Do you even use a bidet (or similar)? - (Poll included)

[We Are The Witches]

Inspired by the erudite SentientCloud with their thread about toilet paper, I was wondering how many people still don't wash their "behind" with water after going to the restroom, because I've had this notion that americans in general (US people in particular), don't use bidets or anything like that, just toilet paper.

And that just sounds extremely unhygienic, but also like a problem & gross. I'd hate to imagine being near someone who still has particles of "residue" on them, and is... let's see, emanating their own stench on a several metres of radius.

Now, I know some homes don't have bidets and such, I've been in both, but you can still use like the shower-hose to clean yourself.

 

[peachlover669]

just because you smear shit particles around your ass with water doesnt take away from the fact you are still just smearing shit particles around your ass
your shithole is never going to be clean until your wash it with soap no matter how hard you try to cope

 

[Megaton Punch]

Nah, in the US we use our tongues, like cats. We just tell you we use paper because making you upset is funny.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

-lifts one leg straight up in the air-

 

[jershs compensation beard]

I'm an American and I have multiple bidets. You are fake news.

 

[DumbDude43]

And that just sounds extremely unhygienic, but also like a problem & gross. I'd hate to imagine being near someone who still has particles of "residue" on them, and is... let's see, emanating their own stench on a several metres of radius.

that's not how it works.
what you do is you keep wiping your ass with toilet paper until the paper comes back spotless, at that point the only way anybody could possibly smell your asshole is if they're giving you a rimjob.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

“Oh I couldn’t ever use paper, I need to work my wet slimy fingers into my asshole”

Butch that’s why we have bathtubs if you really gotta.

The bidet is sold as a water laser for your ass and it’s not at all, it’s a faucet in a low sink. It’s bullshit. If wiping doesn’t get it clean, use the wet wipes (don’t flush) or give up and shower off.

 

[Named User]

Testimonial: I have a bidet in my home.

After I finish pooping, I “push out” to allow the bidet’s water squirter to shoot directly inside my butthole.

You can imagine using mouthwash to rinse out the mouth. In the same way, I “gargle” my bowels, rinsing out the anal canal, and “spit” the leftover poop remains out from the hole.

 

[I've Seen Some More Shit]

just because you smear shit particles around your ass with water doesnt take away from the fact you are still just smearing shit particles around your ass
your shithole is never going to be clean until your wash it with soap no matter how hard you try to cope

This man shoves soap bars up his cornhole and any incensed response to this will simply prove it further.

 

[seri0us]

Yes. I have it set to cold and it's really good on those hot days, especially aiming the water at my scrotum.

 

[Claude Sigma]

Yes but I use the Japanese one (the one that shoots water on your butt), not the traditional one where you have to rub your hand on your shitty butthole to clean yourself.
I recommend.

 

[Dufe]

Using one right now you nucking figgers!!

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

If it's a gnarly enough shit that I have to do more than wipe once just to admire the fact that I didn't have to I'll hop in the shower and blast everything out with hot water and the laser setting of my shower head then spritz the shower down with some bathroom cleaner with bleach. I assume bidets are cold water which seems miserable

 

[Insuficiencia renal]

What about using soggy toilet paper? Is that a kiwifarms approved shit cleaning method?

 

[Testacles Maximus]

I turn up the water pressure so that when I flush it splashes water up my butthole so “no with an asterisk”.

 

[Akashic Retard]

I kick a leg up on the counter and do it in the sink. Just have to slap some of the water in the direction of the affected area as it comes out of the faucet. I've done this for years before I ever even heard of a bidet.

 

[Dan of Steel]

Wet wipes are a decent compromise.

 

[Xenomorph]

Yes but I use the Japanese one (the one that shoots water on your butt), not the traditional one where you have to rub your hand on your shitty butthole to clean yourself.
I recommend.
View attachment 5995733

Butt gurgle is da bes

 

[Magicicada_septendecula]

Yes, I got mine in the great toilet paper shortage of 2020. I had also previously used similar things overseas. Moroccan toilets often have a hose attachment that you can use to squirt water in your butt.

 

[Shart Attack]

Just get a colostomy bag like a civilized person, you weirdos.

 

[❤️ Rivet ❤️]

If you shit in a lake the whole lake is a bidet.