Doc's Titty Game Reviews

[Doc Cassidy]

Humble Bundle recently had a deal with a bunch of titty games which I bought on a whim and have recently started playing through. For all you titty game fans I’m going to wade in and review all of them so you can play only the games with the finest anime boobs and not worry about the dregs. It’s worth noting that I have zero interest in porn games, I like porn and I like games but when you combine them you just end up with boring porn and a bad game. It’s not a big deal to alt-tab out of whatever game you're playing into a porn window but if you’re too lazy for that these games should be right up your alley.


HuniePop:
This game is pretty simple, you move from screen to screen and talk to a hot anime chick and then play Bejeweled. The Bejeweled part is surprisingly well made but I get bored of it really quickly, if you’re a huge Bejeweled fan you might like this more. Anyway, you read some amusing dialogue and play Bejeweled and that’s it. This game sucks and is a perfect example of why porn games are pointless. Just load up a flash game and a porn video and switch between tabs every few minutes. I mean, there aren’t even any bare titties in this game wtf? Huge disappointment. Also there’s no trap character which is pretty gay.

Rating 4/10: This game has some good looking anime chicks and the puzzle game is very well made. Add three points if you love Bejeweled and regularly masturbate to anime.


HunieCam Studios:
Holy shit, this game is garbage. I was actually looking forward to this one because I like simulations and a cam-girl simulator sounded like a great idea. It’s not. The craziest thing about this game is THERE IS NO PORN. At all. At least HuniePop had some decent artwork but you spend 95% of the game staring at a map screen instead of anime tits. It might have helped if the simulator was fun but it wasn’t, pick the first Tycoon game you find in the bargain bin and you’ll have more fun and probably see more titties.

Rating: 0/10: When I was sixteen I played a brothel simulator on Newgrounds for ten minutes. It was better in every way.



I’m going to separate these reviews because from here on out it’s all visual novels. I don’t like visual novels for the exact same reason I don’t like porn games; it’s a pointless combination. You get bad voice acting, bad writing, and bad artwork. What’s the point? Because I have an autistic tendency to read anything with words though I’ve played several visual novels before and hated every goddamned one of them with the exception of Saya No Uta- a fucking masterpiece- and the Higurashi games which were ok. Maybe combining two things I don’t like will result in something beautiful though, let’s hope.



Sakura Space:
I picked Sakura Space first because I like space. I was hoping it will be like Revolution 60 but somehow even sexier.

PORN! There are titties in this game, yes! That automatically makes it better than the other two I played.

The basic story is you're a sexy bounty hunter that employs two other sexy bounty hunters and you have to hunt down a sexy villainess while having tons of lesbian sex. There are no men in this game and all the ladies constantly strip for no reason, it's pretty great. The writing is surprisingly solid being at least on par with a good porn novel and the characters are likable. The fucking is pretty great too.

7/10: I actually enjoyed this one. If you like porn stories this is great because there's pictures. Subtract three points if you're illiterate.


Sakura Beach:
Beaches are a classic. Wet skimpy swimsuits make for a perfect opportunity for fun sexy porn so how could this go wrong?

The first thing I noticed is eyes holy shit what the fuck? They’re huge and red! Anime freaks me out enough but it’s like they went out of their way to fuck with my head. Seriously these eyes are terrifying, I feel like I’m playing a horror game not a fun sexy titty game. This game isn’t lesbian like the other so I’m playing as a guy. This could be good or bad.

You know what I seriously can’t stand those eyes. They strike a deep terror into me and if I wanted horror I sure as fuck wouldn’t be playing a porn game. I can't make it more than two minutes into this so I assume the rest is garbage.

1/10: If you have a fetish for freaky red eyes then kill yourself.



I’ll play some more later and update this thread but those eyes are fucking with me so hard that I’m going to watch some Evil Dead to rinse them from my mind. In my next update I’ll probably give Sakura Dungeon a try which is supposed to be a porn RPG. Sounds interesting.

 

[Kiwi Jeff]

Great job. Keep up the good work.

 

[UY 690]

All these games you mentioned sucks! lol

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Can't wait for you to play Sakura Dungeon and Senran Kagura.

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

Also there’s no trap character which is pretty gay.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

All these games you mentioned sucks! lol

Sakura Space was pretty decent. I'm playing the ones from the Humble Bundle I bought, if you have any suggestions let me know.

Can't wait for you to play Sakura Dungeon and Senran Kagura.

Sakura Dungeon will probably be in my next update but I don't know what Senran Kagura is. I only have the ones that were part of the titty game Humble Bundle.

View attachment 334866

Exactly.

 

[Un Platano]

All the stuff Winged Cloud makes is for fucking casuals, get some real taste in titty games.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

All the stuff Winged Cloud makes is for fucking casuals, get some real taste in titty games.

Nigger, I fucking said all my titty games are from humble bundle several times. Are you illiterate?

 

[HomeAloneTwo]

I played a brothel simulator on Newgrounds for ten minutes. It was better in every way.

Can we get a Steam release of SimGirl?

 

[Namesarehardtocomeupwith]

Hm you liked sakura space and hated sakura beach? I thought the winged cloud games were all literary the same with slight differences in the character hair style and clothes save for that dungeon crawling one.

Either way, mad props for you to even muster the will to finish both of them

 

[Van Darkholme]

No Meet n' Fuck Kingdom review?

 

[GethN7]

Hm you liked sakura space and hated sakura beach? I thought the winged cloud games were all literary the same with slight differences in the character hair style and clothes save for that dungeon crawling one.

Either way, mad props for you to even muster the will to finish both of them

Depends. Some games are phoned in and lazy as shit, and some they exert actual EFFORT.

In fact, I hope Doc doesn't mind if I add in a few reviews of my own:


Galaxy Girls: Think Sakura Space, but less cheesy crap and more attempts at serious drama. Still has an all lesbian cast, writing isn't bad for what it is, comes with some added DLC stuff to extend gameplay that isn't too bad, not all of it is porn, some of it is actual fleshing out of the non porn stuff.

Only real negative is that the specific endings are a crapshoot due to some goofy randomizer they put into the choices, but they have an easy mode that removes this.

Overall: 8/10


Negligee: Yet another lesbo game (these tend to have plots that some effort is expended on most of the time), but even without the porn it's worth playing a few times because the dialogue is hilarious. Endings are a bit of a challenge to get, but that's intentional, and trying all the different choices can lead to some amusing dialogue. Plot is about a redhead who has to take over a lingerie shop as its manager and hire new employees.

Like Galaxy Girls, is going to get some DLC expanding on it, some it actually hetero related, can't give a review on that yet, but the base game alone is worth some lols.

Overall: 9/10


And I'll not spoil Sakura Dungeon for Doc, I'll let him do that one, but I will say it's worth playing, has some actual RPG depth to it and it's pretty decently written IMO.


Note: Rule of thumb for Sakura games is that if it's hetero only, it will be somewhat decent at best, but most of the time it's gonna suck. If it's got lesbians, the writers usually expend a little effort, and even the artists tend to be better.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

I’m at my computer with a bottle of rum and ready to play some more titty games. For everyone asking why I haven’t played a particular game, for the twentieth fucking time I only have the games that were part of the titty game humble bundle. If there’s a particular game you’d like to see reviewed then let me know because I don’t know any porn games aside from the ones currently on my steam list.

I wanted to review Sakura Santa to celebrate the birth of our Lord but I can’t find the nude patch. Evidently there’s some drama involved in who owns the game so everyone is just pretending it’s not theirs. From what little I’ve seen it appears that the owner of the company that makes the Sakura games is a raging asshole that alienates everyone around him. Onto the first game!



Sakura Magical Girls:
You’re a dumbass so you have to work at your father’s resort to pay back your blah blah blah. This game is boring as shit so I’m not playing it.

idgaf/10: I only played this game for ten minutes and already know it sucks.


Sakura Fantasy:
This is another lesbian one and according to @GethN7 these are better. This game allows me to make choices, my first choice being whether or not to wear panties. Take a guess what I chose. Evidently I’m clairvoyant which is pretty cool and I have no doubt I’ll be able to use this for naughty purposes. Shame I don’t have a voyeurism fetish.

The story is that I’m a new recruit in a lesbian army. My dominatrix commander doesn’t seem to like me very much so I anticipate a spanking scene at some point. She knows I use my clairvoyance to peep on people in the shower and she doesn’t like it one bit. I head to her bedchambers to try to ease things over with her and am given the choice to wait for her to answer the door or just barge in. I obviously choose the latter and as expected she’s in a state of undress. Also her tits are fucking HUGE, goddamn! Now I’m going to be “punished.” I can’t wait!

Geth seems to be onto something as this is the second lesbian game I’ve played and it’s actually good.

I’m given the option to use my clairvoyance to spy on either my best friend or my commander; a hard choice. I’m going with my commander because she cockblocked me before by covering her huge tits up with her arms. We don’t get to see any titties but we do get some decent character development. I then spy on my best friend taking a bath before I fall asleep and have a nightmare about being in a swamp.

It’s worth noting that the music in this game is pretty great, it has an epic feel to it that works. Also this is the first Winged Cloud game I’ve played with voice acting, unfortunately it’s in Japanese so I immediately turned it off because the Asianese people have the most annoying fucking voices in the world.

The nightmare was incredibly intense and I’m told to skip training so I sunbathe in the nude until my commander walks in on me. The next day I get assigned to guard duty so I’m no longer just a worthless recruit. My character is pretty excited but soon discovers she’s been conned; guard duty is boring as shit! I listen to senators prattle on about military tactics while my character struggles with her untreated ADD and fails to pay attention. Finally the meeting ends and I meet a noblewoman that will probably be the Empress in a plot twist. She says a bunch of cryptic shit about stars falling from the heavens and leaves. That night a star falls from the sky…

Anyway, I genuinely like this game. The writing is great but the porn is nippleless even with the adult patch so that’s a massive disappointment. This is only part one and I’m legit interested in playing part two when it comes out. Hopefully part two will have nipples.

8/10: The only thing stopping this from being higher is the lack of nipples and vag in the artwork. The writing itself is both interesting and titillating. I actually raised the score after playing the next few games because even without nudity the pictures are still way better.


Sakura Agent:
Based off the title I’m assuming this is going to be Lady James Bond, hopefully with lots of lesbian sex.

Having just come from the great Sakura Fantasy the artwork in this game looks kinda shitty. I’m guessing this is an older game so I’ll try not to hold it against it. The main character is a redhead like in Sakura Space though and I have a weakness for redheads even with her anime hairstyle.

“Plump in all the right places.” That’s a terrible line and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it in every single one of these Sakura games. I’m starting to suspect they’re bad games.

I just realized the redhead is my assistant and not me. I’m pretty decent at following visual novels but it’s a really bad sign that I can’t match a name to a picture and doesn’t bode well for this game. My assistant brings me a breakfast of burnt toast and for some reason I don’t fire her on the spot. Evidently she fed me burnt toast because she’s a sadist. I love sadism but this is not a good example of it, if my secretary is going to dom me then I could think of many, many better ways she could do it than by burning my toast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day according to an article I read on CNN.

It appears that the reason I put up with such an incompetent assistant is that she tolerates my constant sexual harassment. This could in theory be arousing but the writing is so bad that it just comes off as creepy. Keep in mind that Sakura Fantasy’s main character literally peeped on every single character in the game while they masturbated but still managed to be endearing. I’ll keep playing the game but I doubt I’ll add anything to the review.

Actually, no I’m not. The writing in this game sucks so I’m going to stop playing.

2/10: The art is meh and the writing is terrible. There’s an attempt at a story but it’s just that, an attempt.


I played a few more Sakura games and honestly they suck. Sakura Fantasy spoiled me and now all the other ones are garbage except the next one. My next game is Sakura Dungeon and holy shit it’s fucking great! In fact, I’m going to give the review its own dedicated post because it’s actually good. Although I have no evidence I’m one-hundred percent sure that it’s @Jaimas's favorite game of all time and he plays it every single day.

If anyone has any recommendations to play next, good or bad, please let me know because I'm tired of Sakura games and I don't know any other titty games.



Stay tuned for my Sakura Dungeon review!

 

[GethN7]

Sakura Fantasy:
This is another lesbian one and according to @GethN7 these are better. This game allows me to make choices, my first choice being whether or not to wear panties. Take a guess what I chose. Evidently I’m clairvoyant which is pretty cool and I have no doubt I’ll be able to use this for naughty purposes. Shame I don’t have a voyeurism fetish.

The story is that I’m a new recruit in a lesbian army. My dominatrix commander doesn’t seem to like me very much so I anticipate a spanking scene at some point. She knows I use my clairvoyance to peep on people in the shower and she doesn’t like it one bit. I head to her bedchambers to try to ease things over with her and am given the choice to wait for her to answer the door or just barge in. I obviously choose the latter and as expected she’s in a state of undress. Also her tits are fucking HUGE, goddamn! Now I’m going to be “punished.” I can’t wait!

Geth seems to be onto something as this is the second lesbian game I’ve played and it’s actually good.

I’m given the option to use my clairvoyance to spy on either my best friend or my commander; a hard choice. I’m going with my commander because he cockblocked me before by covering her huge tits up with her arms. We don’t get to see any titties but we do get some decent character development. I then spy on my best friend taking a bath before I fall asleep and have a nightmare about being in a swamp.

It’s worth noting that the music in this game is pretty great, it has an epic feel to it that works. Also this is the first Winged Cloud game I’ve played with voice acting, unfortunately it’s in Japanese so I immediately turned it off because the Asianese people have the most annoying fucking voices in the world.

The nightmare was incredibly intense and I’m told to skip training so I sunbathe in the nude until my commander walks in on me. The next day I get assigned to guard duty so I’m no longer just a worthless recruit. My character is pretty excited but soon discovers she’s been conned; guard duty is boring as shit! I listen to senators prattle on about military tactics while my character struggles with her untreated ADD and fails to pay attention. Finally the meeting ends and I meet a noblewoman that will probably be the Empress in a plot twist. She says a bunch of cryptic shit about stars falling from the heavens and leaves. That night a star falls from the sky…

Anyway, I genuinely like this game. The writing is great but the porn is nippleless even with the adult patch so that’s a massive disappointment. This is only part one and I’m legit interested in playing part two when it comes out. Hopefully part two will have nipples.

8/10: The only thing stopping this from being higher is the lack of nipples and vag in the artwork. The writing itself is both interesting and titillating. I actually raised the score after playing the next few games because even without nudity the pictures are still way better.


Stay tuned for my Sakura Dungeon review!

Sakura Fantasy actually had two uncensoring patches, with the second one that still is softcore being more common, because the first one left some odd scene transition errors, and while it was more explicit, the dev wasn't happy with all the scene change screwups and replaced it with the second patch.

 

[Jaimas]

Well, @Doc Cassidy asked for it, so I'll give my two cents.

I got Sakura Dungeon as part of the Huniepop Humble Bundle incident, where I got the $10 bundle and gifted every single game on it to people on my Steam friends list, only for another one of my friends have the exact same fucking idea and send me Sakura Dungeon in a retaliatory strike. A promise was a promise, and my buddies and I keep a strict code of honor on this matter, I played the fucking thing.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that it was actually fucking good.

You see, Kiwis, every once in a while you come across a smut game that's sort of more than just another smut game. It's one that goes: "Yeah, we're creating a porn game, but you know what? We're going to show effort. We're going to make a porn game that people are going to be fucking talking about years from now. We're going to go all out, and make it a game where if you remove the porn, you still have a damned good game on your hands. Fuck you all, you can totally have good worldbuilding, writing, and game mechanics, and still have smut to boot."

Sakura Dungeon, at its core, is a callback to games like Bard's Tale and Etrian Odyssey, albeit with a porn-game twist. The enemies you can face are all monstergirls (and the game is thus /tg/ approved), and you can capture them in order to get them as party members. There's over fifty monsters in the game, all with different unique traits, abilities, stats, and moves.

This is sure to end well.

The main two characters, however, are a Kitsune named Yomi, who used to rule this dungeon, ages ago, before she was backstabbed by one of her own friends (she doesn't remember who) and sealed away. She's inadvertently freed from captivity by a knight named Ceri, who after an ill-starred attempt to kill her, winds up captured and forced to work for the wily fox spirit in an uneasy partnership - both have a similar goal, so the two have to work together in order to retake the dungeon and figure out what's going on in its depths.

At its core, the game is a dungeon crawl RPG with turn-based combat. You fight the enemies, level up, explore the labyrinth, find treasures, face bosses, all that jazz. The main differences here are that (A) there's nudity and optional lesbian sex scenes if you installed the patch, and (B) it actually has a pretty unique battle system and gameplay mechanics. The party heals automatically as you explore, and there's items to speed up the process, but there's no actual healing magic per se in the game proper that can heal you in combat. There's elements in the game, but nothing's weak against any of them; enemies simply are resistant to varying degrees against certain elements or not (except the Astral element, which hits everything and everyone neutrally). Your level gets you stronger, but doesn't boost your base stats, instead providing modifiers that increase your damage output and evasion rates against enemies. You can find stat seeds to boost base stats, and even find skill scrolls to teach your girls new abilities. The game has a very simple battle system, yet a lot of complexity at the same time, with plenty of tactical choices. More choices than a game that's ultimately a porn game under the hood really deserves.

True-to-cat characterization

It's the writing and worldbuilding, however, that make this game stand head and shoulders above its peers. Every character in it is fleshed out in detail, has tons of personality, and, if in your party, chimes in on every fucking thing you encounter, from new Monsters to treasures and secret passageways. Almost all of them are hilarious, and based extremely closely to whatever animal or monster or whatever they come from. One of my favorite examples, shown above, involves when the group comes upon a sleeping fox spirit using a futon, and the Cat Witch advocates kicking her out of it so the Cat Witch can sleep in her bed instead. The game has something basically no JPATG title has, and that's fucking heart. If the game has any problem with these interactions it's that they stop happening after certain floors, forcing you to use a new battery of monsters if you want to see the dialogue and such offered by the bulk of the game (though a few characters, namely Yomi, Ceri, Sylvi, and Maeve are pretty much vocal all game long if you keep 'em in your team).

This girl may as well be @Doc Cassidy in monmusu format.

The actual story of the game is actually remarkably good. Putting aside the obvious lesbian undertones that can blossom into overtones at a moment's notice, the game actually has a really good story under it all, and as the game progresses, a remarkably complicated plot of politics and betrayal spirals out, arguably more competent than many other, more mainstream games, all climaxing with a villain that is both legitimately frightening and tragic, showing good intentions gone terribly wrong and people ruled by their worst aspects out of desperation more than anything else. It does this by using its lighthearted tone to strike a contrast, to make the parts of the plot that actually do matter hit hard with their implications.

Even the music's damned good, and if I had to describe it in one word, I'd say unorthodox. The music is less on big music for the sake of big music and mostly focuses on a Celtic-feeling track that feels frankly, different than most other RPGs I've played in the last few years.

It also has porn music. Because it's still porn at the end of the day.

CAT PUNS

So in conclusion, it's a shockingly competent, if enfuriatingly grindy, RPG with smut, heart, and much more competent game-design and world-building than it has any right to have. Maybe it's because I've played so many fucking JPATG fodder games that try so hard to be cool and relevant via regressive leftist politics that the bar's been set so low that it's next to the Earth's mantle, but this game is a reminder that just because a game's smut, doesn't necessarily mean it lapses in other areas.

I don't know how to feel about that, but I'm damned sure I am glad it exists.

 

[GethN7]

Since Jaimas covered why Sakura Dungeon is far much more of a good game than you'd expect it to be, I'd like to add a review for a RPG Maker game that counts as a titty game because of it's main premise, even though it's not outright porn, even though the mass amounts of T&A dangled in front of you would make that easy to assume.

And that game is Hero and Daughter+

FYI, if you don't want to buy it off Steam, you can get the earlier free version in English here, which still has a quite a lot of content:

http://vgperson.com/games/heroanddaughter.htm

Steam version here:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/271970/Hero_and_Daughter/

The premise of the game is that you are Ralph (the default name for the VX Ace hero assigned in the database), and he gets permanently frozen at Level 1 FOREVER at the start, which you'd think would make survival impossible as he goes through a quest to attempt to not suck again.

And that's when the game introduces a twist: While Ralph is frozen at Level 1, the resident innkeeper/summoner/laughably inept slightly perverted old dude (the Haremancer) helps Ralph summon various different girls to help Ralph out, since unlike Ralph, they can level up, and most know Ralph in one way or another or being summoned to help Ralph is better than what they had been doing prior, so they all agree to help him out once you have a summon stone you can use to summon them.

The various waifus are weird as hell, ranging the gamut from the princess who doesn't want to be a helpless damsel, a chick in a prisoner outfit who is a good fighter with a weird prison fetish (she LIKES the idea of being in chains and all), a mosquito girl who basically loves Ralph's blood and threatens to drain him dry, an angel who is lazy and hedonistic as possible, a girl who talks into a non functional cell phone and thinks she having real conversations, a temperamental mage who turns the phrase "APOLOGIZE!" into a meme, and even (in a non waifu context thankfully) Ralph's daughter from the future (who both looks up to her dad and thinks he's a massive dork by the same measure).

The artwork for them is skeevy in many circumstances, but aside from dangling that and a few unlockable hot springs scenes in front of your face, it's pretty PG-13, though the sheer amount of excuses they find to wave some titty game pic in front of you love to push the rating pretty hard.

That said, the game itself is a massive sporking of porn games, RPGs, it's own premise, and even it's own slavish use of stock assets from the various RPG Makers, and I'll cover why:

The porn spoofing comes from all the massive amounts of excuses they find to dangle titty pics in front of you (save Ralphina, she's your daughter, the game isn't that skeevy), not to mention the mass majority of equipment you can find random drops style in dungeons (in a very Diablo II like randomized manner) all sound like bad hentai game/anime puns, which, hilariously, even Ralph can wear even if some of them are lace nighties for women and bras.

As for the spoofing of RPGs, the game shamelessly spoofs the shit out of every RPG trope ever, like elemental themed dungeons, a ridiculous amount of man behind the man crap for the evil overlord (the real evil overlord behind the one you just defeated gets more and more silly the longer you play through it), the various bosses all razz the shit out of Ralph for being a level 1 wuss, and the NPCs in the main town hub alternate between helping Ralph with random stat boosts, lampshading how they are just random NPCs and how their banter must be very old by now, and the game randomizes their placement so you literally will never see all of the same characters in the town hub in the same place twice.

It even mocks how, despite being stuck at level 1, Ralph has so many ways to boost his stats and make up for that it's possible to for him to one man army the bonus bosses, and all the shit talk they give you being level 1 gets more and more ridiculous as you keep beating harder and harder enemies despite your handicap.

As for the stock RTP abuse, the game randomizes dungeons like Diablo II, so while you might see the same areas, enemies and items will always be different, and some dungeons are truly random, switching up stock tilesets and background decor, resulting in some psychedelic looking dungeons with bizarre layouts. Even the enemies abuse the RTP assets, with their names and even attacks mercilessly pointing this out and mocking itself for the apparent laziness.

As for the battle engine and game customization, both Ralph and the waifus can be customized to have various skills and can learn unique ones, and the game has a mechanic where while you are in dungeons, the reserve waifus will occasionally have to defend the village hub from attacks, so you can't just bench some of them and forget them, and winning these defense battles rewards you as well, though they get harder and harder the more successful you are.

As for the game engine, it uses a completely customized front view battle engine that makes creative use of stock assets and customized animations so no battle feels slow and while you can spam some attacks, the game has a limiter on this and uses a "use MP items or take/give damage" system to refill it, so you actually have to use some strategy and make use of each waifu and Ralph's skills (both learnable and unique), making sure to keep Ralph alive since he's the weakest one in the party, especially at the start, and you can't remove him either.

The game engine is incredibly well programmed, but it is possible to experience odd crashes after several hours of play (based on a look under the hood, eventually the game engine trips over all the many variables it has to juggle after sustained play), so occasional saving is wise, but on a technical level, it manages to juggle a lot of custom written scripting under the hood and still runs on toasters, so aside from the odd crashing I mentioned, the programming and eventing utilized using the VX Ace engine as a base I can't knock too badly.

Overall, if you want to see a game that spoofs itself on every level, has a ridiculous amount of titty pic BS, and still manages to be fun and FUNNY AS HELL, this is worth your time.