D$P RP - Come get yer ya ya's out. Or don't.

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Pargon said:
Hahaha noted thot destroyer twitch dot com.

Guess that's what you get for not being a balding, pasty, low-t scamming ignoramus. Staff can't get enough of people like that!
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(not Phil but his best friend in Twitch support) What do you meen durka durka benchode? We don't even know who the scammy Phil man is goolie goolie you are just the teenfoil hat wearing crazy person or my name isn't Tom Cruise from the great American state of British Columbia. By the many arms of Vishnu I have never had any of the fun or chill interaction streamings with this man so stop sending me the texts about not being funky fresh fam.
 
Martys_not_smarty said:
(not Phil but his best friend in Twitch support) What do you meen durka durka benchode? We don't even know who the scammy Phil man is goolie goolie you are just the teenfoil hat wearing crazy person or my name isn't Tom Cruise from the great American state of British Columbia. By the many arms of Vishnu I have never had any of the fun or chill interaction streamings with this man so stop sending me the texts about not being funky fresh fam.
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Okay, first of all, this isn't even role play, okay?

Guuur I'm Marty not smarty, guuuur! Dum dum dum!

Ack ack ack! Get a life!

Okay GoldenColts tipped over night, thank you GoldenColts.

Well sadly, Death Stranding is not fun. I have no fun playing this game. I've played it multiple hours and am having no fun...

Kojima_Luver asks "Phil is death stranding fun?" Yes! I love it! It is unique and has tons of opportunities for I interaction. Fucking idiot no life trolls try to say I don't like it. Okay... Ahem

Clippy says "are are you" I don't know what that means. He then adds " three for Greek" okay there you go

Questzcotal asks if I own a belt, no I do not.

Okay a dollar troll tip that I won't address.

I don't read troll tips.

Br0k3nckntr0ll3r tipped and said here's a tounge twister. Okay I'm great at tounge twiststers. "A horse is a horse of course of course, unless that horse is Katherine St.... Okay this is an insult against my wife

Sadly there are no mods today

No, Dakkysmurf I don't need any new mods.

Okay. Now to play Elmo's Shape Island
 
Sparkletor said:
Okay, first of all I speak all languages, okay?

Brot is Latvanian for bread. Your name is worst bread! Ack ack ack! Your bread is the worst!

Okay Schmecklestein cheered and said "wurstbrot is German for sausage sandwich" okay, how would I know? I only speak American. Ack ack ack
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See? This is the kind of shit that I'm talking about. All those mentally ill fucks out there will take a nugget of my name, and claim that I fuckin... Cheered about some stupid sandwich, see what I mean? None of these assholes even know what they're talking about. But they reshtreem my shtreems ILLEGALLY BECAUSE THEY'RE BREAKING THE LAW, and it's not like I can do anything about it because I don't have enough cheerssubsandtips to hire an attorney-slash-lawyer to take them to task. So if you want to help me take down these empty headed fucks, TIP ME.
 
Okay, okay. Welcome to the stream. GoldenColts tipped overnight thank you GoldenColts.

First off there are a few rules. No talk about politics or religion. No talk about females or boobs, I'm married.

Okay, everyone welcome to a full day of fun! I'm playing a full day of games! By the way I need to leave an hour early to microwave chicken patties for dinner. It is what it is.

Okay today we are playing the retro game "Minesweeper". Hold on, booting up my Windows 3.1...
 
I got a dollar tip from CM fool saying tell me what you think about blink twice if Kat is financially and emotionally abusing me. Ah ha ha! You always get me someway *blink*. One of these days I won’t fall for it. Anyway, enjoy your ban for the night, you know the rules. *blink* My family is off limits.
 
so some people think i don't know what a computer is well i do! I am on the internet everyday streaming for you people so i think i know what a computer is, i have a 200 gigawit processes and a 12000W power supply

poopybuttwhole just cheered "its okay to not have a history of pc gaming phil"
duuh i do have a history, a 11 year legacy of pc gaming so debunked and banned ehuh
fucking idiots don't think i used to build computers as a hobby

OH heilzitler just cheered "did you ever fix the ram on your 'lemon' pc?"
Didn't i just say i built pc's as a hobby? the ram wasn't loose okay? those nudnicks that built it gave me faulty parts and charged me 3000 for it and i need that money, i really do
 
Kay everyone. Well, that, I hope you have fun, being that I knew people were enjoying the thread. I decided to post a little extra long today.

As you saw I went a little extra on the thread. Which I hope you appreciate. Um, quite honestly, let me take a look. I have not looked at the thread replies all week. My god the thread's replies are terrible.

Wow, what happened?! We never even...hold on. I'm actually trying to go back here. Did we even ever get close to 4 pages? We didn't did we? At least from what I can see. I cant see the entire length of the thread but from what I can see back from around a week ago; It looks like we barely even had 10 posts on the thread.

Wow. Uhhhh. I don't know what's going on.

Listen. Here's the bottom line, and I'm tired of it now. No more excuses, because the bottom line is,
"SkippyLongbottm is not engaged in the thread, and SkippyLongbottm's posts are boring and people don't want to read the contents of the post."

Bullshit!

I'm loving this thread, I'm posting replies. I'm liking posts, I'm replying on everything that is going on actively. Bullshit!

I'm calling massive bullshit on any idiot that says that about that. The main thread that I've been posting in recently that I really like and I'm having fun. Bullshit. I'm calling completely utter Bullshit.

So I need the people in this thread to stop being so fucking lazy and just show up. This is ridiculous.
 
...so I'm not gonna tell you again! Kat has nothing to do with my streams! Why would I make a Kat emote when she has nothing to do with my streams!? I am here to play game and have fun, not talk about my wife. What a moron.

Babyman1488 says, Phil, why do hot dogs come in packs of 8 and hot dog buns come in packs of 6? Huhu actually that is not true anymore. Back in the early to mid 1990's this may have been the case but due to customer complaints (discussion of hotdogs continues for 15 minutes).

That's it! ApacheBeard you are banned. You keep asking about Kat. I've told you, my wife has nothing to do with my stream. If you can't keep the topic to. The game I am currently playing, go somewhere else. THIS IS A GAMING STREAM IDIOT! Ack ack ack. How dumb. Why would you come to a gaming stream and ask about my wife. Good riddance.

PlanetYourAnus asks, Phil who's your favorite male wrestler with facial hair from 1989? Hmm, that's a hard question. I have a few actually...(talks about half naked men for 5 minutes)

Okay another troll! Got 'em. He's asking about my taxes, how dumb! My taxes have nothing to do with my stream! My stream is only about gaming and having fun! Don't try and derail the stream by a asking off topic bull shit! If you keep asking about dumb unimportant stuff like my wife and my taxes you will get banned.

Kermit_frahg asks, Phil which wood do you recommend using for making furniture. I actually know a lot about this because I go to Ikea a lot. (Talks about wood and Ikea for 15 minutes)
 
Sparkletor said:
...so I'm not gonna tell you again! Kat has nothing to do with my streams! Why would I make a Kat emote when she has nothing to do with my streams!? I am here to play game and have fun, not talk about my wife. What a moron.

Babyman1488 says, Phil, why do hot dogs come in packs of 8 and hot dog buns come in packs of 6? Huhu actually that is not true anymore. Back in the early to mid 1990's this may have been the case but due to customer complaints (discussion of hotdogs continues for 15 minutes).

That's it! ApacheBeard you are banned. You keep asking about Kat. I've told you, my wife has nothing to do with my stream. If you can't keep the topic to. The game I am currently playing, go somewhere else. THIS IS A GAMING STREAM IDIOT! Ack ack ack. How dumb. Why would you come to a gaming stream and ask about my wife. Good riddance.

PlanetYourAnus asks, Phil who's your favorite male wrestler with facial hair from 1989? Hmm, that's a hard question. I have a few actually...(talks about half naked men for 5 minutes)

Okay another troll! Got 'em. He's asking about my taxes, how dumb! My taxes have nothing to do with my stream! My stream is only about gaming and having fun! Don't try and derail the stream by a asking off topic bull shit! If you keep asking about dumb unimportant stuff like my wife and my taxes you will get banned.

Kermit_frahg asks, Phil which wood do you recommend using for making furniture. I actually know a lot about this because I go to Ikea a lot. (Talks about wood and Ikea for 15 minutes)
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If only you were Dave, you'd be making a lot more money
 
Oh I see you noticed my new shirt. Yes, this is my new holiday season Bob Ross shirt that Kat and I bought on our one day off a week. I saw it and immediately thought of Christmas 2018 when I dressed as Bob Ross for some reason before emotionally breaking down and nearly crying while eating dry cereal right out of the box. Good times.

Gr33nBabypoo asks why I don't buy my own Christmas shirts from Tsprings. I HAVE NO MONEY TO DO IT!

Are you so fucking childish and stupid to think I can buy $40 novelty tees from the mall and also afford to buy my own merchandise? Grow up! Ack ack ack.
---------------------------------------------

When I worked at the helicopter plant, I was a customer service representative. That is a pretty important job. In fact prior to 1996 the job title was, "shut up and answer the phone".

Eventually I got the, "My Daddy is Middle Management" promotion. I worked my ass off rebuilding the company from the ground up.

YoloBaby asks, Phil didn't you just say you drank non stop every day, ate shit food, and called in sick to play video games during this time period? Listen, the world isn't black and white. Time isn't linear, neither is truth. Time and truth are like a bunch of railroad tracks running parallel. They all coexist, but have different paths. Grow up.

Anyways, I went above and beyond to make sure this company made the most profit they could. Sure my plan got a few people terminated, but their jobs were redundant. I streamlined the whole operation. And what do they do? They shut down the plant to move somewhere cheaper to save a couple of bucks. What the fuck!? This cost me my job! Just because you greedy assholes wanted to save money. That's America for you!
 
"Hellllo Kat! Are you ready for a fun and interactive experience?! Lets get ready to do this folks! Erections are not mandotory. Ready for a Mine-your-craft and warm stream? Ok guys here we go! I know you agree with me Kat."

(20 seconds later:) "I didn't fail the mission!"

"Leg slap"
 
A Phone Call to a Seattle Area Veterinarian
--------------------------------------------------------------

*Ring Ring

?: "Hello, IHOP. How may we take your order?"

Phil: "Oops, sorry! Wrong speed dial!"

IHOP: The server recognizes his voice. "No problem Mr. Burnell. Talk to you tomorrow. Goodbye"

*Ring Ring

?: An automated operator answers. "Thank you for calling the Renton Area Veterinarian Clinic for Sick Animals. Please listen carefully as the options may have changed, para español primer dos...

Phil listens to all the options and chooses non-emergency

RAVCSA: "For non-emergencies, please hold for the next available operator"

Phil: "Oh my god! This is so fucking stupid, *snort. Why do I have to wait, this is an emergency!"

RAVCSA: "Hello, Renton Area Veterinarian Clinic for Sick Animals, how can we help you?"

Phil: "Well the other day I was going to have breakfast. I was microwaving a breakfast burrito from the local Fred Meyer store that was pretty inexpensive. I got out a paper plate and put it on the counter..." A long winded explanation of breakfast burritos ensues without explaining the problem.

Phil: "So me and my mom... my wife Kat were relaxing after a stressful day of working and Jasper was not there. Since he is usually there on the couch or the floor, we got worried. We searched and searched and believe it or not, Jasper was in the litter box so we thought he was just going potty..."

RAVCSA: "Sir, sorry to interrupt you, but what can WE do to help?"

Phil: "I'm not gonna lie, Jasper has what doctors refer to as a 'urinary tracked infarction' I'm not sure if you've ever heard of this."

RAVCSA: "Yes, sir. I am aware of what a urinary tract infection is. You can bring Jeeves in to the office and Dr. Fuchs will examine him and if it really is a UTI we can prescribe an antibiotic. We're open until 5:00pm today. You will want to get here earlier because there may be a slight wait time."

Phil: "I can't possibly do it today! I am running a vast multimedia live streaming and on demand video multimedia video streaming service providing video operation. It's very technical. My only day off is Tuesday."

RAVCSA: "Well, sir, time is kind of an issue. I can't force you to bring Jesse in today. If Tuesday is the soonest time you can bring him in, then bring him in on Tuesday."

Phil: "I can't bring him in on Tuesday! That's my one day to spend with my wife! Are you trying to hurt my family? I'm not spending all day at the vet's office because of Covid-19!"

RAVCSA: "...What?"

Phil: "You just told me that because of Covid-19 everyone and their brother went out and bought cats, dogs, lizards, birds, and fish. Now the vet's clinic is overstocked with all sorts of sick animals and I refuse to spend all day there while you guys treat them instead of Jasper!"

RAVCSA: "...Alright, sir. Just bring your cat in to the office at your first opportunity and we will be happy to see him."

 
Single mouse click
hello everyone dsp here
Phil Burnell and welcome to an other episode of
Dsp tries it
today we have uh… some Wendy’s now you guys may not know this but the founder of Wendy’s was named Dave and as you guys know these sick in the head fuckers call me Dave so in a way I’m eating my own burgers today sound cool?
He snickers at his joke
so Uh we have a triple bacon Dave’s famous burger some chilli fries that’s what they are called
And a milkshake fun story guys they are not milkshakes the us government told them they can use the phrase milkshake because they don’t use actual milk just milk products
He snorts
 
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