*The episode opens up with a quote by President Eisenhower: “I find plans useless, but planning indispensable." It opens up with Stephen in his weeb fortress (his house) pondering to himself what game system to run for the group. His room is full of minifigures, a mixture of magical girl, mecha, and shonen animes across the boards.
Large set maps, and cases holding figurines litter the room as well. The room has a collection of clothes on the floor and a couple of plates on the desk with his 4000 dollar computer. Points of pride include a replica of Guts’ sword, a pair of Simon’s glasses, and an “authentic” katana and wakizashi with sheaths on the wall. In the closet you see a glimpse of a dakimakura, Usagi from Sailor Moon just barely made out on it (reference)*
Stephen: Kuso! I haven’t found a game worth running! OU Dragon’s Pass is out. Gloria-baasama does that every two weeks, and Hayden’s attempt kinda soured that. Besides, it doesn’t work for the setting! OU’s Tek Soldiers is out since that Mainlander does it every other week too! Plus I don’t want to just do Zaibatsu Yakuza espionage. I want something more fun than that.
*Stephen resolves to looking back through his horrendously huge amount of splatbooks and resources in his bookshelf full of manga, children’s books, and splatbooks before stumbling on something that makes him pause. He begins giggling to himself in glee before finally exclaiming “Yatta!” out loud. The scene then cuts to later on to the store where Aiden and Tram are walking towards the door. Tram looks like they’re going to their execution while Aiden is cautiously optimistic.*
Tram: This is gonna hurt. A lot.
Aidan: I don’t think Stephen could be that bad Tram. I mean, at least it’s unlikely he’ll force you to play a gay wizard again. Plus this’ll be the first White Wolf game I’ve ever done! I mean, worst comes to worst it’ll probably just be a hack-n-slash murderhobo game, so kind of like yours but, you know, without the plot.
Tram: Hey, I resent that comparison! You’ve only seen him play edgelord duelist characters. Dumb as shit but relatively harmless. I fucking dread what horrible ideas he has stored in that noggin of his for our campaign. You have yet to see when he plays underaged cat girls that uses seduce for instance.
Aidan: He does what.
Tram: For all we know, we’ll play schoolgirl vampires that get grappled by octopoid werewolves or some other fantasy from his magical realm. And this is Vampire, a game that caters to that special snowflake fuckery and creep factor!
Aidan: No, seriously, repeat that bit about the cat-girls.
*Tram doesn’t answer this question as the two walk into the store with trepidation, walking past Mathis who gives them a look of condolence. They spot Harold, Nastya, Chris, Hayden, and Stephen at the table. Stephen and Hayden are both dressed all out for this occasion. Chris and Hayden are the only ones that seems relatively comfortable with this scenario. Harold is weirded out and uncomfortable, and Nastya is very intently texting while ignoring the current ST and Hayden.
Stephen is for once completely dressed up, wearing a kimono with some weird insignia that Aidan can’t recognize, his hair redone to try and go for a samurai’s bob. He is sitting on a cushion similar to what Gloria might do, but in a kneed position. Every time Stephen stands up, he has to pull the extremely long sleeves back to keep from catching pencils or knocking the GM screen over.
Hayden is wearing a horrible mish-mash of Celto-Chinese wear, much akin to a punk rock Chun-Li wearing a Utilikilt and plaid, wearing those WoD ankhs once more.*
Aidan: …
Tram: Well fuck, he dressed up for this, and wasn’t killed by rednecks in the parking lot. This is gonna suck balls. HARD.
Harold: Well, now that the stragglers have shown up, can we begin the game now? I already created a couple of character sheets (hands one to a completely bored Nastya) and I certainly hope that others did the same.
*Stephen snatches the paper mid transfer suddenly*
Harold: Hey!
Nastya: Rude boy!
*He looks at the sheet, scowls, and hands it back to Harold*
Stephen: You need to change that sheet. It doesn’t fit in this setting.
Harold: What?! You tell us that this is Vampire: the Masquerade Dark Ages, taking place in Feudal Japan. You never specified module, which means a Ventrue merchant should be fine for these circumstances!
Chris: He has a point Stephen, you didn’t tell us what clans were acceptable, only the setting. I had to read the rules to understand the system as I never played.
Aidan (to Tram): The fuck’s a Ventrue?
Hayden: *scoffs* You don’t know?
Aidan: Uh… no. Never played. Only ever heard of people LARPing this stuff.
Hayden: They are the aristocrats of the vampire world, the decision makers, refined, dominant.
Tram: So basically uptight snobs that’re so picky about what they eat they tantrum when things don’t go their way.
Hayden: *snorts with derision*
Harold (continuing rant): You never mentioned anything about Kindred of the East and the like, and in fact used Vancouver by Night, a module before the East was clarified!
Stephen: Kindred of the wha? *perks up*
Harold (flustered): No, tell us right fucking now what you want. I wanted to get this done quickly, but nooo, you waste our time with character building.
Aidan: Well… I didn’t have a sheet ready anyway, so it’s fine with me.
*Harold looks a bit miffed at Aidan for not doing this before showing up*
Chris: These systems are contradictory. Which one are we going to play with? I’d be more comfortable if…
Stephen: It’s gonna be based on the core rulebook.
Chris: But the disciplines work differently in 1E.
Stephen: Shut it baka! Just acknowledge that the core rulebook is how we’re playing! That stuff is for flavor, now make your character!
Tram: Any clues on what you want Sherlock?
Stephen: You are all Bushi serving a vampiric daimyo!
Tram: Unless you’re a rice-counter… yeah, that’s right, a rice-counter, you were a warrior. Hey, I’ll be a rice-counter!
Stephen: Rice-counter? What the? No! You’re warriors!
Harold: *Scoffs* So what you’re saying is fuck our choices we have to kowtow to yours?
Tram (grinning): Kowtow is a Chinese word. Be careful.
Harold: So merchants are out, how about something like a scribe? I mean lords and stuff always had scribes, right darling.
Nastya: Da, whatever you say *she’s currently now painting her nails out of sheer boredom*
Stephen: No, the daimyo needs warriors, and warriors you shall be. How hard is this to get?
Tram: So I guess I can be a calligraphy focused warrior right?
Stephen: Eh?
Tram: Yeah, samurai went into different fields all the time, and calligraphy and bureaucracy was definitely an option since they were respected for their arts.
Harold: So I can be one then, grand!
Stephen: By Amaterasu, no! What part of warrior do you bakas not get?! The daimyo doesn’t want pencilpushers!
Tram: They used calligraphy brushes.
Stephen: Shut-up you fucking mainlander! If you don’t wanna die, you invest in combat.
Harold: What’s the point of doing this if there’s no chance for a story whatsoever? This is the type of shit you’d do for dungeon crawling, and even those allow characters to talk.
*Harold sighs despondently as he readjusts his and Nastya’s characters to be a bit more combat oriented. He surreptitiously begins min-maxing his leadership skills out of spite. Chris decides to change his more utility based character to get some skill in melee, sighing as he sacrifices even more of his generation to get more skills to make up for it. Hayden is mostly alright, but changes a few dots here and there as the others work as it fits her. At no point does Stephen bother to help Chris, who is still only semi-sure about his character, or Aidan, who never played.
Chris fidgets and mutters a bit about how the game won’t work with this situation as he religiously looks back to Dark Age’s rule structure to make heads or tails of this team build. Meanwhile Tram and Aidan are making their character sheets while Hayden looks in/gives advice, being the most experienced player of the bunch (oh god…)*
Aidan: So since this is warrior stuff, is there a particular group that does well in combat?
Hayden: Aye, it’s the Brujah, the witches. A favorite clan of mine. They’re orators, rebels, and--
Tram: Dudes who’d vote for Ron Paul while throwing temper tantrums. They punch the fuck out of stuff and are like super fast.
Hayden *miffed*: That stereotype is only part of what they can do you reactionary. You hardly give the fluff any justice.
Tram: I dunno, I think I summed ‘em up perfectly. Wait… if this is based on Dark Age, does that mean I get to play those edgelord clans?
Hayden: The Sabbat? Actually, yes… we can.
*Hayden giggles as they change the clan and the disciplines they have available.*
Stephen: Wait, I don’t-
Tram: Too late, Edgelord clans are in! Besides, it’s not like you can’t be a warrior while being one of those shadow dudes. You could pull a Darth Vader to some degree with that too now that I think about it.
Stephen: Hmm-- Yeah, Sabbat are allowed then.
Tram: Guess if I wanted to, I could play those dudes who literally sculpt flesh like a mad art project… eh, I think I’ll stick with cammie stuff. Maybe like one of them wolfmen who’s one of them Wako pirates!
Aidan: Cammie, Sabbat? Guys you’re losing me here.
Tram: Not important to the game to be honest since it’s not a thing yet. Let’s just set you up with that Brujah punching machine.
Aidan: Isn’t that a little bit stupid to play though? I mean, this game is supposed to be like a very role-play oriented game and we’re gonna murderhobo it.
Stephen: Do not doubt me my cute little genin. The story will be totally awesome.
Tram: First of all, cute? Dude, you in that dress and saying that screams Sex Offender Registry.
Stephen: It’s not a dress! It’s a Kimono that Samurai would wear you fucking ignorant Longnose!
Tram *Ignoring what Stephen said*: And second,Genin? Don’t quite think that’s the term you’re looking for bro.
Stephen: Shut up and finish your character! Kuso, is this supposed to be this hard?!
Aidan: So… if this is combat based, could I be like a Brujah monk?
Stephen: Uh…
Tram: I can’t see why not. Ikko-ikki being zealous Jodo Shinshu Buddhists and all.
Stephen: I… don’t know…
Tram: They can wield pole-aaarms *sing-song*
Stephen: Okay! Monks work too.
Harold: Then I’m becoming a monk too.
Stephen: *Mumbling* Stupid gaijin, ruining my game ideas.
*At this point, the boring technical bullshit, ranging from statting and the like are done off screen and/or in a montage. The scenario changes jarringly to a war-torn battlefield much akin to Okehazama or another battle in the Sengoku Jidai. The characters literally fucking pop in too, representing the clownshoes narration that will dictate this fuck fest*
