Culinary Atrocities - Crimes against food

[Shokew]

This is from tumblr, the person has a habit of trying terrible recipes. There was the Avocado Pie, the Ham Slices Around Bananas with Hollandaise Sauce, aaaaaannnndddd....

Meat Candy
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E.G.: Dog Shit (and probably flavored that, too!) Fudge.
Seriously: anyone who tries to make candy out of something awesome like meat needs to be hunted down and put in a zoo for the rest of their miserable lives.

Thanks for reminding me of just how much I hate this old-as-fuck show - and to further erase it from my memory. That's what failure mixed with eventual suicide resembles and I don't need any of that shown to me... Ever. Because unlike some of the people here that are fun to make fun of... This ain't even close to that.

Yes, that's sprinkles and margarine. It's supposedly popular in Holland and Belgium.

And I keep hearing stories about people being well-off in places like those. Now I know THAT's a lie. We clearly are in best timeline here in America if they're eating shit like that over there, IMHO.

 

[Francis Dollarhyde]

Yes, that's sprinkles and margarine. It's supposedly popular in Holland and Belgium.

Not supposedly and not so much Belgium unless you ignore Walloons. It is every breakfast. Whole unsalted butter is usually preferred. That is hagelslag, vlokken the other one. They all come in milk chocolate, dark chocolate, extra dark chocolate, sometimes white chocolate. Have a look. Also patat met. Also not loved by everyone.

For further reading, google up kroket, gestampte muisjes, bereklauw satésaus, patatje joppie, broodje warm vlees, frikandel speciaal, hutspot, mettworst, haring happen for more things considered icky and yuck that are really very good eating.

Another thing they are infamous for is "drop". Every foreigner I have fed the stuff so far has coughed up every single variety or has vomited. Current Dutch domestic consumption is 32000 tons per year equalling 2 kilo's per person per year.

 

[Bendadick Cuminbatch]

as an italian, frozen pizza makes me want to kill people

You should check that then https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09smBNps4EM
Or how to fuck up perfectly fine ingredients by putting them all in a pan of cold water, just to avoid cleaning a second pot, where you can actually cook the sauce.

 

[Marvin]

This is kurt. I got it in Uzbekistan. They basically leave a pan of goat milk out in the sun in the desert until it's hard, then they scrape it up and roll it into hard balls or cubes.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily an atrocity. Like it smells nasty, like what I'd imagine a yeast infection would smell. But it tastes not bad, like a really salty, aged cheese.

I always insist that when friends or kiwis visit, they try some.

@Alec Benson Leary can attest.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

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This is kurt. I got it in Uzbekistan. They basically leave a pan of goat tard cum out in the sun in the desert until it's hard, then they scrape it up and roll it into hard balls or cubes.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily an atrocity. Like it smells nasty, like what I'd imagine a yeast infection would smell. But it tastes not bad, like a really salty, aged cheese.

I always insist that when friends or kiwis visit, they try some.

@Alec Benson Leary can attest.

That is some of the bitterest and most pungent shit I've ever eaten. I was willing to keep nibbling at it until you said "this is what I imagine a yeast infection tastes like".

No one can deny you have a facility for words, I'll give you that.

 

[Exceptionally Exceptional]

Whatever the fuck my roommate just tried to feed me. It's instant ramen spiced with way too much red pepper, nearly raw bean sprouts, shredded cabbage and fried tofu.
I'd rather eat a fucking bullet than his cooking.

 

[Shokew]

Whatever the fuck my roommate just tried to feed me. It's instant ramen spiced with way too much red pepper, nearly raw bean sprouts, shredded cabbage and fried tofu.
I'd rather eat a fucking bullet than his cooking.

To be fair, NO ONE should be eating ramen, unless you put a fuckton more stuff in it than what it is by itself. Like so...

If you must make ramen, follow her example and be creative.

 

[Hackallier]

I present you makkarasiili (sausage-hedgehog):

In taste it isn't such an abomination, because it really is just two types of sausage mixed together. But come on.
This was a bit of a meme in Finland for some time.

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

I tried the Subway cheesy bread out of curiosity today. I did not know that they were going to put about a full stick of garlic butter on it when I ordered it. I was only able to stomach a couple of bites. It probably was a nastier footlong than anything Jared has tasted recently.

 

[XYZpdq]

I tried the Subway cheesy bread out of curiosity today. I did not know that they were going to put about a full stick of garlic butter on it when I ordered it. I was only able to stomach a couple of bites. It probably was a nastier footlong than anything Jared has tasted recently.

I bet it's not even butter, but some nasty corn soy oil shit.

 

[Tootsie Bear]

I tried the Subway cheesy bread out of curiosity today. I did not know that they were going to put about a full stick of garlic butter on it when I ordered it. I was only able to stomach a couple of bites. It probably was a nastier footlong than anything Jared has tasted recently.

I had to tell them no because I saw him scooping the garlic butter out onto the bread before they put on any meat on the bread. I'm not that big a fan of butter flavor foods.

 

[sad cowboy cat]

I found a blogger that cooks awful oldtimey food and makes her husband eat it (it suffers from the same problem food bloggers have where they feel it's necessary to add an entire novel to every recipe, but just scroll past).
http://www.midcenturymenu.com/
check out the jello category

if it's been posted before I leave you with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqMl5pnpQDg

 

[dopy]

the coffee at my work is always decaf

 

[XYZpdq]

the coffee at my work is always decaf

Isn't that banned by the Geneva Convention?

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

Isn't that banned by the Geneva Convention?

It also literally defeats the purpose.

 

[Nekromantik]

I hated my husband's step mothers cooking.

Now, she has admitted that she hates to cook, but she has a few dishes that she's come up with that she is proud of. That is to say, she thinks they are the best thing in the world.

Take one chicken, boil it till cooked. Take the chicken out to sherd meat, take broth to make minute rice (always minute rice), add chicken, one can of cream of chicken soup, one can of peas to rice. Mix until it looks like vomit and eat.

This is the same person that complained about beef and shrimp shish kabobs that we made, because they had too many vegetables.

 

[AnOminous]

I hated my husband's step mothers cooking.

your wat?

 

[Nekromantik]

your wat?

My husband has a step mother, her cooking sucks.

 

[Stoneheart]

I present you makkarasiili (sausage-hedgehog):

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In taste it isn't such an abomination, because it really is just two types of sausage mixed together. But come on.
This was a bit of a meme in Finland for some time.

Raw minced pig meat with onions. Its totaly normal food for breakfast, but those hedgehogs are mostly made for cold buffets, and they stay out waaay to long.

 

[mindlessobserver]

Resurrecting this thread. Because of Red Robin's horrific blasphemy against the sacred Burger. A wizard should know better.