attention.

It did not immediately occur to him that I was merely wearing her folds of flesh as a mere suit, and for what seemed like hours he ranted about "dem damn homos" while my rage slowly built up inside me. However, when he started to describe his dream of barb as a belly dancer, my patience finally wore out. Calling him to my side, I held his hand tight, and still imitating Barb, I told him this was the end.

Sighing with annoyance Chris moaned that I was just trying to get his attention, and that Bob had tried the same thing just before he died, and it was at this insult to the holy lumberjack that I sprung my trap. Yanking his hand accross me, I flung the foul creature head first into the wall, stunning him as he screamed in confusion, before I stripped the skin and picklesuit off me to reveal my glorious naked form.

As Chris looked up at me, the last thing he saw was my enormous, pulsating, pickle, and now shaking with homophobic terror, he demanded to know why there was a tiny sonichu medallion glued to the japs-eye opening. In cold, righeteous fury, I told Chis that this was Fistichu, my own original parody of sonic crossed with my favorite porn star Fisty mc Fisterton, and that together we were going to make him suffer for his atrocities against decency, and the insult his existance was to my greatness.

With a warriors roar that would have made all great heros erect with pride, I plunged my hardened penis and it's fistichu head directly into Chris's eye socket. beneath me I could feel him shit himself in rage as he was forced to touch another man's genitals, but that did not matter. All that mattered was getting into his mind. Which I was able to do with an extra strong thrust through his skull. As his brain touched my junk, I was able to finally enter his thoughts, and as our minds became one, I witnessed the metaphor of my genitalia violating his cerebra-cortex being carried out in glorious reality.

Around me, cwcville was ablaze, the blood of thousands soaked the streets and I saw the crucified bodies of Chris's imaginary fans and friends nailed to the walls of every building. But what was most beautiful was the fate of Chris's Sonichu. Before me lay every single sonichu in a straight line, each one's mouth stitched to the next one's anus with red hot iron clamps.

Behind them was my fistichu, his godly body naked as mine, and his majestic penis thrust into the anus of Sonichu. Then to my amazement, it emerged out of the mouth of Angelica, who was at the start of this hedgehog centipede, and then realization struck me. Fistichu's penis had in fact traveled through the anus, digestive system, and mouth of everyone in this line, violating all of them in one beautiful thrust. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I was humbled by the majesty of this event.

Beneath me, I heard a quiet sobbing. Looking down I saw Chris's face beneath my manly boot, his eyelids held open by staples, forced to watch this unspeakable depravity by my mighty leg. After countless hours of making him watch, and with a deep, booming laugh, I knelt down and put my moth close to his ear, and with shout louder than a thousand thunderclaps, I obliterated the last threads of his existance with a deafening JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

As his mind finally died, I was returned to reality to find myself standing ancle deep in Chris's terminal feces. Knowing it would be years before anyone cared to visit the building, I allowed myself an hour to clean myself off, before setting off into the virginia night towards the coast still naked as the day I was born, knowing deep in my heart that I had finally done what all christorians wish to do, and what the holy prophet A-log had decreed. My work, was finally done.

Or maybe that was @Judge Holden I dunno lol
Click to expand...
That was sick, twisted, disturbing, and fucking hilarious.
 
I just used that QR code to add the Mii to my Wii U. What is wrong with me.

I'm guessing he likes business cards for the same reason he came up with the whole attraction sign in the past. He can have lots of them and just slide them to people silently without actually having to talk to them.
 
Well, it certainly sounds like Chris, willing so share any personal/contact information he possibly can. It looks pretty well made though, and Chris isn't really known for creating anything visually appealing.
 
DrTremolo said:
I just used that QR code to add the Mii to my Wii U. What is wrong with me.
Click to expand...

Unbovvered just made a post about wearing Snorlax's skin & skull-fucking CWC, & you're wondering what's wrong with you?

P.S. I love you Unbovvered
 
I might just be recognising the Mii, but I feel sure I've seen this business card before, too.
 
Tubular Monkey said:
It doesn't mention autism, sweethearts, or trolls. Also, no semicolons. I don't buy it.
Click to expand...
Those days of autistic pride and sweetheart searches are over if I'm not mistaken. There's a 50-50 chance it's real. Chris isn't very trusting of others any more, but right now, I think he's wanting to get out more, so I think maybe he'd want to make a friend or two. That being said, if this was in fact from Chris, he's made good use of space for text on this card. Then again these cards probably all have a similar layout, so it was probably easy enough for him to make. So maybe it's a 55% chance. I could understand Chris, at this point, possibly wanting company from anyone other than Barb. I don't know though.
 
dcisp said:
I remember seeing this business card before, there was some hub-bub about if the different eye color thing was a mii thing or a custom deal.
Forget if it was this post from 4 months ago or something else, though.
Click to expand...

This isn't the first time I've seen the card, it's circulated this forum before. Anyway, it's pretty boring to discuss.
 
Unbovvered said:
I called upon the Chandlers once. It was an occasion I'll never forget. Mainly because of the screaming

I shall always remember the screaming. That sound alone, out of the entire saga, shall forever herald the fondest of all dreams when I sleep. The screams of suffering, the screams of begging, the screams of a man watching his beloved children be subject to unspeakable depravities while he struggles impotently against my weight. This is the sound I shall always cherish.

It had not taken long to locate Chris. His home address had been a well known fact for years now, and due to him being a friendless subhuman autist I knew he resided there almost every moment of his worthless life. I waited until he left for Mcdonalds before I infiltrated that foul castle of idiocy, but not one moment after I entered did I find myself face to face with the progenitor of unspeakable autism. Barbara "feisty dog" Chandler.

Enraged, she raised her fists to the air and told me how much trouble my butt was now in, but seeing the monster who created the autistic abomination, I was filled with holy furry, and after punching her through a wall, I yanked my knife from my pickle suit and began my bloody work.

Not one moment of Barb's life, not even the days she spent as a girl watching her drunken father violate lubricated farm animals, could prepare her for what I was to do to her. When I had finished with my weapon, and my knife, all that remained of her was a sagging pelt of skin, and stinking chunks of flesh scattered atop mountains of junk. The loss of his personal cook and carer would hurt chris, maybe even destroy him. But this bloodbath had been but a prelude to my true vengeance.

Grinning with childlike mirth, I clambered inside the flayed heap of skin, and lumbered into my victim's bed, and waited for my nemesis to return home. When Chris finally stumbled into his mothers room he did not notice me. Nor did he notice the chunks of human flesh lying around. He seemed far more interested in what I soon realized to be his mother's lingerie draw before I finally cleared my throat to attract his attention.

It did not immediately occur to him that I was merely wearing her folds of flesh as a mere suit, and for what seemed like hours he ranted about "dem damn homos" while my rage slowly built up inside me. However, when he started to describe his dream of barb as a belly dancer, my patience finally wore out. Calling him to my side, I held his hand tight, and still imitating Barb, I told him this was the end.

Sighing with annoyance Chris moaned that I was just trying to get his attention, and that Bob had tried the same thing just before he died, and it was at this insult to the holy lumberjack that I sprung my trap. Yanking his hand accross me, I flung the foul creature head first into the wall, stunning him as he screamed in confusion, before I stripped the skin and picklesuit off me to reveal my glorious naked form.

As Chris looked up at me, the last thing he saw was my enormous, pulsating, pickle, and now shaking with homophobic terror, he demanded to know why there was a tiny sonichu medallion glued to the japs-eye opening. In cold, righeteous fury, I told Chis that this was Fistichu, my own original parody of sonic crossed with my favorite porn star Fisty mc Fisterton, and that together we were going to make him suffer for his atrocities against decency, and the insult his existance was to my greatness.

With a warriors roar that would have made all great heros erect with pride, I plunged my hardened penis and it's fistichu head directly into Chris's eye socket. beneath me I could feel him shit himself in rage as he was forced to touch another man's genitals, but that did not matter. All that mattered was getting into his mind. Which I was able to do with an extra strong thrust through his skull. As his brain touched my junk, I was able to finally enter his thoughts, and as our minds became one, I witnessed the metaphor of my genitalia violating his cerebra-cortex being carried out in glorious reality.

Around me, cwcville was ablaze, the blood of thousands soaked the streets and I saw the crucified bodies of Chris's imaginary fans and friends nailed to the walls of every building. But what was most beautiful was the fate of Chris's Sonichu. Before me lay every single sonichu in a straight line, each one's mouth stitched to the next one's anus with red hot iron clamps.

Behind them was my fistichu, his godly body naked as mine, and his majestic penis thrust into the anus of Sonichu. Then to my amazement, it emerged out of the mouth of Angelica, who was at the start of this hedgehog centipede, and then realization struck me. Fistichu's penis had in fact traveled through the anus, digestive system, and mouth of everyone in this line, violating all of them in one beautiful thrust. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I was humbled by the majesty of this event.

Beneath me, I heard a quiet sobbing. Looking down I saw Chris's face beneath my manly boot, his eyelids held open by staples, forced to watch this unspeakable depravity by my mighty leg. After countless hours of making him watch, and with a deep, booming laugh, I knelt down and put my moth close to his ear, and with shout louder than a thousand thunderclaps, I obliterated the last threads of his existance with a deafening JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

As his mind finally died, I was returned to reality to find myself standing ancle deep in Chris's terminal feces. Knowing it would be years before anyone cared to visit the building, I allowed myself an hour to clean myself off, before setting off into the virginia night towards the coast still naked as the day I was born, knowing deep in my heart that I had finally done what all christorians wish to do, and what the holy prophet A-log had decreed. My work, was finally done.

Or maybe that was @Judge Holden I dunno lol
Click to expand...

That's total bullshit














Barb doesnt cook for Chris
 
Wouldn't he get "Christian Weston Chandler"? The card said "Christian Chandler". That to me makes it look phony.
 
This is real. I'm 99% positive I've seen this posted here before. Although I remember there being a friendcode on the card, because that's how I ended up adding him in the first place.

I do remember that I contacted Chris through the email on this card just so that he could add me to his 3DS. He never replied, but he did end up adding me.

some proof

http://cwckiforums.com/threads/chriss-miiverse-posts.2750/page-2#post-162729

http://cwckiforums.com/threads/disc...pdates-last-post-1-7.2814/page-26#post-166264
 
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