March 15, 2021
The Legend Of The Thing I Grew.
It all started three days ago, I was depressed as usual, contemplating playing Mario 3D World. I decided that I’d get drunk instead, and snack on some codeine I found in the medicine cabinet. I awoke from a self induced coma about an hour later, I was still having an outer body experience but I was hungry, so I went to the fridge. I don’t quite remember what happened next but I woke up on the sofa with a mouth full of raisins. I went to the kitchen to spit them into the bin, and that’s where I saw it, the manky thing in a side plate. It was a dull grey colour with holes in it, about 13cm in diameter with a medieval odur. I had made this whilst I was drunk, I immediately checked the fridge and cupboards to see what I’d used, but nothing was standing out. I didn’t want to throw it away, I wanted to know what it was. I poked it with a fork, and an orange liquid started oozing from underneath. I could feel a headache coming on, so I covered it up and hid it in a cupboard so my wife wouldn’t find it.
The next day when my head had cleared, I went back to my creation and discovered it had changed colour, from dull grey to snot green. The smell had gone from medieval to biblical and it actually made me feel sick. I took it out into the garden to see if it would react to direct sunlight, but it didn’t. My next idea was to put it into a container and freeze it, but that would require touching it, and I was almost certain it was diseased. I braved the smell and texture to scrape it into a container and placed it in the freezer, I then did another scout of the kitchen to try and find the ingredients. I just couldn’t work out what this thing was.
The next day I awoke from my pit, eager to check on the progress of my experiment. I immediately rushed down stairs and opened the freezer, the manky thing was gone. My wife comes into the kitchen and asks why I’m crying “my thing has gone” I replied. She told me that she found it and promptly destroyed it, she then considered burning the house down. My creation was gone, I would never find out what it was or how I even made it. The positive here is that my wife loves me enough to not have me killed after everything I put her through.