Crystal

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DevilDog

DevilDog

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 3, 2013
Why does he want a daughter(named Crystal) so badly? Doesn't he just view kids as a hassle? Why does she have to be named for the illustrious metal in da ground? Also, how does Crystal the sister he never had fit into this?
 
Apparently, God came to Chris in a dream and told him to build a sweetheart from the ground up so she could give birth to Crystal. This is what happens when you drink semen.
 
spaps said:
Apparently, God came to Chris in a dream and told him to build a sweetheart from the ground up so she could give birth to Crystal. This is what happens when you drink semen.
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ಠ_ಠ
 
Maybe he's trying to mirror the life he had with his parents? Considering Crystal can be shortened to "Crys" and he thinks his way of life is the best then perhaps it's him wanting to pass the torch.
That or you know, he has a feminine side he's fostering. Which makes sense.
I don't know if he wants her any more actually. He fails to mention her (or so at least as far as I recall) in his facebook whines.

Ha if you think about it, tomgirl Chris is Crystal Chandler.
 
Most people at some point desire a kid. Chris being an egomaniac wants to name his kid something that sounds "similar to mine". Chris is also a female ass kisser and that's why he wants a daughter. He thinks a daughter is better than a son. It's also very likely that, since he isn't much of a man himself and he likely knows this, he believes he'd have an easier time raising a girl into womanhood than vice versa.

As for being named after the illustrious metal, that sounds like an after thought. He came up with the name Crystal and verified it. That's why in that video, when he says "Ah, Crystal. A name similar to mine, but also that of the illustrious metal mined from the earth's ground" he sounds like he's rehearsed that sentence. It's way more eloquent (albeit still dumb) than he usually is when speaking.

And as for Crystal the Twin Sister, that's because he's lonely. I think Chris' real mental age is = (Real Age / 2 - 1), so right now he's about a 14 year old boy. I was also an only child growing up, and at around ages 9 to 15 I really wished I had siblings. The name is still Crystal because of how its similar to his own.
 
I think Null's got it. Also:

DevilDog said:
Doesn't he just view kids as a hassle?
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I'm sure he would if he were truly aware, but there's no way he's ever put in enough thought to realize just how much hard work raising a child is. Chris refuses to change his lifestyle in even a trivial way for any cause - but it's probably accurate to say that having a child changes your life more thoroughly than anything else ever could, or at least it does if you have any concern at all for raising your child properly.

Chris talks about being a "househusband" and staying home with the kids, but really that's more about not wanting to pursue a job than anything else; raising kids doesn't factor into his thought process. Even if he had a wealthy wife to finance the household, he'd still get mad at her and say she isn't doing enough because she expects him to get up with the baby at night, watch it, not go out to McDonalds, not play video games, not do anything he likes to do that he couldn't take the baby with him to. I mean, christ, newborns have to be fed once every two hours, 24/7. Has Chris ever been made aware of this fact, let alone put any thought into figuring out how a total lack of sleep or relaxation would impact his little world? I doubt it.
 
"Illustrious metal"??? :?

There is no metallic element, alloy or eutectic known as "crystal". Metals do have crystalline structures, yes, but "crystal" isn't a metal per se.
Oh I see. Chris's retarded :D
 
Chris does not think more than five seconds into the future. All he knows is that he wants the immediate gratification of having a child.
 
DykesDykesChina said:
"Illustrious metal"??? :?

There is no metallic element, alloy or eutectic known as "crystal". Metals do have crystalline structures, yes, but "crystal" isn't a metal per se.
Oh I see. Chris's retarded :D
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Crystal is a state of molecular alignment that occurs in a number of mineral substances which produces peculiar formations at a macroscopic level.

But Chris was too busy reading Goosebumps during his remedial chemistry class, so all he knows is metals and crystals and rocks are hard things that come out of the ground.
 
He likely thinks "Crystal" is the female equivilent to "Christian". Even though it would actually be Christina.
 
CatParty said:
[youtube]j7I2QBukJ4Y[/youtube]
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I always forget this but sweet moses is this near the top of the creepy video list. Even if his concept of the egg going up the dong is insanely hilarious.

As for Crystal, is he still concerned about having her? Considering his recent trials and tribulations is it still at the forefront of his mind? This may be a question for the "insiders" but I don't think he is. Especially when compared to his other concerns (crippling loneliness mainly).
 
Surtur said:
Chris does not think more than five seconds into the future. All he knows is that he wants the immediate gratification of having a child.
Click to expand...

Or the act of making a child is the only thing he wants. :pickle:
 
Years from now, billionaire aryan supermodel Lovely Weather will have to take care of two children
 
I wonder if he really still seeks to be a father these days. Considering how much he hates being his mother's caregiver to the point of getting away from the house any chance he gets, it's a wonder why he never bothered to put two and two together and realise that raising his mother is the same as a child: A pain in the butt.
 
Like most things, Chris hasn't thought this through to any realistic conclusion. Every fantasy in Chris's life is about things happening around him while he gets to keep living in his room playing PS3. If Chris really taxed his imagination about the future, it would involve things happening around him while he gets to keep living in his room playing PS4.
 
People speculate about how Chris would handle raising kids, I wonder how he'd handle a pregnant wife/girlfriend. Imagine him in the delivery room (assuming he'd actually go in rather than sit in the lobby), playing his PS Vita while his wife screams in pain. He stress sighs and goes to raise the volume on his game and sees it's already as high as it'll go. He shuffles around for a few minutes before whining "How much longer 'til we can go home?"
 
Imagine the day when his child would surpass his maturity level? And I can imagine the decades of therapy shed have to go through after enduring being raised by him.
 
^It'd be like I Am Sam, except Sean Penn's character tried to be nice and cared about others.

What if Chris had a boy, and taught that boy his woe-is-me victim entitlement crap, and then the boy grew up with a neurotypical mindset but with the teachings of a self-made pseudo-loveshy? I mean, we see what happened when an autist was raised by a neurotypical monster, what would happen if you reversed that?
 
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