Craigslist Cringe Thread

[bearycool]

Here, we discuss/post the worst craigslist ads we see in our area! To start off, let's begin with this!

"Hey, the name's Tate I'm a 22 year old bi-curious Male, I'm here looking to make friends and possibly really good friends who have had similair experiences when they were younger regarding discrete desperation or mututal pooping. in a way holding it in making it thick and getting off from it. or getting off by listening or watching others go. This is a discrete fetish in a way. You can get more information on this unusual taboo by emailing me. I will reply back to whoever as quickly as possible."


Obviously, if you don't want people to see what city you are in, just post a screen capture of the ad, and don't post the url link. If you want to go an extra step, archive the ad and share it with all of your family members for generations to come!

 

[GS 281]

My ass, your daughters bed - m4m

Hey what's up? So I have a unique fantasy that I'm hoping relates to some others' fantasies too. I'd like to find someone who has a hot older (preteen to teenage or maybe just off to college) daughter, niece, stepdaughter, etc. that maybe they would like to fuck a tight bottom in her bed. I could even wear a pair of her panties if you'd like! I'll suck your cock, play with your balls, and take your cock like a good little girl.

About me : I'm 6', 34, 195 lbs, clean, white, ddf, shaved smooth cock balls and ass, vers bottom. No recip wanted!

You be any age, race, weight, height, clean, std and disease free, non smoker, not too huge of a cock (probably 8 or less but could be room for flexibility}.

If this interests you, write me and let's see if we can make it work!! I know there must be some guys out there that are turned on by this idea. Write me and let's play.

http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/cas/5225930197.html

 

[Evilboshe]

pillow humping - a conversation .... - m4w (SF)
m4w



I have seen women using / riding a pillow between her legs, getting more and more excited and tense on the pillow until she orgasms. It looks a very sensual way to come. Seems to takes some concentration as well.
Can anyone tell me if this is common, or something only a small number of women can do?
Is it something you keep as a secret?

It's very much a turn on for me and if you are interested as in doing it together, or as a model, with me watching, we can discuss arrangements.

Look forward to hearing from you!

to weed out spam - put panty color in the email title.
Thanks!
https://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/msr/5272141481.html

 

[bearycool]

Talented throat on call - m4m

Masc guy looking to help out a horny guy with fantastic, anonymous head. No recip expected. I am DDF and clean; you must be, too. Looking for guys age 25-45 that need to nut. Traveling now in [REDACTED] or can host in my truck. Send stats & pic for same. No games; let's go.

 

[GS 281]

Spoiler: Nope.

I'm looking for someone that is into mutual scat play. I'm into smearing and eating. I really want to have you fuck my dirty ass and get your cock all covered in shit and then suck it clean. I'm real and expect you to be too, I'm drug and disease clean (420 friendly). I can't host, so you must and provide a place for clean up afterwords. I'm a big guy over 300lbs so if that turns you off then move on, if not but scat chub in the subject so I know you are real.

http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/cas/5237970931.html

Spoiler: NOPE

34 swm chub. I want to shit in your mouth then i want to fuck your mouth and get shit on my dick. then i wanna bust a load in your mouth while you swallow my shit and lick the shit off my dick. then i wanna piss down your throat. the younger the better.. you host. sent pics and ill do the same. for real here you be too. no BLACKS.

http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/cas/5253544616.html

 

[bearycool]

THEY ARE ALWAYS 420 FRIENDLY! ALWAYYSSSSSSSSS!

 

[GS 281]

Are you bby?

 

[Golly]

[TOWN REDACTED] Dad looking for [TOWN REDACTED] Son - m4m
Are you 18+ and horny?
When I was your age I would always be horny and the girls my age put out only with the older guys.

I can blow you and provide you with release on a regular basis, discreet, private, nobody would ever know. You won't be disappointed.

You must be 18+, str8, masculine and fit.

 

[TheAmazingAxolotl]

 

[Overcast]

But... They're all gonna laugh at you!

 

[Splendid]

So, presumably this is animal blood...
But still, this doesn't sound hygenic.
And where do you fucking buy blood?

 

[wheat pasta]

Ah, this'll be fun.
I'll go ahead and post a classic for y'all.

 

[nonnewtonian]

Spoiler: incest victim4incest victim

I've never seen a more transparent organ harvesting scheme. Jesus.

 

[bearycool]

As someone once said on the chat:

"Craigslist is not an lolcow; it's an experience"

 

[Goddessoftheshire]

Not sexual but strange as hell it is from his cats perspective.

Spoiler: Forever alone

Dear human..... (Town Redacted)


body : average height : 5'10" (177cm) status : single

age: 28


Human female,

It seems I have come to an impass with my time. My human requires a companion. He has become quite bothersome to my plans of household destruction. Thwarting my efforts to conquer the entire space. That's where you come into my devious plan. I wish for you to distract my human; take him out of the dwelling for periods of time so that I may see my plans come to fruition. With his attention off of myself I may go about my plans uninhibited.

My human is very tall by my standard of measurement. His strength knows no bounds as he lifts me with such carefree ease (this could become a problem for me one day). He also flaps his gums at me often, staring at me with his big blue eyes in a faint hope I am listening. I do enjoy his taste in moving images on the magic box though. And when he is not around, I enjoy watching a game of swatting an object into a yarn netting on frozen water. This game intrigues me.

While he does feed me (when I tell him of course) and give me endless enjoyment of cleaning up after my droppings, I do suppose he also requires some fulfillment apart from merely being my human.

Should you help with my efforts I will grace your lap with my presence and purr to my satisfaction. This is by far the highest regard one can give.

Until then human,
Cat

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Guy wants woman with "Thunder Thighs"

Spoiler: Slanton Sister?

EXTREMELY OBESE WOMAN WANTED... (Town Redacted)


I am a handsome gentleman who wants to marry an extremely obese woman. To me obese is someone weighting over 450 pounds and is not looking to go on a diet. I am partial to thunder thighs. Please be under 50. A photo is a must for a reply.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

I'm better than you! Why aren't you my friend?

Spoiler: Future Elliot Rodger

Musing aloud. (Mémoire Palais)


I hate people - but I crave human interaction because I feel so lonely sometimes. Yet, I don't 'keep up' with the friends I do have out of fear of being a bother.

I have a slight superiority complex. I feel I'm mentally and intellectually superior to most I come in contact with. I'm observant, I pay close attention to everyone around me - watching their body language, their facial expressions and even their micro-expressions. I can learn more about someone from five minutes of watching them than I can from ten minutes of talking.

I sometimes wonder if I'm some sort of rare mental/emotional human specimen (plays into my superiority complex). I'm friendly, yet antisocial. Compassionate but intolerable of others. Overly sensitive but desensitized from human nature. I dislike violence but daydream of torture.

"Extreme acts of cruelty require a high degree of empathy."

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

 

[Meatman]

Ah, this'll be fun.
I'll go ahead and post a classic for y'all.

What would you use the charged "Dick Essence" for anyway?

 

[meatslab]

Oh man, my CL is chock full of gems.

Spoiler: Any veterinarians here?

Spoiler: Toe sucking at the movies

Spoiler: Disabled only pls

Spoiler: Unfortunate that you have herpes

Spoiler: Cruisin' for 10s on CL

Spoiler: Let's scar your child for life!

Spoiler: Looking for a naughty grandma

Spoiler: Looking for a special grandpa

Spoiler: Love to taste scat

Spoiler: Totally NOT gay!

My metroplex is dirty as hell.

 

[SkinExhibit]

Missed connections are the best, though.

Spoiler: Just like mom...

And, my personal favorite, this guy posts an ad like this at least once a month. Every month.
He lives in a super small town nearby, so there's maybe only a couple thousand people to respond to this thing.

Spoiler: You can smell the patchouli already.

 

[Abethedemon]

Spoiler

http://burlington.craigslist.org/zip/5276248176.html

So this guy wants to give away a free horse.

Spoiler

http://burlington.craigslist.org/w4m/5266887045.html

This person wants to find someone who has herpes, for some reason.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Spoiler: "let me see you shit"

Spoiler: "Sugar Baby for my Son"

Spoiler: "Take a SHIT ON ME"