In england it did not shine,
it was too wet to play.
So we sat inside and drank,
just like everyday.
I sat there with Bob.
We sat there, we two.
And I said "This beer taste like Piss".
Sure enough it was an American brew.
It's too wet to go out
because this is england.
Where it is always dreary
unless you are at a beach with some sand.
All we could do was
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
And since we were quite sloshed
our brain's couldn't really think.
And then something went BAP!
And both of us turned around.
All we could say was "What the crap?"
We Looked!
Then we saw them step on the mat!
We Looked!
And we saw them!
The queen and an insane hatted cat!
And the cat pointed to us
"Oy mate? You bruvs drink in a place like that?"
"I know we are wet.
And this is England, it's never sunny.
But bruv we can have
Good lot loads of fun stuff that's funny!"
Then the queen butted in, she was high as a kite
"Ellooooo Old chaps!
Does this pub have some good eating to bite?"
The queen stumbled forward,
eyes clearly glazed.
When questioned on her appearance, she repiled
"I've been doing crack for days!"
We were completely awestruck,
Me and Bob were confounded.
We had never seen,
the queen's mental state so compounded!
But unfortunately that chav cat,
shouted out of the blue.
"Bruv, that's how it is? Innit?
Well I'll Fookin keel you!"
He pulled out a knife,
brandishing it like the Roman Max.
The queens hat grew forty sizes,
we imagined it harbored an axe.
So we booked it out of there,
we suddenly had a place to go that we couldn't miss!
No bar is worth dying in,
if it's beer tastes like Piss.