Flashback to the year 1635:
Hooohkay. Hellow everyone, Galileo Goutileg here, looking like a total bum.
*introducing snort*
Uhm, as you all know I am a content creationist for 10 years. TEEEN YEEEAARS, of fun chill knowledge.
*explainative snort*
*faked siiiiiigh*
As you all know I focus just on my own research, uhm, I'm a, uhm, very independent REEEsearcher and I pride myself on providing very ahnest facts, you know what I mean. As you all know and agree with me, I'm not an immature idiot like fucking Copernicus and dye my robe to appeal to little kids.
*proud snort*
I mean *flail* who cares about Copernicus, right? Nobody talks about him anymore, he's outdated! He never achieved anything in life, sits in his cellar and masturbates to his own achievements.
Oouuuh, look at me, I'm Copernicus, I suggest a heliocentric cosmos, I'm so cool. Ack ack ack, sure you do, fucking asshole.
*arrogant snort*
Anyway. Uhm. Today I come to you with a very special supplication. I did nothing wrong, I did everything correct, but as always... Sigh... the flat world turns against me.
*small pity snort*
As you very well know I'm targeted by mentally ill christians since I started my amazing career which you love
so much and support. Everyone loved my research, not a single person doubted me until this fucking idiot inquisition trolls made their harassing lampoons! This is fucked up, and I agree!
*angry snort*
Goutileg is a thief, Goutileg is a snake oil merchant, Goutileg is a protestant... NO! They base their judgment on a
faggot of truth, and nothing ever happened, they put my methods out of context!
*displeased snort*
Have I made mistakes in the past? Sure I do and I one hundred percent stand to it, I matured and am more opened minded than ever before. Here is the perfect example: In the past I shit on mining; coal mines are for blacks, ore mines are for gay, everyone who puts in hard work is a
bobolyne. But then I mined for pity bucks and I've seen how wrong I was. Mining is so much fun, we have so many transactions together, and I make a lot of money doing it, which helps me to keep my laboratory.
Uuhm, NewspaperStreetKid trolls and asks why I still have my old laboratory and why won't I sell it?
You might not understand because you're literally an immature disabled kid, and I make way more money than you little shit, and it's none of your business because some information have to be kept a secret to protect my family, uhm, so here we go. Sounds good?
*closes the window*
I swear, if I would ever leave the house I would priest slap the shit outta him if he ever talks to me like that ACK ACK ACK. I would priest slap the shit... Ack ack.
*insecure snort*
So, this is the disgusting shit I have to deal with every day, you know what I mean. And I can't do anything, there is nothing I could change to improve my reputation, it sucks, it is what it is. I can only hope for the best and ask for YOUR help.
Uhm.
I can't really tell you the situation I'm in but I need your money. A lira a day actually helps *BUUURP* Oh, sorry, that came unexpected, uhm. No Satan's sister Khetarina, keep that in, I'm a proud Italian researcher who never cuts anything out, I'm an uncensored guy.
*rubs his nose with his arm*
Anyway, the inquisition banned me from walking free for, uuuhm, they said for the rest of my life but then a messenger told me they reduce it to 2 hours. BUT I make no money during that time, but I have to pay certificates of indebtedness every single second, and it sucks! So please, pledge today. You can send a messenger, use the local postal outlet, but I prefer a carrier pigeon, I get the money almost immediately.
*greedy snort*
GhostOfChristmas360NoScope asks
Goutileg what happened to your studies why do you lost your science license why does the church despises you yadda yadda blablablablabla Listen shithead! This has nothing to do with anything! You just haunt me to stir drama to feel better about your pathetic lost life, but you are just an empty headed fucking buffooOooOon. So good bye!
*crunches a bottle of holy smoke*
What an idiot ACK ACK ACK. Ah mah gah.
You see, nobody should care about my past, it was 10 years ago. TEEEN YEEEAARS. I was a very famous physicist, I optimized science, restructured the entire business and cracked my ASS doing so. But then my finance fired me. Why? Because he's an asshole, I did nothing wrong! And now science doesn't exist anymore, wooow, great work you fucking no brain idiots.
*angry snort again*
I don't had to proof my hippopotamus to anyone, they wouldn't believe me anyway even if I've shown proof right in their face, because the authentic Italian church just wants to destroy my life. And you can't disprove my factually correct theories anyway, how would you know if ANYONE says the truth? You can't! And there is not a single proof the moon isn't made of penne. Not a single proof the Earth doesn't rotate around a bottle of gin. You can't disprove objects always fall towards smelly feet. There you have it, DEBUNKED!
*snorts to end the sentence*
Okay. Uhm. This was a fun chill prescript, right? My dog Himmler agrees.
Sigh. But it was a really slow day. Siiigh.
Note: Uhm, it's Kepler's fault.
