Craigslist Cringe Thread

Any lovely ladies wanna give her some lovin? If you're lucky, she might take out her dentures for you...

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Won't someone help her with her love quest?
 
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I'll spare you the rest of the pics, but that walleyed stare and toothy grin will haunt your nightmares.

And yes, all those face pics are exactly the same. Every. Single. One.

It's disturbing.

Also, manboobs, and micropenis are on full display, but didn't figure anyone needed to see those.

Edit: was trying to remember who that reminds me of...
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fishercat said:
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Click to expand...
See, now this is the stuff Hollywood needs to make movies about. No remakes or reboots or cheap attempts at being diverse or PC. Just weird shit like this that may seem like it's been done before, but it's probably executed in such a creative or outlandish way that most movie-goers won't know the difference.
 
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There's a white "vet" who completely spams the Gigs section looking for personal whores to give him a "girlfriend experience" with light cleaning. He doesn't want anyone over a size 7/8, and she has to come 2-3 mornings a week, in her own car, to hang out with him fully nude.

The thing is, he lists ads for every type of blonde or brunette woman under the sun. It's ridiculous. I can usually tell it's him before clicking because it's like he has a seizure when he writes the titles. He changes up the locations though, which is weird.

A sampler of his ad titles, all from the first two pages of Gigs section:

  • Sexy secretary and companion for semi retired male gfe gig/quik $$$$
  • Cougars and Milfs needed for gfe gig and housekeepers blonde/brunette
  • Hiring ex strippers or ex hooters girls in home assistant $$$$
  • Big Tits toned milfs wanna make extra cash gfe gig$$$$
  • Perfect 10 Coeds Cougars for daytime companion work /instant pay day
  • Broke Brunettes Triphy Wives or Soccer moms/companion gig /big paydays
  • Bi sexual blondes Brunettes companion needed for older retired male$$$
  • Sexy Christy Mack type women for quick paydays /gfe gig/be mobile $$$$
  • Tall slender tattooed ladies with great Tits /gfe gig /quick cash/ $$$
  • Easy Raven hair tattooed vixen /companion gfe gig Hiring Now

​

 
Here's a bizarre disjointed rant from a couple seeking someone.
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WE R DEAD NOW!!!! FUCK!!!!!
There were 24 pictures. None appealing. Huge fat girl, little dude with a small dick. And I'm no expert on cock rings, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to put your balls through it too. JUST SAYING!!!!!

Also, this lovely lady wants to snuggle and watch movies with you.

No sex. No darkies.
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Actually, she cut out the no blacks part, but you still have to put "white" in the subject.
 
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Found a couple gems

TOYS R US - m4m

here's a longshot...

you were the good-looking guy with his wife and kids, I was with my nephew...

we exchanged looks briefly and then had a short chat...

I would love to get together with you and do some things with my mouth that your wife won't do...

send me a message with what area of the store we crossed paths in the topic and see what happens ;)

Black Guys Leaving Me Curious - m4m



Straight married white guy, but the black guys in the area leave me curious about the BBC they are packing fantasize about them making me suck them off to their superior sized cocks. Every time I see them outside they make the thought go through my head even yesterday afternoon coming home.

I love this one because it reads like an ad for a locally owned home improvement company
Pussy Eating Service - m4w

body: hwp
weight: 190
hair: Bald up / Full below
height: 5'11" (180cm)
status: married
dislikes: Unnecessary Stress

age: 50

Married white male offers FREE pussy eating to all of the nice ladies out there! I LOVE wet pussy in my face! All pussies are welcome, regardless of shape, size, age, color or prior abuse. TOTAL discretion required! NO strings, NO drama, NO pressure for sex, YOU open the pussy, I eat the pussy, and I leave! Please be clean, and respectful, as I will be to you. I am HWP. Squirters are preferred, but not required! Service can be one-time, or regular, at your discretion..........At your place.......Lunchtime

What daddy wants, daddy gets - m4w

status: married


age: 40

Are you looking for a real man? Are you looking for a man that takes control in and out if the bedroom? Looking for a man that knows how to please over and over?

I am 40, white, 6'3", about 230 lbs. Dark blonde hair and blue eyes. Broad shoulders, well endowed. Long lasting, loves to please. Takes control, knows what to do in the bedroom, knows how to make you feel great.

You be good looking, take care of yourself, needs someone to put you in your place, want to give yourself to someone and follow direction.

If I am what you been missing, email me and let me make all your fantasies come true. Put "control me" in subject line so I know you are real.

Huh, married, eh? I'm guessing "daddy" can't control a woman for shit, and is trying to establish himself as a big bad alpha, because he can no longer stand being henpecked by his wife. His ad kinda proves my point when he says "loves to please". Now, sure, everyone likes to know they are pleasing their lover, but a dominant person wouldn't say that. They would say they love to BE pleased.

(good luck with that. If you're not an alpha, or have a dominant personality, you can't fake it. Just WANTING to be that way isn't good enough)
 
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