Cyptozoology

[A-№1]

Loch Ness monster: Mostly hoaxes and people who don't know how waves interact or wouldn't know a log if it bit them on the ass. If there's anything actually there it's a big fucking sturgeon at most.
Mokele-mbembe: Mis-identified forest elephants taking a dip. Aquatic sauropods are a victorian fantasy, and a relic population of sauropods would have had to stick around for the past 65 million years. No fucking way.
Jersey Devil: Pure folklore. You have bigger things to worry about in Jersey. Like Cropsey.
Mothman: Mis-identified owls etc. Easily excitable witnesses. Hoaxes.
English giant cats: Mis-identified large housecats seen with nothing to judge their size against. Possibly released pet pumas or other large cats.
Beast of Dartmoor: Large, poorly groomed dog. Probably a newfoundland.
Thylacine: It's only been "extinct" for 80 years or so, so it's possible a relic population is still hanging on. I certainly hope so. If not I hopt they manage to clone them, because fuck yeah thylacines!
Chupacabra: Puerto Ricans making shit up. Later accounts are at most mangy coyotes or dogs.
Michigan Dogman: Radio publicity. Admitted hoax.
Ogopogo: FUCKING PLESIOSAUR!
Bigfoot (also Yeti, Skunk Ape, etc.): This one is tricky. Clearly most of the bigfoot "evidence" is hoaxes, mis-identified bears, and attention seeking bumpkins, especially after 1967. However there are a number of unrelated sightings that predate the bigfoot craze of the '60s and '70s that consistently describe a large ape-man creature in the Pacific Northwest and other remote high country areas from people with no reason to invent something so odd. Some of the physical evidence is hard to discount as well. It's conceivable that a relic population of giant ice age hominids could have escaped the quaternary extinction and be clinging on in remote areas on both sides of Beringia. Mammoths stuck around until 1600 BCE, and moas managed to hang on until the 15th century. A hominid should be clever enough to do better than that. However, as time goes by and more of the backcountry becomes frontcountry with no concrete evidence, the case for bigfoot existing becomes less likely. It may already be past that point; most of the west looks like Paul Bunyan's checkerboard from space - the west is pretty damn well covered.

But things like people actively trying to look for the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot really weirds me out.

Oh yeah, those asshats. Even the ones who aren't obvious hoaxers generally come off as complete gits. They go into the woods with a whole damn camera crew and proceed to pose noisily on infrared and babble on about "squatch calls" and suchlike for half an hour, producing nothing. Then there are the ones who take a rifle with them and claim to have seen bigfoot (sometimes even producing video footage), but for some reason can't be arsed to shoot the damn thing and get some real fucking proof for a change. FFS, nobody serious is going to accept anything less than a physical specimen as proof, so why not get it and be done with it? If they're worried about shooting an endangered species or whatever, well it's a lot easier to protect something when you have proof it actually exists.

Then there's this guy. This fucking guy.

 

[cypocryphy]

Jersey Devil is real and terrorized us for a week back in 1909:

 

[A-Stump]

The Wendigo isn't so much cryptozoology than it is mythology but it qualifies as my favorite. One of my favorite stories (and films) is about the Wendigo; Pet Semetary, which features a tribe gone mad by the workings of one and their land gone corrupted. Since it's one of the very few stories which has actually kept me up thinking, I guess it qualifies.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

One time I was walking through the woods, and I swore I saw a dog walking away from me. Only this dog was wearing pants because his entire bottom half was blue, like blue jeans.

I was freaked out. This must've been a cryptid of some sort.

 

[FifthColumn]

The Beast of Gevaudan was my personal favortie. Funny enough, it is confirmed to have been "real" but people dont know what it was.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beast_of_GévaudanI I personally believe it was a mastiff/wolf hybrid that was trained to attack and kill peasents. Few wild animals would consistently go for the throat of someone and not the stomach/ legs/ back etc.

 

[exball]

One time I was walking through the woods, and I swore I saw a dog walking away from me. Only this dog was wearing pants because his entire bottom half was blue, like blue jeans.

I was freaked out. This must've been a cryptid of some sort.

I am afraid you have seen the beast of 'tism island. Consider yourself lucky to be alive.

 

[A-№1]

Jersey Devil is real and terrorized us for a week back in 1909:

Piney pranksters seems far more likely. And amusing. It's probably just horse tracks coupled with mass hysteria and newspapers trying to drum up sales.

The Wendigo isn't so much cryptozoology than it is mythology but it qualifies as my favorite. One of my favorite stories (and films) is about the Wendigo; Pet Semetary, which features a tribe gone mad by the workings of one and their land gone corrupted. Since it's one of the very few stories which has actually kept me up thinking, I guess it qualifies.

I've always like the tall tale critters like the sidehill dodger, jackalope, and hidebehind. Also wild haggis hunting is a hell of a lot more fun than fox hunting. And you meet a better class of person hunting the haggis.

The Beast of Gevaudan was my personal favortie. Funny enough, it is confirmed to have been "real" but people dont know what it was.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beast_of_GévaudanI I personally believe it was a mastiff/wolf hybrid that was trained to attack and kill peasents. Few wild animals would consistently go for the throat of someone and not the stomach/ legs/ back etc.

Yeah, this is another tricky one. We know there was something there, but the descriptions aren't very helpful about what it actually was. Best guess is probably a dog trained by a serial killer, but anything from hyenas to lions might fit the eye witness accounts. And large cats do go for the throat pretty consistently, using a strangling bite to kill their prey. Of course 18th century peasants probably aren't the best witnesses, what with being constantly hopped up on malnutrition, small beer, ergot flour, and catholicism.

Brotherhood of the Wolf is an interesting take on the Gévaudan Beast, and also won me a $10 bet that it's possible to look totally badass in a tricorn hat, but that's kind of off topic.

 

[FifthColumn]

No way it could have been a wolf? I know in that time there were plenty of wolves in France, and wolf attacks on peasents and their farm animals were not that infrequent (giving rise to werewolf legends)

 

[A-№1]

No way it could have been a wolf? I know in that time there were plenty of wolves in France, and wolf attacks on peasents and their farm animals were not that infrequent (giving rise to werewolf legends)

I think for all their ignorance the peasants could have identified a wolf seeing as wolves were a constant menace to their livelihoods. Also the wolves of southern France, like Spanish wolves and Italian wolves, are scrawny, weak little things more like coyotes than the wolves what we expect in North America. (Buffon can suck it!) They might have possibly accounted for a few deaths, but not the hundred plus the beast accounted for, and there would have had to have been a lot of wolves involved to manage it. The beast was described as solitary or at most a pair of animals.

Really, the large dog theory is probably the most likely. Bordeaux Mastiffs from nearby can be freakishly enormous, date back to roman times, and fit some other parts of the beast's description. Feral dogs can be a problem even today, and if it was being handled by a serial killer it would have been even worse. The evil handler idea is more likely, too, if it really was a Bordeaux Mastiff, because the ones I've met are great slobbery sweethearts.

 

[c-no]

I don't mind Cryptozoology in a sort of intellectual curiosity sort of way. I mean the Platypus was at one point a mythological creature until it was discovered.

But things like people actively trying to look for the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot really weirds me out.

There is also a case to be made that common mythological creatures like the fire breathing dragon and the unicorn are actually descriptions of animals that grew more fantastical over time. The fire breathing dragon is usually associated with the giant crocodile Saint George slew, which had a large darting tongue that overtime in many paintings was portrayed more akin to fire. Likewise the unicorn as described in the Bible is closer to a Rhino than a horse with a horn.

Considering that, I kinda find it funny if one said unicorns aren't real. Technically, they are considering that we pretty much call them rhino's unless they mean't more of a horse with a horn. Considering mythological creatures, ever heard of the qilin? It's a "Chinese Unicorn" that is really a giraffe. Funny how mythological creatures are really just animals that have some sort of "mythic image" to them, such as rhino being a unicorn or a giant crocodile being seen as a dragon.

 

[Watcher]

Considering that, I kinda find it funny if one said unicorns aren't real. Technically, they are considering that we pretty much call them rhino's unless they mean't more of a horse with a horn. Considering mythological creatures, ever heard of the qilin? It's a "Chinese Unicorn" that is really a giraffe. Funny how mythological creatures are really just animals that have some sort of "mythic image" to them, such as rhino being a unicorn or a giant crocodile being seen as a dragon.

This guy's species name is Rhinoceros unicornis. Or just "the Indian Rhino"

There's your unicorn.

After thousands of years of verbal embellishment a myth turns into something completely different over time. Hence the expression, "Time fades even legend".

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I too believe in Bigfoot, but those "Finding Bigfoot" shows are a bit irritating. It is clearly a violation of Bigfoot's privacy to get all up in his shit and try to film him without his consent!
I also adore Thylacines, I love to think there are still some out there!
Ah, that reminds me! There is a species of bear that may or may not live in northeast Russia, known as Bergman's Bear. Due to it's huge size, it is sometimes called the God Bear.

 

[Le Bateleur]

I also adore Thylacines, I love to think there are still some out there!

Me too. Things like the fourogatos (Cretan wild cat) give me hope for the thylacine - fourogatos was thought to be extinct or fictitious for years until one was found in 1996. My theory is that the fourogatos spends most of its life getting high or sleeping it off.

Spoiler: evidence

 

[c-no]

In regards to Bigfoot, I have proof right here:

Spoiler: Proof of the creature's existance

Seriously though, if one really did saw Bigfoot and not an oversized bear, I'm sure it would actually be a either a guy in a suit role-playing or tall, naked, and very hairy man.

 

[Watcher]

Seriously though, if one really did saw Bigfoot and not an oversized bear, I'm sure it would actually be a either a guy in a suit role-playing or tall, naked, and very hairy man.

Or just a gorilla

 

[The Dude]

I do personally believe in some cryptids because of personal experiences. Google the Skinwalker Ranch. My buddy Ryan has been studying that place for years and has written two books on the subject. Another reason I believe in some cryptids is because we keep finding new species of animals all the time, and discovering some animals that we've thought were dead for millions of years are still around. I don't remember what the name of the fish is, but they discovered that this big ass fish that they have fossil records dating back millions of years was still alive and hadn't changed at all when they pulled up a live one off of the coast of Madagascar I believe. It may have been Indonesia, but I think it was Madagascar.

 

[A-№1]

This guy's species name is Rhinoceros unicornis. Or just "the Indian Rhino". There's your unicorn.

A lot of the mythical powers associated with unicorn horns are still ascribed to rhino horns by eastern "medicine".

It is clearly a violation of Bigfoot's privacy to get all up in his shit and try to film him without his consent!

Just so long as the Ruckersville Skunk Ape is still fair game.

Ah, that reminds me! There is a species of bear that may or may not live in northeast Russia, known as Bergman's Bear. Due to it's huge size, it is sometimes called the God Bear.

Is that the one that is probably a polar / grizzly hybrid? I've hear a theory it might be a relic short faced bear (which would kick ass), but we know pizzly bears exist in the wild, so that seems more likely.

I do personally believe in some cryptids because of personal experiences. Google the Skinwalker Ranch. My buddy Ryan has been studying that place for years and has written two books on the subject. Another reason I believe in some cryptids is because we keep finding new species of animals all the time, and discovering some animals that we've thought were dead for millions of years are still around. I don't remember what the name of the fish is, but they discovered that this big ass fish that they have fossil records dating back millions of years was still alive and hadn't changed at all when they pulled up a live one off of the coast of Madagascar I believe. It may have been Indonesia, but I think it was Madagascar.

Coelacanth. It's not so much that coelacanths themselves have been hanging around unchanging for 65 million years because they haven't. They're modern species just like any other, and different enough from their ancient ancestors that living ones get their own genus. Admittedly they've evolved only very slowly, but then the same can be said for a lot of other fish (sharks have been around forever) because their habitat hasn't really changed all that much either. It's just that they type of fish they are, lobe fins, were thought to have gone extinct with the dinosaurs. They're more a gap in the fossil record than some sort of magical fish out of time.

 

[Holdek]

The thing about Bigfoot and Loch Ness Monster etc. is basically no one has ever produced any proof, and a lot of the evidence for it has been debunked.

Spoiler

But I guess that's why it's cyptozoology and not zoology.