Defend This Home!

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Cats

Cats

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kiwifarms.net
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Someone posted this image of a rather unique floorplan and everyone is calling it "cursed". I thought it looked perfect for a home invasion. it's like one big long hallway and exquisitely defensible. woe to the poor nigger(s) who decide to break into this home.

defendthishome.png







Anyway, your task is simple:





Defend This Home!!!





Post what you'd do. here's mine:

defenses.png
 
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This is a simple and effective plan using resources commonly available to Appalachian hilltrash.

defendthishome.png


Note the placement of the shitbull enclosures, positioned to chase any wouldbe crackhead nigger thieves towards the snakepit. The possums are for psychological pressure to ensure a sense of haste keeps the intruders moving further towards additional traps. Pissbottles on the doorframes ensure maximum application of the shitbulls upon the doused.

You can't live anywhere outside the master bedroom, sure, but who needs to leave their bed/desk? I feel this is a suitable plan practical for any aspiring hillbillies out there.
 
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Baguette Child said:
This is a simple and effective plan using resources commonly available to Appalachian hilltrash.

View attachment 6472578

Note the placement of the shitbull enclosures, positioned to chase any wouldbe crackhead nigger thieves towards the snakepit. The possums are for psychological pressure to ensure a sense of haste keeps the intruders moving further towards additional traps. Pissbottles on the doorframes ensure maximum application of the shitbulls upon the doused.

You can't live anywhere outside the master bedroom, sure, but who needs to leave their bed/desk? I feel this is a suitable plan practical for any aspiring hillbillies out there.
Click to expand...
I read this post the first time and laughed, then I read it for the second time in the voice of the narrator from Shake Hands With Danger and I couldn't stop laughing, this is gold :story:
 
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Baguette Child said:
This is a simple and effective plan using resources commonly available to Appalachian hilltrash.

View attachment 6472578

Note the placement of the shitbull enclosures, positioned to chase any wouldbe crackhead nigger thieves towards the snakepit. The possums are for psychological pressure to ensure a sense of haste keeps the intruders moving further towards additional traps. Pissbottles on the doorframes ensure maximum application of the shitbulls upon the doused.

You can't live anywhere outside the master bedroom, sure, but who needs to leave their bed/desk? I feel this is a suitable plan practical for any aspiring hillbillies out there.
Click to expand...

I'm liking the piss bottles, but wouldn't it be more effective and efficient to just flood the entire home with urine?

urine.png

Let's see if we can get someone in here to do the math on how long it would take for a man to fill this square footage chock full of piss
 
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Cats said:
Let's see if we can get someone in here to do the math on how long it would take for a man to fill this square footage chock full of piss
Click to expand...
According to Zillow, the home has a floor size of 1,520 square feet. Assuming "chock full of piss" means an amount of piss at least two feet deep, this equates to 3,040 cubic feet of piss. Given they consume two liters of water a day, the average adult will excrete between 800 and 2,000 milliliters of piss per day. We'll go halfway and say they're excreting 1,400 milliliters of piss per day. 1,400 milliliters is 85.43324 cubic inches. 85.43324 cubic inches is 0.0282517361 cubic feet.

It will take approximately 107,604 days for a man to fill a 1,520 square foot house with piss to a depth of two feet. 107,604 days equals approximately 295 years.
 
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Alright, I'll pay the tax in this thread and post my home defense plan.
kiwifarms_homedefenseplan.png
1. Calvin Candie in case the intruder happens to be black.
2. John Wayne Gacy in case the intruder happens to be gay.
3. Viet Cong in case the intruder happens to be a Vietnam veteran.
4. Jeffrey Dahmer in case the intruder happens to be gay, same as John Wayne Gacy.
5. John Metheny in case Jeffrey Dahmer needs a snack.
6. Pablo Escobar in case the intruder happens to be Colombian.
7. Ted Kaczynski in case the intruder happens to be a public relations executive. Ted lives outside.
8. Nick Rekieta in case the intruder happens to be a bottle of alcohol.
9. Lorne Malvo in case the intruder happens to be a hitman.
10. Chris-chan in case the intruder happens to be an old lady.
11. Two pajeets defending the bathrooms as penance for pajeet culture.
12. Paul Harrell in case the intruder happens to be a soda jug or a guy driving a truck.
 
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