Let's see. By your own admission, you had sex before, but didn't get a long-term relationship. You think you're too old to find a decent partner now. Isn't this terribly ironic?
And then you believe that you have shitty genes, and that having shitty genes is a very bad thing that'll curse you to a miserable life. You want to pass on said shitty genes to a future child. However, if there's risk of the mother passing down shitty genes due to their age, you don't want it. You believe you should be allowed this because society (undefined) claims that only personality matters (literally who believes this?). You furthermore do not believe in this ideal yourself.
In other words you want to create descendants that will presumably suffer like yourself, because you're trying to cash a check that "society" wrote that you don't believe is valid.