CrowdStrike down first reported in Australia

[COME ON OUT YOU RAPIST]

Met a kiwi just now at UPS, his schizo theory is that this was a cyber attack.

Apparently it's just a shitty file thanks to the push to production meme. I say "apparently" despite doing this myself and confirming it stopped the issue, but

This is absolutely fucking me over right now.

Encrypted laptop won't boot. DaaS won't launch. About to go into the office and see if my main machine is fucked too (no reason to think it's not).

I can happily accept not being able to work, but I have a non-work presentation trapped on that fucking laptop that needs to be submitted this weekend. I put it together yesterday and thought "I'll sleep on it to see if I want to make any changes before submitting. What are the odds my computer will die?" I'm fucking PISSED.

If you're absolutely going to die if you don't have access to your macherino try this.

 

[The Last Stand]

2024 is the year of the serverlesslessness. Honestly I think Serverless was fucking retarded dumb bullshit by retarded dumb bullshit companies that deserve to die so I'm happy to see it.

I would think hospitals and emergency services would have backups in case of a server lapse. Either they're cheap, they can't afford it, or they bought into the Cloud infrastructure sell. That in mind, are servers nowadays that poorly maintained?

This actually reminds me of the 2003 outrage that affected the Northeastern US. Software bug or something on a major grid that connects to other grids.

 

[msd]

Apparently it's just a shitty file thanks to the push to production meme. I say "apparently" despite doing this myself and confirming it stopped the issue, butView attachment 6209256

My machine also works, but I also hold off om updating.

I am vindicated in my paranoia

 

[mindlessobserver]

The system is complex and gets more complex by the day. Counter intuitively, the people put in charge of the system and run its maintenance are increasingly sub optimized street shitters with degrees and certifications they cheated to get and willing to work for cheap, supervised by people put in position to meet a diversity quota.

Things are going to keep breaking with increasing severity and frequency.

 

[Geddy Lee's Fee and See]

This actually reminds me of the 2003 outrage that affected the Northeastern US. Software bug or something on a major grid that connects to other grids.

This is worse than that or Y2K. Y2K's cause was literally memory being too expensive in the 70s so computer engineers had to be a bit cheap when designing the part of the computer storing dates (by only storing the last 2 digits of the year), which became a problem later when these systems were hooked onto larger power systems and the like in the 90s. The 2003 outage was a genuine fluke due to a race condition in software that caused a shitton of damage that no one could have really seen coming. The outcomes were unfortunate in the latter case or nonexistent in the former, but the root causes of the problem were understandable mistakes/flukes made that couldn't really be fixed but could be taken notw of.


Something like this was not only preventable unlike the 2003 power outage, but was not even necessary like the impetus for the Y2K bug. It's just businesses creating retarded solutions to problems that don't exist, thereby creating actual problems that are magnitudes worse than the supposed one. It's so fucking retarded how make things more complex than they have any right being. KISS should be the default philosophy for all computer systems.

 

[mindlessobserver]

So is Jersh right? Are they going to have to walk USB sticks around the world and manually fix all these servers?

 

[Meat Target]

It's just businesses creating retarded solutions to problems that don't exist, thereby creating actual problems that are magnitudes worse than the supposed one. It's so fucking retarded how make things more complex than they have any right being. KISS should be the default philosophy for all computer systems.

Silicon Valley's culture and notions of "innovation" and "move fast and break things" will be its undoing.

Steve Jobs was the architect of Bugmanism.

 

[pikachudidnothingwrong]

Things like this are actually good news. Providers of more attention to the dangers, or at the very least more efforts at forcing more security.

And to think that Australia is trying to push to replace paper currency with CBDC, when shit like this means that you can't even use your "money".

It's so embarassing that we used to know the solution to these types of problems (don't connect everything on the goddamn Internet unless it is necessary, in this case) yet these problema are created by retarded apes in suits introducing them in the name of appearing to make technical progress in the world rather than actual progress. Even the Y2K bug and the fear around that was more reasonable than having a kernel level antivirus be connected to the Internet always so it could BSOD your computer when pajeets fuck up an update.

So fucking much these!

 

[liquid nitrogen]

Crowdstrike is just taking the Tyler Durden option.
You can't get hacked if your computer can't turn on. Abstinence is the best preventative measure.

Jokes aside my money's on it being corporate espionage being weaponized into corporate sabotage. Chaos is a good time to sneak a worm in or scrape data in the background. Let's see what new leak they find in the next two years

 

[oldTireWater]

CrowdStrike is going to have to rebrand to something less ominous after this. Maybe "WarCrime", "TechnoCaust", or "SerialRape".

 

[ChunkyKong]

So is Jersh right? Are they going to have to walk USB sticks around the world and manually fix all these servers?

Get deathfats to do it to lose weight. Internet fixed they lose weight Win/Win

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

Crowdstrike is just taking the Tyler Durden option.
You can't get hacked if your computer can't turn on. Abstinence is the best preventative measure.

Jokes aside my money's on it being corporate espionage being weaponized into corporate sabotage. Chaos is a good time to sneak a worm in or scrape data in the background. Let's see what new leak they find in the next two years

lol at trusting pajeets. Power always goes to their head.

 

[Sam Losco]

So is Jersh right? Are they going to have to walk USB sticks around the world and manually fix all these servers?

No, not entirely. It's easily fixable from Windows recovery boot that you eventually end up in anyway. You just have to go delete the problem file out of the system32/drivers/crowdstrike folder and then you're good. No USB stick required.

 

[liquid nitrogen]

You just have to go delete the problem file out of the system32/drivers/crowdstrike folder and then you're good. No USB stick required.

So what they really did with all this was make every IT department painfully aware of what % of their team isn't scared of recovery mode+following instructions

 

[mindlessobserver]

So what they really did with all this was make every IT department painfully aware of what % of their team isn't scared of recovery mode+following instructions

I wonder how many people in "IT" were unaware that the computer has a hard coded Boot Mode independent on the Operating system for this very reason.

I imagine the number of these people are depressingly high. I'm not even in IT and I know how to enter Boot Mode, get to safe mode and so on. Admittedly this was because my first computer as a kid used Windows ME, and well, if anyone remembers that wonderful piece of shit, they remember how they had to learn all about fixing the damn operating system every time it decided to shit the bed. Which it tended to do with depressing frequency.

 

[Dyn]

lol I went shops yesterday and half of them were refusing to sell anything because they don't know how to do it without the computer

 

[CEO of Gay]

Heard elsewhere on the Internets, can't currently give a source without power leveling: the system driver that Cowdstrike broke everything was nothing but a bunch of zeros. If that's true, it would explain the crashing. But since I'm repeating trust-me-bro that I heard, you should probably ignore my opinion; it might be fake and gay. I'll see if I can find a true and honest source.

Spoiler: Explanatory & Speculatory Sperging

An explanation for retards who don't know computers: Drivers are used by the kernel. The kernel is the central, core program of an operating system responsible for coordinating how all the other programs on the computer work with each other, and lets them use the hardware parts of the computer without stepping on each other's toes like a bunch of stampeding niggers. Drivers are special mini-programs that the kernel runs as part of itself to get instructions on how to use the hardware. Since drivers run as part of the kernel, drivers can also be used to get access to parts of the operating system normally not available to regular programs. Both viruses and anti-virus programs use this technique to spy on what other programs are doing. This is why Crowdstrike even has a driver that can break the system.

So supposedly, the Crowdstrike driver is nothing but a bunch of zeros. Hopefully even a retard understand that a bunch of zeros is not a valid program, but a bunch of nothingness without meaning.

So here's what's been happening. Crowdstrike pushes an update with the broken driver. Windows loads this driver. Instead of getting useful instructions, the kernel sees nothing but void, realizes everything it has ever known has been a lie, and commits sudoku. Windows displays the Blue Screen of Death, and the computer restarts. Window starts loading, finds all of its drivers, and starts running them so it can get the computer ready for use. It loads the Crowdstrike driver, sees nothing but void, realizes everything it has ever known has been a lie, and commits sudoku. Windows displays the Blue Screen of Death, and the computer restarts. And so on, forever.

The solution is to remove the broken driver. But nowadays, a lot of windows computers encrypt their hard drives to protect against people fucking with the files when windows is not running. This is especially common in large companies, and is becoming more common in small companies and home installs, as Microsoft starts enabling encryption by default. In most cases, this is a good thing. But if you need to fuck with the files to even finish booting, you're kinda fucked.

Bitlocker can be configured with recovery keys to allow you to boot into a recovery mode for these kind of oh-shit, catch-22, situations. And that brings us to where we are now.

A lot of companies' recovery processes underwent or are undergoing a trial by fire today. A small fraction had actually tested and practiced recovering from these kind of disaster scenarios beforehand, and are coming back online. A great many more did have recovery procedures, but have never actually tested them or practiced any kind of recovery scenarios. Yet more still thought they had recovery procedures, only to find out that the pajeets they outsourced their IT to don't know shit. And some very unlucky companies lost their recovery keys in this same event, or recovery keys were never set up properly (because pajeets did the setup) and are turbofucked.

 

[Danann]

Such is more proof that Australia is one of the most cursed places on Earth.

 

[khaine]

I think its now officially called clown strike

 

[Overly Serious]

No, not entirely. It's easily fixable from Windows recovery boot that you eventually end up in anyway. You just have to go delete the problem file out of the system32/drivers/crowdstrike folder and then you're good. No USB stick required.

This word "just". I do not think it means what you think it means.

Firstly, any solution where each individual machine requires individual attention is not going to be "just" for any business above the small. And most clients of Crowd Strike are very big.

Secondly, this will affect a lot of remote workers. It's bad enough having to walk around an office fixing every one of a hundred machines by hand. It's an order of magnitude worse when you have people travelling, working remotely, abroad. Or you've outsourced your IT support to someone who is off-site and with their Fractional Reserve Banking approach to support are now overwhelmed and trying to figure out how and when to get someone to come out to do this hands-on fixing of all your devices.

Thirdly, a fix is only possible if (a) the device's main drive is unencrypted which for modern large businesses is unlikely and (b) the person doing the fix has the recovery keys to decrypt it. This last one is a biggie. Those keys are meant to be locked down tight and very restricted in access. Sending them out to someone's mobile phone so that a remote person can type it in (laboriously - they're quite long) is a security breach in and of itself. Even after this arduous process is done you now have a backlog of changing keys and re-encrypting all those devices. Which has to be done by someone you trust to access this very sensitive info. Maybe there's a remote Windows update way to update keys and re-encrypt. Thinking about it, I'm fairly sure I could write a Powershell script that did it. But would need to check how securely that could be done and even if you're not left with this hang-over, sending out all those device encryption keys in the first place is both a security and logistical nightmare.

Also, can we get the fucking title of this thread fixed? It's "CrowdStrike" not "Cloud Strike".