Do you have anger issues? - How do you deal with it?

[rel=alternate]

I am curious to know what the landscape is and how different people handle anger.

I know some people who wish they were a bit more under control, and others who wish they had a bit more anger than anxiety. It's a tough balance to accomplish whichever way you approach it from.

I personally suffer from anger issues, that sometimes only really make sense to myself (most of the time justified still). But in the moment, it's difficult to really identify what's legitimate and what is just me getting really mad over nothing. Like someone answering a question in an unexpected manner because they did not understand what I was asking, but still feeling like they needed to say something.

I am conscious it's mostly something very selfish in the way that getting mad is cathartic for me. I just can't ruminate on it if something bothers me. And this sometimes leads me to get a little bit more aggressive than I should. Especially if things are not moving along at the pace I expect.

But it's also very counterproductive, because people have emotions and feelings, and nobody likes to be put in a situation where someone is aggressive to you. I know I don't.

It's not full proof, and I am still working on it, but I find that writing a script down and playing it through first is a good way to calm down and come up with a better way to interact with people, think things over and try and weed out hurtful things that might come out without having to think about it.

I've been trying this method for about a year now, and I really see good progress from it. It almost becomes second nature too, in the beginning it's a bit weird, but you really do get used to it. And every issue is not unique, so you also learn about approaches that worked better in the past and can replicate without going through the process all over.

ETA: reading this post back, I realize it might not be evident, but I swear I am not autistic.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

It's really simple, bro: Get as mad as you want. Just don't act on it.

I've found keeping a journal helps. It's OK to *fantasize* about acting out your anger. There's an entire segment in "Life On The Mississippi" where Mark Twain details how he dealt with his frustration with one of his training pilots by fantasizing about killing him on a nightly basis.

 

[rel=alternate]

It's really simple, bro: Get as mad as you want. Just don't act on it.

I've found keeping a journal helps. It's OK to *fantasize* about acting out your anger. There's an entire segment in "Life On The Mississippi" where Mark Twain details how he dealt with his frustration with one of his training pilots by fantasizing about killing him on a nightly basis.

I'll have a look, sounds interesting.

But to clarify, I really have anger issues in the sense that I blow up. I don't really harbor any deep seeded anger towards anything.

That's actually something really confusing to some people. Because if I did not value them, I would probably be closer to just disappointed and not bother.

I don't break things (unless they are mine, and that's been years I have not), I don't fight people, I don't even really scream.

I am just extremely mean and aggressive, keep coming back like a bulldog. I'll tear someone down verbally just for the sake of it without even using an insult.

To be clear, this mostly applies to my professional life. In my personal life, I have still not been able to completely solve these issues. The up and downs are pretty difficult for anyone to deal with.

 

[Testacles Maximus]

I struggle with severe anger problems. Last night I called Ann Landers a boring old biddy. I was more animal than man.

 

[#FF0000]

I do have anger issues, and generally have control over them, but for some reason they've always gone away when I've been in public or with someone I don't know well. I wonder if that's just a me thing or if that's the case for most people with anger issues.

 

[The Backwards Man]

I have MATI issues.

 

[rel=alternate]

I do have anger issues, and generally have control over them, but for some reason they've always gone away when I've been in public or with someone I don't know well. I wonder if that's just a me thing or if that's the case for most people with anger issues.

It seems obvious to me that it's the shift in the power dynamic. You're no longer in a comfort zone.

I don't really have this issue. I actually had to learn my place more than anything. I still want to jump at the dumb fuck in front of me and explain how wrong and retarded he is. But now, I know this is not in my best interest to do so. I bite my tong and try and pick my fights, save egos.

 

[Soup Sammiches]

What the fuck are you saying you fucking fucker? Anger issues? I should kill you for even suggesting that.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

I am just extremely mean and aggressive, keep coming back like a bulldog. I'll tear someone down verbally just for the sake of it without even using an insult.

You need to learn to keep that shit in your head. The only person it hurts is you, because you develop a reputation for being an asshole.

I have a couple of close family members and friends that I air out my crazy with, but in public under employment conditions, I play the role of the even-keeled, positive, upbeat professional. It's not fun, but you can become adept at it.

 

[rel=alternate]

What the fuck are you saying you fucking fucker? Anger issues? I should kill you for even suggesting that.

If I was a better memer, I would invite you to this address everyone posts for fights. Bring your friends and cousins faggots

 

[Not A Bunny]

I do. Mostly its end effect is me taking it out on myself by negative self-talk and disappointment with my general state of being.

I'm working on it.

 

[merry schizoid]

I avoid using mainstream social media platforms and interacting with the majority of people. My anger is a reaction to the people I despise. If I block off the people I despise I don't get angry.


Remember that anger is a chemical release designed to prep you to fight. It's fight or flight response. By getting angry you're putting your body through unnecessarily stress with no release.

.

It's really simple, bro: Get as mad as you want. Just don't act on it.

I've found keeping a journal helps. It's OK to *fantasize* about acting out your anger. There's an entire segment in "Life On The Mississippi" where Mark Twain details how he dealt with his frustration with one of his training pilots by fantasizing about killing him on a nightly basis.

No, don't get angry. Avoid what's making you angry. The stress is going to damage your health. If you can't avoid it find a way to.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

Avoid what's making you angry.

PEOPLE make me angry. No one can avoid people.

 

[User names must be unique]

As an adult my anger has never been inappropriate and aside from some bruised knuckles has rarely been expressed poorly.

It's really simple, bro: Get as mad as you want. Just don't act on it.

I've found keeping a journal helps. It's OK to *fantasize* about acting out your anger.

Nah that's toxic, it's fun to be angry. You'll wind up holding onto it or looking for new reasons to be angry.

I find the best way to deal with it is to imagine I'm telling the story of what made me so angry to a group of friends and do my best to make it a funny story.

 

[merry schizoid]

PEOPLE make me angry. No one can avoid people.

Try to get a job that isolates you and avoid interacting with people to your best ability.

 

[rel=alternate]

You need to learn to keep that shit in your head. The only person it hurts is you, because you develop a reputation for being an asshole.

I have a couple of close family members and friends that I air out my crazy with, but in public under employment conditions, I play the role of the even-keeled, positive, upbeat professional. It's not fun, but you can become adept at it.

I see your point. And I agree. I don't want to be the asshole.

And to many, I am not. And even to some I sometime am, they understand me, because they know me, and they understand where I am coming from. If I ignore a few mistakes, I never really go mad about something that's not wrong. It's just that the delivery does not always land as well as it would otherwise.

However, the many do not like me, because if I have to get involved, there is an issue and it's never going to go well. So there is already a bias there, and I have to be the asshole either way.

It's just that mistakes happen, and people need motivation/time to explain more than they need blame.

I thing a great example of this is that it's easy to see where people are failing at the end point and forget about every other department upstream. Maybe they are just being set up for failure by someone else who is tanking a whole department. And if you jump to their throat, they might just quit and you're stuck with the fucker who messed up to begin with.

I am learning to keep it in my head, and I do think you are right. I do think that writing things down is huge help, and I hope others can get inspired by it. If anyone has another technique, I am also happy to hear and try it.

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

Try to get a job that isolates you and avoid interacting with people to your best ability.

fuck you, you stupid pink-triangle-having dipshit

^^^anger management

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

I have anger issues, yes. I do lash out by slightly raising my voice, something my grandfather used to do. A sad trait that I try to correct. But thankfully never get physical. Strangely enough, I don't like to be confrontational with anyone.

 

[KittyGremlin]

I forgot how to get angry years ago. Sarcasm is all I have now.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

I usually just experience temporary annoyance, because the problem when you adopt a more deterministic view on things is that it's tough to get really angry when you don't accept that whatever is annoying you is a result of some cosmic injustice.
It's just the world working how it does, and you look like a retard losing your head at the clouds.

You just express that you're annoyed, sit around feeling a vague sense of irritation until you come to terms with it (and hopefully devise how to prevent/better address any similar situations in the future), then that's that.

It's like that old prayer: God grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It seems obvious to me that it's the shift in the power dynamic. You're no longer in a comfort zone.

Oh I always assumed the opposite, when you're alone you feel more stressed and helpless over whatever's irritating you, and when you're with friends you feel a greater subconscious sense of security so you don't get as keyed up.

Social isolation is bad for people's health and makes them way more irritable (since usually feeling shitty is feeling shitty, regardless of how it manifests. Anger, depression, and anxiety flow into each other pretty readily), it's probably why everyone online nowadays is so mad about everything constantly.